OK, I did ended up working till 10 p.m. (for those who are counting - that's 14 hour day again!) yesterday and then going to my parents to pick up a car so I can run errands in the morning.
The cold is still there and I do feel like shit (somewhat). I had my eyebrows done, managed to get to the bank and more money into RRSP (the deadline would pass by the time we are back). We are all packed and just waiting for our pick up.
I'll try to log in if will get internet in our room.
Will miss you all.
Love,
R
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Sick & Tired :(
This post is just a shorty as I am still at the office with tons more stuff to do before I leave tonight. I did talk to my boss that I am not going to come in tomorrow even though initially I said I would (just until noon) before leaving for the airport. I did spend 10 hours on Monday (the "Family Day") and another 14 hours yesterday in the office, and today is going to be another 13-14 hour day.
Nothing is done - no laundry, ironing, packing, manicure, pedicure etc. all will have to be done tomorrow morning (we are leaving at around 1 p.m.)
Plus, the cold that was lingering for the past week, for some reason decided to switch from mild to moderate - my throat hurts and my ears are popping (basically I already feel like I am on the plane + a headache).
Yep, sick and tired --- I do deserve every single minute of this vacation.
Nothing is done - no laundry, ironing, packing, manicure, pedicure etc. all will have to be done tomorrow morning (we are leaving at around 1 p.m.)
Plus, the cold that was lingering for the past week, for some reason decided to switch from mild to moderate - my throat hurts and my ears are popping (basically I already feel like I am on the plane + a headache).
Yep, sick and tired --- I do deserve every single minute of this vacation.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Why am I special?
I've been a bit on a sad side since I am not participating in ICLW, but I think it will only be fair for me not to participate in ICLW as I'll be away for a big chunk of it and would not be able to comment for a few days. But then I was thinking that maybe I should have done all the commenting in the first few days that I am home, and get upset at myself. On top of that, weight is a constant struggle (which I manage to lose more often than win). It is just so frustrating to see the weight coming down 100 grams at a time through the week, and then have it all come back after the weekend. UGH!!! Plus, since receiving an email from my IVF nurse about thyroid mediation, I can't stop thinking that there is something else wrong with me. So, it was a breath of fresh air when I received the following words of wisdom from Yehuda Berg:
"Reminding yourself of your shortcomings, troubles, and transgressions will only trick you into a state of sadness. And bring you further away from your dreams.
Be kind to yourself today. If that sounds impossible, then ask a friend to help remind you of why you are so special. (And notice how much easier it is to ask people what’s wrong with you.)"
That made me think that in our constant struggles during TTC we get frustrated at ourselves first of all - why it takes so long to get pregnant, why my body is not reacting to medication the way it should, why my body didn't hang on to the little embie last time around, and in all that negativity we do forget about ourselves, how special we truly are.
I started thinking about how special I am and what makes me special, and it is pretty hard to think of a few things. Well, after some thought, my list is as follows (in no particular order): I am kind, supportive, loyal, smart, caring, honest and loving. Here, now I have to repeat this every time I feel down! :)
"Reminding yourself of your shortcomings, troubles, and transgressions will only trick you into a state of sadness. And bring you further away from your dreams.
Be kind to yourself today. If that sounds impossible, then ask a friend to help remind you of why you are so special. (And notice how much easier it is to ask people what’s wrong with you.)"
That made me think that in our constant struggles during TTC we get frustrated at ourselves first of all - why it takes so long to get pregnant, why my body is not reacting to medication the way it should, why my body didn't hang on to the little embie last time around, and in all that negativity we do forget about ourselves, how special we truly are.
I started thinking about how special I am and what makes me special, and it is pretty hard to think of a few things. Well, after some thought, my list is as follows (in no particular order): I am kind, supportive, loyal, smart, caring, honest and loving. Here, now I have to repeat this every time I feel down! :)
Monday, February 21, 2011
Some nice memories :-)
It has been cold and snowing outside through the entire weekend, and only a few things keep me warm inside - the thoughts of our trip to Mexico in a few days AND my memories from Thailand. So I decided to bring some warmth on this cold day and post a few pics from Thailand. Enjoy!!!
This beach is where the movie "The Beach" was filmed. Not the most tranquil place, and that's not a high season!!!
The nature is just stunning!!!
This island they call the "James Bond" island. Apparently from the movie called "Golden Gun" if I remember correctly. I haven't seen that movie, but better take a look.
Our last sunset on the beach in Phuket, minutes before we had to leave... sad... very sad...to leave this place
This beach is where the movie "The Beach" was filmed. Not the most tranquil place, and that's not a high season!!!
The nature is just stunning!!!
This island they call the "James Bond" island. Apparently from the movie called "Golden Gun" if I remember correctly. I haven't seen that movie, but better take a look.
Our last sunset on the beach in Phuket, minutes before we had to leave... sad... very sad...to leave this place
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Let's get this party started!!!
So, I am way behind in documenting our Monday RE's protocol apt as it is now Sunday evening, so here it goes.
On Monday afternoon, DH & I met at our RE's office (that's our new RE, as we did decide that we are switching clinics and going with Dr. H). We did end up waiting for over an hour, but I was ok, as I was reading my book and had nothing urgent going on in the office. RE started by reviewing the latest test results. Apparently, my uterus is a textbook example (I am so proud LOL). My AMH was 45.2 which is way above the average, and RE said it shows that I have quality eggs as only good eggs produce AMH. Then we went on to DH and discussed his results being 10% for DNA defragmentation, which is again totally awesome. So he gave us 70% chance of pregnancy this time around. On one hand, I am happy with such prognosis; but on the other hand, Dr. G (our old RE) also was saying that we have very very good chances of success, and here we are doing it again). Dr. H did say that the problem was not with us, but with the medication that was used for stimulation.
