This is a very condensed version as I am on self prescribed bedrest today and typing on my phone. I will amend it tomorrow with more details.
I am officially PUPO, but it was such an ordeal. Once we got to the clinic and changed we waited for a bit for my RE to come in. The u/s lady checked me and said that my bladder was good. I was a bit nervous as we haven't heard anything from the lab. So once RE came in my first question was - How are they? The answer was perfect - 2 best ones got thawed and 2 still left in the freezer. At that point I could breathe again :). I got cleaned and RE got all set up and they brought my snowbabies, but he didn't like something and after discussing with u/s tech said that we are not transferring now. I was like WTH? Apparently my uterus was contracting and to stop it RE wanted me to have a PIO shot right away and try in about an hour. So I had to pee, but only 2 cups :) and have a heart- to-heart with my uterus to be more welcoming to our snowbabies. Well something worked and in the following 1.5 hours I was PUPO. The u/s tech came by and said that the transfer went very very good. We didn't stay at the clinic for long as I wanted to get home. We did stop by my REs office so my nurse could give us instructions for PIO shots which I have to continue for another week in addition to Prometrium that I have been taking. Beta 2 weeks from today on July 6.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
FET Countdown T - 5 days
The u/s on Friday went pretty good. The lining was measured at 1.1 cm which both the u/s tech and my nurse said was great for implantation. My ovaries were quiet, and apparently that's what they want to see. I asked my nurse if I ovulated already as I've been having lots of cm, and she said that cm is caused by estrace and since I was on estrace, I would not ovulate. I guess that it the reason why my RE said that I can be on estrace for a long period of time.
I've also read somewhere that the release of the progesterone in our bodies happen after ovulation (and that's what causes the increase in temperature - for those who are temping). So, I guess once they introduce progesterone the countdown to transfer begins, as introducing estrogen is signalling the body that it ovulated and therefore should prepare to the "little one" coming. The transfer should be exactly on the 5th day of the progesterone.
I got a call from my nurse later in the afternoon on Friday, and she told me that notwithstanding that I am complaining that most of the stuff just leaks out, it is working very well as my estrogen is at 4,000 level. The FET was scheduled for next Wednesday, July 22, and I was to start 600 mg progesterone per day on Saturday (i.e. 2 pills x 3 times a day, vaginally!!!).
Today is day number one of progesterone. Yep, even more ickyness. I don't think my body really likes estrace, as it is hard to keep the pills inside!!! I shove them in and they are shoved out right back, and even when I somehow manage to stick them inside, there is so much mess. Today I was thinking that the prometrium would help in holding the little estrace pills in, nope, didn't really work. I have to figure out something, pretty quick. Although, it does look like progesterone pills have been staying put for now. This whole struggle with pills and icky mess is just frustrating!!!
I've also read somewhere that the release of the progesterone in our bodies happen after ovulation (and that's what causes the increase in temperature - for those who are temping). So, I guess once they introduce progesterone the countdown to transfer begins, as introducing estrogen is signalling the body that it ovulated and therefore should prepare to the "little one" coming. The transfer should be exactly on the 5th day of the progesterone.
I got a call from my nurse later in the afternoon on Friday, and she told me that notwithstanding that I am complaining that most of the stuff just leaks out, it is working very well as my estrogen is at 4,000 level. The FET was scheduled for next Wednesday, July 22, and I was to start 600 mg progesterone per day on Saturday (i.e. 2 pills x 3 times a day, vaginally!!!).
Today is day number one of progesterone. Yep, even more ickyness. I don't think my body really likes estrace, as it is hard to keep the pills inside!!! I shove them in and they are shoved out right back, and even when I somehow manage to stick them inside, there is so much mess. Today I was thinking that the prometrium would help in holding the little estrace pills in, nope, didn't really work. I have to figure out something, pretty quick. Although, it does look like progesterone pills have been staying put for now. This whole struggle with pills and icky mess is just frustrating!!!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
FET Update & Biopsy
I am on CD 8 today, and after b/w & u/s on CD3 started taking estrace 4mg in the morning and in the evening. So it has been 6 days of estrace, and I start to feel s/e. I have been bloated for the past 2 day. I am so bloated that I am considering wearing bigger size pants to work tomorrow. I also have been having headaches for a few days in a row now, although not sure if I can attribute them to estrace or to always changing weather.
Did I tell you how I hate estrace? I take two little pills - vaginally. First of all, I could never imagine that two little pills can produce so much mess!!! Second, I've been having lots of cm and those little pills don't want to stay in where I put them, so it is a struggle to shove them in and make them stay. In addition, I would really love to have some intimacy with DH, but when I am constantly leaking blue stuff, I am not feeling that sexy or desirable. The problem is that it will get worse once I start progesterone - 3 times per day (vaginally of course), and once we do the transfer there is no sex or orgasm during the 2ww, but I guess we'll have to get to the transfer first.
So today was my biopsy. I asked my nurse and she said that it is a quick, albeit a bit painful, procedure. I told my boss that I have to step out for 45 minutes (thinking 15 min walk to the clinic, 15 min for procedure and 15 min walk back). When I got to the clinic, the waiting room was full with women, and the receptionist was on the phone telling another person that the RE is running late. I asked her how late he was going to be, and she replied that she would not know until he starts procedures. That made me scared as there were about 10 ladies in the waiting room. So I asked her to ask my nurse if I can reschedule for another time. She talked to my nurse, and it turned out that the ladies who were in the waiting room were waiting for their SHG or HSG which involved the two u/s rooms, but since I was having a biopsy done, and I was in a regular room, I was actually taken right away.
The nurse, Rosy, who is not my nurse but whom DH & I met before, walked into the room and was trying to make me comfortable. By the time RE came in she was already holding my hand and explaining the procedure. It was supposed to be just a pinch when the actual biopsy was being done, but I started cramping even before the RE started preparing the area. As I am all bloated from estrace, it was hard for him to insert a catheter in and he used up 3 or more catheters by the time he got it in, and at that point I was already in a lot of pain. Rosy was holding my hand all the time, telling me that i am doing great, patting my hair and telling me to breath. By the time the actual biopsy started (it did take less than a minute) I was in so much pain that i didn't really feel it that much. Rosy said that I might spot and RE responded that I will definitely be spotting and most likely bleeding, but that's ok. Once RE cleaned me up and left, Rosy brought me some water and asked me to lay on a table for a bit before trying to sit up.
Rosy was great, she made me sit up very slowly and stay sitting for a few minutes to make sure that all cramps were subsiding and that I was ok. And all throughout she was being very encouraging, telling me about the research and that from their own experience at the clinic the implantation rate improves after biopsy and to stay positive no matter what. Thank G-d for compassionate people.
I called DH right after I left, and told him that I really hoped it was all worth it. We decided that there was no point for him to spend 2 hours commuting downtown for a 5 minute procedure, but he did want to know all the details.
I had been cramping really badly the entire day and spotting heavily too. On top of everything, the work has been crazy busy and I had the second in a row 14 hour day at the office. I am definitely taking ET off, otherwise my poor embies don't stand a chance.
I did ask RE when the ET is going to be and he told me that I can take estrace for a long time, but as soon as I start progesterone, it must be on the 5th day (or 5 days after). So I might push for ET on a Friday and have Friday & Saturday off. I don't know just some thoughts, as DH & I were also thinking to let things run their natural course.
Next step is u/s and b/w on Friday morning, which should shed some light on how my lining is doing.
Did I tell you how I hate estrace? I take two little pills - vaginally. First of all, I could never imagine that two little pills can produce so much mess!!! Second, I've been having lots of cm and those little pills don't want to stay in where I put them, so it is a struggle to shove them in and make them stay. In addition, I would really love to have some intimacy with DH, but when I am constantly leaking blue stuff, I am not feeling that sexy or desirable. The problem is that it will get worse once I start progesterone - 3 times per day (vaginally of course), and once we do the transfer there is no sex or orgasm during the 2ww, but I guess we'll have to get to the transfer first.
So today was my biopsy. I asked my nurse and she said that it is a quick, albeit a bit painful, procedure. I told my boss that I have to step out for 45 minutes (thinking 15 min walk to the clinic, 15 min for procedure and 15 min walk back). When I got to the clinic, the waiting room was full with women, and the receptionist was on the phone telling another person that the RE is running late. I asked her how late he was going to be, and she replied that she would not know until he starts procedures. That made me scared as there were about 10 ladies in the waiting room. So I asked her to ask my nurse if I can reschedule for another time. She talked to my nurse, and it turned out that the ladies who were in the waiting room were waiting for their SHG or HSG which involved the two u/s rooms, but since I was having a biopsy done, and I was in a regular room, I was actually taken right away.
The nurse, Rosy, who is not my nurse but whom DH & I met before, walked into the room and was trying to make me comfortable. By the time RE came in she was already holding my hand and explaining the procedure. It was supposed to be just a pinch when the actual biopsy was being done, but I started cramping even before the RE started preparing the area. As I am all bloated from estrace, it was hard for him to insert a catheter in and he used up 3 or more catheters by the time he got it in, and at that point I was already in a lot of pain. Rosy was holding my hand all the time, telling me that i am doing great, patting my hair and telling me to breath. By the time the actual biopsy started (it did take less than a minute) I was in so much pain that i didn't really feel it that much. Rosy said that I might spot and RE responded that I will definitely be spotting and most likely bleeding, but that's ok. Once RE cleaned me up and left, Rosy brought me some water and asked me to lay on a table for a bit before trying to sit up.
Rosy was great, she made me sit up very slowly and stay sitting for a few minutes to make sure that all cramps were subsiding and that I was ok. And all throughout she was being very encouraging, telling me about the research and that from their own experience at the clinic the implantation rate improves after biopsy and to stay positive no matter what. Thank G-d for compassionate people.
I called DH right after I left, and told him that I really hoped it was all worth it. We decided that there was no point for him to spend 2 hours commuting downtown for a 5 minute procedure, but he did want to know all the details.
I had been cramping really badly the entire day and spotting heavily too. On top of everything, the work has been crazy busy and I had the second in a row 14 hour day at the office. I am definitely taking ET off, otherwise my poor embies don't stand a chance.
I did ask RE when the ET is going to be and he told me that I can take estrace for a long time, but as soon as I start progesterone, it must be on the 5th day (or 5 days after). So I might push for ET on a Friday and have Friday & Saturday off. I don't know just some thoughts, as DH & I were also thinking to let things run their natural course.
Next step is u/s and b/w on Friday morning, which should shed some light on how my lining is doing.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Some Thoughts pre FET
I was asked a question - how am I feeling about upcoming FET? Excited, nervous, anxious? My response, I just feel completely indifferent. I don't really know how to explain it. For now, I feel like we have a status quo - we are trying to get pregnant, and that's how it has been and is going to be all the time (we've been at it for 4.5 years).
I usually get my hopes up before a procedure - be it IUI or IVF, but not this time. Even DH mentioned yesterday that I am too depressed and too negative. And I agree with him. I guess deep down inside I don't want to make a big fuss out of it as it would make it less heartbreaking when it doesn't work. I am trying to find cases where girls got BFN on IVF and then BFP on FET, and so far, no luck. The girls who get BFP on FET are those who got BFP on IVF but for some reason it didn't work i.e. m/c or chemical. So, not very optimistic.
I am not planning to do acupuncture either. Although I loved it during IVF, I just want to keep FET very low key. In addition, with my work schedule, it is stressful for me to have to try to squeeze in more appointments. With respect to meditation, I'll try doing the sessions from IVF CD that I have around the time of transfer and thereafter, but again would not kill myself trying. I just want it to be as stress free to me as possible and if it is choosing between sleep and meditation - I’ll choose sleep.
The only thing that I will definitely do is stay away from chocolates (that's the only way I consume caffeine) and probably sugar (or will try to stay away from sugar). I also promised my mom that I will take the day of ET off and will stay on a couch with my legs propped up. (Even though RE said that studies show no better implantation rates with bed rest) I also promised her that I'll take it very easy i.e. no long walks (which idea DH liked as he would rather spend his evenings on the couch) and no trips of any kind. I'll try to cut down on me walking fast (which I do very often to catch a train or a bus). Otherwise, someone suggested pineapple core - will try that too, but that's it. I am out of ideas. Anyone else??? Any ideas on what to do to improve and/or aid implantation???
But on the actual FET front - After spotting on and off for 5 days and writing to my nurse an email asking her when is the last day for AF to show up to still do FET in June, AF showed up with vengeance after 33 days.
Today was Day 3 u/s and b/w - so the u/s this morning showed everything nice and clean and the lining at 0.3 cm. The nurse said that it means that my heavy period is coming to an end (Thank G-d!!!). Just waiting for the results of b/w and then will know for sure if we are proceeding with FET or not. So update will follow.
I usually get my hopes up before a procedure - be it IUI or IVF, but not this time. Even DH mentioned yesterday that I am too depressed and too negative. And I agree with him. I guess deep down inside I don't want to make a big fuss out of it as it would make it less heartbreaking when it doesn't work. I am trying to find cases where girls got BFN on IVF and then BFP on FET, and so far, no luck. The girls who get BFP on FET are those who got BFP on IVF but for some reason it didn't work i.e. m/c or chemical. So, not very optimistic.
I am not planning to do acupuncture either. Although I loved it during IVF, I just want to keep FET very low key. In addition, with my work schedule, it is stressful for me to have to try to squeeze in more appointments. With respect to meditation, I'll try doing the sessions from IVF CD that I have around the time of transfer and thereafter, but again would not kill myself trying. I just want it to be as stress free to me as possible and if it is choosing between sleep and meditation - I’ll choose sleep.
The only thing that I will definitely do is stay away from chocolates (that's the only way I consume caffeine) and probably sugar (or will try to stay away from sugar). I also promised my mom that I will take the day of ET off and will stay on a couch with my legs propped up. (Even though RE said that studies show no better implantation rates with bed rest) I also promised her that I'll take it very easy i.e. no long walks (which idea DH liked as he would rather spend his evenings on the couch) and no trips of any kind. I'll try to cut down on me walking fast (which I do very often to catch a train or a bus). Otherwise, someone suggested pineapple core - will try that too, but that's it. I am out of ideas. Anyone else??? Any ideas on what to do to improve and/or aid implantation???
But on the actual FET front - After spotting on and off for 5 days and writing to my nurse an email asking her when is the last day for AF to show up to still do FET in June, AF showed up with vengeance after 33 days.
Today was Day 3 u/s and b/w - so the u/s this morning showed everything nice and clean and the lining at 0.3 cm. The nurse said that it means that my heavy period is coming to an end (Thank G-d!!!). Just waiting for the results of b/w and then will know for sure if we are proceeding with FET or not. So update will follow.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Happy Birthday, Sis!
So, its the first for me, my sis is turning 30 today and we are not celebrating together. Feel kind of sad, although we've been texting back and forth through the day. The reason, she wished to have her birthday in Las Vegas (and that's where she is right now), but since the booking was done before IVF, I didn't want to risk flying to LV with an early pregnancy. The end result - no baby, my sis is having fun in LV and I am stuck at the office.
My relationship with my sister is an interesting one. We are only 1 year apart - both being born in May, but our characters are polar opposite of each other. When we were little and in our teens, we used to kick the crap out of each other (although there were periods when we played nicely together too). After we immigrated to Canada, all of our friends were the same and we started to hang out more. But our relationship did not develop into a more close one until my sis decided to get into a Business School and figured out how tough I had to be to get into law school, and especially after we both started dating.
She was always an outgoing party girl, always wanted to go out and hang out with friends, and I was shocked how after my niece was born she changed 180 degrees. The baby was supposed to be in bed by 7 p.m. at night so she had to be home to put her to bed, she prepared all baby food from scratch and became a hands-on mom (at least for the time before she went back to work).
Her first pregnancy was a shock to me. They were married a year before DH & I and I knew that my BIL wanted kids but that my sis was not ready and didn't really want them. About a month or two before our wedding (that was 5 years ago), I went to my family doctor to start preparing for pregnancy running tests and getting advice on vitamins. I think deep down inside I was afraid of my sis getting pregnant first, as she got married first, but when 2 weeks before our wedding she announced her pregnancy, I was totally out of it. It was the worst timing for me, as I was already stressing out about the wedding and having panic attacks as things were not going smoothly to put it mildly.
Well, I sucked it up and spent the entire day in the hospital when she was in labour. I was just outside the delivery room when my niece was born and heard her first cry. When my sis wanted the second one (by that time we've been trying for a while), she called me in the office and asked me when they should BD, I gave them a date and about 2 weeks later she called me to tell me that she did an HPT and it was positive. I guess because I felt responsible for it, for the first time in my dark IF days I was actually happy for her (without any reservations). My nephew was also born in May (he-he-he). She was due in June and DH & I were leaving for Paris for a week, so she called me at 5 a.m. the day we were leaving and told me that since I forbid her to give birth while I am in Paris, so she was on her way to the hospital. This time, I didn't get a chance to be close by when she gave birth, as she didn't even have time to change before she started pushing - no epidural, nothing! But i did ended up spending a few hours with my nephew before flying to Paris - stress free.
The thing is that being able to get pregnant so easily, she doesn't really get what I am going through. To her IF is kind of like a joke, not in the sense that it is funny, but in the sense that it is easy. When our old RE suggested IVF right away, and both DH & I were just not ready for it yet, every time I would complain that I got AF or that IUI didn't work, she would tell me to do IVF, like this is just a walk in the park. Don't get me work, she cares deeply about me & DH and she also gets upset at all our BFNs and cries with me, but she just doesn't get how it is. And because of that some of her actions and words can hurt and be upsetting.
It's strange, I was complaining to DH that lately she's been getting on my nerves. As we travel to work together, i see her every day, and every day it is something. "Your eyebrows are not plucked properly", "you talk with your eyes", "your dress pants look like slacks", "this shirt is too tight" etc. etc. So, I was getting annoyed. But now, she's been gone for 3 days and I really miss her, and am pretty down all day cause I can't be with her. I even imagined that I got a call from someone who would offer me a different job and put me on a plane to go to Vegas to surprise her. I do daydream A LOT, I guess I find it relaxing and it's my place away from this world. I am sorry if I sound crazy, but back to my sister.
Today, she told me that the best birthday present for her would have been me telling her that she will be an aunt in 9 months. Can't do that, so all that she'll get is money and a surprise party. Which reminds me, my BIL emailed me and said that he forgot the cake, so tomorrow I'll be looking for a place where to order a cake for her. The guest list is finally nailed down and the sitting plan is also finished, so besides having a crazy day at the office and figuring what to wear, I am pretty set.
