11dp5dt - 13dp5dt

On Friday morning DH & I promised that we are going to keep the news of BFN to ourselves and let our families to be blissfully ignorant over the weekend.

I managed to keep tears back at the office, but the moment DH picked me up from a train and we were alone in the car the tears started flowing again. I was crying on and off pretty much the entire night. We found a an Italian restaurant for out anniversary. The mood was a bit sombre as we are both not taking it that great. We were discussing options that we now have and all the money issues as DH's business is not doing that well. We are both worried about telling our families on Monday as they've been very excited about how good this cycle has been for us. We both feel like we are under a microscope as our families , from good intentions, are very into our lives and we would not be able to do anything without them knowing as our every day lives are so intertwined. My sis and I travel to work every day and DH is in business with his brother. Just feel a bit trapped.

After the restaurant, we went to Baskin Robbins and bought a big ice cream cake and ate almost half while watching TV.

On Saturdays we usually host family breakfast and I was secretly hoping that when we get a BFP on Friday we will let everyone know at the breakfast on Saturday. Luckily I didn't arrange anything, and I definitely didn't want to see anyone. We didn't have breakfast, but it was a trying day. We had to go to my parents' house to finish all our taxes and my sis was there too. I cried on the way there, but managed to compose myself, and even though DH thought that they will tell that something is wrong by looking at my face, I passed with flying colours. Although both my sis and my mom asked if I POASed.

Then was a dinner and theatre show with my BIL and SIL and again both of us had to put a brave face. When they ordered a bottle of wine I wanted a huge glass too, but since I am supposedly pregnant, I was drinking water all evening. The show was hilarious and it took my mind of things just for a bit. After the show we all went to our house and finished the ice cream cake. My SIL also asked how I was feeling and if I POASed.

Today was a bit easier. DH was crazy busy as he had to drive MIL to see a doctor, then the kid to driving school, then me to subway to go to the office, then to my parents' place to finish taxes and then pick up the kid. We got into an argument in the car as I was telling him that it is OK to ask for help when he has so much to do, like asking his brother to pick up the kid as my parents' house is so far away from where he was. I guess our emotions are on high right now as we are waiting for the final verdict tomorrow. The kid had a tryout tonight so DH asked if after he picks me up from the subway I can pick the kid up and he would go to the movies. And with everything he was going through I wanted him to have some time off to unwind with guys. Although, driving in the rain on a highway is not my favourite pass time.

I am a bit torn right now - the realist in my knows that tomorrow beta will just confirm that it is a BFN, but the other half of me is stupidly thinking that may be just may be we get a positive beta on Monday, but it is stupid as it should have shown something by 16dpo. In about 12-14 hours I will have the answer.

DH is now blaming himself for all the pain that we've been going through. He said that he will never ever push me to POAS again. I told him that it was my doing too because if I wouldn't want to I wouldn't do it. Although doing it on a Friday meant that we are both miserable for the entire weekend, and unsure of what Monday will bring. We agreed that it would have been double hard to hear a BFN on Monday at the office, and I told him that some girls actually POAS in the morning of beta so that they can take care of their emotions at home and be ready for that phone call at the office.

I've been playing in my head various scenarios about how we are going to tell our families. I think for this Monday there are only two possible courses of events - (i) the beta is negative, or (ii) the beta is positive but the number is too low. So, DH will get a phone call and the rest of the family will get an email. I will not be able to break their heart and listen to them trying to console me.

I am also seriously thinking of cancelling my birthday party next Sunday. I told DH that and he is against the idea. He thinks that we can survive through it and even if we cancel, everyone would still show up just on a different days and times, so better have it all in one shot. Hopefully the weather is going to be nice and we will have a nice bbq on our backyard. And if I get a BFN tomorrow, I just get really really drunk!!!

10 year anniversary - 11dp5dt

10 years ago, on April 29, 2001, I met my future husband for the first time.

6 years ago, on April 29, 2005, my husband proposed to me.

Today, on April 29, 2011, I am sitting in my office fighting back tears... The HPT this morning was stark white ... neither of my beautiful blasts made it. Somehow, I feel like it is my fault, like something is wrong with me! I cried all morning until it was time to leave. DH & I promised to each other that we will not tell our families just yet, until the Monday beta makes it official that our second IVF failed!

I put a brave face and now am at work wishing for this day to end quickly so I can be alone with DH. DH is more optimistic and he tries his best to make me feel better... not helping much, I guess I just have to let myself grieve before picking up the pieces of my broken heart yet again and moving forward.

"Happy" 10 year anniversary, honey!!!

Take 2: 8dp5dt - 10dp5dt

After the transfer my nurse emailed me a handout of what to avoid during the 2ww. It also said that in accordance with the latest research and studies it has NOT been proven that bed rest will give you a better chance of getting pregnant. I also look at it this way - most (fertile) girls don't even know that they are pregnant this early in the game. Although, he did say to take it easy. So I am not running trying not to run and not to walk too fast.

The hand out did say to avoid strenuous exercise including vacuuming (I am staying away from those). It also said to avoid caffeine, smoking, alcohol and drugs - check on almost all fronts, I don't drink coffee and stopped drinking non-herbal teas (but do indulge in chocolate), never smoked in my life or done drugs (so that was easy), and alcohol is not such a big thing for me - although I did have a few sips during the Passover dinner. I was told today that chocolate has a lot of caffeine in it (well I don't think you need to be a rocket scientist to figure that out), but caffeine has been linked to early miscarriages - so yes, I am staying away from chocolate or anything else caffeine related.

Avoiding sunbathing, hot sauna, Jacuzzi, swimming and baths is also easy. I am not the one for taking baths (I think in over 3 years that we've lived in our house, I used the bath twice). It is too cold for swimming and sunbathing anyways. And even though I enjoy saunas - I haven't been in a while and don't really miss it.

The last point was avoiding sexual intercourse and orgasm - oh-oh!!! I didn't know that I would have a problem with those. During normal times DH and I do "love dance" at least once or twice per week, and we haven't had any since the last time before he prepared for his contribution on ER day. I feel great, but with the stuff that I am putting up "you know what" 3 times a day, we can't really have sex, although I really really want to. Now that problems kind of solved itself. Then I've read somewhere that having an orgasm does something to your uterus and it can do something to get the embabies out - so it is a big no-no, and the reason while after a few caresses we are going to sleep on our respective sides of the bed. Who knew that in order to have a kid you have to stop having sex. Isn't it counter-intuitive? Well, I guess I don't care if it is, as we are staying away from each other for at least another week, as I would do anything to have both of my embabies stick inside me.


This unbelievably long 2ww is starting to get a toll on me. On Tuesday (8dp5dt) I was calculating and trying to figure out if I can take a test on Wednesday (9dp5dt), as the wait was getting unbearable. However when the Wednesday came along, and I realized in the morning that I didn't have an urge to POAS, I was happy, and it seemed like I can do it - wait until my chosen date - April 29th. :)

So Wednesday morning my sis and I were waiting for the train and somehow we got into the topic of POASing and HPTs (nobody knows about our plan to POAS on Friday). So my sis was telling me that I should not POAS as those tests are unreliable and that if I do have to do it, I should do it first thing in the morning. I was like "Oh, really. You are telling ME that???" She said "Yes" and then I asked her if she knew the difference between the days past ovulation and what the sensitivity of the test should be and how it is measured, and she said "Yes, it should have two lines" That was just priceless!!! My sis means well, but she got pregnant with her first baby after 6 months of trying, and my nephew was conceived on the first try, so she has absolutely no clue about what all of us have to go through!!!

There was also a very proud moment for me when I was collecting all our medical expenses (including IVF in December) for our tax returns. I got all of the receipts from our 3 IUIs and IVF and medication, and I had a pile of the paperwork that we signed with our first clinic, and I threw it all out!!! That felt so so liberating!!! I don't know why, but it felt great!

Then we get to today (10dp5dt). Yesterday, a friend of ours who had to move to the States came over as she was visiting, and we were catching up until 2 a.m. and that's when I took my evening dose of meds. Then I figured that there is no way I can get up to get an early train with my sis so I emailed her and told DH that he'll have to drive me to the last train. Then my brain started working that since I took the last dose of meds so late, it would be better if I take the morning dose later, after I get to work. So I put both bottles in a black bag. It was hard to get up (as you can imagine), I took my sweet time and we left in a hurry. When I got to the train station my new electronic card refused to work, so I had to use the old system. Then when I got downtown the lineups were huge, but I had to figure out what was wrong with my card, so I stood in line and then argued with the personnel for about 30 min, by the time I got to the office it was 9:30 a.m. So I go to make my breakfast and then start thinking that I should put the medication now as it is getting late. I got to my office and to my bag, and realize that my little bag with meds is still on my bed!!! Next, I start thinking about my little embabies and how they didn't have any support since 2 a.m. and will not get any until late tonight. Of course, I have tears in my eyes. I call DH already barely able to speak, he says to ask the clinic if i can just get a one day supply from them. I email the clinic and the answer is NO, and my nurse asks if it is possible for me to take the meds as soon as possible as they don't want to risk anything. So with that I go to my boss (who has no clue what's going on), before I can even open my mouth tears start rolling and I can't even talk. I finally told him that I forgot my meds and have to go home by noon, and he took it pretty well. So I left a bit after noon and was home by 2 p.m. While I was working from home DH called and asked what kind of HPT he should by as he stopped by a drug store!!! So now we have a good HPT at home.

Then we had our nephew's b-day party tonight (just the family) and everything was going nicely. But DH & his brother had a bit to drink and by the end of the evening DH was asking me to POAS, he was so convincing that I almost did!!! Almost!!! We got home, and I got scared, and I told him that I am scared and that I would rather do it on our anniversary. He understood. But now I am getting so anxious and petrified of the test that I had another breakdown with me sobbing and DH saying that it doesn't matter the result we WILL have our baby one way or another.