RE said that he wanted carefully balance my medications as he was also very concerned with me developing OHSS (i.e. overstimulating me)as potentially I do have lots of good eggs. I asked him what is the worst case scenario if I do get OHSS, and he said that with severe OHSS they would not do a fresh transfer since pregnancy makes OHSS even worse, and all embies will have to be frozen. He said that the rate of success of FET with the labs that he is using is ony 10-15%, which I found shocking as I was secretly hoping that we can get some frosties for the future so wanted a bit more follicles than 4 that we got last time.
Then we actually went through the protocol itself, it is still an OCP - controlled antagonist protocol.
I will start again with the birth control (Alesse, this time around as it is milder than Marvelon - I was told) on the 5th day after AF, which should arrive just around our vacation (not a biggie though). When we were talking about dates with the nurse, she was telling me that they want to see me for a day 3 b/w and baseline u/s before I start BCP on day 5. The problem is that in most likelihood we will be in Mexico by that time, so I asked her if it is possible to skip it, as I didn't want to postpone starting IVF for another month. She agreed to check with Dr. H as I have done tons of tests in the past couple of weeks, and most likely he will say yes. After I emailed the nurse to confirm my understanding she did say that RE approved me not having a day 3 preliminary u/s and b/w. Yei!!! Little victories!!!
I will be taking BCP pretty much for the entire month of March until told to stop by the clinic. I will start stims beginning of April and this time around I am on 187.5 Gonal F and Luveris 75. Dr. H said that Gonal F is a stronger medication than Menopur, which I was on during my last cycle. He did say that that dose is higher with the view of lowering it. It is nice that he actually listened to me as I told him how petrified I am about being understimulated again. He also added Lthyroxine 50 mcg/day, which apparently is a low dose thyroid medication. I've only found out that it is a thyroid medication when I emailed a nurse to confirm my understanding of the cycle and asked her what that drug is. Now, I am a bit nervous if some of my test showed a problem with thyroid, which might suck as I have been tested for it before and everything was clear, but might explain why it is so freaking difficult to lose weight.
I will also take the antagonist at 1/2 of a dose that I took for my previous cycle, as Dr. H also believes that it had an effect on my follies, as he has seen it happen before, especially since I had an allergic reaction to it. Dr. H actually switched me from cetrotide to orgalutran to avoid another unpleasant allergic reaction.
If everything goes according to plan (I did stim for about 9 days last time) the retrieval will be the week of April 11 (apparently this is the week that the clinic does retrievals as they do it in a 3 week cycles, and they only take a maximum of 18 ladies per cycle, but I was told that so far they are not even close to being to a maximum - another good thing!). The transfer (hopefully of 2 nice blasts) 5 days thereafter.
Our RE told us that he will cancel (or convert to IUI)if my estrogen level (E2) is less than 6,500 (indicating less than 6 eggs). We did review my E2 levels from the last IVF cycle and it turned out that my E2 levels were just about 3,000 the same as with two previous medicated (Clomid) IUI cycles, which also indicated that I only had 3 eggs - which was the case. I do get upset when I think about it!!! Nobody took their time to explain it to DH and I at our old clinic, everything was rush rush rush all the time. Always busy busy, tons of people, waiting waiting waiting. Oh, well, I really hope this will be a much more pleasant experience.
Oh, there was another funny moment when Dr H asked if DH wanted his "boys" frozen before the procedure (we were never offered that before). So we asked why would one considered doing that, to which Dr. H replied that some men cannot "perform" under pressure - and we assured him that DH has done it before and will do it again under pressure - no problem :). Then RE mentioned that the only other reasons is if DH got sick since its the flu season, so DH got all worried and asked what would happen if he would get sick, would this affect the sperm quality. RE said that it will not affect the sperm quality just that some men when sick cannot get an erection. DH & I just looked at each other and started laughing - definitely have no problem in that area ;)
Well, it has been a long post, but if not for anything else, I did want to document it for the future.
To my friend in ON, enjoy the long weekend (unfortunately I am going to the office tomorrow, but only 3 full days of work left until the sunny Mexico :) )
On Monday afternoon, DH & I met at our RE's office (that's our new RE, as we did decide that we are switching clinics and going with Dr. H). We did end up waiting for over an hour, but I was ok, as I was reading my book and had nothing urgent going on in the office. RE started by reviewing the latest test results. Apparently, my uterus is a textbook example (I am so proud LOL). My AMH was 45.2 which is way above the average, and RE said it shows that I have quality eggs as only good eggs produce AMH. Then we went on to DH and discussed his results being 10% for DNA defragmentation, which is again totally awesome. So he gave us 70% chance of pregnancy this time around. On one hand, I am happy with such prognosis; but on the other hand, Dr. G (our old RE) also was saying that we have very very good chances of success, and here we are doing it again). Dr. H did say that the problem was not with us, but with the medication that was used for stimulation.
RE said that he wanted carefully balance my medications as he was also very concerned with me developing OHSS (i.e. overstimulating me)as potentially I do have lots of good eggs. I asked him what is the worst case scenario if I do get OHSS, and he said that with severe OHSS they would not do a fresh transfer since pregnancy makes OHSS even worse, and all embies will have to be frozen. He said that the rate of success of FET with the labs that he is using is ony 10-15%, which I found shocking as I was secretly hoping that we can get some frosties for the future so wanted a bit more follicles than 4 that we got last time.