My relationship with my sister is an interesting one. We are only 1 year apart - both being born in May, but our characters are polar opposite of each other. When we were little and in our teens, we used to kick the crap out of each other (although there were periods when we played nicely together too). After we immigrated to Canada, all of our friends were the same and we started to hang out more. But our relationship did not develop into a more close one until my sis decided to get into a Business School and figured out how tough I had to be to get into law school, and especially after we both started dating.
She was always an outgoing party girl, always wanted to go out and hang out with friends, and I was shocked how after my niece was born she changed 180 degrees. The baby was supposed to be in bed by 7 p.m. at night so she had to be home to put her to bed, she prepared all baby food from scratch and became a hands-on mom (at least for the time before she went back to work).
Her first pregnancy was a shock to me. They were married a year before DH & I and I knew that my BIL wanted kids but that my sis was not ready and didn't really want them. About a month or two before our wedding (that was 5 years ago), I went to my family doctor to start preparing for pregnancy running tests and getting advice on vitamins. I think deep down inside I was afraid of my sis getting pregnant first, as she got married first, but when 2 weeks before our wedding she announced her pregnancy, I was totally out of it. It was the worst timing for me, as I was already stressing out about the wedding and having panic attacks as things were not going smoothly to put it mildly.
Well, I sucked it up and spent the entire day in the hospital when she was in labour. I was just outside the delivery room when my niece was born and heard her first cry. When my sis wanted the second one (by that time we've been trying for a while), she called me in the office and asked me when they should BD, I gave them a date and about 2 weeks later she called me to tell me that she did an HPT and it was positive. I guess because I felt responsible for it, for the first time in my dark IF days I was actually happy for her (without any reservations). My nephew was also born in May (he-he-he). She was due in June and DH & I were leaving for Paris for a week, so she called me at 5 a.m. the day we were leaving and told me that since I forbid her to give birth while I am in Paris, so she was on her way to the hospital. This time, I didn't get a chance to be close by when she gave birth, as she didn't even have time to change before she started pushing - no epidural, nothing! But i did ended up spending a few hours with my nephew before flying to Paris - stress free.
The thing is that being able to get pregnant so easily, she doesn't really get what I am going through. To her IF is kind of like a joke, not in the sense that it is funny, but in the sense that it is easy. When our old RE suggested IVF right away, and both DH & I were just not ready for it yet, every time I would complain that I got AF or that IUI didn't work, she would tell me to do IVF, like this is just a walk in the park. Don't get me work, she cares deeply about me & DH and she also gets upset at all our BFNs and cries with me, but she just doesn't get how it is. And because of that some of her actions and words can hurt and be upsetting.
It's strange, I was complaining to DH that lately she's been getting on my nerves. As we travel to work together, i see her every day, and every day it is something. "Your eyebrows are not plucked properly", "you talk with your eyes", "your dress pants look like slacks", "this shirt is too tight" etc. etc. So, I was getting annoyed. But now, she's been gone for 3 days and I really miss her, and am pretty down all day cause I can't be with her. I even imagined that I got a call from someone who would offer me a different job and put me on a plane to go to Vegas to surprise her. I do daydream A LOT, I guess I find it relaxing and it's my place away from this world. I am sorry if I sound crazy, but back to my sister.
Today, she told me that the best birthday present for her would have been me telling her that she will be an aunt in 9 months. Can't do that, so all that she'll get is money and a surprise party. Which reminds me, my BIL emailed me and said that he forgot the cake, so tomorrow I'll be looking for a place where to order a cake for her. The guest list is finally nailed down and the sitting plan is also finished, so besides having a crazy day at the office and figuring what to wear, I am pretty set.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Little aches and pains
On the non IF related fronts - I have been preoccupied with planning a surprise party for my sis' 30th birthday. My BIL got the venue and the decorations, and I have been doing a guest list, and calling and emailing everyone to nail down the number, which is not such an easy task as the guest list was over 50 guests with a party being on a Thursday night. Plus, I have to take care of the final details as both my sis and BIL travelled to Vegas for her birthday which is tomorrow (and warrants its own little post). So there is very little time to think about my own problems or be on blogger or on my other favourite site ivf.ca.
On the IF related front, I am now on CD25 of my natural cycle. I've tried to toy with OPKs albeit unsuccessfully and tracking my cm, as well as BDing around the right time just for the hell of it. I was hoping to track my basal temperature but forgot to start when AF arrived so decided to skip temping this cycle. So, I am on CD 25 and for the past 3-4 days have been having AF like cramps plus a pain in my ovaries. I usually don't get AF cramps until after AF shows up, so this is very weird for me. With respect to pains in my ovaries, I figured one of two things (or both) either I have a cysts (which would suck as I would not be able to do FET in June if I have cysts) or my ovaries hurt because they are decreasing in size post IVF. I guess will see what the future brings.
On the IF related front, I am now on CD25 of my natural cycle. I've tried to toy with OPKs albeit unsuccessfully and tracking my cm, as well as BDing around the right time just for the hell of it. I was hoping to track my basal temperature but forgot to start when AF arrived so decided to skip temping this cycle. So, I am on CD 25 and for the past 3-4 days have been having AF like cramps plus a pain in my ovaries. I usually don't get AF cramps until after AF shows up, so this is very weird for me. With respect to pains in my ovaries, I figured one of two things (or both) either I have a cysts (which would suck as I would not be able to do FET in June if I have cysts) or my ovaries hurt because they are decreasing in size post IVF. I guess will see what the future brings.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
I see FET in our near future... or WTF apt - Take 2
I guess we are doing FET with my next cycle if it is not too delayed as Dr. H will be away at certain times over the next two months.
For the first time in 4.5 years of us TTCing DH was very impatient and while we were waiting for our RE DH suggested we do another IUI if we have to wait for FET for a few months. I was shocked that he brought it up as I was thinking that after 5 IUIs we were done with them. DH's argument was that we haven't done them at the new clinic and may be they use different technique etc.
So, it wasn't surprising when at the first opportunity DH asked about his sperm count at IVF. The answer stunned us both, it was was 22 mil!!!! with motility of about 80%. Which is unheard of for us, as the last IUI it was the highest at 15 mil with motility of just 30%. DH was so proud - you should have seen how his face lighten up (even though he says that he is not bothered by all this IF stuff :D )
Dr. H. did say that our blasts looked great and he was really surprised that they didn't take. He reviewed the tapes and it didn't appear that there was anything wrong with the transfer itself. As he was reviewing our file, I saw that he made certain notes of how to improve the transfer technique for the future, and really appreciated that. If we assume that I am healthy (which I should be) then the only other reason that he can suggest is that the lining was at 1.6 cm which apparently is too thick. It was due to my Estrogen level which just before the retrieval hit over 24,000 (they actually didn't measure by how much over). We did get 19 eggs and with a cyst, I should not be surprised that E2 was so high. The RE said that since naturally the lining doesn't reach such a size, it might have impeded the implantation and he has seen cases where FET was more successful than fresh IVF. (Oh, G-d, let this be our case PLEASE!!!)
A e-friend of mine who also goes to the same clinic told me that for her FET Dr. H puts her on 7-10 weeks BCP. I was mindful of that when I was trying to plan our summer thinking of FET at the end of the summer or beginning of fall. It turns out that in our case, Dr. H does not recommend going on BCP or any other suppressants and we can start as early as my next period. Yei?!? Definitely didn't expect that.
So the plan is to do FET first. Hopefully my little snowbabies would thaw nicely and we would only need to use 2, although Dr. H was not that optimistic and he did say that not all of them will make it through the thawing process. The good thing is that nice people at the lab froze each of the 4 separately. So they can be defrosted one by one until we have 2. If 2 good blasts are going to be transferred on FET and it is not successful, we will do much more testing to ensure that there are no other problems with me personally, like my immune system or with embryos themselves.
I don't know if I am ready for another IVF soon, but if DH's numbers are going to stay as high as they are right now (which is getting close to a "normal" range), we might try another few round of IUI before going into IVF#3.
We then talked to our nurse, and as she was explaining the cycle the word "biopsy" came out. I wanted to ask Dr. H about a biopsy as many girls on the forum had great success with it, but forgot all about it. So, I thought it was a mistake which I pointed out to her, to which she said that when Dr. H was preparing our FET protocol she actually asked him if he wants to do something different before transfer - like a biopsy, and he agreed. I am so happy that all staff at our clinic know what they doing. I told our nurse that I was thinking about a biopsy too, and she said that we should always bring up everything that we know or find out, as the IF world is always evolving and many times the patients who are active on different forums (GUILTY!!!) find new information contemporaneously with the REs.
As we were going through my FET protocol and dates, it turned out that if my AF does not show up when it is supposed to, being the first week of June, we would have to reschedule FET to the following cycle as our RE will be away from the clinic during a few weeks in July. So crossing my fingers and toes that AF cooperates. I know that after my 1st IVF my cycle was not affected, so hoping beyond hope that the history will repeat itself.
The good thing is that on average from the day I call my day 1 it will take approximately 20 days to complete the whole cycle, as at this point my RE does not recommend that I go on BCP prior to the cycle (good for me - less chemicals in my body). The only drugs involved are estrace and prometrium which I have left over from our last IVF cycle. And the monitoring is much less, if I remember correctly – day 3 u/s & b/w, 1 time for biopsy, and I think another 1 or 2 times before the transfer to check lining.
Another good thing is that the day of the transfer may be manipulated by a day or two by starting to take one of the hormones a bit later or earlier. The reason is that I want the transfer to be on a Friday, so that I can take Friday off and take it very very easy over the weekend (and to give my boss an excuse that we are going to a cottage and not come into the office on Sunday either :) ). I would note be able to use this excuse (or take more than one day off), if the transfer is going to be in the middle of the day.
The next meeting was with the financial person, and a pleasant surprise was that the RE adjust his price down a bit for the transfer as he strongly feels that we should have gotten pregnant from the IVF. Another good thing is that for FET the full amount is not due until the day of the transfer, which is amazing, as we paid the full amount for IVF BEFORE starting stims. The reason is that there might be a little tiny chance that none of the snowbabies make it through thaw, but I am not letting this thought to enter my mind. We will have 2 perfect blasts on the transfer date - PERIOD!!!
So here it is in a nut shell. Entering an uncharted territory with FET and as always praying for a miracle!!!
For the first time in 4.5 years of us TTCing DH was very impatient and while we were waiting for our RE DH suggested we do another IUI if we have to wait for FET for a few months. I was shocked that he brought it up as I was thinking that after 5 IUIs we were done with them. DH's argument was that we haven't done them at the new clinic and may be they use different technique etc.
So, it wasn't surprising when at the first opportunity DH asked about his sperm count at IVF. The answer stunned us both, it was was 22 mil!!!! with motility of about 80%. Which is unheard of for us, as the last IUI it was the highest at 15 mil with motility of just 30%. DH was so proud - you should have seen how his face lighten up (even though he says that he is not bothered by all this IF stuff :D )
Dr. H. did say that our blasts looked great and he was really surprised that they didn't take. He reviewed the tapes and it didn't appear that there was anything wrong with the transfer itself. As he was reviewing our file, I saw that he made certain notes of how to improve the transfer technique for the future, and really appreciated that. If we assume that I am healthy (which I should be) then the only other reason that he can suggest is that the lining was at 1.6 cm which apparently is too thick. It was due to my Estrogen level which just before the retrieval hit over 24,000 (they actually didn't measure by how much over). We did get 19 eggs and with a cyst, I should not be surprised that E2 was so high. The RE said that since naturally the lining doesn't reach such a size, it might have impeded the implantation and he has seen cases where FET was more successful than fresh IVF. (Oh, G-d, let this be our case PLEASE!!!)
A e-friend of mine who also goes to the same clinic told me that for her FET Dr. H puts her on 7-10 weeks BCP. I was mindful of that when I was trying to plan our summer thinking of FET at the end of the summer or beginning of fall. It turns out that in our case, Dr. H does not recommend going on BCP or any other suppressants and we can start as early as my next period. Yei?!? Definitely didn't expect that.
So the plan is to do FET first. Hopefully my little snowbabies would thaw nicely and we would only need to use 2, although Dr. H was not that optimistic and he did say that not all of them will make it through the thawing process. The good thing is that nice people at the lab froze each of the 4 separately. So they can be defrosted one by one until we have 2. If 2 good blasts are going to be transferred on FET and it is not successful, we will do much more testing to ensure that there are no other problems with me personally, like my immune system or with embryos themselves.
I don't know if I am ready for another IVF soon, but if DH's numbers are going to stay as high as they are right now (which is getting close to a "normal" range), we might try another few round of IUI before going into IVF#3.
We then talked to our nurse, and as she was explaining the cycle the word "biopsy" came out. I wanted to ask Dr. H about a biopsy as many girls on the forum had great success with it, but forgot all about it. So, I thought it was a mistake which I pointed out to her, to which she said that when Dr. H was preparing our FET protocol she actually asked him if he wants to do something different before transfer - like a biopsy, and he agreed. I am so happy that all staff at our clinic know what they doing. I told our nurse that I was thinking about a biopsy too, and she said that we should always bring up everything that we know or find out, as the IF world is always evolving and many times the patients who are active on different forums (GUILTY!!!) find new information contemporaneously with the REs.
As we were going through my FET protocol and dates, it turned out that if my AF does not show up when it is supposed to, being the first week of June, we would have to reschedule FET to the following cycle as our RE will be away from the clinic during a few weeks in July. So crossing my fingers and toes that AF cooperates. I know that after my 1st IVF my cycle was not affected, so hoping beyond hope that the history will repeat itself.
The good thing is that on average from the day I call my day 1 it will take approximately 20 days to complete the whole cycle, as at this point my RE does not recommend that I go on BCP prior to the cycle (good for me - less chemicals in my body). The only drugs involved are estrace and prometrium which I have left over from our last IVF cycle. And the monitoring is much less, if I remember correctly – day 3 u/s & b/w, 1 time for biopsy, and I think another 1 or 2 times before the transfer to check lining.
Another good thing is that the day of the transfer may be manipulated by a day or two by starting to take one of the hormones a bit later or earlier. The reason is that I want the transfer to be on a Friday, so that I can take Friday off and take it very very easy over the weekend (and to give my boss an excuse that we are going to a cottage and not come into the office on Sunday either :) ). I would note be able to use this excuse (or take more than one day off), if the transfer is going to be in the middle of the day.
The next meeting was with the financial person, and a pleasant surprise was that the RE adjust his price down a bit for the transfer as he strongly feels that we should have gotten pregnant from the IVF. Another good thing is that for FET the full amount is not due until the day of the transfer, which is amazing, as we paid the full amount for IVF BEFORE starting stims. The reason is that there might be a little tiny chance that none of the snowbabies make it through thaw, but I am not letting this thought to enter my mind. We will have 2 perfect blasts on the transfer date - PERIOD!!!
So here it is in a nut shell. Entering an uncharted territory with FET and as always praying for a miracle!!!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Life after BFN
I was so upset after losing my post that I didn't want to continue blogging, but I think I should. I will not repeat the post that I lost (at least for now), and will start catching up from the day after my b-day being May 9, 2011.
DH and I decided to start a cleansing program as my body was feeling very tired from all the hormones and medications that I had to inject during the last IVF. AF did start about 5 days after I stopped progesterone and estrogen suppositories, and it was in full swing on my birthday. Although AF was vicious, it did feel liberating. We've done the cleansing for about a week and I've lost almost 3.5 kg. I believe that most of it was water, since I do think that I might have had a mild case of OHSS after retrieval. That was last week (May 9-15), the next week we tried to keep eating healthy, which mostly worked as I barely gained anything back. Then comes the long weekend... DH & I did do a lot of walking, but we also relaxed our eating rules too (nothing too extreme, but still..). So the weight did creep up a bit. The good thing is that we do go outside much. on Saturday, we went to Lakeshore and while DH and his brother were on roller-blades, my SIL, both nephews and me were walking along lake Ontario. I even got sunburn to prove it. Yesterday (Sunday) it was raining in the morning, but in the afternoon I forced DH to take a walk around the neighbourhood which resulted in a 5.5 km walk. As a reward, we went to the movies afterwards :) Monday, was raining on and off again, but we went for a walk in a park (and didn't get wet) with my SIL and nephews. Our boys (DH & his brother) decided to cycle back from the park and ended up caught in the rain. Overall it was a good long weekend as I had not touch my computer and didn't go to the office. Which meant that today I was pretty busy at work :)
I got a call today from our RE's office. He had a cancellation and our WTF apt was moved from next Monday to tomorrow. Yei!!!
Emotionally, I do feel a bit better, although I still cry sometimes, but not on a daily basis. We tried to catch my Ov this month, but I haven't been diligent enough in taking OPKs and didn't start temping but instead relied on ewcm, which I don't think is a very good indicator. Oh well, just need to rest from all the IF start. DH & I decided that next cycle I'll start to chart with AF and will do OPKs more diligently. I should Ov around day 14-16, but who knows what 2 IVFs did to my body.
On a happier note, my sis is turning 30 at the end of the month, and I love b-days!!! They will be celebrating her actual b-day with a few friends in Las Vegas, I wish we could go too, but when they were booking the trip, we were going through IVF and didn't want to take a chance to fly there pregnant. So now no trip and no baby, I guess the joke is on us... But my BIL is planning a surprise party for my sis at home, and of course, yours truly is very much involved in planing. The guest list as it stands right now is 50 people and tomorrow, I'll have to start calling everyone for a "save the date" call. That's a good distraction from anything IF related.
This month I've decided not to participate in ICLW as I am not in a good place right now emotionally and even though I am happy for my e-friends, it still aches in my heart when I see what could have been me. I know it's not good, but that's the truth right now. I hope to get involved more in blogging when the time comes closer to our FET, but for now will stay content with blogging about my everyday life.