So here we are, one more night until POAS, at 11dp5dt - it should be a pretty accurate result (even my nurse said that). I am trying to be optimistic, but I today I started to feel cramps in my uterus, and before they were only in my ovaries. I am also very emotional, and I've been very nauseous today (more then yesterday). I have no idea if this is just all in my head, progesterone or actual pregnancy symptoms.

The only good thing is that by approximately this time during my first IVF I was already spotting, and for now the only thing I can see is the progesterone and estrogen leaking.

Take 2: 3dp5dt - 7dp5dt

Today is a midpoint of my 2 ww as we are on 7dp5dt. For most lucky people a beta test is scheduled for 10 or 11 dp5dt, for us its 14dp5dt. The wait is getting to me today, although the long weekend was very busy.

Thursday at 3dp5dt was just a regular work day. My boss was away last week and I've been leaving earlier for Passover dinners on Monday and Tuesday, and as well on Wednesday (just because :) ). So Thursday was my catch up time. Once I got home I needed to do some laundry and pack for our trip to Niagara Falls.

We were off early Friday morning (4dp5dt). The reason for the trip is that the teen who lives with us (the "kid") had a tournament in St. Catharines plus both my sis and my DH's brother's families were at Niagara Falls for the weekend at the water park. We dropped the kid at the game and went to Niagara-on-the-lake. On the way there my mommy called and wanted to make sure that I am not over exerting myself. It was sunny but chilly and we were walking from one store to another. I am happy to report that I teared up only once when I saw the cutest pink door sign with beads which read "Daddy's little princess". After checking in to the hotel on the outskirts of Niagara Falls we spent the second half of the day in St. Catharines and even watched a game, which DH enjoyed. I did have a nap at the hotel when we checked in and we also made it an early night.

On Saturday (5dp5dt) my parents were also supposed to join us, so once we dropped off the kid at the morning game we went to Starbucks to wait for them. It was raining hard during the night but by mid morning the weather turned for the best, it was just amazing - sunny and work, so I spent time walking around with my brother. Once the game was done all of us joined my sister and DH's brother's families for lunch and walked around Niagara Falls (although we didn't get to the falls just yet). We walked with them to DQ and without getting anything went to our car as we were running late for the kid's game. (but don't feel sorry for me as on our first trip to Niagara-on-the-lake we bought and indulged in some chocolate, even though I know its a no-no).

We dropped the kid off at the game and went to Niagara-on-the-Lake. It was early evening but it was still very warm outside, as most stores were already closed, DH & I just strolled for an hour. We were talking about how we are going to raise our children (mostly what we are NOT going to do based on us watching our niece and nephews). We do want them to be social, so at the beginning we want to make emphasis on them expressing themselves - singing, dancing, painting, reading and interacting. We don't want them to watch much TV or play computer games - as even my 2 year old nephew knows how to play game on his parent's iphones! We don't want screaming and want them to be raised to respect others. We want to take them on road trips since they are little as we enjoy road trips, being in the car together - doesn't even matter where we are going. We don't want them to eat junk food, and in that regard we have to lead by example, we are trying to watch what we eat (well some times), but need to take it up a notch as we also cannot change overnight. It was so nice to discuss this, and even better to realize that we are on the same waive when it will come to raising our children.

I was pretty happy, the weather was awesome, I had frozen yogourt and then hot chocolate to get the warmth back :) We saw this old property that looked like it was let go and all over where little blue flowers, like a sea. It was so beautiful and I started to realize that the spring is finally here!!! There were buds on the bushes, so the nature is waking up from this long dreaded winter.

The game finished late so we went out for dinner and back to the hotel to watch some TV and sleep.

Unfortunately for us, the kids team won all the games and they were in semi-finals and it really looked like they were going to make it to the finals as well, which was late on Sunday.

So Sunday (6dp5dt) we got up a bit earlier as we had to check out our hotel before dropping the kid at the game. After we dropped him off we went to Niagara Falls to meet with my sis' and DH's brother's families. The kids were not on their best behaviour and even though we managed to get to the falls we didn't stay much there (well, I've seen them tons of times, but they are still very beautiful, especially the one on the Canadian side, eh!!!) I said good bye to DH and went home with my BIL & SIL as I need to finish up a few things at home.

I guess the hormones are effecting my brain, as when I got home I called DH and asked him if he wanted me to make something for dinner and he asked for me to boil potatoes. But, I even did better, I did mashed potatoes with garlic, milk and butter, and cut all the lettuce so that we can have salads quicker. And so you know, I DON'T COOK - period. All the cooking in our house is done by DH, so I am thinking I am probably in the nestling period, LOL. I also cleaned out the refrigerator and dishwasher and washed the microwave - again very not like me. :) The boys loved my mashed potatoes and salad, although I forgot the salt - oh well, you lose some you gain some.

Today, at 7dp5dt I went back to work, but for some reason I am getting very impatient on one side but very afraid to do the test on the other side. The plan was to wait until Friday, but I might do it a bit earlier on Wednesday or Thursday, don't know.

The symptoms so far: (i) very sore boobies - I didn't realize how sore they are until I tried to take a nap in the hotel. As I sleep with a body pillow at home, I had to lay down on my girls at the hotel, and boy did they hurt!!! I got a spare pillow so I can prop myself off them, (ii) nausea - I don't think it is related, but still... I do get bouts of nausea, usually when I am hungry, although I had those before IVF as well, (iii) hot flashes - I don't even know if hot flashes are a pregnancy symptom, but I noticed that I had a few of them today, and I had them yesterday too. I started getting hot flashes after using Clomid, and even after I stopped using the drug, hot flashes remained. I didn't have them for a while, so this is something new.

Welcome ICLW!!!

Welcome everyone who found their way to my little blog!

You can find our TTC timeline in the right hand column and a very detailed account of our journey at "about me" tab, but here is a shorter summary :)

DH and I have been married since August 2006 (after being together for 5 years).
We have been TTC for over 4.5 years now (since December 2006) and I have never been pregnant.
2 years ago we were diagnosed with MFI (male factor infertility).
After 5IUIs and a surgery for DH we decided to proceed with IVF.
Our first IVF in December last year was a disaster (understimulated, threat of cancellation, only one poor quality embie), and as expected, ended in BFN.
We changed clinics and I am in my 2ww after a much more successful cycle :) as on April 18th we transferred 2 beautiful blasts. BETA is not until May 2.


All your comments, thoughts and questions are always welcomed and appreciated, so stop by to say "hi" often! and leave the name of your blog so I can also pay a visit.

Take 2: 2dp5dt

Nothing much to report yet.

Unfortunately, I am getting more sick. My throat hurts and I have a runny nose. All I do all day is drink warm water with lemon. I haven't had so much water since before ER so kind of looking how my body is taking it, although my throat and nose sure are happy to get warmth.

The cutest thing happened last night. I was already in bed sleeping when DH came in. He is usually quiet as a mouse, but last night he hugged me and said that he wanted to hold his babies and wish them good night. I told him to send his love to them and tell them to stay put, and so he did. I was so happy, as DH is NOT one of those mooshy romantic type guys.

I've been craving matzo ball soup for a while now, so called my parents and asked them to make some - told them that its their future grandchildren who want it. So DH & I had a blast, the soup was just amazing. Nothing like a hot bowl of soup to make those cold symptoms stay a way, even if just for a bit. and spending a few hours with my parents didn't hurt either.

Take 2: 1dp5dt

I feel that I am dreaming and that it just can't be that good, and that something bad is going to happen.

I was patiently waiting for info from my nurse, but then gave up and emailed he. I asked her for the quality of the 2 blasts that were transferred, 2 blasts that were supposed to be frozen and 1 morula that they were watching. The nurse replied that she doesn't know the quality just yet as she didn't receive an official embryologist's report, but they confirmed that they have froze 4. Say what??? 4 We now have 4 frozen blasts. Didn't see that coming!!! Where did the 4th one come in? Don't know, but not complaining either. It is just surreal. I am just hoping that this cycle will be perfect to the end and will end with a perfect pregnancy and the perfect baby (or babies). By the way, I entered my ER into a EDD calculator and for a singleton it is January 3, 2012 (my BIL's b-day is January 2) and for twins December 12, 2011.

As for how I am feeling. I can still feel my ovaries especially when I try to walk fast or when I've been sitting for a while and try to get up. I guess after growing 25 follicles one would expect that it would not heal in a day or two. My (.)(.) are also very sore and have been for a while. I am also bloated and gassy a bit from all the progesterone I am taking.

I was a bit busy at the office so I didn't realize that I haven't eaten in a while until I felt nauseous (I always feel nauseous when I don't eat on time), so once I ate the feeling of nausea disappeared (as it always does). So then DH calls me and asks me how I am feeling and if I am feeling pregnant and if I am feeling nauseous today - to which I replied YES!!! with a big laugh.

The sadder part is that DH has a cold and it looks like I caught it too. I am so afraid of being sick as I want to give my babies the best chance to implant as possible. I am not taking anything for it, but my nose is running and my throat hurt so the whole cold thing is coming. Which also sucks as we are going to Niagara Falls for the long weekend, hopefully this cold will just linger and go away before the weekend.

Take 2 - ET: I am now PUPO!!!

Yes, I have been PUPO for about 11 hours now!!! But I should start from the beginning.

Yesterday, Sunday, I was supposed to go to the office so I woke up with an alarm around 10 a.m. instead of sleeping in. I went to the bathroom and opened the blinds... TADA it was snowing!!! April 17th - snow on the roof and ground in TO. I woke up DH so he could see it too, because for a moment there I thought I went back in time to February. It was actually snowing pretty much the entire day, although the temperature outside did get up a bit above 0c.

I talked to DH and he said that trying to fit in acupuncture before ET on Monday morning would make me too stressed out, so I emailed my acupuncturist and scheduled an appointment for Sunday evening. DH and I had breakfast together and I only managed to get to the office by about 1 p.m. and left at 7 p.m. to get to the acupuncturist. She was great and very supportive, as usual. She is one of those people who truly cares about her patients and does everything to accommodate. When I returned home, a couple of our friends decided to drop by for a cup of coffee/tea, so I didn't have time to do my meditation.