Then we actually went through the protocol itself, it is still an OCP - controlled antagonist protocol.
I will start again with the birth control (Alesse, this time around as it is milder than Marvelon - I was told) on the 5th day after AF, which should arrive just around our vacation (not a biggie though). When we were talking about dates with the nurse, she was telling me that they want to see me for a day 3 b/w and baseline u/s before I start BCP on day 5. The problem is that in most likelihood we will be in Mexico by that time, so I asked her if it is possible to skip it, as I didn't want to postpone starting IVF for another month. She agreed to check with Dr. H as I have done tons of tests in the past couple of weeks, and most likely he will say yes. After I emailed the nurse to confirm my understanding she did say that RE approved me not having a day 3 preliminary u/s and b/w. Yei!!! Little victories!!!
I will be taking BCP pretty much for the entire month of March until told to stop by the clinic. I will start stims beginning of April and this time around I am on 187.5 Gonal F and Luveris 75. Dr. H said that Gonal F is a stronger medication than Menopur, which I was on during my last cycle. He did say that that dose is higher with the view of lowering it. It is nice that he actually listened to me as I told him how petrified I am about being understimulated again. He also added Lthyroxine 50 mcg/day, which apparently is a low dose thyroid medication. I've only found out that it is a thyroid medication when I emailed a nurse to confirm my understanding of the cycle and asked her what that drug is. Now, I am a bit nervous if some of my test showed a problem with thyroid, which might suck as I have been tested for it before and everything was clear, but might explain why it is so freaking difficult to lose weight.
I will also take the antagonist at 1/2 of a dose that I took for my previous cycle, as Dr. H also believes that it had an effect on my follies, as he has seen it happen before, especially since I had an allergic reaction to it. Dr. H actually switched me from cetrotide to orgalutran to avoid another unpleasant allergic reaction.
If everything goes according to plan (I did stim for about 9 days last time) the retrieval will be the week of April 11 (apparently this is the week that the clinic does retrievals as they do it in a 3 week cycles, and they only take a maximum of 18 ladies per cycle, but I was told that so far they are not even close to being to a maximum - another good thing!). The transfer (hopefully of 2 nice blasts) 5 days thereafter.
Our RE told us that he will cancel (or convert to IUI)if my estrogen level (E2) is less than 6,500 (indicating less than 6 eggs). We did review my E2 levels from the last IVF cycle and it turned out that my E2 levels were just about 3,000 the same as with two previous medicated (Clomid) IUI cycles, which also indicated that I only had 3 eggs - which was the case. I do get upset when I think about it!!! Nobody took their time to explain it to DH and I at our old clinic, everything was rush rush rush all the time. Always busy busy, tons of people, waiting waiting waiting. Oh, well, I really hope this will be a much more pleasant experience.
Oh, there was another funny moment when Dr H asked if DH wanted his "boys" frozen before the procedure (we were never offered that before). So we asked why would one considered doing that, to which Dr. H replied that some men cannot "perform" under pressure - and we assured him that DH has done it before and will do it again under pressure - no problem :). Then RE mentioned that the only other reasons is if DH got sick since its the flu season, so DH got all worried and asked what would happen if he would get sick, would this affect the sperm quality. RE said that it will not affect the sperm quality just that some men when sick cannot get an erection. DH & I just looked at each other and started laughing - definitely have no problem in that area ;)
Well, it has been a long post, but if not for anything else, I did want to document it for the future.
To my friend in ON, enjoy the long weekend (unfortunately I am going to the office tomorrow, but only 3 full days of work left until the sunny Mexico :) )
Thursday, February 17, 2011
I am content...
Today, while going through ivf.ca and reading through blogs, I realized that I am actually content with where I am right now. Technically I should be in my 2ww, but if you ask me when did I ovulate. I can only tell you: I don't know. I don't know when or if I ovulated (but I do ovulate in 99% of cases, and AF has been pretty regular). After over 4 years of TTC I am actually calm. I haven't been temping (actually for a while), not using OPKs. DH and I have been BDing when we wanted to and not when we had to (it still happens 2-3 times a week, so I am not complaining ;) ). We are slowly getting ready for our IVF #2 (the big post about our apt with our new RE will follow shortly - need time to finish it). I have BCP on my desk at home and I am actually looking at them right now, and they don't make me all stressed out, which is such a nice change!
Before IVF#1 I was stressing myself to get pregnant. DH and I both wanted it to happen in Thailand, it didn't happen. Then, I had to wait for my next AF to begin and DH told G-d that if we get pregnant naturally, we will donate half the money for IVF to a good cause. Well, that didn't work. So I guess I just came to realization that it is not happening naturally. And I am not just telling myself that so that AF showing her ugly head would not hurt as much, it is actually how I feel right now -- content.
According to my calendar AF is scheduled to arrive in about a week, exactly when we will be boarding our plane to Mexico. I do wish that this time around she is fashionably late (let's say for about a week LOL). But, well, it's not the first time nor the last time. It actually never fails, AF shows up the moment we land if we are travelling somewhere. Happened last year when we went to Jamaica, and a year before on our trip to Prague, but the best AF showing was the night before our wedding - yep, so much fun! My sis had to undo and take off my wedding dress after the ceremony and before the reception, so that I can change a tampon!!! Ha, I am suddenly changing topics (happens to me all the time). My mom's best friend came over last night, and while her DH was talking business with my DH, we watched the movie that my DH made from our pics from Thailand and thereafter, had enough time to watch my wedding video, awwwwwwww, I haven't seen it in a while. And that's actually why I think we will be successful this year in our quest to finally have a baby. So, on April 29th (yes, the day the prince gets married), DH & I will be celebrating 10 years from our first blind date, and 6 years from the day he proposed to me (yes on our 4 year anniversary), AND in August we are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. BUT, the best part is that if everything goes according to plan, my BETA would be just around April 29th -- it is going to be the BEST anniversary gift ever!!! So, you see, happy & content!!
