I kind of lingered in bed until 10 a.m. this morning when I put both the estrogen and progesterone in. I haven't figured out the timing yet. All I know is that progesterone goes in 3 times a day and estrogen goes in twice. I emailed my nurse and she confirmed that those two can come in together. Since estrogen pill is so tiny, I decided it will go in first so as not to be lost in the gooey mess of progesterone pills.
I woke up with what I thought was a stomachache. I was trying to remember what I ate the night before and a hot sandwich with meat came to mind. DH made it for both of us and even though I commented of it being too heavy after ER, it looked and smelled so delicious that I ate it :). But now I think it wasn't that. I am afraid to say it, but I might have an onset of OHSS. Even though I didn't eat anything, I feel like I just had a huge meal: my stomach feels very heavy and when I take a deep breath it actually hurts a bit. My ovaries hurt a bit from time to time, but not as much as yesterday.
When the nurse called with the fertilization report and ask how I was doing, I told her that I am better. I am afraid to tell her how I feel - Is it bad? I am so afraid that if I tell her the truth Dr. H would cancel the ET on Monday. I decided that if I don't feel better by the time she calls tomorrow, I will tell her how I feel. I have been drinking 1 can of V8 for a week now, and had one today too. I stopped drinking water (that's what I usually drink in big quantities) and sent DH to buy gatorade and pedialyte. I so hope that it will help.
But I digress, the nurse called me with our fertilization report. Out of 19 eggs retrieved, 15 were mature (Yei and we were thinking about half), and out of 15 mature eggs that were ICSIed - 10 fertilized and they are watching those 10 now. I started crying before I hanged up the phone. I was by myself so I had a mini breakdown - but happy tears, happy tears. I called DH and I could hear in his voice how relieved he was. its 10 vs. 1 a HUGE difference between the two cycles. and I have hope again that this one just might work.
I've spent entire day either on the bed or on the couch watching TV, then my parents came over and I helped my brother with his homework. So proud of him. He is autistic and he is progressing nicely. He is 12 and I love him like my own baby. Well, tomorrow the call should be around lunch time, so hopping for more reassurances for our 10 little embabies. DIVIDE AND GROW, GROW, GROW!!!!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Take 2 - ER: So proud of my ovaries!!!
Yesterday (Tuesday) I didn't feel like blogging or even going onto my computer in the evening. I woke up at 4:30 a.m. because my second blanket fell off (yes I sleep under two), and I couldn't fall asleep thereafter. My mind and heart where just racing. I was in a lot of pain since the morning and had to finish a few projects at work, so even my acupuncture appointment was moved late (and I still managed to be late for that). The acupuncture appointment did put me at ease, and by the time I got home, I pretty much went straight to bed.
This morning we had an early start. I did have a good sleep (thanks to acupuncture)and got up at 5:30 a.m. Don't laugh but I did make sure that my legs are free of hair, took a shower and woke up DH. When I got up, I didn't feel any pain and started to freak out, but of course once I started to get ready to leave the pain was back. Since I was not supposed to eat or drink anything since the midnight before, we decided for DH not to have breakfast at the house and just buy a snack on our way at Starbucks :) 6:50 a.m. we were out of the house, and with traffic and a detour to Starbucks were at the clinic by about 7:50 a.m. My REs clinic is small and is not equipped for ER/ET procedures, although monitoring is done there, so he uses 3 other clinics. We were lucky as the one that he was using was just a few floors above his. Once we arrived the nurse took me in pretty quickly and left DH in the waiting room. It was a smart move. She got me settled in and started inserting the IV. Since, I've been going into monitoring every day for over a week, both of my arms didn't look that great. To her credit, after pocking me once in the left arm behind the elbow, and giving me a huge bruise from a collapsed vein on the inside of my right arm, she called a blood tech who quickly put a butterfly needle on my hand. The other good thing was that they had blankets, 2 of them, so I was nice and warm. Once I got all settled they called DH. He got all dressed up in a hat and yellow robe and looked so funny that we goofed around taking pictures of each other. As I had an IV in my hand, the nurse told me to try not to move the hand and try to keep it in a fist position so that the needle would not go out. So my pics of DH were not that great.
Then came our time for the procedure which was a bit after 9 a.m. I was escorted into the washroom, and it was hard to manoeuvre with just one hand, but all was done and we headed into the operating room. My RE was already there. We talked a bit, I don't really remember about what, mostly chit chat. He asked me how I was feeling and I told him that I was in a lot of pain and pressure from my ovaries. He said that I had lots of follies, and told the nurse to give me double of the medication. I got woozy pretty quickly. I could seen the screen and DH was right by my side. RE started the procedure and he did the left side (which didn't have as many as the right) and then it turned out that my right ovary had a stage fright and was hiding behind my uterus. As a result they gave me more drugs and a nurse had to actually push on my stomach to get the shy one on camera. To tell you the truth I don't remember how long it lasted, I did feel some pain and some pressure, but nothing major, although everything is like a blur. I heard them counting from 5 to 11, and then I started seeing doubles - double the monitor- double DH's head. The nurses were amazing, they were continuously asking how I was feeling. I think RE added more medication closer to the end. Once we were done and I was cleaned. RE came up to me and said that I did very good and he is very happy with me. We got 19 eggs!!!! Yep 19!!!! He was saying something that it is much more that the average that they get, and that he got all the eggs but that not all of them will be mature enough (which is also fine). He said that the pressure should be better now but they will still be watching me as the drained follies will be filling up back with fluid and it can cause OHSS, which we don't want. So he congratulated me again, and I started crying right there on the operating table with my tears streaming down my cheeks. One of the nurses gave me tissue, and all I could say was that I was happy so that they would not think that I am in pain. DH & I kept holding hands and saying that we did a great job and we were so proud of my ovaries. I was very dizzy so during the trip from the operating room back to my lounge chair I was practically hanging on DH. Once we got back, DH sent a text to my sis, his brother and SIL with the news. I got some water and orange juice to drink and some crackers. DH was taken to give his sample. I was given a heating pad and covered with blankets, so while waiting for DH I almost fell asleep as the medication made me groggy and sleepy. My nurse from REs clinic actually came up to talk to us and the embryologist also stopped by to say hi and to tell us that we did good. We got both estrogen and progesterone suppositories to be started tomorrow, and headed home.
