ET DAY - PUPO

Today was my transfer day, and as of 9:45 a.m. I am PUPO. You would think that I am elated, but I just feel numb. I am not happy but I am not sad either, just no feeling at all. We got to the hospital with the "comfortably full" bladder by 8:40a.m. and waited until 9:40 a.m. to actually get into the procedure room (as there were 3 couples ahead of us), so by that point in time the bladder was uncomfortably full, and all I could think about is how I want to go pee and if they press the u/s harder I will pee right there and then. But the first order of business was to discuss our embryos. What a joke! Apparently I completely misunderstood (or may be just chose not to hear it), and out of 3 eggs only 2 were matured, and out of the 2 matured eggs only 1 fertilized. There was an experienced RE and a fellow in the room and they told me that my only embie is a bit smaller than what they would want it to be, but since I am young (I am 30) they reassured me that it will develop in my body. Somehow, they didn't sound very optimistic. But as I was looking at the u/s screen during the procedure, the nurse pointed out a little bright speckle which she said was my embie, I would not lie, my eyes got a little watery. The nurse also paused and took a picture at that stage, which I carry now with me.

I went back to the office, because I couldn't take any more days off without arousing unnecessary suspicions. I did put my legs up on my computer, so kept them elevated for most of the day, even though the nurses said that we can just go about our daily activities as the little embie is snuggled pretty tight. The only good part of the work day was that an e-friend got a BFP, which actually put a smile on my face. I was deliberating whether there is a point of going to acupuncture, but after feeling a bit on the up side, called my acupuncturist and made an appointment for later in the evening. And that turned out to be a very good decision, I feel more positive now and less stressful - acupuncture can do miracles.

We also had to go to our friend's b-day party, and none of them know what we are going through. First, I was thinking of not going, but in our group of closest friends that would have arose too many questions. So I went. When I was offered alcohol, I asked for wine, and only made 2 sips through the evening. Although I did have sushi - i know, i know that raw fish is not allowed, but I am trying to gradually move to a "pregnancy diet", which even if this doesn't take would be good for me in a long haul.

What I also noticed is that in the past few weeks (since we started this IVF process) I completely alienated my friends and cousins - basically anyone who doesn't know about IVF. It feels that I have nothing to talk to with those people as all of my discussions with my family who do know revolve around IVF. It is constantly on my mind and its hard right now to have a simple small talk - i know, just tried having a few this evening.

So that's were I am right now, 0dp3dt and the blood test is scheduled for 11dp3dt, which is 28th which I believe is a statutory holiday, as Xmas and Boxing Day fall on the weekend - I hope both Mt. Sinai lab and the walking clinic by my house will be working, so I can get the results right away. But for now, I have to take this one day (or hour) at a time.