Before IVF#1 I was stressing myself to get pregnant. DH and I both wanted it to happen in Thailand, it didn't happen. Then, I had to wait for my next AF to begin and DH told G-d that if we get pregnant naturally, we will donate half the money for IVF to a good cause. Well, that didn't work. So I guess I just came to realization that it is not happening naturally. And I am not just telling myself that so that AF showing her ugly head would not hurt as much, it is actually how I feel right now -- content.
According to my calendar AF is scheduled to arrive in about a week, exactly when we will be boarding our plane to Mexico. I do wish that this time around she is fashionably late (let's say for about a week LOL). But, well, it's not the first time nor the last time. It actually never fails, AF shows up the moment we land if we are travelling somewhere. Happened last year when we went to Jamaica, and a year before on our trip to Prague, but the best AF showing was the night before our wedding - yep, so much fun! My sis had to undo and take off my wedding dress after the ceremony and before the reception, so that I can change a tampon!!! Ha, I am suddenly changing topics (happens to me all the time). My mom's best friend came over last night, and while her DH was talking business with my DH, we watched the movie that my DH made from our pics from Thailand and thereafter, had enough time to watch my wedding video, awwwwwwww, I haven't seen it in a while. And that's actually why I think we will be successful this year in our quest to finally have a baby. So, on April 29th (yes, the day the prince gets married), DH & I will be celebrating 10 years from our first blind date, and 6 years from the day he proposed to me (yes on our 4 year anniversary), AND in August we are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. BUT, the best part is that if everything goes according to plan, my BETA would be just around April 29th -- it is going to be the BEST anniversary gift ever!!! So, you see, happy & content!!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Minor Changes :-)
I was getting depressed just looking at my blog background, so decided to change it to something livelier. These are my orchids. I got them as a present in 2010 New Year, and they bloomed again in January 2011. I am soooo proud, I don't have a green thumb, believe me! So, I'll keep it like that for now, and then once I find a deserving picture from our trip to Thailand, I'll change it again!
Valentine's Dinner on Feb 13 :-)
An update on our Valentine's Dinner on February 13th. It was amazing!
We went to the same restaurant where I celebrated my 30th b-day (the weird thing that I typed up 25th!!! I guess I am stuck at being 25 and don't feel 30 even a bit).
The restaurant was closed for a private engagement party in the afternoon, so by 9 p.m. it only had 2 tables occupied. We went with my sis and BIL as my DH's brother was very sick & my SIL obviously didn't want to go by herself. The food was just delicious (as always), and closer to the end of the night the owner joined us, got us a 2nd bottle of wine and deserts on the house, so it was even more sweet :).
I was a bit buzzed and tipsy by the end of the night as we pretty much had 2 bottles of wine between 4 people. LOL Oh, well, I needed to relax.
We went to the same restaurant where I celebrated my 30th b-day (the weird thing that I typed up 25th!!! I guess I am stuck at being 25 and don't feel 30 even a bit).
The restaurant was closed for a private engagement party in the afternoon, so by 9 p.m. it only had 2 tables occupied. We went with my sis and BIL as my DH's brother was very sick & my SIL obviously didn't want to go by herself. The food was just delicious (as always), and closer to the end of the night the owner joined us, got us a 2nd bottle of wine and deserts on the house, so it was even more sweet :).
I was a bit buzzed and tipsy by the end of the night as we pretty much had 2 bottles of wine between 4 people. LOL Oh, well, I needed to relax.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Valentine's Day thoughts
In my humble opinion, Valentine’s Day is so overrated. There are various other occasions that lovers can celebrate, and which are much more special to them, such as the day they met, the day of proposal, wedding etc. May be because I didn’t grew up with celebrating Valentine’s Day, I am not really into it. Even before we immigrated to Canada I knew about this holiday (yes, everything American was popular). My sis and I did little valentines and gave them out to our girlfriends (we were too young to have boyfriends at that time). When I met DH, he was working at a restaurant, and of course, on Valentine’s Day it was all hands on deck. For the first few years we would go out on February 13th, to pay tribute to Valentine’s Day, although without all those cheesy cards and gifts. It was nice; most of the restaurants were pretty empty, no waiting, exceptional service and you can order whatever you want. So, when DH quit being a cook, we decided to have a Valentine’s day dinner on Feb. 14. What a disaster that was! Waiting for 2 hours to get into a very cramped restaurant, having to choose from a pre-set menu, plus they were out of my favourite desert!!! So, we said NEVER AGAIN and continued with our little tradition to going out for dinner on the 13th (and sometimes having Valentine’s dinner at home with friends :) ). We did try it again on the 14th, when my sis & BIL made reservations for themselves but their DD got sick and they stayed home – it was a bit better, as there was no wait but still the restaurant was very crowded, and that table was so close that we felt like at a communal table LOL, not a bit romantic. So, today, Feb 13th, we are going out for our “Valentine’s Day Dinner”, a nice occasion to get together with my sis & BIL and BIL & SIL and have some quality time together (minus all the kids). So looking forward to it.