This morning DH & I decided that we will take a subway to the clinic so as not to pay for parking downtown. On our way to the subway station I drank a 500ml bottle of water, and by the time we arrived to the clinic (exactly at 10 a.m.) I could feel my bladder being full but not too painful. We got taken in and changed for the procedure and I got comfy in the lounge chair and was sipping a bit from the second water bottle. There was just one more couple next to us. Then about 10:30 a.m. a nurse dropped by to say that Dr. H was running 20-30 min late and asked how we are doing. Since I was sipping water, I asked her if I should just stop doing that and she said definitely. Well, by the time Dr. H came in, my bladder was really really full and making me know about it :) The good thing about our RE being late was that I managed to do a mediation for the transfer in the 20 min that we've been waiting for him, since it was very quiet and I was very comfy (minus the uncomfortably full bladder).

As soon as I finished the meditation, the other couple was taken in. By that time I was already in a lot of discomfort and it seemed like the clock just stopped and it was taking them forever. Then I heard them getting back into their cubicle and I almost jumped and ran into the operation room myself.

Once I got in the u/s tech quickly check my bladder and said that it was too full and for an easier transfer I had to empty it just a bit - 1 glass!!!! WTF!!!! I hate hate hate hate doing this, as it is hard to stop. The funny part is that DH & I were just discussing it on our way to the clinic and I told him my feelings about that, so as I was leaving to do to the bathroom, I heard him joking with the tech, the nurses and our RE about it. Well, I managed to do it (they do have plastic cups for that purpose in the washroom) - what wouldn't I do for my babies. When I got back, I actually felt a bit better as well.

So first our doc was talking to us, he said that he was very pleased with the whole cycle and how I responded to medication, and that we have 2 blasts to transfer and 2 more to freeze and that there is another morula that they are watching and might also freeze tomorrow. The procedure was a bit long (much longer then what I remember it being the first time). The Doc was very careful first about placing the catheter inside my uterus at exactly the spot where he wanted it and he was asking the u/s tech to do different scans to make sure it is perfect (in my head I was like, please G-d make him do it faster), then they were ready for my embabies. I could here both our names said and repeated a few times to ensure that those were our embabies. It took a few more minutes for those embabies to be transferred into my uterus, as he again was very careful in placing them exactly where he wanted them.

After everything was done and the normal lights were on, I was left on the operating table for a few minutes while chit-chatting with our RE. He said that the 2 blasts were perfect and that he is sure that this will result in a pregnancy, he again said that he is very very happy with my entire cycle. Then he helped me up. Since I already peed before the procedure, I just got back to my lounge chair and decided to sit around for about 10 min (initially I was thinking of lounging around for about half an hour as they say in their materials, but the couple next to us left when we finished our transfer, and I was already very late for work). So, it probably ended up being more than 10 min as both DH & I were on our phones updating our family (and me my ivf.ca friends).

I went to the office and was at the office about 12 p.m., there are tons of things that I had to do, some of them were left over from Sunday as I left to go to acupuncture. Plus, my boss is leaving tomorrow morning for a week and there were a few last minute things to finish up. But, at 3:45 p.m. I was out of there. The reason is that today is the first night of Passover.

Since we bought our house we would celebrate Passover at our house and I would clean the entire house and hid all chametz in one place and actually sell it on-line, but this year (a) with all the stress of IVF, I had no time nor ability to clean the house and get rid of chametz, I just decided I am not going to touch it and would make it extra special next year when I'll have my baby :), and (b) my SIL's b-day was also on the 18th, so it kind of didn't make sense to have it at our house, and we had it at her house instead, although the birthday celebrations didn't leave much time for actual Passover.

We still had lots of food and fun. The only problem is that DH got a cold so he was feeling very much under the weather. My BIL was so excited that we are PUPO that he proposed a toast for us (which was kind of stupid as there were people there who knew nothing about our situation), so instead my parents concocted some kind of explanation to them about it being close to our 10 year anniversary (which is actually on the 29th). Oh well, I still love my BIL. Tomorrow we are actually going to my sis' house for a second Passover dinner which should be more traditional then the feast we had today.

Going to load and unload dishwasher and then straight to bed!!! The countdown has began. We are at 0dp5dt!!! 14 more days to go, as BETA will not be until 2 weeks from today i.e. 14dp5dt, unless I can work my magic with my nurse and have it for a Sunday (13dp5dt) instead so that DH & I can process the news in private (whatever those news might be. But for now I am very hopeful and pregnant and nobody can say otherwise!!!

Take 2: Fertilization Reports (48h & 72 h. past ER)

First, I want to say thanks to all of you for all of your concerns. DH & I decided that if I am still feeling pressure by the time the nurse calls on Friday with the fertilization report, I would tell her about that.

So Thursday night I sent DH to buy me Gatorade. Well, all I can say: it tastes awful but it works. I finished an entire bottle (710 ml) before going to bed on Thursday. When I woke up on Friday, I was thinking that's it no transfer for me as I could feel pressure the moment I put my body in a vertical position. By lunch time, I finished another bottle of Gatorade, a can of V8 and a chicken noodle soup from Timmis (I thought that there should be tons of sodium in that), and it actually worked. By the time the phone rang, I didn't feel any pressure when taking deep breaths AND my stomach didn't hurt. Yei!!!

So on Friday, April 15, 1 embie arrested, 5 embabies were right on track at 3-4 cells, 1 was behind at 2 cells, and 3 embabies were overachievers at 5-6 cells. My nurse told me that it still doesn't mean anything as the situation can change drastically. She also said that she already had time for my transfer -- 10:30 a.m. on Monday, so we have to be at the clinic at 10:00 a.m. with full bladder.

When I got home from work, I was still craving soup so DH and I went to an Asian restaurant not far from our house and I had a nice bowl of soup with rice noodles (it was salty too :) ).

The end result is that this morning I don't have any more pain in my tummy (and thank goodness no Gatorade), although now I can feel a dull pain in my ovaries from time to time, but those are healing so no surprise there.

This morning we had invited the entire family to our house for breakfast. We used to do it every week, but then staff got in the way, and with daily monitoring, we haven't done it in a while. It was nice to see the entire family together again including our niece and nephews. The phone rang much earlier then I anticipated but I managed to hear it, so as of today (Apr. 16) we have 3 embabies which are right on track at 7-8 cells, 3 emebabies are a bit ahead at 9 or more cells (which the nurse said might still be alright), 1 embabie at 6 cells, and 2 embabies at 1-5 cells (who the nurse said might arrest before reaching day 5). I am still very happy as we need 2 embabies to transfer on Monday. It would be nice to have a few frozen for later but DH and I are not greedy, whatever G-d decides we deserve we'll take.

So, today I am taking it easy, it is raining outside since early morning and we are both in no mood to go outside, although we might have to. Tomorrow, I have to go to the office as I have a few projects that I want to finish and hopefully take a day off on Monday. I also asked my acupuncturist if we can do a session right before ET in the morning on Monday before we had to the clinic, so I can work long hours on Sunday and take Monday off. The trick is that on Monday we have to be at the clinic at 10 a.m., so we should probably be done by about 11 a.m. as the transfer itself is scheduled for 10:30 a.m., but then I would want to lay there for a bit to have my two little embabies settle in. So, theoretically I would not get to the office until about 12 p.m. Also on Monday is the first night for Passover (it is also my SIL's birthday) so we have to be at her house by 5 p.m. which means that I'll have to leave work before 4 p.m. So it doesn't really make sense for me to come to work, but my boss is leaving on Tuesday morning, and he might still want me to go in for even a bit. Ughh, I don't know. I guess I'll see how tomorrow goes.

Take 2: Fertilization Report (24 h. past ER)

I kind of lingered in bed until 10 a.m. this morning when I put both the estrogen and progesterone in. I haven't figured out the timing yet. All I know is that progesterone goes in 3 times a day and estrogen goes in twice. I emailed my nurse and she confirmed that those two can come in together. Since estrogen pill is so tiny, I decided it will go in first so as not to be lost in the gooey mess of progesterone pills.

I woke up with what I thought was a stomachache. I was trying to remember what I ate the night before and a hot sandwich with meat came to mind. DH made it for both of us and even though I commented of it being too heavy after ER, it looked and smelled so delicious that I ate it :). But now I think it wasn't that. I am afraid to say it, but I might have an onset of OHSS. Even though I didn't eat anything, I feel like I just had a huge meal: my stomach feels very heavy and when I take a deep breath it actually hurts a bit. My ovaries hurt a bit from time to time, but not as much as yesterday.

When the nurse called with the fertilization report and ask how I was doing, I told her that I am better. I am afraid to tell her how I feel - Is it bad? I am so afraid that if I tell her the truth Dr. H would cancel the ET on Monday. I decided that if I don't feel better by the time she calls tomorrow, I will tell her how I feel. I have been drinking 1 can of V8 for a week now, and had one today too. I stopped drinking water (that's what I usually drink in big quantities) and sent DH to buy gatorade and pedialyte. I so hope that it will help.

But I digress, the nurse called me with our fertilization report. Out of 19 eggs retrieved, 15 were mature (Yei and we were thinking about half), and out of 15 mature eggs that were ICSIed - 10 fertilized and they are watching those 10 now. I started crying before I hanged up the phone. I was by myself so I had a mini breakdown - but happy tears, happy tears. I called DH and I could hear in his voice how relieved he was. its 10 vs. 1 a HUGE difference between the two cycles. and I have hope again that this one just might work.

I've spent entire day either on the bed or on the couch watching TV, then my parents came over and I helped my brother with his homework. So proud of him. He is autistic and he is progressing nicely. He is 12 and I love him like my own baby. Well, tomorrow the call should be around lunch time, so hopping for more reassurances for our 10 little embabies. DIVIDE AND GROW, GROW, GROW!!!!

Take 2 - ER: So proud of my ovaries!!!