DH and I decided to start a cleansing program as my body was feeling very tired from all the hormones and medications that I had to inject during the last IVF. AF did start about 5 days after I stopped progesterone and estrogen suppositories, and it was in full swing on my birthday. Although AF was vicious, it did feel liberating. We've done the cleansing for about a week and I've lost almost 3.5 kg. I believe that most of it was water, since I do think that I might have had a mild case of OHSS after retrieval. That was last week (May 9-15), the next week we tried to keep eating healthy, which mostly worked as I barely gained anything back. Then comes the long weekend... DH & I did do a lot of walking, but we also relaxed our eating rules too (nothing too extreme, but still..). So the weight did creep up a bit. The good thing is that we do go outside much. on Saturday, we went to Lakeshore and while DH and his brother were on roller-blades, my SIL, both nephews and me were walking along lake Ontario. I even got sunburn to prove it. Yesterday (Sunday) it was raining in the morning, but in the afternoon I forced DH to take a walk around the neighbourhood which resulted in a 5.5 km walk. As a reward, we went to the movies afterwards :) Monday, was raining on and off again, but we went for a walk in a park (and didn't get wet) with my SIL and nephews. Our boys (DH & his brother) decided to cycle back from the park and ended up caught in the rain. Overall it was a good long weekend as I had not touch my computer and didn't go to the office. Which meant that today I was pretty busy at work :)
I got a call today from our RE's office. He had a cancellation and our WTF apt was moved from next Monday to tomorrow. Yei!!!
Emotionally, I do feel a bit better, although I still cry sometimes, but not on a daily basis. We tried to catch my Ov this month, but I haven't been diligent enough in taking OPKs and didn't start temping but instead relied on ewcm, which I don't think is a very good indicator. Oh well, just need to rest from all the IF start. DH & I decided that next cycle I'll start to chart with AF and will do OPKs more diligently. I should Ov around day 14-16, but who knows what 2 IVFs did to my body.
On a happier note, my sis is turning 30 at the end of the month, and I love b-days!!! They will be celebrating her actual b-day with a few friends in Las Vegas, I wish we could go too, but when they were booking the trip, we were going through IVF and didn't want to take a chance to fly there pregnant. So now no trip and no baby, I guess the joke is on us... But my BIL is planning a surprise party for my sis at home, and of course, yours truly is very much involved in planing. The guest list as it stands right now is 50 people and tomorrow, I'll have to start calling everyone for a "save the date" call. That's a good distraction from anything IF related.
This month I've decided not to participate in ICLW as I am not in a good place right now emotionally and even though I am happy for my e-friends, it still aches in my heart when I see what could have been me. I know it's not good, but that's the truth right now. I hope to get involved more in blogging when the time comes closer to our FET, but for now will stay content with blogging about my everyday life.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Missing Post
I am so upset. I wrote a long post last Wednesday detailing the events of last week including my birthday party. Then blogger had an issue and was unavailable for a few days, and they removed all the posts from Wednesday on. Now they are saying that all posts are restored, but mine is still missing, and I have no idea how or who to contact for help. I hope that it will be back in the next day or two.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Sad...
I am just so sad tonight... Just want to bang my head against the wall... I get this feeling sometimes after the BFN, at least I remember feeling this way after one of the failed IUI's just want to break something... I think I still cannot comprehend how such a perfect cycle resulted in a BFN... I can't wait for AF to start have my body rid itself of all the hormones that are driving me crazy. Everything and everyone are annoying me today. I am pissed of that when I sent an invitation for 3 p.m. for my b-day on Sunday most of my friends replied that they are going to be late. WTF - I want this day to be about me and if I am too much of an inconvenience then may be I don't really want those people in my life. How rude!!! I have to get up at 5:30 a.m. on Monday (and every weekday, including tomorrow) so I don't want people in my house past 8 p.m. I don't know, just have to calm down and live through the next few weeks until our appointment. It is just hard to continue going like nothing happened. Have so many unfinished blogs but just don't want to bother right now. Going to bed, so hopefully tomorrow will bring AF and more positive thoughts.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Picking Up the Pieces of My Broken Heart
I am sad, I am moody, I am mad, so it's not going to be a happy post.
Yesterday when I got to the clinic there were tons of ladies and I waited for my b/w for about 30 minutes (which is very unusual for them). I guess because I knew what the result would be, the whole atmosphere there was depressing. I was still hoping I only have to come back for another b/w and a couple of u/s.
The call from the nurse came in around 1 p.m. as was expected. The time between noon and 1 p.m. was the worst. I was so anxious and fidgeting that I couldn't concentrate. Since, I already emailed my nurse on Friday with the test result, she started with that there are no surprises and that my Friday test was confirmed with a beta of zero. She told me to stop all the medication and asked if I scheduled an appointment with the RE (which I did, just didn't want to confirm until her call).
I then called DH, my hands were shaking, and even though we kind of expecting this result it was still hard for me not to break down in the office. It was good that his brother was not around when I called so DH also had some time to compose himself until breaking the news to his brother. I emailed my sis and SIL and told them that I want to be left alone. My SIL responded with one email that she was very sorry and if and when I would be ready she was here for me. My sis, on the other hand, bombarded me with emails about asking what she can do, telling me that everything is going to be alright etc. which actually made me feel sadder. I asked my sis to call our parents and she said that they were both shocked and very upset.
At about 6 p.m. while I was still at the office, my cell phone rang, and it was Dr. H. He told me that he was surprised that we had a negative result. He said that he reviewed our file and the embryos that we made were very good and that before our appointment in a few weeks he will be reviewing the DVD of our transfer (apparently they record all procedures!!!) to see if there is anything else he can do to improve the transfer next time around. He said that he was really sorry for the results but that he is optimistic. Needless to say I am shocked. I didn't expect to hear from him. I guess it's true that you get what you pay for, as this clinic is a bit more expensive, but our experiences between the two clinics differ like day and night. Notwithstanding the result, I am very happy that we found Dr. H.
I called my mom on the way home, trying to be cheerful. My mom being a mom said right away that she is coming over and my subtle hints that I don't want to see anyone didn't really work and apparent my sis decided to come over too. When I told DH about that, he was not too happy as he was afraid that they would knock me out of my temporary new found equilibrium. I asked DH how if he told his brother and it turned out that his brother also didn't take it very well (which was expected). Our families were so full of optimism it sucks that we had to make them feel bad.
The evening turned out to be not so bad. I managed to force my DH to walk to the polling station and vote, so we had a nice stroll. My sis came over with a box of chocolate and the four of us (DH, I, sis & mom) almost finished it :). We were watching a competition of parodists on Russian TV and didn't talk about IVF or any baby related staff.
Today was a normal working day for me. DH & I are figuring out a strategy in moving forward and I've been emailing a few people from the same clinic to get the info on FET. We are going to my parents tomorrow to hopefully figure out the plan.
I have no sign of AF not even spotting, even though I had no hormones since yesterday morning. I do have various cramps and I also have shooting sharp pains in my ovaries especially in my right one (which had more follicles) which comes and goes. The pain gets so bad that it shoots into my leg. I actually emailed my nurse about it tonight, so will see what she says tomorrow.
Yesterday when I got to the clinic there were tons of ladies and I waited for my b/w for about 30 minutes (which is very unusual for them). I guess because I knew what the result would be, the whole atmosphere there was depressing. I was still hoping I only have to come back for another b/w and a couple of u/s.
The call from the nurse came in around 1 p.m. as was expected. The time between noon and 1 p.m. was the worst. I was so anxious and fidgeting that I couldn't concentrate. Since, I already emailed my nurse on Friday with the test result, she started with that there are no surprises and that my Friday test was confirmed with a beta of zero. She told me to stop all the medication and asked if I scheduled an appointment with the RE (which I did, just didn't want to confirm until her call).
I then called DH, my hands were shaking, and even though we kind of expecting this result it was still hard for me not to break down in the office. It was good that his brother was not around when I called so DH also had some time to compose himself until breaking the news to his brother. I emailed my sis and SIL and told them that I want to be left alone. My SIL responded with one email that she was very sorry and if and when I would be ready she was here for me. My sis, on the other hand, bombarded me with emails about asking what she can do, telling me that everything is going to be alright etc. which actually made me feel sadder. I asked my sis to call our parents and she said that they were both shocked and very upset.
At about 6 p.m. while I was still at the office, my cell phone rang, and it was Dr. H. He told me that he was surprised that we had a negative result. He said that he reviewed our file and the embryos that we made were very good and that before our appointment in a few weeks he will be reviewing the DVD of our transfer (apparently they record all procedures!!!) to see if there is anything else he can do to improve the transfer next time around. He said that he was really sorry for the results but that he is optimistic. Needless to say I am shocked. I didn't expect to hear from him. I guess it's true that you get what you pay for, as this clinic is a bit more expensive, but our experiences between the two clinics differ like day and night. Notwithstanding the result, I am very happy that we found Dr. H.
I called my mom on the way home, trying to be cheerful. My mom being a mom said right away that she is coming over and my subtle hints that I don't want to see anyone didn't really work and apparent my sis decided to come over too. When I told DH about that, he was not too happy as he was afraid that they would knock me out of my temporary new found equilibrium. I asked DH how if he told his brother and it turned out that his brother also didn't take it very well (which was expected). Our families were so full of optimism it sucks that we had to make them feel bad.
The evening turned out to be not so bad. I managed to force my DH to walk to the polling station and vote, so we had a nice stroll. My sis came over with a box of chocolate and the four of us (DH, I, sis & mom) almost finished it :). We were watching a competition of parodists on Russian TV and didn't talk about IVF or any baby related staff.
Today was a normal working day for me. DH & I are figuring out a strategy in moving forward and I've been emailing a few people from the same clinic to get the info on FET. We are going to my parents tomorrow to hopefully figure out the plan.
I have no sign of AF not even spotting, even though I had no hormones since yesterday morning. I do have various cramps and I also have shooting sharp pains in my ovaries especially in my right one (which had more follicles) which comes and goes. The pain gets so bad that it shoots into my leg. I actually emailed my nurse about it tonight, so will see what she says tomorrow.
Monday, May 2, 2011
14dp5dt - the end of the road for IVF #2
Yep, just got a call that the beta is at 0. Even though I knew that it is coming, it still hurts. I can barely compose myself and keep my tears at bay. DH & I have a lot to discuss. For now I just sent an email to my SIL & SIS and told my SIS to tell our parents. My sis is bombarding me with emails but I am in no mood to talk to her or to anyone about it, even reading her emails of support makes me cry...
Sunday, May 1, 2011
11dp5dt - 13dp5dt
On Friday morning DH & I promised that we are going to keep the news of BFN to ourselves and let our families to be blissfully ignorant over the weekend.
I managed to keep tears back at the office, but the moment DH picked me up from a train and we were alone in the car the tears started flowing again. I was crying on and off pretty much the entire night. We found a an Italian restaurant for out anniversary. The mood was a bit sombre as we are both not taking it that great. We were discussing options that we now have and all the money issues as DH's business is not doing that well. We are both worried about telling our families on Monday as they've been very excited about how good this cycle has been for us. We both feel like we are under a microscope as our families , from good intentions, are very into our lives and we would not be able to do anything without them knowing as our every day lives are so intertwined. My sis and I travel to work every day and DH is in business with his brother. Just feel a bit trapped.
After the restaurant, we went to Baskin Robbins and bought a big ice cream cake and ate almost half while watching TV.
On Saturdays we usually host family breakfast and I was secretly hoping that when we get a BFP on Friday we will let everyone know at the breakfast on Saturday. Luckily I didn't arrange anything, and I definitely didn't want to see anyone. We didn't have breakfast, but it was a trying day. We had to go to my parents' house to finish all our taxes and my sis was there too. I cried on the way there, but managed to compose myself, and even though DH thought that they will tell that something is wrong by looking at my face, I passed with flying colours. Although both my sis and my mom asked if I POASed.
Then was a dinner and theatre show with my BIL and SIL and again both of us had to put a brave face. When they ordered a bottle of wine I wanted a huge glass too, but since I am supposedly pregnant, I was drinking water all evening. The show was hilarious and it took my mind of things just for a bit. After the show we all went to our house and finished the ice cream cake. My SIL also asked how I was feeling and if I POASed.
Today was a bit easier. DH was crazy busy as he had to drive MIL to see a doctor, then the kid to driving school, then me to subway to go to the office, then to my parents' place to finish taxes and then pick up the kid. We got into an argument in the car as I was telling him that it is OK to ask for help when he has so much to do, like asking his brother to pick up the kid as my parents' house is so far away from where he was. I guess our emotions are on high right now as we are waiting for the final verdict tomorrow. The kid had a tryout tonight so DH asked if after he picks me up from the subway I can pick the kid up and he would go to the movies. And with everything he was going through I wanted him to have some time off to unwind with guys. Although, driving in the rain on a highway is not my favourite pass time.
I am a bit torn right now - the realist in my knows that tomorrow beta will just confirm that it is a BFN, but the other half of me is stupidly thinking that may be just may be we get a positive beta on Monday, but it is stupid as it should have shown something by 16dpo. In about 12-14 hours I will have the answer.
DH is now blaming himself for all the pain that we've been going through. He said that he will never ever push me to POAS again. I told him that it was my doing too because if I wouldn't want to I wouldn't do it. Although doing it on a Friday meant that we are both miserable for the entire weekend, and unsure of what Monday will bring. We agreed that it would have been double hard to hear a BFN on Monday at the office, and I told him that some girls actually POAS in the morning of beta so that they can take care of their emotions at home and be ready for that phone call at the office.
I've been playing in my head various scenarios about how we are going to tell our families. I think for this Monday there are only two possible courses of events - (i) the beta is negative, or (ii) the beta is positive but the number is too low. So, DH will get a phone call and the rest of the family will get an email. I will not be able to break their heart and listen to them trying to console me.
I am also seriously thinking of cancelling my birthday party next Sunday. I told DH that and he is against the idea. He thinks that we can survive through it and even if we cancel, everyone would still show up just on a different days and times, so better have it all in one shot. Hopefully the weather is going to be nice and we will have a nice bbq on our backyard. And if I get a BFN tomorrow, I just get really really drunk!!!
I managed to keep tears back at the office, but the moment DH picked me up from a train and we were alone in the car the tears started flowing again. I was crying on and off pretty much the entire night. We found a an Italian restaurant for out anniversary. The mood was a bit sombre as we are both not taking it that great. We were discussing options that we now have and all the money issues as DH's business is not doing that well. We are both worried about telling our families on Monday as they've been very excited about how good this cycle has been for us. We both feel like we are under a microscope as our families , from good intentions, are very into our lives and we would not be able to do anything without them knowing as our every day lives are so intertwined. My sis and I travel to work every day and DH is in business with his brother. Just feel a bit trapped.
After the restaurant, we went to Baskin Robbins and bought a big ice cream cake and ate almost half while watching TV.
On Saturdays we usually host family breakfast and I was secretly hoping that when we get a BFP on Friday we will let everyone know at the breakfast on Saturday. Luckily I didn't arrange anything, and I definitely didn't want to see anyone. We didn't have breakfast, but it was a trying day. We had to go to my parents' house to finish all our taxes and my sis was there too. I cried on the way there, but managed to compose myself, and even though DH thought that they will tell that something is wrong by looking at my face, I passed with flying colours. Although both my sis and my mom asked if I POASed.
Then was a dinner and theatre show with my BIL and SIL and again both of us had to put a brave face. When they ordered a bottle of wine I wanted a huge glass too, but since I am supposedly pregnant, I was drinking water all evening. The show was hilarious and it took my mind of things just for a bit. After the show we all went to our house and finished the ice cream cake. My SIL also asked how I was feeling and if I POASed.
Today was a bit easier. DH was crazy busy as he had to drive MIL to see a doctor, then the kid to driving school, then me to subway to go to the office, then to my parents' place to finish taxes and then pick up the kid. We got into an argument in the car as I was telling him that it is OK to ask for help when he has so much to do, like asking his brother to pick up the kid as my parents' house is so far away from where he was. I guess our emotions are on high right now as we are waiting for the final verdict tomorrow. The kid had a tryout tonight so DH asked if after he picks me up from the subway I can pick the kid up and he would go to the movies. And with everything he was going through I wanted him to have some time off to unwind with guys. Although, driving in the rain on a highway is not my favourite pass time.
I am a bit torn right now - the realist in my knows that tomorrow beta will just confirm that it is a BFN, but the other half of me is stupidly thinking that may be just may be we get a positive beta on Monday, but it is stupid as it should have shown something by 16dpo. In about 12-14 hours I will have the answer.
DH is now blaming himself for all the pain that we've been going through. He said that he will never ever push me to POAS again. I told him that it was my doing too because if I wouldn't want to I wouldn't do it. Although doing it on a Friday meant that we are both miserable for the entire weekend, and unsure of what Monday will bring. We agreed that it would have been double hard to hear a BFN on Monday at the office, and I told him that some girls actually POAS in the morning of beta so that they can take care of their emotions at home and be ready for that phone call at the office.
I've been playing in my head various scenarios about how we are going to tell our families. I think for this Monday there are only two possible courses of events - (i) the beta is negative, or (ii) the beta is positive but the number is too low. So, DH will get a phone call and the rest of the family will get an email. I will not be able to break their heart and listen to them trying to console me.
I am also seriously thinking of cancelling my birthday party next Sunday. I told DH that and he is against the idea. He thinks that we can survive through it and even if we cancel, everyone would still show up just on a different days and times, so better have it all in one shot. Hopefully the weather is going to be nice and we will have a nice bbq on our backyard. And if I get a BFN tomorrow, I just get really really drunk!!!
Friday, April 29, 2011
10 year anniversary - 11dp5dt
10 years ago, on April 29, 2001, I met my future husband for the first time.
6 years ago, on April 29, 2005, my husband proposed to me.
Today, on April 29, 2011, I am sitting in my office fighting back tears... The HPT this morning was stark white ... neither of my beautiful blasts made it. Somehow, I feel like it is my fault, like something is wrong with me! I cried all morning until it was time to leave. DH & I promised to each other that we will not tell our families just yet, until the Monday beta makes it official that our second IVF failed!
I put a brave face and now am at work wishing for this day to end quickly so I can be alone with DH. DH is more optimistic and he tries his best to make me feel better... not helping much, I guess I just have to let myself grieve before picking up the pieces of my broken heart yet again and moving forward.
"Happy" 10 year anniversary, honey!!!
6 years ago, on April 29, 2005, my husband proposed to me.
Today, on April 29, 2011, I am sitting in my office fighting back tears... The HPT this morning was stark white ... neither of my beautiful blasts made it. Somehow, I feel like it is my fault, like something is wrong with me! I cried all morning until it was time to leave. DH & I promised to each other that we will not tell our families just yet, until the Monday beta makes it official that our second IVF failed!