On the other note, a bit nervous about our RE appointment tomorrow. I know that all tests were great, but still have some irrational nervousness, and preparing a bunch more questions with reference to a protocol. The vacation to Mexico is already booked for the 24th of February, so would have to work around it. We are also going to NYC on March 17th through 20th to attend a Vision Expo, provided I am not in the middle of stims and monitoring (as RE said that monitoring will be daily).
I'll report on my apt with RE tomorrow, and for now has to get back to work, so that I can get home in time to have dinner at a restaurant (reservations are made for 8:30 :) )
On the other note, a bit nervous about our RE appointment tomorrow. I know that all tests were great, but still have some irrational nervousness, and preparing a bunch more questions with reference to a protocol. The vacation to Mexico is already booked for the 24th of February, so would have to work around it. We are also going to NYC on March 17th through 20th to attend a Vision Expo, provided I am not in the middle of stims and monitoring (as RE said that monitoring will be daily).
I'll report on my apt with RE tomorrow, and for now has to get back to work, so that I can get home in time to have dinner at a restaurant (reservations are made for 8:30 :) )
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Is it Bad to be Happy?
This afternoon I was walking outside. It was pretty cold, but I was all bundled up, and it was sunny, plus I had just received good news - time 3! and I was happy. Yes, I actually felt happy for the first time in a long time. Of course, the thoughts crept it right away that I cannot be happy as I'll jinx it, it can't happen that I get all those good news, something has to not go right. It was hard to get rid of those bad thoughts, and I was thinking about Sex & the City - the movie, where Charlotte got pregnant and she was afraid that something bad would happen, but nothing did, and she gave birth to a healthy baby, but this is a movie... Would I ever just be happy for little victories in our infertility journey?
But, I should probably start from the beginning. I was schedule for a bunch of u/s and SHG today. I was told to drink 1l of water 1 hour before. I actually had 750 mil (1.5 bottles) and I was in so much pain when I got to the clinic that I couldn't sit down and had to complete all the forms standing up (another couple that was there, did look at me funny :) ). The tech was a very nice woman and she did comment that my bladder was very full (so I decided for the next time, all I am drinking is 1 bottle). She did an abdominal u/s, then told me to empty my bladder (which turned out to be a very hard task), so when I got back for the vaginal u/s she was still seeing lots of liquid, but thankfully for me she carried on. She also did u/s of my kidneys (that I don't remember ever being done at the other clinic). Then I was told to go have something to eat, take 2 Advils and come back in about 2 hours. So what did I do, I went for a walk in the mall (Eaton's Centre - for those who are familiar with TO). When I got back for SHG, I found out that Dr. H himself would be doing SHG - nice bonus. He was amazing, as I did it about 3 years ago at another clinic, and with Dr. H it was a breeze. He said that everything looked very good - both tubes are nice and clear, and the uterus is just waiting for a baby (Good News #1). Then he said that he got the results of my AMH test - and I have tons of eggs (I don't remember the number that he was saying, but apparently it is higher than average) (so Good News #2). I SHOULD NOT have any issues with my eggs. He said that we would have to play it safe to make sure I don't get too many. To which I replied that I don't want him playing it too safe as the last time around playing safe gave us very poor results. He said that will talk about it on Monday in more detail.
Then, I asked Dr. H if we got DNA fragmentation results back for DH. He said that he didn't, but then he looked at the file and he just got it this morning! He said that they want to see the lower % and that it is usually around 15%. Well DH had 10%!!! Which supposed to be very good (Yei!!! Good News #3). I called DH as soon as I got out of the room (and texted both my sis and SIL).
So, all the good news, did bring some hope back that IVF #2 might actually work. I am trying not to be too optimistic. I guess my thinking is if my expectations are not very high then it is not going to be too bad to fall down (if it doesn't work). But I so want to believe that it will work and I want to be happy ALL the time.
And by the way, we decided to go away for a week, subject to whatever Dr. H says on Monday. That's the reason why I haven't entered ICLW this time around, as I will be gone for the majority of that week (hopefully). I am just fed up with this winter. The sunny days are scarce and I am always cold (well most of the time). I was wearing a nice wool sweater today as it was over -20C with windchill and I knew that I would be walking outside to get to the clinic, although I found an underground PATH to 1 block from the clinic. Yei!!!
But, I should probably start from the beginning. I was schedule for a bunch of u/s and SHG today. I was told to drink 1l of water 1 hour before. I actually had 750 mil (1.5 bottles) and I was in so much pain when I got to the clinic that I couldn't sit down and had to complete all the forms standing up (another couple that was there, did look at me funny :) ). The tech was a very nice woman and she did comment that my bladder was very full (so I decided for the next time, all I am drinking is 1 bottle). She did an abdominal u/s, then told me to empty my bladder (which turned out to be a very hard task), so when I got back for the vaginal u/s she was still seeing lots of liquid, but thankfully for me she carried on. She also did u/s of my kidneys (that I don't remember ever being done at the other clinic). Then I was told to go have something to eat, take 2 Advils and come back in about 2 hours. So what did I do, I went for a walk in the mall (Eaton's Centre - for those who are familiar with TO). When I got back for SHG, I found out that Dr. H himself would be doing SHG - nice bonus. He was amazing, as I did it about 3 years ago at another clinic, and with Dr. H it was a breeze. He said that everything looked very good - both tubes are nice and clear, and the uterus is just waiting for a baby (Good News #1). Then he said that he got the results of my AMH test - and I have tons of eggs (I don't remember the number that he was saying, but apparently it is higher than average) (so Good News #2). I SHOULD NOT have any issues with my eggs. He said that we would have to play it safe to make sure I don't get too many. To which I replied that I don't want him playing it too safe as the last time around playing safe gave us very poor results. He said that will talk about it on Monday in more detail.
