9dp3dt

Ok, it's been 9 days already, 9 days, so 3 more days to go before Beta, and .... I am getting impatient (read: a bit crazy). I was reading a forum that I belong to and 2 girls got BFP results over Christmas (both POAS). It's amazing how we can be happy for total strangers. I guess knowing that each of those BFPs was a result of long years of TTC, tests, procedures and in some cases losses, makes me able to relate, feel like it can happen to us too, and may be for a few moments live vicariously through them :) So, for a few seconds there I was like - let's do it - but then my rational mind took over, and I told myself that I have to wait and see. There is no reason to torture myself with a BFN. Ugh... But I am getting anxious and am now counting days, hours and minutes before I get my results. The good news, I only have to go crazy for another 3 days. Wednesday is going to be the worst - I remember with each IUI waiting for a phone call would be like torture, every time a thought crossed my mind, I would feel the waive of anxiety cross my body. When I would eventually get my call the hands would shake - scared, anxious and hopeful, and every time it would start "I am so sorry, but..." I've had this happen 5 times in the past 2 years, and I really really wish with all my heart that this time it will be different, I hope to here those 4 words that I'll remember for the rest of my life "Congratulations, you are pregnant". For now, I can dream about it, and play in my head different scenarios of how I am going to announce it to DH. I am probably crazy, but every time I imagine this conversation in my head, I always cry for real. Whatever drugs I was on, completely messed up my head!!! :)

We were very lazy today, spent most of the day in the kitchen drinking tea, first with my MIL, then with my parents, and of course, most of the discussions revolved around me and TTC and IVF. But now I have to get dressed, put make up on, go to a restaurant for my friend's husband's 30th birthday, and pretend like everything is just peachy, that we are not going to TTC until after the new years etc. etc. etc. Since we've been married for almost 4.5 years, friends do ask about us having kids. Out of our closest friends only a handful knows that we are trying and that we have problems, and only one knows that we are doing IVF (she works at the RE's office). Well, let's hope that this party is going to be better than I expect it to be, although I am in no mood to dance (and I can't drink!).