Yesterday (Tuesday) I didn't feel like blogging or even going onto my computer in the evening. I woke up at 4:30 a.m. because my second blanket fell off (yes I sleep under two), and I couldn't fall asleep thereafter. My mind and heart where just racing. I was in a lot of pain since the morning and had to finish a few projects at work, so even my acupuncture appointment was moved late (and I still managed to be late for that). The acupuncture appointment did put me at ease, and by the time I got home, I pretty much went straight to bed.

This morning we had an early start. I did have a good sleep (thanks to acupuncture)and got up at 5:30 a.m. Don't laugh but I did make sure that my legs are free of hair, took a shower and woke up DH. When I got up, I didn't feel any pain and started to freak out, but of course once I started to get ready to leave the pain was back. Since I was not supposed to eat or drink anything since the midnight before, we decided for DH not to have breakfast at the house and just buy a snack on our way at Starbucks :) 6:50 a.m. we were out of the house, and with traffic and a detour to Starbucks were at the clinic by about 7:50 a.m. My REs clinic is small and is not equipped for ER/ET procedures, although monitoring is done there, so he uses 3 other clinics. We were lucky as the one that he was using was just a few floors above his. Once we arrived the nurse took me in pretty quickly and left DH in the waiting room. It was a smart move. She got me settled in and started inserting the IV. Since, I've been going into monitoring every day for over a week, both of my arms didn't look that great. To her credit, after pocking me once in the left arm behind the elbow, and giving me a huge bruise from a collapsed vein on the inside of my right arm, she called a blood tech who quickly put a butterfly needle on my hand. The other good thing was that they had blankets, 2 of them, so I was nice and warm. Once I got all settled they called DH. He got all dressed up in a hat and yellow robe and looked so funny that we goofed around taking pictures of each other. As I had an IV in my hand, the nurse told me to try not to move the hand and try to keep it in a fist position so that the needle would not go out. So my pics of DH were not that great.

Then came our time for the procedure which was a bit after 9 a.m. I was escorted into the washroom, and it was hard to manoeuvre with just one hand, but all was done and we headed into the operating room. My RE was already there. We talked a bit, I don't really remember about what, mostly chit chat. He asked me how I was feeling and I told him that I was in a lot of pain and pressure from my ovaries. He said that I had lots of follies, and told the nurse to give me double of the medication. I got woozy pretty quickly. I could seen the screen and DH was right by my side. RE started the procedure and he did the left side (which didn't have as many as the right) and then it turned out that my right ovary had a stage fright and was hiding behind my uterus. As a result they gave me more drugs and a nurse had to actually push on my stomach to get the shy one on camera. To tell you the truth I don't remember how long it lasted, I did feel some pain and some pressure, but nothing major, although everything is like a blur. I heard them counting from 5 to 11, and then I started seeing doubles - double the monitor- double DH's head. The nurses were amazing, they were continuously asking how I was feeling. I think RE added more medication closer to the end. Once we were done and I was cleaned. RE came up to me and said that I did very good and he is very happy with me. We got 19 eggs!!!! Yep 19!!!! He was saying something that it is much more that the average that they get, and that he got all the eggs but that not all of them will be mature enough (which is also fine). He said that the pressure should be better now but they will still be watching me as the drained follies will be filling up back with fluid and it can cause OHSS, which we don't want. So he congratulated me again, and I started crying right there on the operating table with my tears streaming down my cheeks. One of the nurses gave me tissue, and all I could say was that I was happy so that they would not think that I am in pain. DH & I kept holding hands and saying that we did a great job and we were so proud of my ovaries. I was very dizzy so during the trip from the operating room back to my lounge chair I was practically hanging on DH. Once we got back, DH sent a text to my sis, his brother and SIL with the news. I got some water and orange juice to drink and some crackers. DH was taken to give his sample. I was given a heating pad and covered with blankets, so while waiting for DH I almost fell asleep as the medication made me groggy and sleepy. My nurse from REs clinic actually came up to talk to us and the embryologist also stopped by to say hi and to tell us that we did good. We got both estrogen and progesterone suppositories to be started tomorrow, and headed home.

On my way home I talked to my sis and my parents, and then my acupuncturist called as she wanted to know how ER went (so sweet of her). Once I got home, I got my own heating pad going and went to bed. Had a nice 4 hour sleep. As I am writing this the pain is still there, it gets better and than worse again. It is painful to walk, stand up and walk up/down the stairs. The worst pain is when I go to the washroom (I guess because the things get reshuffled in there :) ). and I am spotting which was expected as I had a lot of holes pocked in me.

I keep thinking that by now my eggs were probably ICSIed and we already have a few embryos in a dish in a lab. I actually started crying when I thought about it the first time. DH was on his best behaviour and very affectionate (which is not his normal self as he is a more reserved individual). I will probably go to watch some more TV with my heating pad on my tummy. Tomorrow, the nurse will call with an update, but it will not be until after lunch hour, so I guess I'll be sleeping in. I hate waiting by the phone!

Trigger Day!!!!

It's finally here, the trigger day.

This morning was my last u/s and I am sitting at 25 follicles, on the right: 2.4, 2.3, 2.2x2, 2.1, 1.9x2, 1.8x2, 1.7x3, 1.5x2, 1.1x2, and on the left: 1.6x2, 1.5x2, 1.4, 1.35, 1.1x2, 1.0. They cyst is at 4 cm. Sorry if I am repeating myself, but I have constant pain in my ovaries. To say that my u/s was uncomfortable is an understatement. I am happy that tomorrow I am only going for b/w and NO u/s. The estrogen is at 12,600!!!

Thank G-d I don't have OHSS, the nurse said it is because they implemented an OHSS protocol early, which was basically to add more sodium to my diet. I just drink 1 can of V8 every day, but whatever, happy it worked. One more day left, can't wait to have the "crop" harvested :).

I did the trigger at 9 p.m. for the ER at 9 am on Wednesday, my clinic wanted me to take Ovidrel at 1/2 dose of each of 2 vials. DH freaked out when I told him that we have to buy 2 and use 1/2 of each, but I was told that it is this way for quality control and I was thinking that if I take one and that one doesn't work the whole cycle would be a bust and we will be out of some serous money with nothing to show for it.

The good thing is that I have been diligently leaving the office by 7:20 p.m. - no late nights as I had to do injections and today the trigger shot. But I am still looking forward to 2 days of sleep on Wednesday after the ER and the whole day on Thursday, although if I am feeling decent I would love to go a manicure and pedicure done as well as a hair cut. A girl can dream!!! Looking forward to no injections tomorrow!!!

Take 2 - Stims - Day 8 & No Stims Day 9

Yesterday was the eighth day of my injections and the craziest day so far. Getting up at 6 a.m. on a Saturday is unheard of for me but had to get myself and DH out of bed to get to the clinic for u/s and b/w by 8 a.m. The results were good. On the right ovary we had 1.8, 1.65, 1.6, 1.5, 1.1x4, 1.0x3 and on the left we had: 1.3, 1.1x3, 1.0x2 So the left ovary also started producing and in the morning when I had pain on the left side I was like WTF?? Why do the 2 lonely follicles giving me hard time - the answer because now there are 6 of them. The cyst also got a bit bigger and was sitting at 3.0.

So after the clinic we stopped by my parents for breakfast and headed for my acupuncture appointment. As DH was driving me, I told him to just drop me off and that I would walk home as the weather was amazing and it was about 7km walk. He insisted on leaving the car and walked home himself. The acupuncturist appointment gave me a burst of positive energy as always, but she said that I was very tried (no kidding!!! after sleeping 5 hours a night for a long time) she told me to go home an relax - and that I did, I took a nap :) I was awaken by a phone call from the clinic, the nurse said that my estrogen was up to 7,640 but my LH was up again to 6 (she was explaining to me that the day when they called me to start orgalutran my LH went up to 10, and then dropped to 2, but it was up again). So I needed to have another 1/2 dose asap and the full dose on Sunday morning, so I sent DH to buy 2 doses of orgalutran, and did my 1/2 dose right away.

In the evening we were going to a dinner theatre, which turned out to be hilarious! We had so much fun. The problem was that I had to do my injections in the middle of the dinner before the actual show started. My sis volunteered to help me (it was the first time she was seeing me doing them) but the stalls were so tiny that I just ended up mixing and doing the injections on the counter (at least the washroom was very clean and pretty much empty). I was so nervous to do them in the open and not in the comfort of my own home, but I did them and the results in the morning were good.

Today in the morning we had on the right 6 which are ready, 5 more which are close to being ready and 7 smaller ones as follows: 2.1x3, 1.8x2, 1.7, 1.5x2, 1.3, 1.1, 1.0 on the left the crop was also growing with 1.5, 1.4x2, 1.3, 1.1x2. And of course the cyst grew a bit to 3.3. The nurse told me that the lining is very good at 1.3. I had a minor dilemma, with 6 follicles being ready I wasn't sure if I'll be triggered tonight or tomorrow night, and I didn't have Luveris, Orgalutron or the trigger shot (Ovidrel) and I didn't want to buy it at the clinic (my cheap pharmacy is closed on Sundays), so we decided that I go to the office and she'll call me with the results and we take it from there. She did call me and told me that my estrogen level is now at 10,210, so Dr. H decided that I will not do anymore stims, and will only do a full dose of Orgalutran Monday morning and a trigger Monday night. Yep, we are close to being triggered!!! So, I had to go back to the clinic to pick up Orgalutran, which would have been a nice stroll if it wasn't raining cats & dogs outside. Thankfully I did have an umbrella but my sneakers and jeans were all wet.

The thing is with 18 growing follicles and a cyst, I have a constant pain below my waist. I had to finish a project and could only leave the office after 6p.m. The pain actually got worse as I think my ovaries are pushing on everything around them and now everything hurts - my ovaries, my uterus and even my kidneys!!! It is painful to walk, sit or stand. My retreat came when I got home and curled under a blanket in front of the TV, but as I am writing this sitting in front of my computer I can really feel my ovaries hurting AND I have TWO more days like that!!! I feel like I am pregnant and I want those eggs out NOW. Yep I am also very emotional and moody. I am going to mediate right now and try to go to sleep, I did doze off in front to TV an hour ago, so hopefully can do this again in my comfy bed curled up under 2 blankets.