Then, I asked Dr. H if we got DNA fragmentation results back for DH. He said that he didn't, but then he looked at the file and he just got it this morning! He said that they want to see the lower % and that it is usually around 15%. Well DH had 10%!!! Which supposed to be very good (Yei!!! Good News #3). I called DH as soon as I got out of the room (and texted both my sis and SIL).
So, all the good news, did bring some hope back that IVF #2 might actually work. I am trying not to be too optimistic. I guess my thinking is if my expectations are not very high then it is not going to be too bad to fall down (if it doesn't work). But I so want to believe that it will work and I want to be happy ALL the time.
And by the way, we decided to go away for a week, subject to whatever Dr. H says on Monday. That's the reason why I haven't entered ICLW this time around, as I will be gone for the majority of that week (hopefully). I am just fed up with this winter. The sunny days are scarce and I am always cold (well most of the time). I was wearing a nice wool sweater today as it was over -20C with windchill and I knew that I would be walking outside to get to the clinic, although I found an underground PATH to 1 block from the clinic. Yei!!!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Delinquent Award Recipient
I am a delinquent award recipient, but now is the time to respond! I am not very versatile with the blogger, so will try my best not to screw it up.
In the past 2 weeks I got the same award from three nice individuals (Thank you girls!): Lisa at http://lisabttc.blogspot.com, Krista at http://hopefulforababy.blogspot.com and My Infertile Confessions at http://myinfertileconfessions.blogspot.com
Rules for accepting this award:
1. Thank and Link back to the person who awarded you the award. (Check)
2. Share 7 things about yourself. (See below - check)
3. Award 15 other bloggers the award. (Uhm, most of the blogs I followed have already gotten such award, so only a handful of the very special remain :) )
4. Contact bloggers and let them know about the award and that they received it (Will do)
Things about myself:
I did cheat, by looking at what others have been posting! I hope that stuff is not copyrighted. :) So here it goes -- in no particular order:
1) I love to travel - I've been to Latvia, Lithuania and Estonia, Sweden, Russia and Ukraine, Czech Republic, in Canada (Ontario & Quebec), in US (by car NY, NJ & Chicago, IL, by plane SF (loved it) and Miami), Panama, all over Europe (UK, Belgium, France, Switzerland, Germany, Italy, Spain, Austria), Caribbean (Jamaica, Cuba, Mexico, Dominican Republic) and the latest and the greatest Thailand!
2) I love reading - anything (well almost anything). I spend 12 hours per day at the office reading and drafting - so in my spare time I read all the blogs I follow and my favourite ivf.ca site. I also read light detective stories in Russian. I love them, just to help me relax, they are also very funny and I don't remember most of them once I finish reading!
3) When I was a kid I loved to watch X-files, full house and who's the boss, I also love love love Friends. I didn't like Sex and the City when I watched it as a teen, but when I grew up a bit it also became one of my favourite TV series and movies. :)
4) I love singing, including Karaoke (only at private functions and home). I do sing in the shower. When DH is not home, I just turn the music up, sing loud and dance and it so makes everything better.
5) I am constantly fighting with my weight - so far, a losing battle. I've always been chubby, but after the wedding gained a lot of weight, which is not coming down that easily. My lowest weight ever (when I was 17 y.o. and after a few diets) was 149 lb. I would be ecstatic if I can get to that weight again.
6) DH and I met on a blind date :) almost 10 years ago. We liked each other and where almost inseparable until I went to Europe for 2 weeks about 3 months after we met. Thereafter we knew that we will be together for a long time.
7) I am not a good housewife LOL. I don't really know how to cook, and I can only cook if I have a recipe. DH finished a cooking college and worked in a few restaurants as a cook. Since I stuck at the office most days, DH also does laundry and cleans, although we do have a cleaning lady that comes in about once a month (just love her :) ).
So, that's a bit more insight into me.
Now for the major part - me passing the award to other blogs (in no particular order) --- drum roll please:
1) http://babiesonmybrain.blogspot.com
2) http://infertilefollies.wordpress.com
3) http://ousoonerchick.blogspot.com
======================
UPDATE - HELP!!! I do need a tutorial on how to include links!!! I don't think it is working very well. But, I've tried!
In the past 2 weeks I got the same award from three nice individuals (Thank you girls!): Lisa at http://lisabttc.blogspot.com, Krista at http://hopefulforababy.blogspot.com and My Infertile Confessions at http://myinfertileconfessions.blogspot.com
Rules for accepting this award:
1. Thank and Link back to the person who awarded you the award. (Check)
2. Share 7 things about yourself. (See below - check)
3. Award 15 other bloggers the award. (Uhm, most of the blogs I followed have already gotten such award, so only a handful of the very special remain :) )
4. Contact bloggers and let them know about the award and that they received it (Will do)
Things about myself:
I did cheat, by looking at what others have been posting! I hope that stuff is not copyrighted. :) So here it goes -- in no particular order:
1) I love to travel - I've been to Latvia, Lithuania and Estonia, Sweden, Russia and Ukraine, Czech Republic, in Canada (Ontario & Quebec), in US (by car NY, NJ & Chicago, IL, by plane SF (loved it) and Miami), Panama, all over Europe (UK, Belgium, France, Switzerland, Germany, Italy, Spain, Austria), Caribbean (Jamaica, Cuba, Mexico, Dominican Republic) and the latest and the greatest Thailand!