On my way home I talked to my sis and my parents, and then my acupuncturist called as she wanted to know how ER went (so sweet of her). Once I got home, I got my own heating pad going and went to bed. Had a nice 4 hour sleep. As I am writing this the pain is still there, it gets better and than worse again. It is painful to walk, stand up and walk up/down the stairs. The worst pain is when I go to the washroom (I guess because the things get reshuffled in there :) ). and I am spotting which was expected as I had a lot of holes pocked in me.
I keep thinking that by now my eggs were probably ICSIed and we already have a few embryos in a dish in a lab. I actually started crying when I thought about it the first time. DH was on his best behaviour and very affectionate (which is not his normal self as he is a more reserved individual). I will probably go to watch some more TV with my heating pad on my tummy. Tomorrow, the nurse will call with an update, but it will not be until after lunch hour, so I guess I'll be sleeping in. I hate waiting by the phone!
This morning we had an early start. I did have a good sleep (thanks to acupuncture)and got up at 5:30 a.m. Don't laugh but I did make sure that my legs are free of hair, took a shower and woke up DH. When I got up, I didn't feel any pain and started to freak out, but of course once I started to get ready to leave the pain was back. Since I was not supposed to eat or drink anything since the midnight before, we decided for DH not to have breakfast at the house and just buy a snack on our way at Starbucks :) 6:50 a.m. we were out of the house, and with traffic and a detour to Starbucks were at the clinic by about 7:50 a.m. My REs clinic is small and is not equipped for ER/ET procedures, although monitoring is done there, so he uses 3 other clinics. We were lucky as the one that he was using was just a few floors above his. Once we arrived the nurse took me in pretty quickly and left DH in the waiting room. It was a smart move. She got me settled in and started inserting the IV. Since, I've been going into monitoring every day for over a week, both of my arms didn't look that great. To her credit, after pocking me once in the left arm behind the elbow, and giving me a huge bruise from a collapsed vein on the inside of my right arm, she called a blood tech who quickly put a butterfly needle on my hand. The other good thing was that they had blankets, 2 of them, so I was nice and warm. Once I got all settled they called DH. He got all dressed up in a hat and yellow robe and looked so funny that we goofed around taking pictures of each other. As I had an IV in my hand, the nurse told me to try not to move the hand and try to keep it in a fist position so that the needle would not go out. So my pics of DH were not that great.
Then came our time for the procedure which was a bit after 9 a.m. I was escorted into the washroom, and it was hard to manoeuvre with just one hand, but all was done and we headed into the operating room. My RE was already there. We talked a bit, I don't really remember about what, mostly chit chat. He asked me how I was feeling and I told him that I was in a lot of pain and pressure from my ovaries. He said that I had lots of follies, and told the nurse to give me double of the medication. I got woozy pretty quickly. I could seen the screen and DH was right by my side. RE started the procedure and he did the left side (which didn't have as many as the right) and then it turned out that my right ovary had a stage fright and was hiding behind my uterus. As a result they gave me more drugs and a nurse had to actually push on my stomach to get the shy one on camera. To tell you the truth I don't remember how long it lasted, I did feel some pain and some pressure, but nothing major, although everything is like a blur. I heard them counting from 5 to 11, and then I started seeing doubles - double the monitor- double DH's head. The nurses were amazing, they were continuously asking how I was feeling. I think RE added more medication closer to the end. Once we were done and I was cleaned. RE came up to me and said that I did very good and he is very happy with me. We got 19 eggs!!!! Yep 19!!!! He was saying something that it is much more that the average that they get, and that he got all the eggs but that not all of them will be mature enough (which is also fine). He said that the pressure should be better now but they will still be watching me as the drained follies will be filling up back with fluid and it can cause OHSS, which we don't want. So he congratulated me again, and I started crying right there on the operating table with my tears streaming down my cheeks. One of the nurses gave me tissue, and all I could say was that I was happy so that they would not think that I am in pain. DH & I kept holding hands and saying that we did a great job and we were so proud of my ovaries. I was very dizzy so during the trip from the operating room back to my lounge chair I was practically hanging on DH. Once we got back, DH sent a text to my sis, his brother and SIL with the news. I got some water and orange juice to drink and some crackers. DH was taken to give his sample. I was given a heating pad and covered with blankets, so while waiting for DH I almost fell asleep as the medication made me groggy and sleepy. My nurse from REs clinic actually came up to talk to us and the embryologist also stopped by to say hi and to tell us that we did good. We got both estrogen and progesterone suppositories to be started tomorrow, and headed home.