Take 2 - Stims - Day 7

This morning the clinic was a bit more busy than usual, so the wait was a bit longer too. I had a different tech for an u/s and somehow we lost one follie since as of this morning the count was at 10 (not too bad either). They did grow a bit though: on the right 1.65, 1.6, 1.5, 1.35, 1.2, 1.2, 1.1, 1.0 1.0 and on the left 1.2 and 1.0. Although the whole afternoon both of my ovaries were hurting equally. The estrogen level is now 5,300 (Canadian units). Even though I don't really see the point, I've got my first talk about OHSS and was told to increase my sodium intake and stay hydrated. The nurse said that they are trying to be prepared and over cautious about OHSS.

Today is my daddy's birthday so after work I went directly to my parents house and spent lots of time playing with my nephews and my brother. I had to do my stim shots there too, but since it was my old home, it was not a problem.

Emotionally I still cannot understand if we are ok with this cycle or not, and taking it one day at a time. The cyst is staying the same (roughly as the difference is by about 0.1). I asked the nurse and she said that they would be concerned if it was like 3.5-4 cm. (right now it is at 2.5). I am not sure how my follies are going to continue to act to medication AND to meditations. I am hoping for them to grow together and not to have a big span in between them; however, I have a constant worry due to my last cycle. Tomorrow will be interesting as I have a very busy day and I'll have to do injections at a dinner theatre show - that should be fun!!!

Take 2 - Stims - Day 6

The u/s this morning took extra long - probably because the count as of this morning is 11!! follicles as follows: Right: 1.3, 1.2x3, 1.0x4) & (left:0.9, 1.0, 1.1). The good news is that there is not change to the size of the cyst. As I was walking to talk to my nurse, she glanced at my u/s report and asked me if I can already feel them and I said: "Oh, yea!!!". The thing is that the cyst is 2.4 cm and it is on the same ovary as 8 other follicles! I asked the nurse if we are already behind the schedule, but she said that it is still possible to have ER on Wednesday (as planned).

So I get back to the office and get a phone call from her. My estrogen is at 3,900, and Dr. H wants to decrease the dose of Gonal F to 150IU for tonight and keep Luveris at 75IU, and even though my lead follicle is not at 1.8, Dr. H wants me to start taking Orgalutran at 1/2 dose - NOW! I was like my Orgalutran is at home and I will not get home until 8:30p.m. just in time for stims shot. Well, the only choice I had was to run back to the clinic to get Orgalutran as Dr. H wants me to start it today at 1/2 dose and all my meds are at home. That was fun - back and forth in 35 minutes!!! I am lucky that my clinic is a 15 minute walk from my office. So first shot of Orgalutran was done in my office bathroom!!!

It is kind of sad that Orgalutran comes premixed in a syringe with the needle which is glued to the inside of the syringe, and anyways, I was told by my nurse that the manufacturer does not guarantee the stability of the medication once you do it once, so I have to discard the syringe with half of the medication still in it. It is a shame money wise and double shame as there is a shortage of Orgalutran & Cetrotide in Canada (and I think in US too) and I've already heard of people's cycles being delayed because of such shortage, and here I am throwing out medication. But what can I do?

Today was my 6th stims shot, and if you ask me how am I doing emotionally, I would not be able to tell you. I've been comparing notes between this cycle and the first cycle, and last time around we too had lots of follicles at around 1 cm and on day 6 Cetrotide was introduced and a day or two later - all hell broke loose. So, I am a bit anxious for the u/s tomorrow and Saturday, as I want to see the cyst decreasing and my 11 follies growing together as one group. I can't say yet what will be and whether this cycle is better or worse. For now just trying to do everything in my power to stay positive. Going to do meditation right now and off to bed.

Take 2 - Stims - Day 5

This morning was a bit lonely at the clinic as most ladies are having monitoring every other day (although I did see some familiar faces). The blood draw was a bit problematic - both of my arms have bruises now, and today she actually tried to draw from one and then had to switch to another, ugh, but the u/s went without a hitch.

The result for today is 5 follicles that are growing ahead of the rest with 1.1, 1.1, 1.0 on one ovaries and 1.1, 0.8 on another ovary. The nurse said that it is still early and very soon we should see a growth spur, for now she is satisfied. The nurse also said that the cyst had no change, and I think I saw it being at 2.4. She said that they will have to continue monitoring me very closely and it is going to be daily monitoring from now on. We talked about meds as I figured out that some are cheaper at the clinic and some are cheaper at the pharmacy. I also asked her what will happen if the cyst will start to grow, to which she replied that Dr. H may cancel the cycle if it gets too big. We are not adding the antagonist just yet, as they want the estrogen level at 1,200 AND lead follie at 1.8 (not quite there yet), so it looks like we are a bit behind "schedule" as we were supposed to add Orgalutran tomorrow morning.

My nurse called me later to tell me that my estrogen is up to 1,700, but all the doses remain the same and I am back tomorrow morning.

I finished my first Gonal F pen today (900IU) and I was supposed to only have 150IU left for tonight with additional 37.5IU to be taken from a new pen. Yep, lucky me 3 injections tonight. So on the old pen I left the dial at 187.5 and pulled the trigger to the end and it looked like it did go to 187.5, but I couldn't be sure as by my calculations there should have only been 150 and according to instructions the trigger should not have gone all the way to 187.5 but stopped at 150. So, after spending a few minutes with a calculator recalculating the dosages, I decided to give myself whatever was left in the old pen PLUS 37.5 from the new. Worst comes to worst I got 37.5 more today then needed, oh well. That's why I prefer the good old syringes - no mystery there.

I am already feeling uncomfortable with constant pressure at the bottom of my tummy. I guess having a cyst at 2.4 cm doesn't help things much. The headache and nausea comes and goes.

I feel so different this time around. For some reason going for monitoring in the morning is such a bother. I have no excitement about this cycle at all. The thought that ER is scheduled for a week from today sends shivers down my body, as I keep thinking that it can't be that soon. I don't realize it, but I've already had 5 injections of stims and to have ER on Wednesday I'll be triggering on Monday night (assuming we are on schedule) BUT the talk about "cancellation" has been haunting us since we started so my mood is up and down all the time. I guess I am already hormonal as most of the time I just feel apathy and sad.

I am thankful for meditation though as my acupuncturist said that my pulse is much better and calmer than what it was in December. She was also happy that I am taking thyroid medication as she was struggling to keep something related to thyroid balanced for me.

Take 2 - Stims - Day 4 & 100th post!!!

This is my 100th post and I would prefer to write some good news, like for example a BFP, but we are still in the midst of our 2nd IVF cycle and still a good 3-4 weeks away from the beta test.

This morning I had my first u/s and b/w after having stims injection for 3 days (the injections are in the evening and u/s are in the morning). In the new clinic the u/s is done by a tech and you actually get undress IN the u/s room (not sitting gowned in the hallway with ten other women). So the tech commented in passing that I will have lots of eggs to work with (which made me happy). Then I talked to the nurse. Apparently I now have 20 follicles on one and 15 on the other ovary. The bad news - they found a cyst which they think is a culprit behind my high estrogen levels. So in the morning I left the office with my nurse telling me that they'll be watching the cyst carefully and I will most likely come back on Thursday, but she will call me once b/w results are in.

When I got back to the office, I took out my cell phone and put it right beside me on my desk. And of course, when my nurse called, the phone went directly to the voice mail :( So the only info I got was that my estrogen is now up to 1,200, I should continue my regular dose, and they want me to go back TOMORROW - ugh. I really wanted to give my poor arms a break as I start to look a lot like drug addict. I ALWAYS have problems with drawing blood.

Hoping to talk to her tomorrow to figure out if it is a cyst or a follicle that is growing fast, and what the hell is the difference between the two, and what are the implications of either on my cycle.

The headaches are a bit milder, but still have them and nausea, and the rest of s/e including cramping and twinges in my uterus, and we are not even half way through stims!

Take 2 - Stims - Day 3

Today is my 3rd day of stims. I am getting used to it and not that afraid of Gonal F pen anymore. I got home just in time to do my injections and my parents dropped by just as I was getting ready. So my mom went upstairs and was watching me doing them. I actually wanted her to see how brave I am. I showed her the little needle on Gonal F and then took out the syringe with the long mixing needle attached for Luveris. She almost fainted LOL as she thought that I was going to give myself injections with such long needle. So that was a bit entertaining. The worst part is that I have tons of side effects that I didn't have last time around (I am telling myself it is good, since it probably means that the meds are working):

1) I have a headache (bordering on migraine) for the 2nd day in a row;
2) I get very nauseous to the point of almost throwing up as well 2nd day and it gets worse in the evenings (my sweet DH said to get used to it, since it will stay for a few months until the 1st trimester is over :) );
3) I've also experienced some light twinges and cramps in my ovaries on and off through the day; and
4) my (.)(.) are a bit sore.

Tomorrow is the firs u/s and b/w after the stims, so will know if there is a good reason why I am feeling like crap for the second day in a row.

Take 2 - Stims - Day 1 & 2

Saturday night bright and early went for an u/s and b/w. Right when the u/s tech was inserting the "thing" you know where, a female doctor I've never seen before came in. She did tell me that there were no cyst but that they are waiting for b/w and just wanted to reconfirm that they didn't miss anything on the u/s on Friday morning. I asked her why my estrogen is up, and she hesitated and then said that since I have 27 little follicles, each of them is secreting estrogen and all together it is high (it sounded like such a BS, if you ask me, like she had no clue what she was talking about). I asked her if there was a chance of this cycle being canceled if my estrogen does not go down and she told me that there was. So on the way home, DH & I talked about it in the car and decided not to push it, if our RE suggests canceling this one and waiting one cycle, we would do just that, since it is the second one and we don't want to spend tons of money for nothing.