2) I love reading - anything (well almost anything). I spend 12 hours per day at the office reading and drafting - so in my spare time I read all the blogs I follow and my favourite ivf.ca site. I also read light detective stories in Russian. I love them, just to help me relax, they are also very funny and I don't remember most of them once I finish reading!
3) When I was a kid I loved to watch X-files, full house and who's the boss, I also love love love Friends. I didn't like Sex and the City when I watched it as a teen, but when I grew up a bit it also became one of my favourite TV series and movies. :)
4) I love singing, including Karaoke (only at private functions and home). I do sing in the shower. When DH is not home, I just turn the music up, sing loud and dance and it so makes everything better.
5) I am constantly fighting with my weight - so far, a losing battle. I've always been chubby, but after the wedding gained a lot of weight, which is not coming down that easily. My lowest weight ever (when I was 17 y.o. and after a few diets) was 149 lb. I would be ecstatic if I can get to that weight again.
6) DH and I met on a blind date :) almost 10 years ago. We liked each other and where almost inseparable until I went to Europe for 2 weeks about 3 months after we met. Thereafter we knew that we will be together for a long time.
7) I am not a good housewife LOL. I don't really know how to cook, and I can only cook if I have a recipe. DH finished a cooking college and worked in a few restaurants as a cook. Since I stuck at the office most days, DH also does laundry and cleans, although we do have a cleaning lady that comes in about once a month (just love her :) ).
So, that's a bit more insight into me.
Now for the major part - me passing the award to other blogs (in no particular order) --- drum roll please:
1) http://babiesonmybrain.blogspot.com
2) http://infertilefollies.wordpress.com
3) http://ousoonerchick.blogspot.com
======================
UPDATE - HELP!!! I do need a tutorial on how to include links!!! I don't think it is working very well. But, I've tried!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Scared...
On Friday I was looking through time dockets on a file that I've been working on for the past 2 months, and I noticed that there were no dockets entered for my time on December 14 and 15, and I don't remember seeing anything that was done on those days. I was trying to calculate in my mind when was the last time I took a vacation, and then it dawned on me - those were the days that I took off for ER! Yep, now it seems like it was so so long ago, but the feelings from it still lurk in my mind - the ghosts of the first IVF cycle!
I have been very impatient waiting for our protocol with a new RE, but I am scared, scared that the new protocol would not work for me, scared that we would have to cancel the cycle, scared that we are not going to have a baby. Yep, lots of ghosts. It is scary how my attitude is completely different from the first to the second cycle. I guess the first IVF opened my eyes a bit. I DO have to be proactive! I DO have to question my RE regarding his/her decisions. I have to do my own research.
I was told DH that I am scared and he questioned me whether I am scared of going through the cycle itself i.e. scared of pain of injections, growing follicles, ER and ET, or scared of the result i.e. not having a baby. I was surprised that he even thought of the former. I assured him that even if I had to jab myself with 10 needles every hour 24 hours a day, and do ER without any anaesthesia, I would do it over and over again, as long as we have a baby at the end, and that I am only afraid of having an empty uterus - AGAIN. He told me not to worry and that we will do everything that it takes to have this baby, as many IVFs as needed and all alternative medicine that can potentially help. That did make me feel better a bit.
I am also scared going through sonohysterogram on Tuesday (the 8th), I've done it before (about 3 years ago), but I was on Clomid a few months thereafter, plus 2 medicated IUI and of course, a whole bunch of medication for IVF, so I am just praying that everything is going to be picture perfect. I will post results on Tuesday after it is all done.
I also have been very tired lately. Last night (Friday), I went to bed at 9:30p.m., which is REALLY early for me as I usually get home right around that time, but as it was Friday, I was home by 7 p.m. and by that time was already ready for bed. I slept for 12 hours and got up to go to a gravity circuit class (which was AMAZING as always). And now it is almost 7 p.m. and I am again felling like I can just go to sleep for the night (although DH has plans to go to a movie - really don't feel like it now, but I guess would have to go to make him happy). I am very surprised at being so tired all the time, I am not pregnant (AF finished not so long ago, and we are not allowed to BD until after SHG) and I am taking more vitamins, much more vitamins, so I should be feeling great, but I am not. We'll see what the next week brings.
I have been very impatient waiting for our protocol with a new RE, but I am scared, scared that the new protocol would not work for me, scared that we would have to cancel the cycle, scared that we are not going to have a baby. Yep, lots of ghosts. It is scary how my attitude is completely different from the first to the second cycle. I guess the first IVF opened my eyes a bit. I DO have to be proactive! I DO have to question my RE regarding his/her decisions. I have to do my own research.
I was told DH that I am scared and he questioned me whether I am scared of going through the cycle itself i.e. scared of pain of injections, growing follicles, ER and ET, or scared of the result i.e. not having a baby. I was surprised that he even thought of the former. I assured him that even if I had to jab myself with 10 needles every hour 24 hours a day, and do ER without any anaesthesia, I would do it over and over again, as long as we have a baby at the end, and that I am only afraid of having an empty uterus - AGAIN. He told me not to worry and that we will do everything that it takes to have this baby, as many IVFs as needed and all alternative medicine that can potentially help. That did make me feel better a bit.
I am also scared going through sonohysterogram on Tuesday (the 8th), I've done it before (about 3 years ago), but I was on Clomid a few months thereafter, plus 2 medicated IUI and of course, a whole bunch of medication for IVF, so I am just praying that everything is going to be picture perfect. I will post results on Tuesday after it is all done.