On my way home I talked to my sis and my parents, and then my acupuncturist called as she wanted to know how ER went (so sweet of her). Once I got home, I got my own heating pad going and went to bed. Had a nice 4 hour sleep. As I am writing this the pain is still there, it gets better and than worse again. It is painful to walk, stand up and walk up/down the stairs. The worst pain is when I go to the washroom (I guess because the things get reshuffled in there :) ). and I am spotting which was expected as I had a lot of holes pocked in me.
I keep thinking that by now my eggs were probably ICSIed and we already have a few embryos in a dish in a lab. I actually started crying when I thought about it the first time. DH was on his best behaviour and very affectionate (which is not his normal self as he is a more reserved individual). I will probably go to watch some more TV with my heating pad on my tummy. Tomorrow, the nurse will call with an update, but it will not be until after lunch hour, so I guess I'll be sleeping in. I hate waiting by the phone!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Trigger Day!!!!
It's finally here, the trigger day.
This morning was my last u/s and I am sitting at 25 follicles, on the right: 2.4, 2.3, 2.2x2, 2.1, 1.9x2, 1.8x2, 1.7x3, 1.5x2, 1.1x2, and on the left: 1.6x2, 1.5x2, 1.4, 1.35, 1.1x2, 1.0. They cyst is at 4 cm. Sorry if I am repeating myself, but I have constant pain in my ovaries. To say that my u/s was uncomfortable is an understatement. I am happy that tomorrow I am only going for b/w and NO u/s. The estrogen is at 12,600!!!
Thank G-d I don't have OHSS, the nurse said it is because they implemented an OHSS protocol early, which was basically to add more sodium to my diet. I just drink 1 can of V8 every day, but whatever, happy it worked. One more day left, can't wait to have the "crop" harvested :).
I did the trigger at 9 p.m. for the ER at 9 am on Wednesday, my clinic wanted me to take Ovidrel at 1/2 dose of each of 2 vials. DH freaked out when I told him that we have to buy 2 and use 1/2 of each, but I was told that it is this way for quality control and I was thinking that if I take one and that one doesn't work the whole cycle would be a bust and we will be out of some serous money with nothing to show for it.
The good thing is that I have been diligently leaving the office by 7:20 p.m. - no late nights as I had to do injections and today the trigger shot. But I am still looking forward to 2 days of sleep on Wednesday after the ER and the whole day on Thursday, although if I am feeling decent I would love to go a manicure and pedicure done as well as a hair cut. A girl can dream!!! Looking forward to no injections tomorrow!!!
This morning was my last u/s and I am sitting at 25 follicles, on the right: 2.4, 2.3, 2.2x2, 2.1, 1.9x2, 1.8x2, 1.7x3, 1.5x2, 1.1x2, and on the left: 1.6x2, 1.5x2, 1.4, 1.35, 1.1x2, 1.0. They cyst is at 4 cm. Sorry if I am repeating myself, but I have constant pain in my ovaries. To say that my u/s was uncomfortable is an understatement. I am happy that tomorrow I am only going for b/w and NO u/s. The estrogen is at 12,600!!!
Thank G-d I don't have OHSS, the nurse said it is because they implemented an OHSS protocol early, which was basically to add more sodium to my diet. I just drink 1 can of V8 every day, but whatever, happy it worked. One more day left, can't wait to have the "crop" harvested :).
I did the trigger at 9 p.m. for the ER at 9 am on Wednesday, my clinic wanted me to take Ovidrel at 1/2 dose of each of 2 vials. DH freaked out when I told him that we have to buy 2 and use 1/2 of each, but I was told that it is this way for quality control and I was thinking that if I take one and that one doesn't work the whole cycle would be a bust and we will be out of some serous money with nothing to show for it.
The good thing is that I have been diligently leaving the office by 7:20 p.m. - no late nights as I had to do injections and today the trigger shot. But I am still looking forward to 2 days of sleep on Wednesday after the ER and the whole day on Thursday, although if I am feeling decent I would love to go a manicure and pedicure done as well as a hair cut. A girl can dream!!! Looking forward to no injections tomorrow!!!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Take 2 - Stims - Day 8 & No Stims Day 9
Yesterday was the eighth day of my injections and the craziest day so far. Getting up at 6 a.m. on a Saturday is unheard of for me but had to get myself and DH out of bed to get to the clinic for u/s and b/w by 8 a.m. The results were good. On the right ovary we had 1.8, 1.65, 1.6, 1.5, 1.1x4, 1.0x3 and on the left we had: 1.3, 1.1x3, 1.0x2 So the left ovary also started producing and in the morning when I had pain on the left side I was like WTF?? Why do the 2 lonely follicles giving me hard time - the answer because now there are 6 of them. The cyst also got a bit bigger and was sitting at 3.0.