I put a brave face and now am at work wishing for this day to end quickly so I can be alone with DH. DH is more optimistic and he tries his best to make me feel better... not helping much, I guess I just have to let myself grieve before picking up the pieces of my broken heart yet again and moving forward.
"Happy" 10 year anniversary, honey!!!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Take 2: 8dp5dt - 10dp5dt
After the transfer my nurse emailed me a handout of what to avoid during the 2ww. It also said that in accordance with the latest research and studies it has NOT been proven that bed rest will give you a better chance of getting pregnant. I also look at it this way - most (fertile) girls don't even know that they are pregnant this early in the game. Although, he did say to take it easy. So I am not running trying not to run and not to walk too fast.
The hand out did say to avoid strenuous exercise including vacuuming (I am staying away from those). It also said to avoid caffeine, smoking, alcohol and drugs - check on almost all fronts, I don't drink coffee and stopped drinking non-herbal teas (but do indulge in chocolate), never smoked in my life or done drugs (so that was easy), and alcohol is not such a big thing for me - although I did have a few sips during the Passover dinner. I was told today that chocolate has a lot of caffeine in it (well I don't think you need to be a rocket scientist to figure that out), but caffeine has been linked to early miscarriages - so yes, I am staying away from chocolate or anything else caffeine related.
Avoiding sunbathing, hot sauna, Jacuzzi, swimming and baths is also easy. I am not the one for taking baths (I think in over 3 years that we've lived in our house, I used the bath twice). It is too cold for swimming and sunbathing anyways. And even though I enjoy saunas - I haven't been in a while and don't really miss it.
The last point was avoiding sexual intercourse and orgasm - oh-oh!!! I didn't know that I would have a problem with those. During normal times DH and I do "love dance" at least once or twice per week, and we haven't had any since the last time before he prepared for his contribution on ER day. I feel great, but with the stuff that I am putting up "you know what" 3 times a day, we can't really have sex, although I really really want to. Now that problems kind of solved itself. Then I've read somewhere that having an orgasm does something to your uterus and it can do something to get the embabies out - so it is a big no-no, and the reason while after a few caresses we are going to sleep on our respective sides of the bed. Who knew that in order to have a kid you have to stop having sex. Isn't it counter-intuitive? Well, I guess I don't care if it is, as we are staying away from each other for at least another week, as I would do anything to have both of my embabies stick inside me.
This unbelievably long 2ww is starting to get a toll on me. On Tuesday (8dp5dt) I was calculating and trying to figure out if I can take a test on Wednesday (9dp5dt), as the wait was getting unbearable. However when the Wednesday came along, and I realized in the morning that I didn't have an urge to POAS, I was happy, and it seemed like I can do it - wait until my chosen date - April 29th. :)
So Wednesday morning my sis and I were waiting for the train and somehow we got into the topic of POASing and HPTs (nobody knows about our plan to POAS on Friday). So my sis was telling me that I should not POAS as those tests are unreliable and that if I do have to do it, I should do it first thing in the morning. I was like "Oh, really. You are telling ME that???" She said "Yes" and then I asked her if she knew the difference between the days past ovulation and what the sensitivity of the test should be and how it is measured, and she said "Yes, it should have two lines" That was just priceless!!! My sis means well, but she got pregnant with her first baby after 6 months of trying, and my nephew was conceived on the first try, so she has absolutely no clue about what all of us have to go through!!!
There was also a very proud moment for me when I was collecting all our medical expenses (including IVF in December) for our tax returns. I got all of the receipts from our 3 IUIs and IVF and medication, and I had a pile of the paperwork that we signed with our first clinic, and I threw it all out!!! That felt so so liberating!!! I don't know why, but it felt great!
Then we get to today (10dp5dt). Yesterday, a friend of ours who had to move to the States came over as she was visiting, and we were catching up until 2 a.m. and that's when I took my evening dose of meds. Then I figured that there is no way I can get up to get an early train with my sis so I emailed her and told DH that he'll have to drive me to the last train. Then my brain started working that since I took the last dose of meds so late, it would be better if I take the morning dose later, after I get to work. So I put both bottles in a black bag. It was hard to get up (as you can imagine), I took my sweet time and we left in a hurry. When I got to the train station my new electronic card refused to work, so I had to use the old system. Then when I got downtown the lineups were huge, but I had to figure out what was wrong with my card, so I stood in line and then argued with the personnel for about 30 min, by the time I got to the office it was 9:30 a.m. So I go to make my breakfast and then start thinking that I should put the medication now as it is getting late. I got to my office and to my bag, and realize that my little bag with meds is still on my bed!!! Next, I start thinking about my little embabies and how they didn't have any support since 2 a.m. and will not get any until late tonight. Of course, I have tears in my eyes. I call DH already barely able to speak, he says to ask the clinic if i can just get a one day supply from them. I email the clinic and the answer is NO, and my nurse asks if it is possible for me to take the meds as soon as possible as they don't want to risk anything. So with that I go to my boss (who has no clue what's going on), before I can even open my mouth tears start rolling and I can't even talk. I finally told him that I forgot my meds and have to go home by noon, and he took it pretty well. So I left a bit after noon and was home by 2 p.m. While I was working from home DH called and asked what kind of HPT he should by as he stopped by a drug store!!! So now we have a good HPT at home.
Then we had our nephew's b-day party tonight (just the family) and everything was going nicely. But DH & his brother had a bit to drink and by the end of the evening DH was asking me to POAS, he was so convincing that I almost did!!! Almost!!! We got home, and I got scared, and I told him that I am scared and that I would rather do it on our anniversary. He understood. But now I am getting so anxious and petrified of the test that I had another breakdown with me sobbing and DH saying that it doesn't matter the result we WILL have our baby one way or another.
So here we are, one more night until POAS, at 11dp5dt - it should be a pretty accurate result (even my nurse said that). I am trying to be optimistic, but I today I started to feel cramps in my uterus, and before they were only in my ovaries. I am also very emotional, and I've been very nauseous today (more then yesterday). I have no idea if this is just all in my head, progesterone or actual pregnancy symptoms.
The only good thing is that by approximately this time during my first IVF I was already spotting, and for now the only thing I can see is the progesterone and estrogen leaking.
The hand out did say to avoid strenuous exercise including vacuuming (I am staying away from those). It also said to avoid caffeine, smoking, alcohol and drugs - check on almost all fronts, I don't drink coffee and stopped drinking non-herbal teas (but do indulge in chocolate), never smoked in my life or done drugs (so that was easy), and alcohol is not such a big thing for me - although I did have a few sips during the Passover dinner. I was told today that chocolate has a lot of caffeine in it (well I don't think you need to be a rocket scientist to figure that out), but caffeine has been linked to early miscarriages - so yes, I am staying away from chocolate or anything else caffeine related.
Avoiding sunbathing, hot sauna, Jacuzzi, swimming and baths is also easy. I am not the one for taking baths (I think in over 3 years that we've lived in our house, I used the bath twice). It is too cold for swimming and sunbathing anyways. And even though I enjoy saunas - I haven't been in a while and don't really miss it.
The last point was avoiding sexual intercourse and orgasm - oh-oh!!! I didn't know that I would have a problem with those. During normal times DH and I do "love dance" at least once or twice per week, and we haven't had any since the last time before he prepared for his contribution on ER day. I feel great, but with the stuff that I am putting up "you know what" 3 times a day, we can't really have sex, although I really really want to. Now that problems kind of solved itself. Then I've read somewhere that having an orgasm does something to your uterus and it can do something to get the embabies out - so it is a big no-no, and the reason while after a few caresses we are going to sleep on our respective sides of the bed. Who knew that in order to have a kid you have to stop having sex. Isn't it counter-intuitive? Well, I guess I don't care if it is, as we are staying away from each other for at least another week, as I would do anything to have both of my embabies stick inside me.
This unbelievably long 2ww is starting to get a toll on me. On Tuesday (8dp5dt) I was calculating and trying to figure out if I can take a test on Wednesday (9dp5dt), as the wait was getting unbearable. However when the Wednesday came along, and I realized in the morning that I didn't have an urge to POAS, I was happy, and it seemed like I can do it - wait until my chosen date - April 29th. :)
So Wednesday morning my sis and I were waiting for the train and somehow we got into the topic of POASing and HPTs (nobody knows about our plan to POAS on Friday). So my sis was telling me that I should not POAS as those tests are unreliable and that if I do have to do it, I should do it first thing in the morning. I was like "Oh, really. You are telling ME that???" She said "Yes" and then I asked her if she knew the difference between the days past ovulation and what the sensitivity of the test should be and how it is measured, and she said "Yes, it should have two lines" That was just priceless!!! My sis means well, but she got pregnant with her first baby after 6 months of trying, and my nephew was conceived on the first try, so she has absolutely no clue about what all of us have to go through!!!
There was also a very proud moment for me when I was collecting all our medical expenses (including IVF in December) for our tax returns. I got all of the receipts from our 3 IUIs and IVF and medication, and I had a pile of the paperwork that we signed with our first clinic, and I threw it all out!!! That felt so so liberating!!! I don't know why, but it felt great!
Then we get to today (10dp5dt). Yesterday, a friend of ours who had to move to the States came over as she was visiting, and we were catching up until 2 a.m. and that's when I took my evening dose of meds. Then I figured that there is no way I can get up to get an early train with my sis so I emailed her and told DH that he'll have to drive me to the last train. Then my brain started working that since I took the last dose of meds so late, it would be better if I take the morning dose later, after I get to work. So I put both bottles in a black bag. It was hard to get up (as you can imagine), I took my sweet time and we left in a hurry. When I got to the train station my new electronic card refused to work, so I had to use the old system. Then when I got downtown the lineups were huge, but I had to figure out what was wrong with my card, so I stood in line and then argued with the personnel for about 30 min, by the time I got to the office it was 9:30 a.m. So I go to make my breakfast and then start thinking that I should put the medication now as it is getting late. I got to my office and to my bag, and realize that my little bag with meds is still on my bed!!! Next, I start thinking about my little embabies and how they didn't have any support since 2 a.m. and will not get any until late tonight. Of course, I have tears in my eyes. I call DH already barely able to speak, he says to ask the clinic if i can just get a one day supply from them. I email the clinic and the answer is NO, and my nurse asks if it is possible for me to take the meds as soon as possible as they don't want to risk anything. So with that I go to my boss (who has no clue what's going on), before I can even open my mouth tears start rolling and I can't even talk. I finally told him that I forgot my meds and have to go home by noon, and he took it pretty well. So I left a bit after noon and was home by 2 p.m. While I was working from home DH called and asked what kind of HPT he should by as he stopped by a drug store!!! So now we have a good HPT at home.
Then we had our nephew's b-day party tonight (just the family) and everything was going nicely. But DH & his brother had a bit to drink and by the end of the evening DH was asking me to POAS, he was so convincing that I almost did!!! Almost!!! We got home, and I got scared, and I told him that I am scared and that I would rather do it on our anniversary. He understood. But now I am getting so anxious and petrified of the test that I had another breakdown with me sobbing and DH saying that it doesn't matter the result we WILL have our baby one way or another.
So here we are, one more night until POAS, at 11dp5dt - it should be a pretty accurate result (even my nurse said that). I am trying to be optimistic, but I today I started to feel cramps in my uterus, and before they were only in my ovaries. I am also very emotional, and I've been very nauseous today (more then yesterday). I have no idea if this is just all in my head, progesterone or actual pregnancy symptoms.
The only good thing is that by approximately this time during my first IVF I was already spotting, and for now the only thing I can see is the progesterone and estrogen leaking.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Take 2: 3dp5dt - 7dp5dt
Today is a midpoint of my 2 ww as we are on 7dp5dt. For most lucky people a beta test is scheduled for 10 or 11 dp5dt, for us its 14dp5dt. The wait is getting to me today, although the long weekend was very busy.
Thursday at 3dp5dt was just a regular work day. My boss was away last week and I've been leaving earlier for Passover dinners on Monday and Tuesday, and as well on Wednesday (just because :) ). So Thursday was my catch up time. Once I got home I needed to do some laundry and pack for our trip to Niagara Falls.
We were off early Friday morning (4dp5dt). The reason for the trip is that the teen who lives with us (the "kid") had a tournament in St. Catharines plus both my sis and my DH's brother's families were at Niagara Falls for the weekend at the water park. We dropped the kid at the game and went to Niagara-on-the-lake. On the way there my mommy called and wanted to make sure that I am not over exerting myself. It was sunny but chilly and we were walking from one store to another. I am happy to report that I teared up only once when I saw the cutest pink door sign with beads which read "Daddy's little princess". After checking in to the hotel on the outskirts of Niagara Falls we spent the second half of the day in St. Catharines and even watched a game, which DH enjoyed. I did have a nap at the hotel when we checked in and we also made it an early night.
On Saturday (5dp5dt) my parents were also supposed to join us, so once we dropped off the kid at the morning game we went to Starbucks to wait for them. It was raining hard during the night but by mid morning the weather turned for the best, it was just amazing - sunny and work, so I spent time walking around with my brother. Once the game was done all of us joined my sister and DH's brother's families for lunch and walked around Niagara Falls (although we didn't get to the falls just yet). We walked with them to DQ and without getting anything went to our car as we were running late for the kid's game. (but don't feel sorry for me as on our first trip to Niagara-on-the-lake we bought and indulged in some chocolate, even though I know its a no-no).
We dropped the kid off at the game and went to Niagara-on-the-Lake. It was early evening but it was still very warm outside, as most stores were already closed, DH & I just strolled for an hour. We were talking about how we are going to raise our children (mostly what we are NOT going to do based on us watching our niece and nephews). We do want them to be social, so at the beginning we want to make emphasis on them expressing themselves - singing, dancing, painting, reading and interacting. We don't want them to watch much TV or play computer games - as even my 2 year old nephew knows how to play game on his parent's iphones! We don't want screaming and want them to be raised to respect others. We want to take them on road trips since they are little as we enjoy road trips, being in the car together - doesn't even matter where we are going. We don't want them to eat junk food, and in that regard we have to lead by example, we are trying to watch what we eat (well some times), but need to take it up a notch as we also cannot change overnight. It was so nice to discuss this, and even better to realize that we are on the same waive when it will come to raising our children.
I was pretty happy, the weather was awesome, I had frozen yogourt and then hot chocolate to get the warmth back :) We saw this old property that looked like it was let go and all over where little blue flowers, like a sea. It was so beautiful and I started to realize that the spring is finally here!!! There were buds on the bushes, so the nature is waking up from this long dreaded winter.
The game finished late so we went out for dinner and back to the hotel to watch some TV and sleep.
Unfortunately for us, the kids team won all the games and they were in semi-finals and it really looked like they were going to make it to the finals as well, which was late on Sunday.
So Sunday (6dp5dt) we got up a bit earlier as we had to check out our hotel before dropping the kid at the game. After we dropped him off we went to Niagara Falls to meet with my sis' and DH's brother's families. The kids were not on their best behaviour and even though we managed to get to the falls we didn't stay much there (well, I've seen them tons of times, but they are still very beautiful, especially the one on the Canadian side, eh!!!) I said good bye to DH and went home with my BIL & SIL as I need to finish up a few things at home.
I guess the hormones are effecting my brain, as when I got home I called DH and asked him if he wanted me to make something for dinner and he asked for me to boil potatoes. But, I even did better, I did mashed potatoes with garlic, milk and butter, and cut all the lettuce so that we can have salads quicker. And so you know, I DON'T COOK - period. All the cooking in our house is done by DH, so I am thinking I am probably in the nestling period, LOL. I also cleaned out the refrigerator and dishwasher and washed the microwave - again very not like me. :) The boys loved my mashed potatoes and salad, although I forgot the salt - oh well, you lose some you gain some.
Today, at 7dp5dt I went back to work, but for some reason I am getting very impatient on one side but very afraid to do the test on the other side. The plan was to wait until Friday, but I might do it a bit earlier on Wednesday or Thursday, don't know.
The symptoms so far: (i) very sore boobies - I didn't realize how sore they are until I tried to take a nap in the hotel. As I sleep with a body pillow at home, I had to lay down on my girls at the hotel, and boy did they hurt!!! I got a spare pillow so I can prop myself off them, (ii) nausea - I don't think it is related, but still... I do get bouts of nausea, usually when I am hungry, although I had those before IVF as well, (iii) hot flashes - I don't even know if hot flashes are a pregnancy symptom, but I noticed that I had a few of them today, and I had them yesterday too. I started getting hot flashes after using Clomid, and even after I stopped using the drug, hot flashes remained. I didn't have them for a while, so this is something new.
Thursday at 3dp5dt was just a regular work day. My boss was away last week and I've been leaving earlier for Passover dinners on Monday and Tuesday, and as well on Wednesday (just because :) ). So Thursday was my catch up time. Once I got home I needed to do some laundry and pack for our trip to Niagara Falls.
We were off early Friday morning (4dp5dt). The reason for the trip is that the teen who lives with us (the "kid") had a tournament in St. Catharines plus both my sis and my DH's brother's families were at Niagara Falls for the weekend at the water park. We dropped the kid at the game and went to Niagara-on-the-lake. On the way there my mommy called and wanted to make sure that I am not over exerting myself. It was sunny but chilly and we were walking from one store to another. I am happy to report that I teared up only once when I saw the cutest pink door sign with beads which read "Daddy's little princess". After checking in to the hotel on the outskirts of Niagara Falls we spent the second half of the day in St. Catharines and even watched a game, which DH enjoyed. I did have a nap at the hotel when we checked in and we also made it an early night.
On Saturday (5dp5dt) my parents were also supposed to join us, so once we dropped off the kid at the morning game we went to Starbucks to wait for them. It was raining hard during the night but by mid morning the weather turned for the best, it was just amazing - sunny and work, so I spent time walking around with my brother. Once the game was done all of us joined my sister and DH's brother's families for lunch and walked around Niagara Falls (although we didn't get to the falls just yet). We walked with them to DQ and without getting anything went to our car as we were running late for the kid's game. (but don't feel sorry for me as on our first trip to Niagara-on-the-lake we bought and indulged in some chocolate, even though I know its a no-no).