Once we got home and finally had breakfast, I was exhausted and went straight to bed for a little nap :) A phone call from the clinic woke me up. The nurse (not my regular nurse) said that my estrogen is even higher at 369, BUT that Dr. H said that he is not concerned and that I can start stims tonight. So, I hung up the phone and was like "WHAT????" I didn't expect that at all. We had to rush to our pharmacy to get the drugs (the pharmacy is owned by a couple who had fertility issues too, so they always have fertility drugs in stock, they don't charge dispensing fee on prescription AND they only have 2% mark-up, which is a G-d send for people like us who have no insurance or benefits). So we got an almost 5 day supply of Gonal F and Luveris (plus the thyroid medication).

I also emailed Dr. H just to confirm that he is ok with us proceeding because if he thinks that high estrogen might negatively affect the cycle we would rather wait until the next one. On a Saturday afternoon Dr H replied within an hour in a short email saying that it IS worth starting now.

He actually called around 8 p.m. when were were about to do the shots and were getting ready to leave the house. He said that usually they like to see estrogen at 200 or lower but my case is special (he he he). What he thinks is that there is already a growing follicle although it is still very small as u/s is very good and does not show anything out of the ordinary. So what might happen is that we might get one leading follicle which we will ignore until the rest of the follicles catch up. Since I was on the phone with Dr. H instead of getting ready to go out, we were extremely late so DH had to do the injections!!! We had a nice evening out with our friends :)

This morning I had an acupuncture appointment which was great as always. She is such an amazing woman and has so much positive energy that I love having acupuncture sessions with her. I then had to go to the office (with all my drugs in tow). We were going to see Yanni tonight (the concert was amazing!!!) so I had to do injections at the office before leaving for the concert. It did take me about 10 min but at least I didn't have to worry about it during the concert. The bad thing is that I have a headache since the morning and I tried to toughen it out. it got so bad after the concert that I almost threw out on the ride home. So, took some drugs and am on my way to bed now.

Not an April's Fools Joke

Oh, but how I wish it was an April's Fools joke.

This morning I had my baseline u/s and b/w. I was a bit stressed out as I was working late yesterday and had a client coming in at 9:30 a.m. and nothing was ready for that client when I left late on Thursday. In addition, I didn't know how long it will take me to do an u/s, b/w and meet my nurse.

Everything was good, the train was on time, no problem with the subway also. I got to the clinic had to wait 5 min for and u/s then another 5 min for b/w and another 5 min to talk to the nurse. I was done in 30 minutes. That was fast! I talked to the nurse and she said that the u/s looked very good - I had 12 resting follicles on one ovary and 15 on the other. She was to call me with my b/w results in a few hours and confirm that I can start stims on Saturday night as planned.

Of course the phone rang at the worst possible time - when my boss was standing in the doorway of my office talking to my clerk. It was my nurse and she said that my estrogen level is at 335 which is elevated and that I have to come in tomorrow morning for another u/s and b/w, and that unless it goes down, I cannot start my stims tomorrow. She said that she is sorry but they cannot see elevated estrogen levels on the u/s. I couldn't ask her questions as my boss was right there. I was so upset (not crying though) that I couldn't work.

I posted a question on the forum about what does it mean to have elevated estrogen, and got four responses pointing at an active cyst - which begs a questions - why wasn't it seen on the u/s in the morning. Then I got another response:

"sounds like a false start to AF and your corpus luteum is still producing estrogen... happenend to me on a couple of occasions... usually full flow would start within a day or 2 and E2 would then drop down to normal levels. FX!"

I hope this is it rather than cyst. [TMI] My AF this time is very very weird. 1st, I am not bleeding much and it comes out in pieces rather than blood and one piece was actually pretty big. I can go by for a long time with just one pad and today it almost stopped (and it is only day 2)!!! I don't know if it even makes sense, but I've never taken BCP before (except during my last cycle) so don't know how my body supposed to react to it.

All I am doing right now is praying that my estrogen level will go down for tomorrow and this whole ordeal will just be a minor delay in cycle. Why can't IVF just be a smooth sailing???

Little Signs

DH did get me mediation for IVF and I listened to the first session yesterday. I just love guided mediation, as I can reach a degree of relaxation that I cannot reach on my own. So, as I was mediating and relaxing and trying to imagine a bridge from my mind to body, a mental picture suddenly appeared - and there were little kids - and I knew that they were my kids. There were I think 4 different aged kids boys and girls. I didn't get a good look, and I was thinking may be I thought of my niece and nephews, but the kids in my picture did not have such dark hair as my niece or nephews. So, either I am completely going crazy or it is a positive sign. I also received an email from a jewellery place that was actually related only to baby stuff. I might be reading too much into it, but I hope that since I am so anxious and nervous about this cycle, G-d actually sends me signs that everything is going to be ok, that I am going to be a mommy, and I just have to believe. I do believe!!! and am going to listen to the next meditation session right now - good night!

Last BCP and pre-cycle jitters

I did take the last BCP on Friday and now am patiently waiting for AF to show up. I do have some twitching and cramping, but no spotting yet.

We did have a busy weekend. Friday I ended up going shopping with my mom and then went back to my parents' house to help figure out Wii game for my lil' brother (and ended up playing Wii with my mom late into the night). Saturday was an early wake up as (a) our cleaning lady was coming - finally! and just in time for DH's b-day next week, and (b) i had to get going for my gravity circuit class (probably the last one). The work out was amazing and I am sore all over now :) but feel great!!! Then we were off to my nieces birthday party - yes the second one, this time around it was for kids (and I had to be there to help with my brother and otherwise just help).

So the b-day party was going pretty well, until I saw our high school friend who was married about 2 years ago and now is very pregnant with her SECOND child. For some reason it really bothered me and I tried to stay away from her as much as possible (there were tons of other people and kids who needed my attention anyways). I managed to go through the party but lost it when DH & I stopped by to get some groceries. Yep, me crying in the middle of the supermarket (with people actually turning to look). I still blame BCP!!!

We did have friends over on Saturday night (except for my sis and sil, none of them have kids, so the conversations were light and funny).

Sunday morning we had a birthday breakfast - have you heard about that! It was about 40 min drive from our house, so DH & I were talking and our conversation moved to our 2nd IVF cycle. We were talking about what happened last time around and how we were grasping at straws to not have the cycle cancelled. We both agreed that we should have received more guidance and may be had it cancelled rather than going through with such a low level of follicles and E2. So we were trying to emotionally prepare ourselves for what can come. I told DH that our new RE would not proceed if my E2 was less than 6,500, and we agreed that if RE says the cycle is a no go - we are NOT going through with it. We also agreed that if RE is uncertain and is talking of may be cancelling this cycle - we are also NOT going forward. We pay for everything out of our pocket, so if the cycle is not going perfectly, there is no need to push it. This discussion seemed to make us both feel a bit better prepared.

This morning, however, I started to feel very anxious just trying to think about starting injections again. We are going to a concert on Sunday night and it starts at 8 p.m. and I set the date for my injection at 9, and I don't know what to do. I am not sure if there is enough space in the washroom at the theatre to start mixing medication as Gonal F comes in a pen but I have to mix Lupron together, should I pre-mix it 2 hours ahead, or should I just wait until the end and get back to my office and do it there 1.5 - 2 hours late (the theatre is about 5-10 min walk from my office). Plus, it's Monday and AF is a no-show. I know that last time it started the day I started stims, but now I am thinking that may be that contributed to the bad cycle, I don't know...

So, I called DH and told him that I was scared and very anxious about the upcoming cycle and all the injections and asked him to buy me the meditation that somebody recommended - Circle + Bloom. And he did!!! As I am typing this, DH is on his computer trying to download it onto my iPhone. Did I tell you how great my DH is :)
I hope this mediation helps, and I also remembered that I should probably try to get in touch with my acupuncturist as I want to start my weekly acupuncture sessions ASAP. So much to do, so little time. I think I am getting stressed out again. LOL

Cycle Review Meeting & more ranting re BCP

We had our cycle review apt this morning. And the first thing was a meeting with their financial person - yep our credit card bill will be MUCH BIGGER next month LOL. We went over forms and completed a few blanks that I had questions about. Dr. H popped up to say hi which was very nice of him. Than nurse J went over medication - by the way, using Gonal F looks like a breeze, much easier than mixing Menopur. Unfortunately I will still have to mix Luveris (and not with a nice Qcap that Menopur has). Any tricks on using those meds will be appreciated.

Nurse J also gave me: (1) a big sharps container (not the shitty little bag they gave me at Mt. Sinai), (2) a nice bag for Gonal F but it can fit other medication too (I had to use my little cosmetics bag to carry my meds last time around when I had to take them at work and the meds barely fit!!! (3) syringes and needles for Luveris and alcohol swabs. I also got all prescriptions as I might get some drugs at a cheaper pharmacy rather than at the clinic.

The new RE's pffice is more organized too, I'll have my stims in the evening, so I can do them at like 9 p.m. in time for when I get home, and when the time comes for antagonist, it will be done in the morning (lets say around 6 a.m.) at Mt. Sinai it was the reverse and the bad thing about it was that I was not able to take medication in the morning until I had u/s and b/w and they call me, so a lot of times I had to do it in the bathroom at work - not the best place to mix medication :D But nurse J told me that once told I will be taking antagonist every morning BEFORE I come for u/s and b/w, so I don't have to take any medication with me to work. Such a relief....

So, overall, I was really happy with how this morning progressed!

And by the way - that shortage of Orgalutran that I was freaking out about, may exist or not exist, but I don't care as our clinic has enough medication for all girls cycling at the same time - Aren't they cool?!?!

The other good news is that I opened the last pack of BCP - only 2 more to go. The bad thing - I am getting MORE side effects. Now, hot flashes and night sweats were added to the mix. Yei!!! Why am I so "lucky"? Notwithstanding anything, I can feel that AF is already knocking on the door and just waiting for BCP to let her in. Moodwise - I am very bitchy and agitated - huge PMS!!!! Have been snapping at my boss for 2 days in a row now, can't help it.

Anyways, tomorrow is Friday and I can finally get more than 5 hours of sleep!!!