So after the clinic we stopped by my parents for breakfast and headed for my acupuncture appointment. As DH was driving me, I told him to just drop me off and that I would walk home as the weather was amazing and it was about 7km walk. He insisted on leaving the car and walked home himself. The acupuncturist appointment gave me a burst of positive energy as always, but she said that I was very tried (no kidding!!! after sleeping 5 hours a night for a long time) she told me to go home an relax - and that I did, I took a nap :) I was awaken by a phone call from the clinic, the nurse said that my estrogen was up to 7,640 but my LH was up again to 6 (she was explaining to me that the day when they called me to start orgalutran my LH went up to 10, and then dropped to 2, but it was up again). So I needed to have another 1/2 dose asap and the full dose on Sunday morning, so I sent DH to buy 2 doses of orgalutran, and did my 1/2 dose right away.
In the evening we were going to a dinner theatre, which turned out to be hilarious! We had so much fun. The problem was that I had to do my injections in the middle of the dinner before the actual show started. My sis volunteered to help me (it was the first time she was seeing me doing them) but the stalls were so tiny that I just ended up mixing and doing the injections on the counter (at least the washroom was very clean and pretty much empty). I was so nervous to do them in the open and not in the comfort of my own home, but I did them and the results in the morning were good.
Today in the morning we had on the right 6 which are ready, 5 more which are close to being ready and 7 smaller ones as follows: 2.1x3, 1.8x2, 1.7, 1.5x2, 1.3, 1.1, 1.0 on the left the crop was also growing with 1.5, 1.4x2, 1.3, 1.1x2. And of course the cyst grew a bit to 3.3. The nurse told me that the lining is very good at 1.3. I had a minor dilemma, with 6 follicles being ready I wasn't sure if I'll be triggered tonight or tomorrow night, and I didn't have Luveris, Orgalutron or the trigger shot (Ovidrel) and I didn't want to buy it at the clinic (my cheap pharmacy is closed on Sundays), so we decided that I go to the office and she'll call me with the results and we take it from there. She did call me and told me that my estrogen level is now at 10,210, so Dr. H decided that I will not do anymore stims, and will only do a full dose of Orgalutran Monday morning and a trigger Monday night. Yep, we are close to being triggered!!! So, I had to go back to the clinic to pick up Orgalutran, which would have been a nice stroll if it wasn't raining cats & dogs outside. Thankfully I did have an umbrella but my sneakers and jeans were all wet.
The thing is with 18 growing follicles and a cyst, I have a constant pain below my waist. I had to finish a project and could only leave the office after 6p.m. The pain actually got worse as I think my ovaries are pushing on everything around them and now everything hurts - my ovaries, my uterus and even my kidneys!!! It is painful to walk, sit or stand. My retreat came when I got home and curled under a blanket in front of the TV, but as I am writing this sitting in front of my computer I can really feel my ovaries hurting AND I have TWO more days like that!!! I feel like I am pregnant and I want those eggs out NOW. Yep I am also very emotional and moody. I am going to mediate right now and try to go to sleep, I did doze off in front to TV an hour ago, so hopefully can do this again in my comfy bed curled up under 2 blankets.
So after the clinic we stopped by my parents for breakfast and headed for my acupuncture appointment. As DH was driving me, I told him to just drop me off and that I would walk home as the weather was amazing and it was about 7km walk. He insisted on leaving the car and walked home himself. The acupuncturist appointment gave me a burst of positive energy as always, but she said that I was very tried (no kidding!!! after sleeping 5 hours a night for a long time) she told me to go home an relax - and that I did, I took a nap :) I was awaken by a phone call from the clinic, the nurse said that my estrogen was up to 7,640 but my LH was up again to 6 (she was explaining to me that the day when they called me to start orgalutran my LH went up to 10, and then dropped to 2, but it was up again). So I needed to have another 1/2 dose asap and the full dose on Sunday morning, so I sent DH to buy 2 doses of orgalutran, and did my 1/2 dose right away.
In the evening we were going to a dinner theatre, which turned out to be hilarious! We had so much fun. The problem was that I had to do my injections in the middle of the dinner before the actual show started. My sis volunteered to help me (it was the first time she was seeing me doing them) but the stalls were so tiny that I just ended up mixing and doing the injections on the counter (at least the washroom was very clean and pretty much empty). I was so nervous to do them in the open and not in the comfort of my own home, but I did them and the results in the morning were good.
Today in the morning we had on the right 6 which are ready, 5 more which are close to being ready and 7 smaller ones as follows: 2.1x3, 1.8x2, 1.7, 1.5x2, 1.3, 1.1, 1.0 on the left the crop was also growing with 1.5, 1.4x2, 1.3, 1.1x2. And of course the cyst grew a bit to 3.3. The nurse told me that the lining is very good at 1.3. I had a minor dilemma, with 6 follicles being ready I wasn't sure if I'll be triggered tonight or tomorrow night, and I didn't have Luveris, Orgalutron or the trigger shot (Ovidrel) and I didn't want to buy it at the clinic (my cheap pharmacy is closed on Sundays), so we decided that I go to the office and she'll call me with the results and we take it from there. She did call me and told me that my estrogen level is now at 10,210, so Dr. H decided that I will not do anymore stims, and will only do a full dose of Orgalutran Monday morning and a trigger Monday night. Yep, we are close to being triggered!!! So, I had to go back to the clinic to pick up Orgalutran, which would have been a nice stroll if it wasn't raining cats & dogs outside. Thankfully I did have an umbrella but my sneakers and jeans were all wet.
