Well, last night we decided that I'll POAS, and the entire night I was dreaming about POASing so when I actually woke up in the morning it took a minute for me to realize that I haven't done it. So I had 2 tests that were a bit expired, and I did those, I called the DH in and we both looked half a sleep at the lonely bright line, yep, you guessed it - it was a negative. Then, just to be on a safe side, I took out the only good test that I had, and surprise surprise - it was negative too. I checked and the sensitivity for the two first tests was 20, which is pretty sensitive. I've surprised myself that I have been taking it pretty good, haven't cried once - not even watering eyes. I asked DH how he felt, and he said that he is a bit upset but he is sleepy more, so he went back to bed and I went to the office.
So, not really anxious to get the results from the clinic anymore. I did put 2 more progesterone pills this morning. The brown spotting continues and I have a feeling it is related to the progesterone pills, as it comes with a vengeance an hour or two after I put the pills in and then subsides. Oh, well... I hope I can get the official BFN results later today, and start planning my life for next year and our IF journey, which unfortunately has to continue. I was so sure before starting IVF that for sure we will end up with a baby after the whole process, or at least with a few frozen embryos. I guess I was wrong - nothing in life is for sure, all the glitches that we had during the process and my tiny embie couldn't hold on tight enough. There is a little poem that I read on one of the blogs which I really liked: "An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. Then whispered as she closed the book, "too beautiful for earth." -Unknown That's what I believe, my little embie that was supposed to be born on September 6, 2011, was too beautiful and too perfect and stayed with the angels...
Oh well..... life goes on.....
ugh hang in there. I personally believe in not giving up until the fat lady sings, even if you can hear her warming up in the wings.
ReplyDeleteI had a rough time with our first failed IVF. It took me almost 4 months to get over it. I was like you I was hoping for a whole bunch of frosties that we could just do a few FET and it would happen for us, sadly it was also not the case for us either.
After a while I thought about it, and I decided that IVF #1 was just a practice session for IVF #2 and that IVF #2 was going to be my lucky cycle. Now that we knew how my body was going to respond we can adjust the medications accordingly and get the best cycle. I told myself this over and over again.
I took a 6 month break due to my brother getting married. We spent the summer "partying it up!" We did all the things we had been putting off just in case we got pregnant.
In the end I think that put us into the best head space for our successful IVF #2. Our egg quality was 100% better the second time around, I reacted much better to the meds, and we finally got our BFP!!
I am still holding out a little bit of hope for you.
Sending you lots of hugs!!
I also remember telling my DH that a lot of times IVF #1 doesn't work, so be prepared to do it twice. RE's are figuring out the right concoction of meds to give you! Sometimes they get it right the first time, sometimes not.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't make it any easier, but just know, so many people have a much better response the second time around!!! **Hugs**
p.s. I know we will have a much better experience next time too bc my RE didn't know we would have to do Rescue ICSI, and now they know we need it every time, first thing! So IVF #1 is definately a learning experience for most :)