I guess for you being a nurse my excitement about sharps container, syringes and needles will look silly (especially since I've done it once already :) ). So once I get a "go" on the 1st of April, I'll pick up my medication at our pharmacy and will start using my tummy as a pin cushion :).

3 weeks on BCP

Today is March 23 (or since it will be after midnight by the time I finish writing - 24th ) and it is snowing in TO. Hmmm when is this winter going to end. I guess I am also not in the greatest of places emotionally, as I think BCP is screwing with me a bit. I did finish one pack today. I have very mixed emotions about the new cycle. Remember how I had optimism and positive thoughts? I still do, but now started thinking about what if this cycle is also a bust? Today was the first time I brought it up with DH and we decided that if this cycle doesn't work, we are going to the ayurvedic clinic in Hungary that I talked about some time ago.

Yesterday was my nieces 4th birthday, and even though I love her to pieces (and most of the time the feeling is mutual), this occasion was bitter sweet. My sis told us that she is pregnant 2 weeks before our wedding. When my niece was born we've been TTCing for 4 months, fast forward to today, my niece turned 4, her brother is turning 2 in 2 months, and we are still at the same point as we were over 4 years ago. uhhhh...

Another factor that contributes to my misery is my weight - I am overweight and if you look at a BMI, even obese (although I am a few kg over overweight category). , I am losing the battle with my weight as in the past 6 months it has been fluctuating in the 2 kg range back and forth. I just cant say NO to food, and I don't know why... I cant stand looking at myself on photos (and DH is the same way) so we haven't been taking pictures or have pictures of us taken in a long time ( I think there are literally just 2-3 pics from Mexico that have me on them). So why am I surprised that there are no pics of me or DH when looking through my sis' pictures of kids, and getting jealous that the kid's other uncle is in the pics a lot? I am blaming it on the drugs! And by the way, just looked through pics from the birthday party last night - there are 2 pics of me and OMG I look awful - does camera add a few kg??? Seriously need to do something, but have absolutely no motivation. Again, blaming everything on BCP.

I actually think that they are getting to me plus PMS as AF should be near. I am getting very nauseous in the evenings. I did not have that before, but then I was on BCP for less than 2 weeks and now I just finished week 3.

Tomorrow we are going for our "cycle review" appointment to review the cycle, learn how to administer new medication and of course, pay the fees (I am so looking forward to that - NOT! and especially to opening our credit card bill in about a month) oh well... Hope once AF starts I will feel like a human again as it is hard to control myself now (I am already snapping at my boss - which I've never done before). I am tired too. Need a 24 hour sleep therapy but who will let me do that. We already have tons of plans for the weekend and I do work on Sundays. Saturday, bright and early our cleaning lady is coming - finally and just in time as DH's b-day next week, then i am off to my last gravity class (although I might squeeze in one more class next Saturday as it is only going to be my first day of stims), then another b-day party for my niece (this time for the kids, but since I am an auntie, I have to go! and Sunday on top of work, I have my cousin's b-day party!!! Yep, crazy busy :) but may be its for the best as it takes my thoughts away from what could have been if IVF #1 was successful. I was so down that I was thinking of putting up a ticker saying "It has been exactly 12 weeks since we received confirmation that our little bean didn't make it" or "I could have been 14 weeks and 2 days pregnant today". Oh well....

BCP #19 and a first minor freak-out

I did want to write a post about the effects of BCP. I think I am more emotional - hence the freak-out, my bbs hurt and are more sensitive and I get more headaches. I am also breaking out on my face, but I don't know if I can attribute that to BCP.

The good news - 19 down and only 6 to go - yoohoo!!! The pack with 3 little pills left looks so cute :)

So this afternoon, I was reading through blogs and found out that there is a shortage of Orgalutran in Canada. I do some more search on the internet and find a few more mentioning of the shortage. So the balls started rolling in my head. Orgalutran is comparable to Cetrotide, and if there is a shortage I would probably be prescribed Cetrotide instead, I had an allergic reaction to Cetrotide and my new RE said that it might have contributed to my poor IVF#1 performance. So, at that point I have tears in my eyes and starting freaking out. I go to my trusty ivf.ca site for guidance of my efriends and of course just my luck, it is not working. I call DH with a breaking voice explaining the problem and he tried to calm me down by saying that our RE probably has a supply of such drug as he prescribes it to his patients. I can not star breathing but barely. Then I managed to get a hold of a girlfriend who just finished her cycle with the same RE (and got a BFP!!!) and she confirmed that she was buying meds through the clinic and if it will make me feel better I can email the clinic and ask them to make sure they have enough medication set aside for me as I have an allergic reaction to Cetrotide. So, I calm down, and start thinking rationally. My RE does cycles every 3 weeks, so he is actually doing ERs this week and they are probably done with antagonist medication, the next group is my group which will do antagonist drugs in the second week of April, so I can wait until Thursday to discuss this problem with my clinic.

I am again calm as a cucumber!!!

Welcome ICLW!!!

Welcome everyone who found their way to my little blog!

You can find our TTC timeline in the right hand column and a very detailed account of our journey at "about me" tab, but here is a shorter summary :)

DH and I have been married since August 2006 (after being together for 5 years).
We have been TTC for over 4 years now (since December 2006) and I have never been pregnant.
2 years ago we were diagnosed with MFI (male factor infertility).
After 5IUIs and a surgery for DH we decided to proceed with IVF.
Our first IVF in December last year was a disaster (understimulated, threat of cancellation, only one poor quality embie), and as expected, ended in BFN.
We changed clinics and are preparing for our IVF#2 (taking BCP) :)

So that's where we are right now.

All your comments, thoughts and questions are always welcomed and appreciated, so stop by to say "hi" often!

New York City - Here We Come!!!

This weekend we are going to New York City to attend Vision Expo 2011. We go every year as DH's business is connected to vision matters. And if you feel like checking out who is wearing what in the world of celebrities here is a link to a cute blog ;)

So we are leaving on Thursday night. We usually go with BIL & SIL in their van but this year they are leaving on Wednesday, and given the fact that DH & I just got back from our Mexican vacation not so long ago, I didn't think it was fair to take more days off, so we are going with DH's partner - 5 people in a sedan, which presented a minor problem with our luggage. We don't take much as we are only going for 3 days and this year there will not be any dinners/galas etc. but I hate packing and last night when I got home DH told me that I have to pack my things before I leave for work tomorrow (i.e. today) as his brother will take our suitcase with them in the van. So, I did 3 loads of laundry yesterday, but was too lazy to pack - I am the worst procrastinator ever!!! So, I got up 30 minutes earlier this morning to pack my bag, and it is already on its way to NYC :)

On the IF front nothing new to report. I am still taking BCP pills - today it was number 14, so 10 more to go (need to remember to pack them :) ). The only thing I can feel is some cramping around what was supposed to be ovulation time. Hoping everything is nice and quiet down there and we will hive a green light on April 1st to proceed with stims on April 2. Fingers crossed.

We walk the same line

A friend at the ivf.ca posted this song and the lyrics that she thinks epitomize the journey that we have been taken together. Once I read the lyrics I couldn't agree more. That's how I feel with all my friends on blogger and ivf.ca, and I wanted to posted on my blog so you can read it too, the lyrics are just beautiful.


We walk the same line
Words and Music by Tracey Thorn

If you lose your faith, babe, you can have mine,
and if you're lost I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.

Now I don't have to tell you
how slow the night can go,
I know you've watched for the light.

And I bet you could tell me
how slowly four follows three,
and you're most forlorn just before dawn.

So if you lose your faith babe,
you can have mine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.

When it's dark baby,
there's a light I'll shine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.

And I don't need reminding
how loud the phone can ring
when you're waiting for news.

And that big old moon
lights every corner of the room.
Your back aches from lying
and your head aches from crying.

So if you lose your faith babe,
you can have mine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.

When it's dark baby,
there's a light I'll shine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.

And if these troubles
should vanish like rain at midday,
well I've no doubt there'll be more.

And we can't run and we can't cheat,
cause babe when we meet
what we're afraid of,
we find out what we're made of.

So if you lose your faith babe,
you can have mine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.

When it's dark baby,
there's a light I'll shine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.

The link to the song is here.

I am NOT watching any more TV!!!

It's not like I watch TV regularly, I rarely do, as I work long hours, but today decided to relax a bit in front of the TV as DH needed to step out for a bit. I was flipping channels and stopped on TLC - Cake Boss - amazing, I love Ace of Cakes and Cake Boss is the same idea - it should be about CAKES!!!. Well, what do you know, the entire episode was about BIRTH - his wife was very very pregnant and gave birth (they actually showed her in labour and during her giving birth) to a baby boy on Valentine's Day - and it's his 4th kid. Hmmm. Of course, I've been bawling with tears streaming down my chicks through the entire episode (I should have turned it off, but that's an after-thought), and it took some time for me to finally calm down by the time DH came home. I thought I was over this type of behaviour a long time ago, but I guess I am still fragile. I was asking myself why I was crying, and at least I am happy to say that it was not because I felt sorry for myself and I am trying to be honest. But I started thinking how my family would be happy when I give birth, how my SIS will be calling everyone with the announcement, who would come to the hospital etc. etc. Oh, well, better get to bed and remember that even food shows are not as innocent as they seem. I guess that's life of an infertile couple....