The thing is with 18 growing follicles and a cyst, I have a constant pain below my waist. I had to finish a project and could only leave the office after 6p.m. The pain actually got worse as I think my ovaries are pushing on everything around them and now everything hurts - my ovaries, my uterus and even my kidneys!!! It is painful to walk, sit or stand. My retreat came when I got home and curled under a blanket in front of the TV, but as I am writing this sitting in front of my computer I can really feel my ovaries hurting AND I have TWO more days like that!!! I feel like I am pregnant and I want those eggs out NOW. Yep I am also very emotional and moody. I am going to mediate right now and try to go to sleep, I did doze off in front to TV an hour ago, so hopefully can do this again in my comfy bed curled up under 2 blankets.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Take 2 - Stims - Day 7
This morning the clinic was a bit more busy than usual, so the wait was a bit longer too. I had a different tech for an u/s and somehow we lost one follie since as of this morning the count was at 10 (not too bad either). They did grow a bit though: on the right 1.65, 1.6, 1.5, 1.35, 1.2, 1.2, 1.1, 1.0 1.0 and on the left 1.2 and 1.0. Although the whole afternoon both of my ovaries were hurting equally. The estrogen level is now 5,300 (Canadian units). Even though I don't really see the point, I've got my first talk about OHSS and was told to increase my sodium intake and stay hydrated. The nurse said that they are trying to be prepared and over cautious about OHSS.
Today is my daddy's birthday so after work I went directly to my parents house and spent lots of time playing with my nephews and my brother. I had to do my stim shots there too, but since it was my old home, it was not a problem.
Emotionally I still cannot understand if we are ok with this cycle or not, and taking it one day at a time. The cyst is staying the same (roughly as the difference is by about 0.1). I asked the nurse and she said that they would be concerned if it was like 3.5-4 cm. (right now it is at 2.5). I am not sure how my follies are going to continue to act to medication AND to meditations. I am hoping for them to grow together and not to have a big span in between them; however, I have a constant worry due to my last cycle. Tomorrow will be interesting as I have a very busy day and I'll have to do injections at a dinner theatre show - that should be fun!!!
Today is my daddy's birthday so after work I went directly to my parents house and spent lots of time playing with my nephews and my brother. I had to do my stim shots there too, but since it was my old home, it was not a problem.
Emotionally I still cannot understand if we are ok with this cycle or not, and taking it one day at a time. The cyst is staying the same (roughly as the difference is by about 0.1). I asked the nurse and she said that they would be concerned if it was like 3.5-4 cm. (right now it is at 2.5). I am not sure how my follies are going to continue to act to medication AND to meditations. I am hoping for them to grow together and not to have a big span in between them; however, I have a constant worry due to my last cycle. Tomorrow will be interesting as I have a very busy day and I'll have to do injections at a dinner theatre show - that should be fun!!!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Take 2 - Stims - Day 6
The u/s this morning took extra long - probably because the count as of this morning is 11!! follicles as follows: Right: 1.3, 1.2x3, 1.0x4) & (left:0.9, 1.0, 1.1). The good news is that there is not change to the size of the cyst. As I was walking to talk to my nurse, she glanced at my u/s report and asked me if I can already feel them and I said: "Oh, yea!!!". The thing is that the cyst is 2.4 cm and it is on the same ovary as 8 other follicles! I asked the nurse if we are already behind the schedule, but she said that it is still possible to have ER on Wednesday (as planned).
So I get back to the office and get a phone call from her. My estrogen is at 3,900, and Dr. H wants to decrease the dose of Gonal F to 150IU for tonight and keep Luveris at 75IU, and even though my lead follicle is not at 1.8, Dr. H wants me to start taking Orgalutran at 1/2 dose - NOW! I was like my Orgalutran is at home and I will not get home until 8:30p.m. just in time for stims shot. Well, the only choice I had was to run back to the clinic to get Orgalutran as Dr. H wants me to start it today at 1/2 dose and all my meds are at home. That was fun - back and forth in 35 minutes!!! I am lucky that my clinic is a 15 minute walk from my office. So first shot of Orgalutran was done in my office bathroom!!!
It is kind of sad that Orgalutran comes premixed in a syringe with the needle which is glued to the inside of the syringe, and anyways, I was told by my nurse that the manufacturer does not guarantee the stability of the medication once you do it once, so I have to discard the syringe with half of the medication still in it. It is a shame money wise and double shame as there is a shortage of Orgalutran & Cetrotide in Canada (and I think in US too) and I've already heard of people's cycles being delayed because of such shortage, and here I am throwing out medication. But what can I do?
Today was my 6th stims shot, and if you ask me how am I doing emotionally, I would not be able to tell you. I've been comparing notes between this cycle and the first cycle, and last time around we too had lots of follicles at around 1 cm and on day 6 Cetrotide was introduced and a day or two later - all hell broke loose. So, I am a bit anxious for the u/s tomorrow and Saturday, as I want to see the cyst decreasing and my 11 follies growing together as one group. I can't say yet what will be and whether this cycle is better or worse. For now just trying to do everything in my power to stay positive. Going to do meditation right now and off to bed.