We dropped the kid off at the game and went to Niagara-on-the-Lake. It was early evening but it was still very warm outside, as most stores were already closed, DH & I just strolled for an hour. We were talking about how we are going to raise our children (mostly what we are NOT going to do based on us watching our niece and nephews). We do want them to be social, so at the beginning we want to make emphasis on them expressing themselves - singing, dancing, painting, reading and interacting. We don't want them to watch much TV or play computer games - as even my 2 year old nephew knows how to play game on his parent's iphones! We don't want screaming and want them to be raised to respect others. We want to take them on road trips since they are little as we enjoy road trips, being in the car together - doesn't even matter where we are going. We don't want them to eat junk food, and in that regard we have to lead by example, we are trying to watch what we eat (well some times), but need to take it up a notch as we also cannot change overnight. It was so nice to discuss this, and even better to realize that we are on the same waive when it will come to raising our children.
I was pretty happy, the weather was awesome, I had frozen yogourt and then hot chocolate to get the warmth back :) We saw this old property that looked like it was let go and all over where little blue flowers, like a sea. It was so beautiful and I started to realize that the spring is finally here!!! There were buds on the bushes, so the nature is waking up from this long dreaded winter.
The game finished late so we went out for dinner and back to the hotel to watch some TV and sleep.
Unfortunately for us, the kids team won all the games and they were in semi-finals and it really looked like they were going to make it to the finals as well, which was late on Sunday.
So Sunday (6dp5dt) we got up a bit earlier as we had to check out our hotel before dropping the kid at the game. After we dropped him off we went to Niagara Falls to meet with my sis' and DH's brother's families. The kids were not on their best behaviour and even though we managed to get to the falls we didn't stay much there (well, I've seen them tons of times, but they are still very beautiful, especially the one on the Canadian side, eh!!!) I said good bye to DH and went home with my BIL & SIL as I need to finish up a few things at home.
I guess the hormones are effecting my brain, as when I got home I called DH and asked him if he wanted me to make something for dinner and he asked for me to boil potatoes. But, I even did better, I did mashed potatoes with garlic, milk and butter, and cut all the lettuce so that we can have salads quicker. And so you know, I DON'T COOK - period. All the cooking in our house is done by DH, so I am thinking I am probably in the nestling period, LOL. I also cleaned out the refrigerator and dishwasher and washed the microwave - again very not like me. :) The boys loved my mashed potatoes and salad, although I forgot the salt - oh well, you lose some you gain some.
Today, at 7dp5dt I went back to work, but for some reason I am getting very impatient on one side but very afraid to do the test on the other side. The plan was to wait until Friday, but I might do it a bit earlier on Wednesday or Thursday, don't know.
The symptoms so far: (i) very sore boobies - I didn't realize how sore they are until I tried to take a nap in the hotel. As I sleep with a body pillow at home, I had to lay down on my girls at the hotel, and boy did they hurt!!! I got a spare pillow so I can prop myself off them, (ii) nausea - I don't think it is related, but still... I do get bouts of nausea, usually when I am hungry, although I had those before IVF as well, (iii) hot flashes - I don't even know if hot flashes are a pregnancy symptom, but I noticed that I had a few of them today, and I had them yesterday too. I started getting hot flashes after using Clomid, and even after I stopped using the drug, hot flashes remained. I didn't have them for a while, so this is something new.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Welcome ICLW!!!
Welcome everyone who found their way to my little blog!
You can find our TTC timeline in the right hand column and a very detailed account of our journey at "about me" tab, but here is a shorter summary :)
DH and I have been married since August 2006 (after being together for 5 years).
We have been TTC for over 4.5 years now (since December 2006) and I have never been pregnant.
2 years ago we were diagnosed with MFI (male factor infertility).
After 5IUIs and a surgery for DH we decided to proceed with IVF.
Our first IVF in December last year was a disaster (understimulated, threat of cancellation, only one poor quality embie), and as expected, ended in BFN.
We changed clinics and I am in my 2ww after a much more successful cycle :) as on April 18th we transferred 2 beautiful blasts. BETA is not until May 2.
All your comments, thoughts and questions are always welcomed and appreciated, so stop by to say "hi" often! and leave the name of your blog so I can also pay a visit.
You can find our TTC timeline in the right hand column and a very detailed account of our journey at "about me" tab, but here is a shorter summary :)
DH and I have been married since August 2006 (after being together for 5 years).
We have been TTC for over 4.5 years now (since December 2006) and I have never been pregnant.
2 years ago we were diagnosed with MFI (male factor infertility).
After 5IUIs and a surgery for DH we decided to proceed with IVF.
Our first IVF in December last year was a disaster (understimulated, threat of cancellation, only one poor quality embie), and as expected, ended in BFN.
We changed clinics and I am in my 2ww after a much more successful cycle :) as on April 18th we transferred 2 beautiful blasts. BETA is not until May 2.
All your comments, thoughts and questions are always welcomed and appreciated, so stop by to say "hi" often! and leave the name of your blog so I can also pay a visit.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Take 2: 2dp5dt
Nothing much to report yet.
Unfortunately, I am getting more sick. My throat hurts and I have a runny nose. All I do all day is drink warm water with lemon. I haven't had so much water since before ER so kind of looking how my body is taking it, although my throat and nose sure are happy to get warmth.
The cutest thing happened last night. I was already in bed sleeping when DH came in. He is usually quiet as a mouse, but last night he hugged me and said that he wanted to hold his babies and wish them good night. I told him to send his love to them and tell them to stay put, and so he did. I was so happy, as DH is NOT one of those mooshy romantic type guys.
I've been craving matzo ball soup for a while now, so called my parents and asked them to make some - told them that its their future grandchildren who want it. So DH & I had a blast, the soup was just amazing. Nothing like a hot bowl of soup to make those cold symptoms stay a way, even if just for a bit. and spending a few hours with my parents didn't hurt either.
Unfortunately, I am getting more sick. My throat hurts and I have a runny nose. All I do all day is drink warm water with lemon. I haven't had so much water since before ER so kind of looking how my body is taking it, although my throat and nose sure are happy to get warmth.
The cutest thing happened last night. I was already in bed sleeping when DH came in. He is usually quiet as a mouse, but last night he hugged me and said that he wanted to hold his babies and wish them good night. I told him to send his love to them and tell them to stay put, and so he did. I was so happy, as DH is NOT one of those mooshy romantic type guys.
I've been craving matzo ball soup for a while now, so called my parents and asked them to make some - told them that its their future grandchildren who want it. So DH & I had a blast, the soup was just amazing. Nothing like a hot bowl of soup to make those cold symptoms stay a way, even if just for a bit. and spending a few hours with my parents didn't hurt either.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Take 2: 1dp5dt
I feel that I am dreaming and that it just can't be that good, and that something bad is going to happen.
I was patiently waiting for info from my nurse, but then gave up and emailed he. I asked her for the quality of the 2 blasts that were transferred, 2 blasts that were supposed to be frozen and 1 morula that they were watching. The nurse replied that she doesn't know the quality just yet as she didn't receive an official embryologist's report, but they confirmed that they have froze 4. Say what??? 4 We now have 4 frozen blasts. Didn't see that coming!!! Where did the 4th one come in? Don't know, but not complaining either. It is just surreal. I am just hoping that this cycle will be perfect to the end and will end with a perfect pregnancy and the perfect baby (or babies). By the way, I entered my ER into a EDD calculator and for a singleton it is January 3, 2012 (my BIL's b-day is January 2) and for twins December 12, 2011.
As for how I am feeling. I can still feel my ovaries especially when I try to walk fast or when I've been sitting for a while and try to get up. I guess after growing 25 follicles one would expect that it would not heal in a day or two. My (.)(.) are also very sore and have been for a while. I am also bloated and gassy a bit from all the progesterone I am taking.
I was a bit busy at the office so I didn't realize that I haven't eaten in a while until I felt nauseous (I always feel nauseous when I don't eat on time), so once I ate the feeling of nausea disappeared (as it always does). So then DH calls me and asks me how I am feeling and if I am feeling pregnant and if I am feeling nauseous today - to which I replied YES!!! with a big laugh.
The sadder part is that DH has a cold and it looks like I caught it too. I am so afraid of being sick as I want to give my babies the best chance to implant as possible. I am not taking anything for it, but my nose is running and my throat hurt so the whole cold thing is coming. Which also sucks as we are going to Niagara Falls for the long weekend, hopefully this cold will just linger and go away before the weekend.
I was patiently waiting for info from my nurse, but then gave up and emailed he. I asked her for the quality of the 2 blasts that were transferred, 2 blasts that were supposed to be frozen and 1 morula that they were watching. The nurse replied that she doesn't know the quality just yet as she didn't receive an official embryologist's report, but they confirmed that they have froze 4. Say what??? 4 We now have 4 frozen blasts. Didn't see that coming!!! Where did the 4th one come in? Don't know, but not complaining either. It is just surreal. I am just hoping that this cycle will be perfect to the end and will end with a perfect pregnancy and the perfect baby (or babies). By the way, I entered my ER into a EDD calculator and for a singleton it is January 3, 2012 (my BIL's b-day is January 2) and for twins December 12, 2011.
As for how I am feeling. I can still feel my ovaries especially when I try to walk fast or when I've been sitting for a while and try to get up. I guess after growing 25 follicles one would expect that it would not heal in a day or two. My (.)(.) are also very sore and have been for a while. I am also bloated and gassy a bit from all the progesterone I am taking.
I was a bit busy at the office so I didn't realize that I haven't eaten in a while until I felt nauseous (I always feel nauseous when I don't eat on time), so once I ate the feeling of nausea disappeared (as it always does). So then DH calls me and asks me how I am feeling and if I am feeling pregnant and if I am feeling nauseous today - to which I replied YES!!! with a big laugh.
The sadder part is that DH has a cold and it looks like I caught it too. I am so afraid of being sick as I want to give my babies the best chance to implant as possible. I am not taking anything for it, but my nose is running and my throat hurt so the whole cold thing is coming. Which also sucks as we are going to Niagara Falls for the long weekend, hopefully this cold will just linger and go away before the weekend.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Take 2 - ET: I am now PUPO!!!
Yes, I have been PUPO for about 11 hours now!!! But I should start from the beginning.
Yesterday, Sunday, I was supposed to go to the office so I woke up with an alarm around 10 a.m. instead of sleeping in. I went to the bathroom and opened the blinds... TADA it was snowing!!! April 17th - snow on the roof and ground in TO. I woke up DH so he could see it too, because for a moment there I thought I went back in time to February. It was actually snowing pretty much the entire day, although the temperature outside did get up a bit above 0c.
I talked to DH and he said that trying to fit in acupuncture before ET on Monday morning would make me too stressed out, so I emailed my acupuncturist and scheduled an appointment for Sunday evening. DH and I had breakfast together and I only managed to get to the office by about 1 p.m. and left at 7 p.m. to get to the acupuncturist. She was great and very supportive, as usual. She is one of those people who truly cares about her patients and does everything to accommodate. When I returned home, a couple of our friends decided to drop by for a cup of coffee/tea, so I didn't have time to do my meditation.
This morning DH & I decided that we will take a subway to the clinic so as not to pay for parking downtown. On our way to the subway station I drank a 500ml bottle of water, and by the time we arrived to the clinic (exactly at 10 a.m.) I could feel my bladder being full but not too painful. We got taken in and changed for the procedure and I got comfy in the lounge chair and was sipping a bit from the second water bottle. There was just one more couple next to us. Then about 10:30 a.m. a nurse dropped by to say that Dr. H was running 20-30 min late and asked how we are doing. Since I was sipping water, I asked her if I should just stop doing that and she said definitely. Well, by the time Dr. H came in, my bladder was really really full and making me know about it :) The good thing about our RE being late was that I managed to do a mediation for the transfer in the 20 min that we've been waiting for him, since it was very quiet and I was very comfy (minus the uncomfortably full bladder).
As soon as I finished the meditation, the other couple was taken in. By that time I was already in a lot of discomfort and it seemed like the clock just stopped and it was taking them forever. Then I heard them getting back into their cubicle and I almost jumped and ran into the operation room myself.
Once I got in the u/s tech quickly check my bladder and said that it was too full and for an easier transfer I had to empty it just a bit - 1 glass!!!! WTF!!!! I hate hate hate hate doing this, as it is hard to stop. The funny part is that DH & I were just discussing it on our way to the clinic and I told him my feelings about that, so as I was leaving to do to the bathroom, I heard him joking with the tech, the nurses and our RE about it. Well, I managed to do it (they do have plastic cups for that purpose in the washroom) - what wouldn't I do for my babies. When I got back, I actually felt a bit better as well.
So first our doc was talking to us, he said that he was very pleased with the whole cycle and how I responded to medication, and that we have 2 blasts to transfer and 2 more to freeze and that there is another morula that they are watching and might also freeze tomorrow. The procedure was a bit long (much longer then what I remember it being the first time). The Doc was very careful first about placing the catheter inside my uterus at exactly the spot where he wanted it and he was asking the u/s tech to do different scans to make sure it is perfect (in my head I was like, please G-d make him do it faster), then they were ready for my embabies. I could here both our names said and repeated a few times to ensure that those were our embabies. It took a few more minutes for those embabies to be transferred into my uterus, as he again was very careful in placing them exactly where he wanted them.
After everything was done and the normal lights were on, I was left on the operating table for a few minutes while chit-chatting with our RE. He said that the 2 blasts were perfect and that he is sure that this will result in a pregnancy, he again said that he is very very happy with my entire cycle. Then he helped me up. Since I already peed before the procedure, I just got back to my lounge chair and decided to sit around for about 10 min (initially I was thinking of lounging around for about half an hour as they say in their materials, but the couple next to us left when we finished our transfer, and I was already very late for work). So, it probably ended up being more than 10 min as both DH & I were on our phones updating our family (and me my ivf.ca friends).
I went to the office and was at the office about 12 p.m., there are tons of things that I had to do, some of them were left over from Sunday as I left to go to acupuncture. Plus, my boss is leaving tomorrow morning for a week and there were a few last minute things to finish up. But, at 3:45 p.m. I was out of there. The reason is that today is the first night of Passover.
Since we bought our house we would celebrate Passover at our house and I would clean the entire house and hid all chametz in one place and actually sell it on-line, but this year (a) with all the stress of IVF, I had no time nor ability to clean the house and get rid of chametz, I just decided I am not going to touch it and would make it extra special next year when I'll have my baby :), and (b) my SIL's b-day was also on the 18th, so it kind of didn't make sense to have it at our house, and we had it at her house instead, although the birthday celebrations didn't leave much time for actual Passover.
We still had lots of food and fun. The only problem is that DH got a cold so he was feeling very much under the weather. My BIL was so excited that we are PUPO that he proposed a toast for us (which was kind of stupid as there were people there who knew nothing about our situation), so instead my parents concocted some kind of explanation to them about it being close to our 10 year anniversary (which is actually on the 29th). Oh well, I still love my BIL. Tomorrow we are actually going to my sis' house for a second Passover dinner which should be more traditional then the feast we had today.
Going to load and unload dishwasher and then straight to bed!!! The countdown has began. We are at 0dp5dt!!! 14 more days to go, as BETA will not be until 2 weeks from today i.e. 14dp5dt, unless I can work my magic with my nurse and have it for a Sunday (13dp5dt) instead so that DH & I can process the news in private (whatever those news might be. But for now I am very hopeful and pregnant and nobody can say otherwise!!!
Yesterday, Sunday, I was supposed to go to the office so I woke up with an alarm around 10 a.m. instead of sleeping in. I went to the bathroom and opened the blinds... TADA it was snowing!!! April 17th - snow on the roof and ground in TO. I woke up DH so he could see it too, because for a moment there I thought I went back in time to February. It was actually snowing pretty much the entire day, although the temperature outside did get up a bit above 0c.
I talked to DH and he said that trying to fit in acupuncture before ET on Monday morning would make me too stressed out, so I emailed my acupuncturist and scheduled an appointment for Sunday evening. DH and I had breakfast together and I only managed to get to the office by about 1 p.m. and left at 7 p.m. to get to the acupuncturist. She was great and very supportive, as usual. She is one of those people who truly cares about her patients and does everything to accommodate. When I returned home, a couple of our friends decided to drop by for a cup of coffee/tea, so I didn't have time to do my meditation.
This morning DH & I decided that we will take a subway to the clinic so as not to pay for parking downtown. On our way to the subway station I drank a 500ml bottle of water, and by the time we arrived to the clinic (exactly at 10 a.m.) I could feel my bladder being full but not too painful. We got taken in and changed for the procedure and I got comfy in the lounge chair and was sipping a bit from the second water bottle. There was just one more couple next to us. Then about 10:30 a.m. a nurse dropped by to say that Dr. H was running 20-30 min late and asked how we are doing. Since I was sipping water, I asked her if I should just stop doing that and she said definitely. Well, by the time Dr. H came in, my bladder was really really full and making me know about it :) The good thing about our RE being late was that I managed to do a mediation for the transfer in the 20 min that we've been waiting for him, since it was very quiet and I was very comfy (minus the uncomfortably full bladder).
As soon as I finished the meditation, the other couple was taken in. By that time I was already in a lot of discomfort and it seemed like the clock just stopped and it was taking them forever. Then I heard them getting back into their cubicle and I almost jumped and ran into the operation room myself.
Once I got in the u/s tech quickly check my bladder and said that it was too full and for an easier transfer I had to empty it just a bit - 1 glass!!!! WTF!!!! I hate hate hate hate doing this, as it is hard to stop. The funny part is that DH & I were just discussing it on our way to the clinic and I told him my feelings about that, so as I was leaving to do to the bathroom, I heard him joking with the tech, the nurses and our RE about it. Well, I managed to do it (they do have plastic cups for that purpose in the washroom) - what wouldn't I do for my babies. When I got back, I actually felt a bit better as well.
So first our doc was talking to us, he said that he was very pleased with the whole cycle and how I responded to medication, and that we have 2 blasts to transfer and 2 more to freeze and that there is another morula that they are watching and might also freeze tomorrow. The procedure was a bit long (much longer then what I remember it being the first time). The Doc was very careful first about placing the catheter inside my uterus at exactly the spot where he wanted it and he was asking the u/s tech to do different scans to make sure it is perfect (in my head I was like, please G-d make him do it faster), then they were ready for my embabies. I could here both our names said and repeated a few times to ensure that those were our embabies. It took a few more minutes for those embabies to be transferred into my uterus, as he again was very careful in placing them exactly where he wanted them.