I also have been very tired lately. Last night (Friday), I went to bed at 9:30p.m., which is REALLY early for me as I usually get home right around that time, but as it was Friday, I was home by 7 p.m. and by that time was already ready for bed. I slept for 12 hours and got up to go to a gravity circuit class (which was AMAZING as always). And now it is almost 7 p.m. and I am again felling like I can just go to sleep for the night (although DH has plans to go to a movie - really don't feel like it now, but I guess would have to go to make him happy). I am very surprised at being so tired all the time, I am not pregnant (AF finished not so long ago, and we are not allowed to BD until after SHG) and I am taking more vitamins, much more vitamins, so I should be feeling great, but I am not. We'll see what the next week brings.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Doctors, tests, doctors, tests
Last Friday we went to see our new RE. I was so impressed and I am in love with the new clinic already. I just love the efficiency. Everything is done by email (well most of things). I have record of everything and all my inquiries are answered within a few hours. I liked that we didn't have to pull teeth to get information from our new RE, he was the one giving us all information. I didn't even use my list of questions that much. He ordered tons of b/w, which we did right there and then. No need to go to a different lab (my old RE's lab was only for monitoring). DH had 1 vial of blood taken, and when the tech started printing labels for me, DH counted 21!!! The tech also took me to a different room to make me lay down :) yep that was a lot of blood taken from me. (plus I got my AF the same day so, I was loosing blood like crazy).
Anyways, the new RE also wanted an updated SA, so DH had it done yesterday, again at the clinic. He also wanted to make sure I've done Sonohysterogram (SHG) which I had done about 3 years ago for my OBGYN (it was all clear, but it was before all the fertility treatments, so I am a bit worried). I have it scheduled for February 8, and it is a bit more complicated than what I remember. I have to get to the clinic by 10:30a.m. and drink 1L of water 1 hour before, then go get something to eat (and take 2 Advil) and come back at 12:45 p.m. for the second half. We have a follow up apt scheduled for the Valentine's Day - so at that time he would give us our new protocol based on the results. Crossing my fingers that all numbers come back great and SHG would not show anything abnormal.
Yesterday, DH and I had an apt with a new family doctor in our neighbourhood. I did know that she is a bit outside of the box, but I wasn't prepared by how much. :) My apt was at 9 a.m. (and DH was supposed to be at the clinic downtown for SA at the same time), so I went by myself and he had apt with the same doc for the afternoon. She actually spent an hour with me. We discussed our infertility issues, and she checked me out using TCM (I know since this is the same way my acupuncturist does it) and we talked about healthy alternatives to IVF like making changes to the diet, vitamins and natural supplements, and some other techniques that, to tell you the truth, I cannot wrap my head around to even explain what the heck it is. She, as well, ordered tons of b/w and I just didn't have time to have it done (there will be a LOT of blood drawn). She also talked about Eat Right for Your Blood Type, she was saying that she was doing her own research as her friend owns a lab, and she is a great proponent of that diet.
DH and I discussed everything that she was offering, and agreed that we will be following the diet and taking supplements, but we are not ready to postpone IVF. I just can't wait any more, just can't... It's been such a long time, long 4 years, and I just want it to happen. I have my doubts, which I should just let go and move forward. I look to feel comfortable and don't like change and that was one of the reasons why it was so hard for me to agree to look for another RE.
It is interesting that an email of daily thoughts that I got today from Yehuda Berg was: "We’re all at war with our doubts. Remember that. Especially when you are close to breaking through. Today, be on the lookout for sneak attacks from your fears." I should just continue going out of my comfort zone, and everything is going to be just fine...
Anyways, the new RE also wanted an updated SA, so DH had it done yesterday, again at the clinic. He also wanted to make sure I've done Sonohysterogram (SHG) which I had done about 3 years ago for my OBGYN (it was all clear, but it was before all the fertility treatments, so I am a bit worried). I have it scheduled for February 8, and it is a bit more complicated than what I remember. I have to get to the clinic by 10:30a.m. and drink 1L of water 1 hour before, then go get something to eat (and take 2 Advil) and come back at 12:45 p.m. for the second half. We have a follow up apt scheduled for the Valentine's Day - so at that time he would give us our new protocol based on the results. Crossing my fingers that all numbers come back great and SHG would not show anything abnormal.
Yesterday, DH and I had an apt with a new family doctor in our neighbourhood. I did know that she is a bit outside of the box, but I wasn't prepared by how much. :) My apt was at 9 a.m. (and DH was supposed to be at the clinic downtown for SA at the same time), so I went by myself and he had apt with the same doc for the afternoon. She actually spent an hour with me. We discussed our infertility issues, and she checked me out using TCM (I know since this is the same way my acupuncturist does it) and we talked about healthy alternatives to IVF like making changes to the diet, vitamins and natural supplements, and some other techniques that, to tell you the truth, I cannot wrap my head around to even explain what the heck it is. She, as well, ordered tons of b/w and I just didn't have time to have it done (there will be a LOT of blood drawn). She also talked about Eat Right for Your Blood Type, she was saying that she was doing her own research as her friend owns a lab, and she is a great proponent of that diet.
DH and I discussed everything that she was offering, and agreed that we will be following the diet and taking supplements, but we are not ready to postpone IVF. I just can't wait any more, just can't... It's been such a long time, long 4 years, and I just want it to happen. I have my doubts, which I should just let go and move forward. I look to feel comfortable and don't like change and that was one of the reasons why it was so hard for me to agree to look for another RE.
It is interesting that an email of daily thoughts that I got today from Yehuda Berg was: "We’re all at war with our doubts. Remember that. Especially when you are close to breaking through. Today, be on the lookout for sneak attacks from your fears." I should just continue going out of my comfort zone, and everything is going to be just fine...
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