So I get back to the office and get a phone call from her. My estrogen is at 3,900, and Dr. H wants to decrease the dose of Gonal F to 150IU for tonight and keep Luveris at 75IU, and even though my lead follicle is not at 1.8, Dr. H wants me to start taking Orgalutran at 1/2 dose - NOW! I was like my Orgalutran is at home and I will not get home until 8:30p.m. just in time for stims shot. Well, the only choice I had was to run back to the clinic to get Orgalutran as Dr. H wants me to start it today at 1/2 dose and all my meds are at home. That was fun - back and forth in 35 minutes!!! I am lucky that my clinic is a 15 minute walk from my office. So first shot of Orgalutran was done in my office bathroom!!!
It is kind of sad that Orgalutran comes premixed in a syringe with the needle which is glued to the inside of the syringe, and anyways, I was told by my nurse that the manufacturer does not guarantee the stability of the medication once you do it once, so I have to discard the syringe with half of the medication still in it. It is a shame money wise and double shame as there is a shortage of Orgalutran & Cetrotide in Canada (and I think in US too) and I've already heard of people's cycles being delayed because of such shortage, and here I am throwing out medication. But what can I do?
Today was my 6th stims shot, and if you ask me how am I doing emotionally, I would not be able to tell you. I've been comparing notes between this cycle and the first cycle, and last time around we too had lots of follicles at around 1 cm and on day 6 Cetrotide was introduced and a day or two later - all hell broke loose. So, I am a bit anxious for the u/s tomorrow and Saturday, as I want to see the cyst decreasing and my 11 follies growing together as one group. I can't say yet what will be and whether this cycle is better or worse. For now just trying to do everything in my power to stay positive. Going to do meditation right now and off to bed.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Take 2 - Stims - Day 5
This morning was a bit lonely at the clinic as most ladies are having monitoring every other day (although I did see some familiar faces). The blood draw was a bit problematic - both of my arms have bruises now, and today she actually tried to draw from one and then had to switch to another, ugh, but the u/s went without a hitch.
The result for today is 5 follicles that are growing ahead of the rest with 1.1, 1.1, 1.0 on one ovaries and 1.1, 0.8 on another ovary. The nurse said that it is still early and very soon we should see a growth spur, for now she is satisfied. The nurse also said that the cyst had no change, and I think I saw it being at 2.4. She said that they will have to continue monitoring me very closely and it is going to be daily monitoring from now on. We talked about meds as I figured out that some are cheaper at the clinic and some are cheaper at the pharmacy. I also asked her what will happen if the cyst will start to grow, to which she replied that Dr. H may cancel the cycle if it gets too big. We are not adding the antagonist just yet, as they want the estrogen level at 1,200 AND lead follie at 1.8 (not quite there yet), so it looks like we are a bit behind "schedule" as we were supposed to add Orgalutran tomorrow morning.
My nurse called me later to tell me that my estrogen is up to 1,700, but all the doses remain the same and I am back tomorrow morning.
I finished my first Gonal F pen today (900IU) and I was supposed to only have 150IU left for tonight with additional 37.5IU to be taken from a new pen. Yep, lucky me 3 injections tonight. So on the old pen I left the dial at 187.5 and pulled the trigger to the end and it looked like it did go to 187.5, but I couldn't be sure as by my calculations there should have only been 150 and according to instructions the trigger should not have gone all the way to 187.5 but stopped at 150. So, after spending a few minutes with a calculator recalculating the dosages, I decided to give myself whatever was left in the old pen PLUS 37.5 from the new. Worst comes to worst I got 37.5 more today then needed, oh well. That's why I prefer the good old syringes - no mystery there.
I am already feeling uncomfortable with constant pressure at the bottom of my tummy. I guess having a cyst at 2.4 cm doesn't help things much. The headache and nausea comes and goes.
I feel so different this time around. For some reason going for monitoring in the morning is such a bother. I have no excitement about this cycle at all. The thought that ER is scheduled for a week from today sends shivers down my body, as I keep thinking that it can't be that soon. I don't realize it, but I've already had 5 injections of stims and to have ER on Wednesday I'll be triggering on Monday night (assuming we are on schedule) BUT the talk about "cancellation" has been haunting us since we started so my mood is up and down all the time. I guess I am already hormonal as most of the time I just feel apathy and sad.
I am thankful for meditation though as my acupuncturist said that my pulse is much better and calmer than what it was in December. She was also happy that I am taking thyroid medication as she was struggling to keep something related to thyroid balanced for me.
The result for today is 5 follicles that are growing ahead of the rest with 1.1, 1.1, 1.0 on one ovaries and 1.1, 0.8 on another ovary. The nurse said that it is still early and very soon we should see a growth spur, for now she is satisfied. The nurse also said that the cyst had no change, and I think I saw it being at 2.4. She said that they will have to continue monitoring me very closely and it is going to be daily monitoring from now on. We talked about meds as I figured out that some are cheaper at the clinic and some are cheaper at the pharmacy. I also asked her what will happen if the cyst will start to grow, to which she replied that Dr. H may cancel the cycle if it gets too big. We are not adding the antagonist just yet, as they want the estrogen level at 1,200 AND lead follie at 1.8 (not quite there yet), so it looks like we are a bit behind "schedule" as we were supposed to add Orgalutran tomorrow morning.
My nurse called me later to tell me that my estrogen is up to 1,700, but all the doses remain the same and I am back tomorrow morning.