After everything was done and the normal lights were on, I was left on the operating table for a few minutes while chit-chatting with our RE. He said that the 2 blasts were perfect and that he is sure that this will result in a pregnancy, he again said that he is very very happy with my entire cycle. Then he helped me up. Since I already peed before the procedure, I just got back to my lounge chair and decided to sit around for about 10 min (initially I was thinking of lounging around for about half an hour as they say in their materials, but the couple next to us left when we finished our transfer, and I was already very late for work). So, it probably ended up being more than 10 min as both DH & I were on our phones updating our family (and me my ivf.ca friends).
I went to the office and was at the office about 12 p.m., there are tons of things that I had to do, some of them were left over from Sunday as I left to go to acupuncture. Plus, my boss is leaving tomorrow morning for a week and there were a few last minute things to finish up. But, at 3:45 p.m. I was out of there. The reason is that today is the first night of Passover.
Since we bought our house we would celebrate Passover at our house and I would clean the entire house and hid all chametz in one place and actually sell it on-line, but this year (a) with all the stress of IVF, I had no time nor ability to clean the house and get rid of chametz, I just decided I am not going to touch it and would make it extra special next year when I'll have my baby :), and (b) my SIL's b-day was also on the 18th, so it kind of didn't make sense to have it at our house, and we had it at her house instead, although the birthday celebrations didn't leave much time for actual Passover.
We still had lots of food and fun. The only problem is that DH got a cold so he was feeling very much under the weather. My BIL was so excited that we are PUPO that he proposed a toast for us (which was kind of stupid as there were people there who knew nothing about our situation), so instead my parents concocted some kind of explanation to them about it being close to our 10 year anniversary (which is actually on the 29th). Oh well, I still love my BIL. Tomorrow we are actually going to my sis' house for a second Passover dinner which should be more traditional then the feast we had today.
Going to load and unload dishwasher and then straight to bed!!! The countdown has began. We are at 0dp5dt!!! 14 more days to go, as BETA will not be until 2 weeks from today i.e. 14dp5dt, unless I can work my magic with my nurse and have it for a Sunday (13dp5dt) instead so that DH & I can process the news in private (whatever those news might be. But for now I am very hopeful and pregnant and nobody can say otherwise!!!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Take 2: Fertilization Reports (48h & 72 h. past ER)
First, I want to say thanks to all of you for all of your concerns. DH & I decided that if I am still feeling pressure by the time the nurse calls on Friday with the fertilization report, I would tell her about that.
So Thursday night I sent DH to buy me Gatorade. Well, all I can say: it tastes awful but it works. I finished an entire bottle (710 ml) before going to bed on Thursday. When I woke up on Friday, I was thinking that's it no transfer for me as I could feel pressure the moment I put my body in a vertical position. By lunch time, I finished another bottle of Gatorade, a can of V8 and a chicken noodle soup from Timmis (I thought that there should be tons of sodium in that), and it actually worked. By the time the phone rang, I didn't feel any pressure when taking deep breaths AND my stomach didn't hurt. Yei!!!
So on Friday, April 15, 1 embie arrested, 5 embabies were right on track at 3-4 cells, 1 was behind at 2 cells, and 3 embabies were overachievers at 5-6 cells. My nurse told me that it still doesn't mean anything as the situation can change drastically. She also said that she already had time for my transfer -- 10:30 a.m. on Monday, so we have to be at the clinic at 10:00 a.m. with full bladder.
When I got home from work, I was still craving soup so DH and I went to an Asian restaurant not far from our house and I had a nice bowl of soup with rice noodles (it was salty too :) ).
The end result is that this morning I don't have any more pain in my tummy (and thank goodness no Gatorade), although now I can feel a dull pain in my ovaries from time to time, but those are healing so no surprise there.
This morning we had invited the entire family to our house for breakfast. We used to do it every week, but then staff got in the way, and with daily monitoring, we haven't done it in a while. It was nice to see the entire family together again including our niece and nephews. The phone rang much earlier then I anticipated but I managed to hear it, so as of today (Apr. 16) we have 3 embabies which are right on track at 7-8 cells, 3 emebabies are a bit ahead at 9 or more cells (which the nurse said might still be alright), 1 embabie at 6 cells, and 2 embabies at 1-5 cells (who the nurse said might arrest before reaching day 5). I am still very happy as we need 2 embabies to transfer on Monday. It would be nice to have a few frozen for later but DH and I are not greedy, whatever G-d decides we deserve we'll take.
So, today I am taking it easy, it is raining outside since early morning and we are both in no mood to go outside, although we might have to. Tomorrow, I have to go to the office as I have a few projects that I want to finish and hopefully take a day off on Monday. I also asked my acupuncturist if we can do a session right before ET in the morning on Monday before we had to the clinic, so I can work long hours on Sunday and take Monday off. The trick is that on Monday we have to be at the clinic at 10 a.m., so we should probably be done by about 11 a.m. as the transfer itself is scheduled for 10:30 a.m., but then I would want to lay there for a bit to have my two little embabies settle in. So, theoretically I would not get to the office until about 12 p.m. Also on Monday is the first night for Passover (it is also my SIL's birthday) so we have to be at her house by 5 p.m. which means that I'll have to leave work before 4 p.m. So it doesn't really make sense for me to come to work, but my boss is leaving on Tuesday morning, and he might still want me to go in for even a bit. Ughh, I don't know. I guess I'll see how tomorrow goes.
So Thursday night I sent DH to buy me Gatorade. Well, all I can say: it tastes awful but it works. I finished an entire bottle (710 ml) before going to bed on Thursday. When I woke up on Friday, I was thinking that's it no transfer for me as I could feel pressure the moment I put my body in a vertical position. By lunch time, I finished another bottle of Gatorade, a can of V8 and a chicken noodle soup from Timmis (I thought that there should be tons of sodium in that), and it actually worked. By the time the phone rang, I didn't feel any pressure when taking deep breaths AND my stomach didn't hurt. Yei!!!
So on Friday, April 15, 1 embie arrested, 5 embabies were right on track at 3-4 cells, 1 was behind at 2 cells, and 3 embabies were overachievers at 5-6 cells. My nurse told me that it still doesn't mean anything as the situation can change drastically. She also said that she already had time for my transfer -- 10:30 a.m. on Monday, so we have to be at the clinic at 10:00 a.m. with full bladder.
When I got home from work, I was still craving soup so DH and I went to an Asian restaurant not far from our house and I had a nice bowl of soup with rice noodles (it was salty too :) ).
The end result is that this morning I don't have any more pain in my tummy (and thank goodness no Gatorade), although now I can feel a dull pain in my ovaries from time to time, but those are healing so no surprise there.
This morning we had invited the entire family to our house for breakfast. We used to do it every week, but then staff got in the way, and with daily monitoring, we haven't done it in a while. It was nice to see the entire family together again including our niece and nephews. The phone rang much earlier then I anticipated but I managed to hear it, so as of today (Apr. 16) we have 3 embabies which are right on track at 7-8 cells, 3 emebabies are a bit ahead at 9 or more cells (which the nurse said might still be alright), 1 embabie at 6 cells, and 2 embabies at 1-5 cells (who the nurse said might arrest before reaching day 5). I am still very happy as we need 2 embabies to transfer on Monday. It would be nice to have a few frozen for later but DH and I are not greedy, whatever G-d decides we deserve we'll take.
So, today I am taking it easy, it is raining outside since early morning and we are both in no mood to go outside, although we might have to. Tomorrow, I have to go to the office as I have a few projects that I want to finish and hopefully take a day off on Monday. I also asked my acupuncturist if we can do a session right before ET in the morning on Monday before we had to the clinic, so I can work long hours on Sunday and take Monday off. The trick is that on Monday we have to be at the clinic at 10 a.m., so we should probably be done by about 11 a.m. as the transfer itself is scheduled for 10:30 a.m., but then I would want to lay there for a bit to have my two little embabies settle in. So, theoretically I would not get to the office until about 12 p.m. Also on Monday is the first night for Passover (it is also my SIL's birthday) so we have to be at her house by 5 p.m. which means that I'll have to leave work before 4 p.m. So it doesn't really make sense for me to come to work, but my boss is leaving on Tuesday morning, and he might still want me to go in for even a bit. Ughh, I don't know. I guess I'll see how tomorrow goes.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Take 2: Fertilization Report (24 h. past ER)
I kind of lingered in bed until 10 a.m. this morning when I put both the estrogen and progesterone in. I haven't figured out the timing yet. All I know is that progesterone goes in 3 times a day and estrogen goes in twice. I emailed my nurse and she confirmed that those two can come in together. Since estrogen pill is so tiny, I decided it will go in first so as not to be lost in the gooey mess of progesterone pills.
I woke up with what I thought was a stomachache. I was trying to remember what I ate the night before and a hot sandwich with meat came to mind. DH made it for both of us and even though I commented of it being too heavy after ER, it looked and smelled so delicious that I ate it :). But now I think it wasn't that. I am afraid to say it, but I might have an onset of OHSS. Even though I didn't eat anything, I feel like I just had a huge meal: my stomach feels very heavy and when I take a deep breath it actually hurts a bit. My ovaries hurt a bit from time to time, but not as much as yesterday.
When the nurse called with the fertilization report and ask how I was doing, I told her that I am better. I am afraid to tell her how I feel - Is it bad? I am so afraid that if I tell her the truth Dr. H would cancel the ET on Monday. I decided that if I don't feel better by the time she calls tomorrow, I will tell her how I feel. I have been drinking 1 can of V8 for a week now, and had one today too. I stopped drinking water (that's what I usually drink in big quantities) and sent DH to buy gatorade and pedialyte. I so hope that it will help.
But I digress, the nurse called me with our fertilization report. Out of 19 eggs retrieved, 15 were mature (Yei and we were thinking about half), and out of 15 mature eggs that were ICSIed - 10 fertilized and they are watching those 10 now. I started crying before I hanged up the phone. I was by myself so I had a mini breakdown - but happy tears, happy tears. I called DH and I could hear in his voice how relieved he was. its 10 vs. 1 a HUGE difference between the two cycles. and I have hope again that this one just might work.
I've spent entire day either on the bed or on the couch watching TV, then my parents came over and I helped my brother with his homework. So proud of him. He is autistic and he is progressing nicely. He is 12 and I love him like my own baby. Well, tomorrow the call should be around lunch time, so hopping for more reassurances for our 10 little embabies. DIVIDE AND GROW, GROW, GROW!!!!
I woke up with what I thought was a stomachache. I was trying to remember what I ate the night before and a hot sandwich with meat came to mind. DH made it for both of us and even though I commented of it being too heavy after ER, it looked and smelled so delicious that I ate it :). But now I think it wasn't that. I am afraid to say it, but I might have an onset of OHSS. Even though I didn't eat anything, I feel like I just had a huge meal: my stomach feels very heavy and when I take a deep breath it actually hurts a bit. My ovaries hurt a bit from time to time, but not as much as yesterday.
When the nurse called with the fertilization report and ask how I was doing, I told her that I am better. I am afraid to tell her how I feel - Is it bad? I am so afraid that if I tell her the truth Dr. H would cancel the ET on Monday. I decided that if I don't feel better by the time she calls tomorrow, I will tell her how I feel. I have been drinking 1 can of V8 for a week now, and had one today too. I stopped drinking water (that's what I usually drink in big quantities) and sent DH to buy gatorade and pedialyte. I so hope that it will help.
But I digress, the nurse called me with our fertilization report. Out of 19 eggs retrieved, 15 were mature (Yei and we were thinking about half), and out of 15 mature eggs that were ICSIed - 10 fertilized and they are watching those 10 now. I started crying before I hanged up the phone. I was by myself so I had a mini breakdown - but happy tears, happy tears. I called DH and I could hear in his voice how relieved he was. its 10 vs. 1 a HUGE difference between the two cycles. and I have hope again that this one just might work.
I've spent entire day either on the bed or on the couch watching TV, then my parents came over and I helped my brother with his homework. So proud of him. He is autistic and he is progressing nicely. He is 12 and I love him like my own baby. Well, tomorrow the call should be around lunch time, so hopping for more reassurances for our 10 little embabies. DIVIDE AND GROW, GROW, GROW!!!!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Take 2 - ER: So proud of my ovaries!!!
Yesterday (Tuesday) I didn't feel like blogging or even going onto my computer in the evening. I woke up at 4:30 a.m. because my second blanket fell off (yes I sleep under two), and I couldn't fall asleep thereafter. My mind and heart where just racing. I was in a lot of pain since the morning and had to finish a few projects at work, so even my acupuncture appointment was moved late (and I still managed to be late for that). The acupuncture appointment did put me at ease, and by the time I got home, I pretty much went straight to bed.
This morning we had an early start. I did have a good sleep (thanks to acupuncture)and got up at 5:30 a.m. Don't laugh but I did make sure that my legs are free of hair, took a shower and woke up DH. When I got up, I didn't feel any pain and started to freak out, but of course once I started to get ready to leave the pain was back. Since I was not supposed to eat or drink anything since the midnight before, we decided for DH not to have breakfast at the house and just buy a snack on our way at Starbucks :) 6:50 a.m. we were out of the house, and with traffic and a detour to Starbucks were at the clinic by about 7:50 a.m. My REs clinic is small and is not equipped for ER/ET procedures, although monitoring is done there, so he uses 3 other clinics. We were lucky as the one that he was using was just a few floors above his. Once we arrived the nurse took me in pretty quickly and left DH in the waiting room. It was a smart move. She got me settled in and started inserting the IV. Since, I've been going into monitoring every day for over a week, both of my arms didn't look that great. To her credit, after pocking me once in the left arm behind the elbow, and giving me a huge bruise from a collapsed vein on the inside of my right arm, she called a blood tech who quickly put a butterfly needle on my hand. The other good thing was that they had blankets, 2 of them, so I was nice and warm. Once I got all settled they called DH. He got all dressed up in a hat and yellow robe and looked so funny that we goofed around taking pictures of each other. As I had an IV in my hand, the nurse told me to try not to move the hand and try to keep it in a fist position so that the needle would not go out. So my pics of DH were not that great.
Then came our time for the procedure which was a bit after 9 a.m. I was escorted into the washroom, and it was hard to manoeuvre with just one hand, but all was done and we headed into the operating room. My RE was already there. We talked a bit, I don't really remember about what, mostly chit chat. He asked me how I was feeling and I told him that I was in a lot of pain and pressure from my ovaries. He said that I had lots of follies, and told the nurse to give me double of the medication. I got woozy pretty quickly. I could seen the screen and DH was right by my side. RE started the procedure and he did the left side (which didn't have as many as the right) and then it turned out that my right ovary had a stage fright and was hiding behind my uterus. As a result they gave me more drugs and a nurse had to actually push on my stomach to get the shy one on camera. To tell you the truth I don't remember how long it lasted, I did feel some pain and some pressure, but nothing major, although everything is like a blur. I heard them counting from 5 to 11, and then I started seeing doubles - double the monitor- double DH's head. The nurses were amazing, they were continuously asking how I was feeling. I think RE added more medication closer to the end. Once we were done and I was cleaned. RE came up to me and said that I did very good and he is very happy with me. We got 19 eggs!!!! Yep 19!!!! He was saying something that it is much more that the average that they get, and that he got all the eggs but that not all of them will be mature enough (which is also fine). He said that the pressure should be better now but they will still be watching me as the drained follies will be filling up back with fluid and it can cause OHSS, which we don't want. So he congratulated me again, and I started crying right there on the operating table with my tears streaming down my cheeks. One of the nurses gave me tissue, and all I could say was that I was happy so that they would not think that I am in pain. DH & I kept holding hands and saying that we did a great job and we were so proud of my ovaries. I was very dizzy so during the trip from the operating room back to my lounge chair I was practically hanging on DH. Once we got back, DH sent a text to my sis, his brother and SIL with the news. I got some water and orange juice to drink and some crackers. DH was taken to give his sample. I was given a heating pad and covered with blankets, so while waiting for DH I almost fell asleep as the medication made me groggy and sleepy. My nurse from REs clinic actually came up to talk to us and the embryologist also stopped by to say hi and to tell us that we did good. We got both estrogen and progesterone suppositories to be started tomorrow, and headed home.
On my way home I talked to my sis and my parents, and then my acupuncturist called as she wanted to know how ER went (so sweet of her). Once I got home, I got my own heating pad going and went to bed. Had a nice 4 hour sleep. As I am writing this the pain is still there, it gets better and than worse again. It is painful to walk, stand up and walk up/down the stairs. The worst pain is when I go to the washroom (I guess because the things get reshuffled in there :) ). and I am spotting which was expected as I had a lot of holes pocked in me.
I keep thinking that by now my eggs were probably ICSIed and we already have a few embryos in a dish in a lab. I actually started crying when I thought about it the first time. DH was on his best behaviour and very affectionate (which is not his normal self as he is a more reserved individual). I will probably go to watch some more TV with my heating pad on my tummy. Tomorrow, the nurse will call with an update, but it will not be until after lunch hour, so I guess I'll be sleeping in. I hate waiting by the phone!
This morning we had an early start. I did have a good sleep (thanks to acupuncture)and got up at 5:30 a.m. Don't laugh but I did make sure that my legs are free of hair, took a shower and woke up DH. When I got up, I didn't feel any pain and started to freak out, but of course once I started to get ready to leave the pain was back. Since I was not supposed to eat or drink anything since the midnight before, we decided for DH not to have breakfast at the house and just buy a snack on our way at Starbucks :) 6:50 a.m. we were out of the house, and with traffic and a detour to Starbucks were at the clinic by about 7:50 a.m. My REs clinic is small and is not equipped for ER/ET procedures, although monitoring is done there, so he uses 3 other clinics. We were lucky as the one that he was using was just a few floors above his. Once we arrived the nurse took me in pretty quickly and left DH in the waiting room. It was a smart move. She got me settled in and started inserting the IV. Since, I've been going into monitoring every day for over a week, both of my arms didn't look that great. To her credit, after pocking me once in the left arm behind the elbow, and giving me a huge bruise from a collapsed vein on the inside of my right arm, she called a blood tech who quickly put a butterfly needle on my hand. The other good thing was that they had blankets, 2 of them, so I was nice and warm. Once I got all settled they called DH. He got all dressed up in a hat and yellow robe and looked so funny that we goofed around taking pictures of each other. As I had an IV in my hand, the nurse told me to try not to move the hand and try to keep it in a fist position so that the needle would not go out. So my pics of DH were not that great.