Jinx It

I wrote before about me being happy and hopeful again after the first IVF, and in the past couple of days I actually catch myself thinking that yes, this is it! It is going to work! and I feel happy. Even though it is gloomy and snowy/rainy outside, I feel like my sky is clear and blue. And by the way, BDing still continues to be wonderful - it feels like we are dating again ;)

When we were on vacation, DH and I were talking about having our baby(or babies) first b-day at a Caribbean resort, and we were actually planning a road trip with the baby (or babies) from Canada down to Florida when I will be on my mat leave as we would not have to worry about taking time off and could spend more time on a trip and exploring little towns along the coast. We would actually love to take the trip along the Pacific coast too, but that will have us flying all the way to Vancouver and then renting a car. But, these are just thoughts - happy thoughts! (my SIL said that we are crazy even thinking about it, baby would not enjoy a car trip and we would have to take tons of baby food to Caribbean blah blah blah, but we are not listening as we are in our happy place now :) )

Then from time to time the thought creeps in, am I jinxing myself by thinking like this IVF is a done deal (before it even started)? I really hope not! It is like a very fine balancing act - I should be positive, but not too positive to jinx myself. I think I am confused!!! I am thinking, is it possible to jinx yourself by being happy with starting IVF, or with an amount of follicles? We were doing great at the start of IVF#1, with great odds, great AFC, and great number of follicles developing and I was happy about it, so did I jinx myself? I am hoping that it just wasn't my time yet to have a baby, and my little angel just went to a different couple instead.

We all know that getting a BFP is only winning half of the battle, carrying the baby to term is another. For now I am really concentrating on finally getting to see the 2 lines for the first time in my life!!! I am a bit worried about the second part, but if I look around - my sis has 2 kids (no mc), my SIL has 2 kids (no mc), out of all of my friends and relatives who have kids only 1 had a mc. So why should I be any different? I will get my BFP and I will carry the baby(or babies) to term. PERIOD (not the bad kind). That's my thinking and I am trying to stick to it for as long as I can!

Happy International Women's Day!!!

Today is the International Women's Day!!!

I know it is not celebrated (or known) much in Canada and USA, but for those of us who came from across the ocean it is still an important day and occasion. I reminded DH to buy flower for my mom (he does it every year). So he did, but he also bought a bouquet for me (awwwwwww), so I made a photo. In the front is my bouquet and at the back are flowers for both moms - my mom and MIL. Isn't my DH the best???



I've copies some information from Wikipedea:

"International Women's Day (IWD), originally called International Working Women’s Day is marked on the 8th of March every year. It is a major day of global celebration of women. In different regions the focus of the celebrations ranges from general celebration of respect, appreciation and love towards women to a celebration for women's economic, political and social achievements.

Started as a Socialist political event, the holiday blended in the culture of many countries, primarily Eastern Europe, Russia, and the former Soviet bloc. In many regions, the day lost its political flavour, and became simply an occasion for men to express their love for women in a way somewhat similar to a mixture of Mother's Day and St Valentine's Day. In other regions, however, the original political and human rights theme designated by the United Nations runs strong, and political and social awareness of the struggles of women worldwide are brought out and examined in a hopeful manner.

Female members of the Australian Builders Labourers Federation march on International Women's Day 1975 in Sydney

The mimosa (technically, the Silver Wattle) is the symbol of the celebrations of Women's day in Italy and Russia

The first IWD was observed on 19 March 1911 in Germany following a declaration by the Socialist Party of America. The idea of having an international women's day was first put forward at the turn of the 20th century amid rapid world industrialization and economic expansion that led to protests over working conditions.

In 1910, Second International held the first international women's conference in Copenhagen (in the labour-movement building located at Jagtvej 69, which until recently housed Ungdomshuset). An 'International Women's Day' was established. It was suggested by the important German Socialist Clara Zetkin, although no date was specified. The following year, 1911, IWD was marked by over a million people in Austria, Denmark, Germany and Switzerland, on March 19. In the West, International Women's Day was first observed as a popular event after 1977 when the united Nations General Assembly invited member states to proclaim March 8 as the UN Day for Women's Rights and International Peace.

Demonstrations marking International Women's Day in Russia proved to be the first stage of the Russian Revolution of 1917.

Following the October Revolution, the Bolshevik Alexandra Kollontai persuaded Lenin to make it an official holiday in the Soviet Union, and it was established, but was a working day until 1965. On May 8, 1965 by the decree of the USSR Presidium of the Supreme Soviet International Women's Day was declared a non working day in the USSR

If you are interested, there is more information available on this site.

So HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY my dear friends!!!!

Cycle Update (BCP#5)

Today I had my 5th BCP, it is nice to see the pack slowly getting emptied out. 19 more to go!!! I am happy to report that I don't have any s/e (for now at least). Last time BCP gave me headaches, but I was told that Alesse is milder than Marvelon, and it shows :)!!!

I've received a package of documentation from the clinic with all the forms and descriptions. I was reading a description of ER procedure (I did do it once already, but still...) and it get me very anxious. It did say that they are going to do local injection into a vaginal wall, but did not say anything about anaesthetics through IV to make me "consciously sedated". So, I turned to my favourite site ivf.ca and I have a friend there who actually just did ER at the same clinic. Thank G-d for these sites and for people who are there and ready to help!!! She did say that Dr. H does use anaesthetics through IV and she said it was a breeze and she didn't feel anything. Hearing that made me feel much better.

On another front, since I started taking BCP (and feeling much better after the cold) our BDing is great (although not sure if I can still call it BDing since technically no baby can come out of it, but I don't want to be vulgar on my own blog, so BDing it is). It has been 3 days in a row of BDing and not because we had to but because we wanted to and it was great! It's the first time in a very long time BDing is not calculated and therefore, much more enjoyable ;)

So, I am happy and optimistic today!

Fun in the Sun!!!

I had almost 12 hours of sleep today, and have been on the computer pretty much since breakfast (which we had at around noon :) ). It is rainy and gloomy outside, and it brings me joy to remember hot sunny days in Mexico.

We arrived late on Thursday. I was sick and once I put my head on a pillow I couldn't get up. The check in was a breeze and we got to our room pretty quickly. My MIL's room was next door. We ordered room service as everything else was closed by that time (and room service was included!). I did get feverish and my body temperature was around 37.5C - the worst, if you ask me. I took some pills and was somewhat capable of going outside the next morning. I couldn't refuse a few dips in the pool and the ocean during the day, so by the evening on Friday the fever was back. I started spotting on Friday night and decided that I will not use a tampon as I need to know when AF shows up (I am always worried that I am not going to understand whether it is just spotting or it is flowing full force). So Saturday was fun - me not able to wear a bathing suit + being feverish. Even though I was feeling like shit, we decided to go to the gym on Saturday as well - it was all worth it :)

The good news, this time around AF decided not to play any games and started pretty quickly, so DH and I decided to go to Playa Del Carmen on Sunday. My MIL went with us (which did not make me a happy camper, as she has problem walking) We spent half a day there and decided to skip the gym this time around.

I didn't go swimming on both Sunday and Monday and my cold was getting better. We did manage to get to the gym on each of Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday (Thursday was our last day).

The weather was gorgeous - it was hot, hot, hot and sunny!!! ALL THE TIME!!!! It only got cloudy on Thursday at 4 o'clock, just before we had to start packing!

Overall, it was a great vacation, although I could have used more alone time with DH. Spending so much quality time with my MIL was not that easy since we are not the best of friends (we are not enemies either, but she is my MIL, who can be very annoying), plus add me feeling sick and PMS on top of it - yep, I snapped a few times too many (DH was not impressed), but I did improve as my health improved too.

My thoughts on the hotel -- Iberastar Paraiso Lindo
it is a 5 hotel complex - Lindo supposedly was 2nd from the top

grounds and architecture: breathtaking
service: mostly pretty good
rooms: nothing special and definitely not a 5 star hotel - no internet in the room!!! that was a shocker - only in the lobby and even in the lobby we had to pay for it, but since we would go to the lobby only to eat or for show we would take our iphones with us (and would not carry our little laptop) - so very limited access to internet. For DH it was a harder blow since his business is on the internet. Needless to say, if we go back to this resort we will not be back to the same hotel.
beach: great, but too busy, and if you do not get there very early there would not be any lounges left. it was windy most of the time, so there were huge waive - which I loved (even though I don't surf or anything).
pools: were pretty good, that's were we hang out most of the time, they had a pool bar, a waive pool and a lazy river!!! We did take a leisurely swim in the lazy river a few times (just DH & I)!!!
food: The buffet was the worst ever. We tried to watch what we eat so for breakfast I had a little sandwich (bread with cheese) and cottage cheese with fruits. The rest of the foods was fried (their omelette and poached eggs weren't great either). The buffet for lunch was good with lots of grilled vegetables, although finding some fish was a challenge. The a la carte restaurants for dinner were great - can't complain there.

Overall with going to the gym 4 times during our stay I lost about 2 kg which made me very happy. Now have to make sure I can keep it and make it go down more!!!

I am posting a link to a short video that DH made from photos of our trip (there is one or two of me, but after spending all the time in the sun and in the water, I do look a bit scary - consider yourself warned!!!)

Here we go AGAIN!!!

So, AF did make an appearance on the 26th (just one day late), and I emailed the clinic my day one. And while I was basking in the sun I got an email back from the clinic --- my cycle calendar!!!

I started BCP on my Day 6 being Thursday, March 3, and I actually had to do it on the plane heading back. Here is my little pack, the start of our IVF#2 - which is going to be THE cycle :)

The plan is that I am going to continue with BCP for 24 days with the last one to be taken on March 26, 2011.

On March 24th we will have a cycle review appointment to sign all the forms, pay the fees (uuuuhhhmmm, as we are still repaying our line of credit from the first one), and review the cycle and any unfamiliar medications (in my case ALL).

Pre-stimulation Assessment - April 1, 2011, and if everything goes as planned -- starting stims on April 2, 2011 -- Day 1 -- Gonal f 187.5 and Luveris 75 in the evening and L-thyroxine 50mcg in the morning.

Orgalutran will be added around Day 6 (April 7, 2011)

Trigger shot of ovidrel on Day 10 -- April 11, 2011

Estimated ER --- April 13, 2011 Estimated ET --- April 18, 2011 (my SIL's b-day) which would theoretically lead to BETA test day of April 27th, 2 days before our 10 year anniversary. Oh, please please please please please let it be the best anniversary ever!!!!

I am BACK!!!

I am back in TO and back in the office with only 3 hours of sleep :(
Will post a more detailed blog and some pics later on or on the weekend.
The other great news - got my schedule!!!! and took 1st BCP last night on the plane.
Miss you all, can't wait to catch up.