I finished my first Gonal F pen today (900IU) and I was supposed to only have 150IU left for tonight with additional 37.5IU to be taken from a new pen. Yep, lucky me 3 injections tonight. So on the old pen I left the dial at 187.5 and pulled the trigger to the end and it looked like it did go to 187.5, but I couldn't be sure as by my calculations there should have only been 150 and according to instructions the trigger should not have gone all the way to 187.5 but stopped at 150. So, after spending a few minutes with a calculator recalculating the dosages, I decided to give myself whatever was left in the old pen PLUS 37.5 from the new. Worst comes to worst I got 37.5 more today then needed, oh well. That's why I prefer the good old syringes - no mystery there.
I am already feeling uncomfortable with constant pressure at the bottom of my tummy. I guess having a cyst at 2.4 cm doesn't help things much. The headache and nausea comes and goes.
I feel so different this time around. For some reason going for monitoring in the morning is such a bother. I have no excitement about this cycle at all. The thought that ER is scheduled for a week from today sends shivers down my body, as I keep thinking that it can't be that soon. I don't realize it, but I've already had 5 injections of stims and to have ER on Wednesday I'll be triggering on Monday night (assuming we are on schedule) BUT the talk about "cancellation" has been haunting us since we started so my mood is up and down all the time. I guess I am already hormonal as most of the time I just feel apathy and sad.
I am thankful for meditation though as my acupuncturist said that my pulse is much better and calmer than what it was in December. She was also happy that I am taking thyroid medication as she was struggling to keep something related to thyroid balanced for me.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Take 2 - Stims - Day 4 & 100th post!!!
This is my 100th post and I would prefer to write some good news, like for example a BFP, but we are still in the midst of our 2nd IVF cycle and still a good 3-4 weeks away from the beta test.
This morning I had my first u/s and b/w after having stims injection for 3 days (the injections are in the evening and u/s are in the morning). In the new clinic the u/s is done by a tech and you actually get undress IN the u/s room (not sitting gowned in the hallway with ten other women). So the tech commented in passing that I will have lots of eggs to work with (which made me happy). Then I talked to the nurse. Apparently I now have 20 follicles on one and 15 on the other ovary. The bad news - they found a cyst which they think is a culprit behind my high estrogen levels. So in the morning I left the office with my nurse telling me that they'll be watching the cyst carefully and I will most likely come back on Thursday, but she will call me once b/w results are in.
When I got back to the office, I took out my cell phone and put it right beside me on my desk. And of course, when my nurse called, the phone went directly to the voice mail :( So the only info I got was that my estrogen is now up to 1,200, I should continue my regular dose, and they want me to go back TOMORROW - ugh. I really wanted to give my poor arms a break as I start to look a lot like drug addict. I ALWAYS have problems with drawing blood.
Hoping to talk to her tomorrow to figure out if it is a cyst or a follicle that is growing fast, and what the hell is the difference between the two, and what are the implications of either on my cycle.
The headaches are a bit milder, but still have them and nausea, and the rest of s/e including cramping and twinges in my uterus, and we are not even half way through stims!
This morning I had my first u/s and b/w after having stims injection for 3 days (the injections are in the evening and u/s are in the morning). In the new clinic the u/s is done by a tech and you actually get undress IN the u/s room (not sitting gowned in the hallway with ten other women). So the tech commented in passing that I will have lots of eggs to work with (which made me happy). Then I talked to the nurse. Apparently I now have 20 follicles on one and 15 on the other ovary. The bad news - they found a cyst which they think is a culprit behind my high estrogen levels. So in the morning I left the office with my nurse telling me that they'll be watching the cyst carefully and I will most likely come back on Thursday, but she will call me once b/w results are in.
When I got back to the office, I took out my cell phone and put it right beside me on my desk. And of course, when my nurse called, the phone went directly to the voice mail :( So the only info I got was that my estrogen is now up to 1,200, I should continue my regular dose, and they want me to go back TOMORROW - ugh. I really wanted to give my poor arms a break as I start to look a lot like drug addict. I ALWAYS have problems with drawing blood.
Hoping to talk to her tomorrow to figure out if it is a cyst or a follicle that is growing fast, and what the hell is the difference between the two, and what are the implications of either on my cycle.
The headaches are a bit milder, but still have them and nausea, and the rest of s/e including cramping and twinges in my uterus, and we are not even half way through stims!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Take 2 - Stims - Day 3
Today is my 3rd day of stims. I am getting used to it and not that afraid of Gonal F pen anymore. I got home just in time to do my injections and my parents dropped by just as I was getting ready. So my mom went upstairs and was watching me doing them. I actually wanted her to see how brave I am. I showed her the little needle on Gonal F and then took out the syringe with the long mixing needle attached for Luveris. She almost fainted LOL as she thought that I was going to give myself injections with such long needle. So that was a bit entertaining. The worst part is that I have tons of side effects that I didn't have last time around (I am telling myself it is good, since it probably means that the meds are working):
1) I have a headache (bordering on migraine) for the 2nd day in a row;
2) I get very nauseous to the point of almost throwing up as well 2nd day and it gets worse in the evenings (my sweet DH said to get used to it, since it will stay for a few months until the 1st trimester is over :) );
3) I've also experienced some light twinges and cramps in my ovaries on and off through the day; and
4) my (.)(.) are a bit sore.
Tomorrow is the firs u/s and b/w after the stims, so will know if there is a good reason why I am feeling like crap for the second day in a row.