Then came our time for the procedure which was a bit after 9 a.m. I was escorted into the washroom, and it was hard to manoeuvre with just one hand, but all was done and we headed into the operating room. My RE was already there. We talked a bit, I don't really remember about what, mostly chit chat. He asked me how I was feeling and I told him that I was in a lot of pain and pressure from my ovaries. He said that I had lots of follies, and told the nurse to give me double of the medication. I got woozy pretty quickly. I could seen the screen and DH was right by my side. RE started the procedure and he did the left side (which didn't have as many as the right) and then it turned out that my right ovary had a stage fright and was hiding behind my uterus. As a result they gave me more drugs and a nurse had to actually push on my stomach to get the shy one on camera. To tell you the truth I don't remember how long it lasted, I did feel some pain and some pressure, but nothing major, although everything is like a blur. I heard them counting from 5 to 11, and then I started seeing doubles - double the monitor- double DH's head. The nurses were amazing, they were continuously asking how I was feeling. I think RE added more medication closer to the end. Once we were done and I was cleaned. RE came up to me and said that I did very good and he is very happy with me. We got 19 eggs!!!! Yep 19!!!! He was saying something that it is much more that the average that they get, and that he got all the eggs but that not all of them will be mature enough (which is also fine). He said that the pressure should be better now but they will still be watching me as the drained follies will be filling up back with fluid and it can cause OHSS, which we don't want. So he congratulated me again, and I started crying right there on the operating table with my tears streaming down my cheeks. One of the nurses gave me tissue, and all I could say was that I was happy so that they would not think that I am in pain. DH & I kept holding hands and saying that we did a great job and we were so proud of my ovaries. I was very dizzy so during the trip from the operating room back to my lounge chair I was practically hanging on DH. Once we got back, DH sent a text to my sis, his brother and SIL with the news. I got some water and orange juice to drink and some crackers. DH was taken to give his sample. I was given a heating pad and covered with blankets, so while waiting for DH I almost fell asleep as the medication made me groggy and sleepy. My nurse from REs clinic actually came up to talk to us and the embryologist also stopped by to say hi and to tell us that we did good. We got both estrogen and progesterone suppositories to be started tomorrow, and headed home.
On my way home I talked to my sis and my parents, and then my acupuncturist called as she wanted to know how ER went (so sweet of her). Once I got home, I got my own heating pad going and went to bed. Had a nice 4 hour sleep. As I am writing this the pain is still there, it gets better and than worse again. It is painful to walk, stand up and walk up/down the stairs. The worst pain is when I go to the washroom (I guess because the things get reshuffled in there :) ). and I am spotting which was expected as I had a lot of holes pocked in me.
I keep thinking that by now my eggs were probably ICSIed and we already have a few embryos in a dish in a lab. I actually started crying when I thought about it the first time. DH was on his best behaviour and very affectionate (which is not his normal self as he is a more reserved individual). I will probably go to watch some more TV with my heating pad on my tummy. Tomorrow, the nurse will call with an update, but it will not be until after lunch hour, so I guess I'll be sleeping in. I hate waiting by the phone!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Trigger Day!!!!
It's finally here, the trigger day.
This morning was my last u/s and I am sitting at 25 follicles, on the right: 2.4, 2.3, 2.2x2, 2.1, 1.9x2, 1.8x2, 1.7x3, 1.5x2, 1.1x2, and on the left: 1.6x2, 1.5x2, 1.4, 1.35, 1.1x2, 1.0. They cyst is at 4 cm. Sorry if I am repeating myself, but I have constant pain in my ovaries. To say that my u/s was uncomfortable is an understatement. I am happy that tomorrow I am only going for b/w and NO u/s. The estrogen is at 12,600!!!
Thank G-d I don't have OHSS, the nurse said it is because they implemented an OHSS protocol early, which was basically to add more sodium to my diet. I just drink 1 can of V8 every day, but whatever, happy it worked. One more day left, can't wait to have the "crop" harvested :).
I did the trigger at 9 p.m. for the ER at 9 am on Wednesday, my clinic wanted me to take Ovidrel at 1/2 dose of each of 2 vials. DH freaked out when I told him that we have to buy 2 and use 1/2 of each, but I was told that it is this way for quality control and I was thinking that if I take one and that one doesn't work the whole cycle would be a bust and we will be out of some serous money with nothing to show for it.
The good thing is that I have been diligently leaving the office by 7:20 p.m. - no late nights as I had to do injections and today the trigger shot. But I am still looking forward to 2 days of sleep on Wednesday after the ER and the whole day on Thursday, although if I am feeling decent I would love to go a manicure and pedicure done as well as a hair cut. A girl can dream!!! Looking forward to no injections tomorrow!!!
This morning was my last u/s and I am sitting at 25 follicles, on the right: 2.4, 2.3, 2.2x2, 2.1, 1.9x2, 1.8x2, 1.7x3, 1.5x2, 1.1x2, and on the left: 1.6x2, 1.5x2, 1.4, 1.35, 1.1x2, 1.0. They cyst is at 4 cm. Sorry if I am repeating myself, but I have constant pain in my ovaries. To say that my u/s was uncomfortable is an understatement. I am happy that tomorrow I am only going for b/w and NO u/s. The estrogen is at 12,600!!!
Thank G-d I don't have OHSS, the nurse said it is because they implemented an OHSS protocol early, which was basically to add more sodium to my diet. I just drink 1 can of V8 every day, but whatever, happy it worked. One more day left, can't wait to have the "crop" harvested :).
I did the trigger at 9 p.m. for the ER at 9 am on Wednesday, my clinic wanted me to take Ovidrel at 1/2 dose of each of 2 vials. DH freaked out when I told him that we have to buy 2 and use 1/2 of each, but I was told that it is this way for quality control and I was thinking that if I take one and that one doesn't work the whole cycle would be a bust and we will be out of some serous money with nothing to show for it.
The good thing is that I have been diligently leaving the office by 7:20 p.m. - no late nights as I had to do injections and today the trigger shot. But I am still looking forward to 2 days of sleep on Wednesday after the ER and the whole day on Thursday, although if I am feeling decent I would love to go a manicure and pedicure done as well as a hair cut. A girl can dream!!! Looking forward to no injections tomorrow!!!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Take 2 - Stims - Day 8 & No Stims Day 9
Yesterday was the eighth day of my injections and the craziest day so far. Getting up at 6 a.m. on a Saturday is unheard of for me but had to get myself and DH out of bed to get to the clinic for u/s and b/w by 8 a.m. The results were good. On the right ovary we had 1.8, 1.65, 1.6, 1.5, 1.1x4, 1.0x3 and on the left we had: 1.3, 1.1x3, 1.0x2 So the left ovary also started producing and in the morning when I had pain on the left side I was like WTF?? Why do the 2 lonely follicles giving me hard time - the answer because now there are 6 of them. The cyst also got a bit bigger and was sitting at 3.0.
So after the clinic we stopped by my parents for breakfast and headed for my acupuncture appointment. As DH was driving me, I told him to just drop me off and that I would walk home as the weather was amazing and it was about 7km walk. He insisted on leaving the car and walked home himself. The acupuncturist appointment gave me a burst of positive energy as always, but she said that I was very tried (no kidding!!! after sleeping 5 hours a night for a long time) she told me to go home an relax - and that I did, I took a nap :) I was awaken by a phone call from the clinic, the nurse said that my estrogen was up to 7,640 but my LH was up again to 6 (she was explaining to me that the day when they called me to start orgalutran my LH went up to 10, and then dropped to 2, but it was up again). So I needed to have another 1/2 dose asap and the full dose on Sunday morning, so I sent DH to buy 2 doses of orgalutran, and did my 1/2 dose right away.
In the evening we were going to a dinner theatre, which turned out to be hilarious! We had so much fun. The problem was that I had to do my injections in the middle of the dinner before the actual show started. My sis volunteered to help me (it was the first time she was seeing me doing them) but the stalls were so tiny that I just ended up mixing and doing the injections on the counter (at least the washroom was very clean and pretty much empty). I was so nervous to do them in the open and not in the comfort of my own home, but I did them and the results in the morning were good.
Today in the morning we had on the right 6 which are ready, 5 more which are close to being ready and 7 smaller ones as follows: 2.1x3, 1.8x2, 1.7, 1.5x2, 1.3, 1.1, 1.0 on the left the crop was also growing with 1.5, 1.4x2, 1.3, 1.1x2. And of course the cyst grew a bit to 3.3. The nurse told me that the lining is very good at 1.3. I had a minor dilemma, with 6 follicles being ready I wasn't sure if I'll be triggered tonight or tomorrow night, and I didn't have Luveris, Orgalutron or the trigger shot (Ovidrel) and I didn't want to buy it at the clinic (my cheap pharmacy is closed on Sundays), so we decided that I go to the office and she'll call me with the results and we take it from there. She did call me and told me that my estrogen level is now at 10,210, so Dr. H decided that I will not do anymore stims, and will only do a full dose of Orgalutran Monday morning and a trigger Monday night. Yep, we are close to being triggered!!! So, I had to go back to the clinic to pick up Orgalutran, which would have been a nice stroll if it wasn't raining cats & dogs outside. Thankfully I did have an umbrella but my sneakers and jeans were all wet.
The thing is with 18 growing follicles and a cyst, I have a constant pain below my waist. I had to finish a project and could only leave the office after 6p.m. The pain actually got worse as I think my ovaries are pushing on everything around them and now everything hurts - my ovaries, my uterus and even my kidneys!!! It is painful to walk, sit or stand. My retreat came when I got home and curled under a blanket in front of the TV, but as I am writing this sitting in front of my computer I can really feel my ovaries hurting AND I have TWO more days like that!!! I feel like I am pregnant and I want those eggs out NOW. Yep I am also very emotional and moody. I am going to mediate right now and try to go to sleep, I did doze off in front to TV an hour ago, so hopefully can do this again in my comfy bed curled up under 2 blankets.
So after the clinic we stopped by my parents for breakfast and headed for my acupuncture appointment. As DH was driving me, I told him to just drop me off and that I would walk home as the weather was amazing and it was about 7km walk. He insisted on leaving the car and walked home himself. The acupuncturist appointment gave me a burst of positive energy as always, but she said that I was very tried (no kidding!!! after sleeping 5 hours a night for a long time) she told me to go home an relax - and that I did, I took a nap :) I was awaken by a phone call from the clinic, the nurse said that my estrogen was up to 7,640 but my LH was up again to 6 (she was explaining to me that the day when they called me to start orgalutran my LH went up to 10, and then dropped to 2, but it was up again). So I needed to have another 1/2 dose asap and the full dose on Sunday morning, so I sent DH to buy 2 doses of orgalutran, and did my 1/2 dose right away.
In the evening we were going to a dinner theatre, which turned out to be hilarious! We had so much fun. The problem was that I had to do my injections in the middle of the dinner before the actual show started. My sis volunteered to help me (it was the first time she was seeing me doing them) but the stalls were so tiny that I just ended up mixing and doing the injections on the counter (at least the washroom was very clean and pretty much empty). I was so nervous to do them in the open and not in the comfort of my own home, but I did them and the results in the morning were good.
Today in the morning we had on the right 6 which are ready, 5 more which are close to being ready and 7 smaller ones as follows: 2.1x3, 1.8x2, 1.7, 1.5x2, 1.3, 1.1, 1.0 on the left the crop was also growing with 1.5, 1.4x2, 1.3, 1.1x2. And of course the cyst grew a bit to 3.3. The nurse told me that the lining is very good at 1.3. I had a minor dilemma, with 6 follicles being ready I wasn't sure if I'll be triggered tonight or tomorrow night, and I didn't have Luveris, Orgalutron or the trigger shot (Ovidrel) and I didn't want to buy it at the clinic (my cheap pharmacy is closed on Sundays), so we decided that I go to the office and she'll call me with the results and we take it from there. She did call me and told me that my estrogen level is now at 10,210, so Dr. H decided that I will not do anymore stims, and will only do a full dose of Orgalutran Monday morning and a trigger Monday night. Yep, we are close to being triggered!!! So, I had to go back to the clinic to pick up Orgalutran, which would have been a nice stroll if it wasn't raining cats & dogs outside. Thankfully I did have an umbrella but my sneakers and jeans were all wet.
The thing is with 18 growing follicles and a cyst, I have a constant pain below my waist. I had to finish a project and could only leave the office after 6p.m. The pain actually got worse as I think my ovaries are pushing on everything around them and now everything hurts - my ovaries, my uterus and even my kidneys!!! It is painful to walk, sit or stand. My retreat came when I got home and curled under a blanket in front of the TV, but as I am writing this sitting in front of my computer I can really feel my ovaries hurting AND I have TWO more days like that!!! I feel like I am pregnant and I want those eggs out NOW. Yep I am also very emotional and moody. I am going to mediate right now and try to go to sleep, I did doze off in front to TV an hour ago, so hopefully can do this again in my comfy bed curled up under 2 blankets.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Take 2 - Stims - Day 7
This morning the clinic was a bit more busy than usual, so the wait was a bit longer too. I had a different tech for an u/s and somehow we lost one follie since as of this morning the count was at 10 (not too bad either). They did grow a bit though: on the right 1.65, 1.6, 1.5, 1.35, 1.2, 1.2, 1.1, 1.0 1.0 and on the left 1.2 and 1.0. Although the whole afternoon both of my ovaries were hurting equally. The estrogen level is now 5,300 (Canadian units). Even though I don't really see the point, I've got my first talk about OHSS and was told to increase my sodium intake and stay hydrated. The nurse said that they are trying to be prepared and over cautious about OHSS.
Today is my daddy's birthday so after work I went directly to my parents house and spent lots of time playing with my nephews and my brother. I had to do my stim shots there too, but since it was my old home, it was not a problem.
Emotionally I still cannot understand if we are ok with this cycle or not, and taking it one day at a time. The cyst is staying the same (roughly as the difference is by about 0.1). I asked the nurse and she said that they would be concerned if it was like 3.5-4 cm. (right now it is at 2.5). I am not sure how my follies are going to continue to act to medication AND to meditations. I am hoping for them to grow together and not to have a big span in between them; however, I have a constant worry due to my last cycle. Tomorrow will be interesting as I have a very busy day and I'll have to do injections at a dinner theatre show - that should be fun!!!
Today is my daddy's birthday so after work I went directly to my parents house and spent lots of time playing with my nephews and my brother. I had to do my stim shots there too, but since it was my old home, it was not a problem.
Emotionally I still cannot understand if we are ok with this cycle or not, and taking it one day at a time. The cyst is staying the same (roughly as the difference is by about 0.1). I asked the nurse and she said that they would be concerned if it was like 3.5-4 cm. (right now it is at 2.5). I am not sure how my follies are going to continue to act to medication AND to meditations. I am hoping for them to grow together and not to have a big span in between them; however, I have a constant worry due to my last cycle. Tomorrow will be interesting as I have a very busy day and I'll have to do injections at a dinner theatre show - that should be fun!!!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Take 2 - Stims - Day 6
The u/s this morning took extra long - probably because the count as of this morning is 11!! follicles as follows: Right: 1.3, 1.2x3, 1.0x4) & (left:0.9, 1.0, 1.1). The good news is that there is not change to the size of the cyst. As I was walking to talk to my nurse, she glanced at my u/s report and asked me if I can already feel them and I said: "Oh, yea!!!". The thing is that the cyst is 2.4 cm and it is on the same ovary as 8 other follicles! I asked the nurse if we are already behind the schedule, but she said that it is still possible to have ER on Wednesday (as planned).
So I get back to the office and get a phone call from her. My estrogen is at 3,900, and Dr. H wants to decrease the dose of Gonal F to 150IU for tonight and keep Luveris at 75IU, and even though my lead follicle is not at 1.8, Dr. H wants me to start taking Orgalutran at 1/2 dose - NOW! I was like my Orgalutran is at home and I will not get home until 8:30p.m. just in time for stims shot. Well, the only choice I had was to run back to the clinic to get Orgalutran as Dr. H wants me to start it today at 1/2 dose and all my meds are at home. That was fun - back and forth in 35 minutes!!! I am lucky that my clinic is a 15 minute walk from my office. So first shot of Orgalutran was done in my office bathroom!!!
It is kind of sad that Orgalutran comes premixed in a syringe with the needle which is glued to the inside of the syringe, and anyways, I was told by my nurse that the manufacturer does not guarantee the stability of the medication once you do it once, so I have to discard the syringe with half of the medication still in it. It is a shame money wise and double shame as there is a shortage of Orgalutran & Cetrotide in Canada (and I think in US too) and I've already heard of people's cycles being delayed because of such shortage, and here I am throwing out medication. But what can I do?
Today was my 6th stims shot, and if you ask me how am I doing emotionally, I would not be able to tell you. I've been comparing notes between this cycle and the first cycle, and last time around we too had lots of follicles at around 1 cm and on day 6 Cetrotide was introduced and a day or two later - all hell broke loose. So, I am a bit anxious for the u/s tomorrow and Saturday, as I want to see the cyst decreasing and my 11 follies growing together as one group. I can't say yet what will be and whether this cycle is better or worse. For now just trying to do everything in my power to stay positive. Going to do meditation right now and off to bed.
So I get back to the office and get a phone call from her. My estrogen is at 3,900, and Dr. H wants to decrease the dose of Gonal F to 150IU for tonight and keep Luveris at 75IU, and even though my lead follicle is not at 1.8, Dr. H wants me to start taking Orgalutran at 1/2 dose - NOW! I was like my Orgalutran is at home and I will not get home until 8:30p.m. just in time for stims shot. Well, the only choice I had was to run back to the clinic to get Orgalutran as Dr. H wants me to start it today at 1/2 dose and all my meds are at home. That was fun - back and forth in 35 minutes!!! I am lucky that my clinic is a 15 minute walk from my office. So first shot of Orgalutran was done in my office bathroom!!!
It is kind of sad that Orgalutran comes premixed in a syringe with the needle which is glued to the inside of the syringe, and anyways, I was told by my nurse that the manufacturer does not guarantee the stability of the medication once you do it once, so I have to discard the syringe with half of the medication still in it. It is a shame money wise and double shame as there is a shortage of Orgalutran & Cetrotide in Canada (and I think in US too) and I've already heard of people's cycles being delayed because of such shortage, and here I am throwing out medication. But what can I do?
