So, its the first for me, my sis is turning 30 today and we are not celebrating together. Feel kind of sad, although we've been texting back and forth through the day. The reason, she wished to have her birthday in Las Vegas (and that's where she is right now), but since the booking was done before IVF, I didn't want to risk flying to LV with an early pregnancy. The end result - no baby, my sis is having fun in LV and I am stuck at the office.
My relationship with my sister is an interesting one. We are only 1 year apart - both being born in May, but our characters are polar opposite of each other. When we were little and in our teens, we used to kick the crap out of each other (although there were periods when we played nicely together too). After we immigrated to Canada, all of our friends were the same and we started to hang out more. But our relationship did not develop into a more close one until my sis decided to get into a Business School and figured out how tough I had to be to get into law school, and especially after we both started dating.
She was always an outgoing party girl, always wanted to go out and hang out with friends, and I was shocked how after my niece was born she changed 180 degrees. The baby was supposed to be in bed by 7 p.m. at night so she had to be home to put her to bed, she prepared all baby food from scratch and became a hands-on mom (at least for the time before she went back to work).
Her first pregnancy was a shock to me. They were married a year before DH & I and I knew that my BIL wanted kids but that my sis was not ready and didn't really want them. About a month or two before our wedding (that was 5 years ago), I went to my family doctor to start preparing for pregnancy running tests and getting advice on vitamins. I think deep down inside I was afraid of my sis getting pregnant first, as she got married first, but when 2 weeks before our wedding she announced her pregnancy, I was totally out of it. It was the worst timing for me, as I was already stressing out about the wedding and having panic attacks as things were not going smoothly to put it mildly.
Well, I sucked it up and spent the entire day in the hospital when she was in labour. I was just outside the delivery room when my niece was born and heard her first cry. When my sis wanted the second one (by that time we've been trying for a while), she called me in the office and asked me when they should BD, I gave them a date and about 2 weeks later she called me to tell me that she did an HPT and it was positive. I guess because I felt responsible for it, for the first time in my dark IF days I was actually happy for her (without any reservations). My nephew was also born in May (he-he-he). She was due in June and DH & I were leaving for Paris for a week, so she called me at 5 a.m. the day we were leaving and told me that since I forbid her to give birth while I am in Paris, so she was on her way to the hospital. This time, I didn't get a chance to be close by when she gave birth, as she didn't even have time to change before she started pushing - no epidural, nothing! But i did ended up spending a few hours with my nephew before flying to Paris - stress free.
The thing is that being able to get pregnant so easily, she doesn't really get what I am going through. To her IF is kind of like a joke, not in the sense that it is funny, but in the sense that it is easy. When our old RE suggested IVF right away, and both DH & I were just not ready for it yet, every time I would complain that I got AF or that IUI didn't work, she would tell me to do IVF, like this is just a walk in the park. Don't get me work, she cares deeply about me & DH and she also gets upset at all our BFNs and cries with me, but she just doesn't get how it is. And because of that some of her actions and words can hurt and be upsetting.
It's strange, I was complaining to DH that lately she's been getting on my nerves. As we travel to work together, i see her every day, and every day it is something. "Your eyebrows are not plucked properly", "you talk with your eyes", "your dress pants look like slacks", "this shirt is too tight" etc. etc. So, I was getting annoyed. But now, she's been gone for 3 days and I really miss her, and am pretty down all day cause I can't be with her. I even imagined that I got a call from someone who would offer me a different job and put me on a plane to go to Vegas to surprise her. I do daydream A LOT, I guess I find it relaxing and it's my place away from this world. I am sorry if I sound crazy, but back to my sister.
Today, she told me that the best birthday present for her would have been me telling her that she will be an aunt in 9 months. Can't do that, so all that she'll get is money and a surprise party. Which reminds me, my BIL emailed me and said that he forgot the cake, so tomorrow I'll be looking for a place where to order a cake for her. The guest list is finally nailed down and the sitting plan is also finished, so besides having a crazy day at the office and figuring what to wear, I am pretty set.
Relationships with sisters are so strange, aren't they? It sounds like you and your sister have a really nice relationship, even if she doesn't fully understand what you are going through. My sister and I live in different states, but she is constantly sending me messages to get the latest on the fertility stuff. When I told her that our cycle failed, she actually offered to be my surrogate. It was such a weird thing because it's not like we are anywhere close to considering a surrogate, nor has it even come up in any type of conversation, so it threw me off like "you don't think I can carry my own baby?!" I know she meant well and I can't blame her because she really did mean well, but they really don't "get it" even though they've been such an integral part of our lives since the very beginning. It's weird to feel so close to someone yet have them not understand such an important part of our life.
ReplyDeleteI hope the party goes well!!!