Today was my 6th stims shot, and if you ask me how am I doing emotionally, I would not be able to tell you. I've been comparing notes between this cycle and the first cycle, and last time around we too had lots of follicles at around 1 cm and on day 6 Cetrotide was introduced and a day or two later - all hell broke loose. So, I am a bit anxious for the u/s tomorrow and Saturday, as I want to see the cyst decreasing and my 11 follies growing together as one group. I can't say yet what will be and whether this cycle is better or worse. For now just trying to do everything in my power to stay positive. Going to do meditation right now and off to bed.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Take 2 - Stims - Day 5
This morning was a bit lonely at the clinic as most ladies are having monitoring every other day (although I did see some familiar faces). The blood draw was a bit problematic - both of my arms have bruises now, and today she actually tried to draw from one and then had to switch to another, ugh, but the u/s went without a hitch.
The result for today is 5 follicles that are growing ahead of the rest with 1.1, 1.1, 1.0 on one ovaries and 1.1, 0.8 on another ovary. The nurse said that it is still early and very soon we should see a growth spur, for now she is satisfied. The nurse also said that the cyst had no change, and I think I saw it being at 2.4. She said that they will have to continue monitoring me very closely and it is going to be daily monitoring from now on. We talked about meds as I figured out that some are cheaper at the clinic and some are cheaper at the pharmacy. I also asked her what will happen if the cyst will start to grow, to which she replied that Dr. H may cancel the cycle if it gets too big. We are not adding the antagonist just yet, as they want the estrogen level at 1,200 AND lead follie at 1.8 (not quite there yet), so it looks like we are a bit behind "schedule" as we were supposed to add Orgalutran tomorrow morning.
My nurse called me later to tell me that my estrogen is up to 1,700, but all the doses remain the same and I am back tomorrow morning.
I finished my first Gonal F pen today (900IU) and I was supposed to only have 150IU left for tonight with additional 37.5IU to be taken from a new pen. Yep, lucky me 3 injections tonight. So on the old pen I left the dial at 187.5 and pulled the trigger to the end and it looked like it did go to 187.5, but I couldn't be sure as by my calculations there should have only been 150 and according to instructions the trigger should not have gone all the way to 187.5 but stopped at 150. So, after spending a few minutes with a calculator recalculating the dosages, I decided to give myself whatever was left in the old pen PLUS 37.5 from the new. Worst comes to worst I got 37.5 more today then needed, oh well. That's why I prefer the good old syringes - no mystery there.
I am already feeling uncomfortable with constant pressure at the bottom of my tummy. I guess having a cyst at 2.4 cm doesn't help things much. The headache and nausea comes and goes.
I feel so different this time around. For some reason going for monitoring in the morning is such a bother. I have no excitement about this cycle at all. The thought that ER is scheduled for a week from today sends shivers down my body, as I keep thinking that it can't be that soon. I don't realize it, but I've already had 5 injections of stims and to have ER on Wednesday I'll be triggering on Monday night (assuming we are on schedule) BUT the talk about "cancellation" has been haunting us since we started so my mood is up and down all the time. I guess I am already hormonal as most of the time I just feel apathy and sad.
I am thankful for meditation though as my acupuncturist said that my pulse is much better and calmer than what it was in December. She was also happy that I am taking thyroid medication as she was struggling to keep something related to thyroid balanced for me.
The result for today is 5 follicles that are growing ahead of the rest with 1.1, 1.1, 1.0 on one ovaries and 1.1, 0.8 on another ovary. The nurse said that it is still early and very soon we should see a growth spur, for now she is satisfied. The nurse also said that the cyst had no change, and I think I saw it being at 2.4. She said that they will have to continue monitoring me very closely and it is going to be daily monitoring from now on. We talked about meds as I figured out that some are cheaper at the clinic and some are cheaper at the pharmacy. I also asked her what will happen if the cyst will start to grow, to which she replied that Dr. H may cancel the cycle if it gets too big. We are not adding the antagonist just yet, as they want the estrogen level at 1,200 AND lead follie at 1.8 (not quite there yet), so it looks like we are a bit behind "schedule" as we were supposed to add Orgalutran tomorrow morning.
My nurse called me later to tell me that my estrogen is up to 1,700, but all the doses remain the same and I am back tomorrow morning.
I finished my first Gonal F pen today (900IU) and I was supposed to only have 150IU left for tonight with additional 37.5IU to be taken from a new pen. Yep, lucky me 3 injections tonight. So on the old pen I left the dial at 187.5 and pulled the trigger to the end and it looked like it did go to 187.5, but I couldn't be sure as by my calculations there should have only been 150 and according to instructions the trigger should not have gone all the way to 187.5 but stopped at 150. So, after spending a few minutes with a calculator recalculating the dosages, I decided to give myself whatever was left in the old pen PLUS 37.5 from the new. Worst comes to worst I got 37.5 more today then needed, oh well. That's why I prefer the good old syringes - no mystery there.
I am already feeling uncomfortable with constant pressure at the bottom of my tummy. I guess having a cyst at 2.4 cm doesn't help things much. The headache and nausea comes and goes.
I feel so different this time around. For some reason going for monitoring in the morning is such a bother. I have no excitement about this cycle at all. The thought that ER is scheduled for a week from today sends shivers down my body, as I keep thinking that it can't be that soon. I don't realize it, but I've already had 5 injections of stims and to have ER on Wednesday I'll be triggering on Monday night (assuming we are on schedule) BUT the talk about "cancellation" has been haunting us since we started so my mood is up and down all the time. I guess I am already hormonal as most of the time I just feel apathy and sad.
I am thankful for meditation though as my acupuncturist said that my pulse is much better and calmer than what it was in December. She was also happy that I am taking thyroid medication as she was struggling to keep something related to thyroid balanced for me.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Take 2 - Stims - Day 4 & 100th post!!!
This is my 100th post and I would prefer to write some good news, like for example a BFP, but we are still in the midst of our 2nd IVF cycle and still a good 3-4 weeks away from the beta test.
This morning I had my first u/s and b/w after having stims injection for 3 days (the injections are in the evening and u/s are in the morning). In the new clinic the u/s is done by a tech and you actually get undress IN the u/s room (not sitting gowned in the hallway with ten other women). So the tech commented in passing that I will have lots of eggs to work with (which made me happy). Then I talked to the nurse. Apparently I now have 20 follicles on one and 15 on the other ovary. The bad news - they found a cyst which they think is a culprit behind my high estrogen levels. So in the morning I left the office with my nurse telling me that they'll be watching the cyst carefully and I will most likely come back on Thursday, but she will call me once b/w results are in.
When I got back to the office, I took out my cell phone and put it right beside me on my desk. And of course, when my nurse called, the phone went directly to the voice mail :( So the only info I got was that my estrogen is now up to 1,200, I should continue my regular dose, and they want me to go back TOMORROW - ugh. I really wanted to give my poor arms a break as I start to look a lot like drug addict. I ALWAYS have problems with drawing blood.
Hoping to talk to her tomorrow to figure out if it is a cyst or a follicle that is growing fast, and what the hell is the difference between the two, and what are the implications of either on my cycle.
The headaches are a bit milder, but still have them and nausea, and the rest of s/e including cramping and twinges in my uterus, and we are not even half way through stims!
This morning I had my first u/s and b/w after having stims injection for 3 days (the injections are in the evening and u/s are in the morning). In the new clinic the u/s is done by a tech and you actually get undress IN the u/s room (not sitting gowned in the hallway with ten other women). So the tech commented in passing that I will have lots of eggs to work with (which made me happy). Then I talked to the nurse. Apparently I now have 20 follicles on one and 15 on the other ovary. The bad news - they found a cyst which they think is a culprit behind my high estrogen levels. So in the morning I left the office with my nurse telling me that they'll be watching the cyst carefully and I will most likely come back on Thursday, but she will call me once b/w results are in.
When I got back to the office, I took out my cell phone and put it right beside me on my desk. And of course, when my nurse called, the phone went directly to the voice mail :( So the only info I got was that my estrogen is now up to 1,200, I should continue my regular dose, and they want me to go back TOMORROW - ugh. I really wanted to give my poor arms a break as I start to look a lot like drug addict. I ALWAYS have problems with drawing blood.
Hoping to talk to her tomorrow to figure out if it is a cyst or a follicle that is growing fast, and what the hell is the difference between the two, and what are the implications of either on my cycle.
The headaches are a bit milder, but still have them and nausea, and the rest of s/e including cramping and twinges in my uterus, and we are not even half way through stims!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Take 2 - Stims - Day 3
Today is my 3rd day of stims. I am getting used to it and not that afraid of Gonal F pen anymore. I got home just in time to do my injections and my parents dropped by just as I was getting ready. So my mom went upstairs and was watching me doing them. I actually wanted her to see how brave I am. I showed her the little needle on Gonal F and then took out the syringe with the long mixing needle attached for Luveris. She almost fainted LOL as she thought that I was going to give myself injections with such long needle. So that was a bit entertaining. The worst part is that I have tons of side effects that I didn't have last time around (I am telling myself it is good, since it probably means that the meds are working):
1) I have a headache (bordering on migraine) for the 2nd day in a row;
2) I get very nauseous to the point of almost throwing up as well 2nd day and it gets worse in the evenings (my sweet DH said to get used to it, since it will stay for a few months until the 1st trimester is over :) );
3) I've also experienced some light twinges and cramps in my ovaries on and off through the day; and
4) my (.)(.) are a bit sore.
Tomorrow is the firs u/s and b/w after the stims, so will know if there is a good reason why I am feeling like crap for the second day in a row.
1) I have a headache (bordering on migraine) for the 2nd day in a row;
2) I get very nauseous to the point of almost throwing up as well 2nd day and it gets worse in the evenings (my sweet DH said to get used to it, since it will stay for a few months until the 1st trimester is over :) );
3) I've also experienced some light twinges and cramps in my ovaries on and off through the day; and
4) my (.)(.) are a bit sore.
Tomorrow is the firs u/s and b/w after the stims, so will know if there is a good reason why I am feeling like crap for the second day in a row.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Take 2 - Stims - Day 1 & 2
Saturday night bright and early went for an u/s and b/w. Right when the u/s tech was inserting the "thing" you know where, a female doctor I've never seen before came in. She did tell me that there were no cyst but that they are waiting for b/w and just wanted to reconfirm that they didn't miss anything on the u/s on Friday morning. I asked her why my estrogen is up, and she hesitated and then said that since I have 27 little follicles, each of them is secreting estrogen and all together it is high (it sounded like such a BS, if you ask me, like she had no clue what she was talking about). I asked her if there was a chance of this cycle being canceled if my estrogen does not go down and she told me that there was. So on the way home, DH & I talked about it in the car and decided not to push it, if our RE suggests canceling this one and waiting one cycle, we would do just that, since it is the second one and we don't want to spend tons of money for nothing.
Once we got home and finally had breakfast, I was exhausted and went straight to bed for a little nap :) A phone call from the clinic woke me up. The nurse (not my regular nurse) said that my estrogen is even higher at 369, BUT that Dr. H said that he is not concerned and that I can start stims tonight. So, I hung up the phone and was like "WHAT????" I didn't expect that at all. We had to rush to our pharmacy to get the drugs (the pharmacy is owned by a couple who had fertility issues too, so they always have fertility drugs in stock, they don't charge dispensing fee on prescription AND they only have 2% mark-up, which is a G-d send for people like us who have no insurance or benefits). So we got an almost 5 day supply of Gonal F and Luveris (plus the thyroid medication).
I also emailed Dr. H just to confirm that he is ok with us proceeding because if he thinks that high estrogen might negatively affect the cycle we would rather wait until the next one. On a Saturday afternoon Dr H replied within an hour in a short email saying that it IS worth starting now.
He actually called around 8 p.m. when were were about to do the shots and were getting ready to leave the house. He said that usually they like to see estrogen at 200 or lower but my case is special (he he he). What he thinks is that there is already a growing follicle although it is still very small as u/s is very good and does not show anything out of the ordinary. So what might happen is that we might get one leading follicle which we will ignore until the rest of the follicles catch up. Since I was on the phone with Dr. H instead of getting ready to go out, we were extremely late so DH had to do the injections!!! We had a nice evening out with our friends :)
This morning I had an acupuncture appointment which was great as always. She is such an amazing woman and has so much positive energy that I love having acupuncture sessions with her. I then had to go to the office (with all my drugs in tow). We were going to see Yanni tonight (the concert was amazing!!!) so I had to do injections at the office before leaving for the concert. It did take me about 10 min but at least I didn't have to worry about it during the concert. The bad thing is that I have a headache since the morning and I tried to toughen it out. it got so bad after the concert that I almost threw out on the ride home. So, took some drugs and am on my way to bed now.
Once we got home and finally had breakfast, I was exhausted and went straight to bed for a little nap :) A phone call from the clinic woke me up. The nurse (not my regular nurse) said that my estrogen is even higher at 369, BUT that Dr. H said that he is not concerned and that I can start stims tonight. So, I hung up the phone and was like "WHAT????" I didn't expect that at all. We had to rush to our pharmacy to get the drugs (the pharmacy is owned by a couple who had fertility issues too, so they always have fertility drugs in stock, they don't charge dispensing fee on prescription AND they only have 2% mark-up, which is a G-d send for people like us who have no insurance or benefits). So we got an almost 5 day supply of Gonal F and Luveris (plus the thyroid medication).
I also emailed Dr. H just to confirm that he is ok with us proceeding because if he thinks that high estrogen might negatively affect the cycle we would rather wait until the next one. On a Saturday afternoon Dr H replied within an hour in a short email saying that it IS worth starting now.
He actually called around 8 p.m. when were were about to do the shots and were getting ready to leave the house. He said that usually they like to see estrogen at 200 or lower but my case is special (he he he). What he thinks is that there is already a growing follicle although it is still very small as u/s is very good and does not show anything out of the ordinary. So what might happen is that we might get one leading follicle which we will ignore until the rest of the follicles catch up. Since I was on the phone with Dr. H instead of getting ready to go out, we were extremely late so DH had to do the injections!!! We had a nice evening out with our friends :)
This morning I had an acupuncture appointment which was great as always. She is such an amazing woman and has so much positive energy that I love having acupuncture sessions with her. I then had to go to the office (with all my drugs in tow). We were going to see Yanni tonight (the concert was amazing!!!) so I had to do injections at the office before leaving for the concert. It did take me about 10 min but at least I didn't have to worry about it during the concert. The bad thing is that I have a headache since the morning and I tried to toughen it out. it got so bad after the concert that I almost threw out on the ride home. So, took some drugs and am on my way to bed now.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Not an April's Fools Joke
Oh, but how I wish it was an April's Fools joke.
This morning I had my baseline u/s and b/w. I was a bit stressed out as I was working late yesterday and had a client coming in at 9:30 a.m. and nothing was ready for that client when I left late on Thursday. In addition, I didn't know how long it will take me to do an u/s, b/w and meet my nurse.
Everything was good, the train was on time, no problem with the subway also. I got to the clinic had to wait 5 min for and u/s then another 5 min for b/w and another 5 min to talk to the nurse. I was done in 30 minutes. That was fast! I talked to the nurse and she said that the u/s looked very good - I had 12 resting follicles on one ovary and 15 on the other. She was to call me with my b/w results in a few hours and confirm that I can start stims on Saturday night as planned.
Of course the phone rang at the worst possible time - when my boss was standing in the doorway of my office talking to my clerk. It was my nurse and she said that my estrogen level is at 335 which is elevated and that I have to come in tomorrow morning for another u/s and b/w, and that unless it goes down, I cannot start my stims tomorrow. She said that she is sorry but they cannot see elevated estrogen levels on the u/s. I couldn't ask her questions as my boss was right there. I was so upset (not crying though) that I couldn't work.
I posted a question on the forum about what does it mean to have elevated estrogen, and got four responses pointing at an active cyst - which begs a questions - why wasn't it seen on the u/s in the morning. Then I got another response:
"sounds like a false start to AF and your corpus luteum is still producing estrogen... happenend to me on a couple of occasions... usually full flow would start within a day or 2 and E2 would then drop down to normal levels. FX!"
I hope this is it rather than cyst. [TMI] My AF this time is very very weird. 1st, I am not bleeding much and it comes out in pieces rather than blood and one piece was actually pretty big. I can go by for a long time with just one pad and today it almost stopped (and it is only day 2)!!! I don't know if it even makes sense, but I've never taken BCP before (except during my last cycle) so don't know how my body supposed to react to it.
All I am doing right now is praying that my estrogen level will go down for tomorrow and this whole ordeal will just be a minor delay in cycle. Why can't IVF just be a smooth sailing???
This morning I had my baseline u/s and b/w. I was a bit stressed out as I was working late yesterday and had a client coming in at 9:30 a.m. and nothing was ready for that client when I left late on Thursday. In addition, I didn't know how long it will take me to do an u/s, b/w and meet my nurse.
Everything was good, the train was on time, no problem with the subway also. I got to the clinic had to wait 5 min for and u/s then another 5 min for b/w and another 5 min to talk to the nurse. I was done in 30 minutes. That was fast! I talked to the nurse and she said that the u/s looked very good - I had 12 resting follicles on one ovary and 15 on the other. She was to call me with my b/w results in a few hours and confirm that I can start stims on Saturday night as planned.
Of course the phone rang at the worst possible time - when my boss was standing in the doorway of my office talking to my clerk. It was my nurse and she said that my estrogen level is at 335 which is elevated and that I have to come in tomorrow morning for another u/s and b/w, and that unless it goes down, I cannot start my stims tomorrow. She said that she is sorry but they cannot see elevated estrogen levels on the u/s. I couldn't ask her questions as my boss was right there. I was so upset (not crying though) that I couldn't work.
I posted a question on the forum about what does it mean to have elevated estrogen, and got four responses pointing at an active cyst - which begs a questions - why wasn't it seen on the u/s in the morning. Then I got another response:
"sounds like a false start to AF and your corpus luteum is still producing estrogen... happenend to me on a couple of occasions... usually full flow would start within a day or 2 and E2 would then drop down to normal levels. FX!"
I hope this is it rather than cyst. [TMI] My AF this time is very very weird. 1st, I am not bleeding much and it comes out in pieces rather than blood and one piece was actually pretty big. I can go by for a long time with just one pad and today it almost stopped (and it is only day 2)!!! I don't know if it even makes sense, but I've never taken BCP before (except during my last cycle) so don't know how my body supposed to react to it.
All I am doing right now is praying that my estrogen level will go down for tomorrow and this whole ordeal will just be a minor delay in cycle. Why can't IVF just be a smooth sailing???
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