1) I have a headache (bordering on migraine) for the 2nd day in a row;
2) I get very nauseous to the point of almost throwing up as well 2nd day and it gets worse in the evenings (my sweet DH said to get used to it, since it will stay for a few months until the 1st trimester is over :) );
3) I've also experienced some light twinges and cramps in my ovaries on and off through the day; and
4) my (.)(.) are a bit sore.
Tomorrow is the firs u/s and b/w after the stims, so will know if there is a good reason why I am feeling like crap for the second day in a row.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Take 2 - Stims - Day 1 & 2
Saturday night bright and early went for an u/s and b/w. Right when the u/s tech was inserting the "thing" you know where, a female doctor I've never seen before came in. She did tell me that there were no cyst but that they are waiting for b/w and just wanted to reconfirm that they didn't miss anything on the u/s on Friday morning. I asked her why my estrogen is up, and she hesitated and then said that since I have 27 little follicles, each of them is secreting estrogen and all together it is high (it sounded like such a BS, if you ask me, like she had no clue what she was talking about). I asked her if there was a chance of this cycle being canceled if my estrogen does not go down and she told me that there was. So on the way home, DH & I talked about it in the car and decided not to push it, if our RE suggests canceling this one and waiting one cycle, we would do just that, since it is the second one and we don't want to spend tons of money for nothing.
Once we got home and finally had breakfast, I was exhausted and went straight to bed for a little nap :) A phone call from the clinic woke me up. The nurse (not my regular nurse) said that my estrogen is even higher at 369, BUT that Dr. H said that he is not concerned and that I can start stims tonight. So, I hung up the phone and was like "WHAT????" I didn't expect that at all. We had to rush to our pharmacy to get the drugs (the pharmacy is owned by a couple who had fertility issues too, so they always have fertility drugs in stock, they don't charge dispensing fee on prescription AND they only have 2% mark-up, which is a G-d send for people like us who have no insurance or benefits). So we got an almost 5 day supply of Gonal F and Luveris (plus the thyroid medication).
I also emailed Dr. H just to confirm that he is ok with us proceeding because if he thinks that high estrogen might negatively affect the cycle we would rather wait until the next one. On a Saturday afternoon Dr H replied within an hour in a short email saying that it IS worth starting now.
He actually called around 8 p.m. when were were about to do the shots and were getting ready to leave the house. He said that usually they like to see estrogen at 200 or lower but my case is special (he he he). What he thinks is that there is already a growing follicle although it is still very small as u/s is very good and does not show anything out of the ordinary. So what might happen is that we might get one leading follicle which we will ignore until the rest of the follicles catch up. Since I was on the phone with Dr. H instead of getting ready to go out, we were extremely late so DH had to do the injections!!! We had a nice evening out with our friends :)
This morning I had an acupuncture appointment which was great as always. She is such an amazing woman and has so much positive energy that I love having acupuncture sessions with her. I then had to go to the office (with all my drugs in tow). We were going to see Yanni tonight (the concert was amazing!!!) so I had to do injections at the office before leaving for the concert. It did take me about 10 min but at least I didn't have to worry about it during the concert. The bad thing is that I have a headache since the morning and I tried to toughen it out. it got so bad after the concert that I almost threw out on the ride home. So, took some drugs and am on my way to bed now.
Once we got home and finally had breakfast, I was exhausted and went straight to bed for a little nap :) A phone call from the clinic woke me up. The nurse (not my regular nurse) said that my estrogen is even higher at 369, BUT that Dr. H said that he is not concerned and that I can start stims tonight. So, I hung up the phone and was like "WHAT????" I didn't expect that at all. We had to rush to our pharmacy to get the drugs (the pharmacy is owned by a couple who had fertility issues too, so they always have fertility drugs in stock, they don't charge dispensing fee on prescription AND they only have 2% mark-up, which is a G-d send for people like us who have no insurance or benefits). So we got an almost 5 day supply of Gonal F and Luveris (plus the thyroid medication).
I also emailed Dr. H just to confirm that he is ok with us proceeding because if he thinks that high estrogen might negatively affect the cycle we would rather wait until the next one. On a Saturday afternoon Dr H replied within an hour in a short email saying that it IS worth starting now.
He actually called around 8 p.m. when were were about to do the shots and were getting ready to leave the house. He said that usually they like to see estrogen at 200 or lower but my case is special (he he he). What he thinks is that there is already a growing follicle although it is still very small as u/s is very good and does not show anything out of the ordinary. So what might happen is that we might get one leading follicle which we will ignore until the rest of the follicles catch up. Since I was on the phone with Dr. H instead of getting ready to go out, we were extremely late so DH had to do the injections!!! We had a nice evening out with our friends :)
This morning I had an acupuncture appointment which was great as always. She is such an amazing woman and has so much positive energy that I love having acupuncture sessions with her. I then had to go to the office (with all my drugs in tow). We were going to see Yanni tonight (the concert was amazing!!!) so I had to do injections at the office before leaving for the concert. It did take me about 10 min but at least I didn't have to worry about it during the concert. The bad thing is that I have a headache since the morning and I tried to toughen it out. it got so bad after the concert that I almost threw out on the ride home. So, took some drugs and am on my way to bed now.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Not an April's Fools Joke
Oh, but how I wish it was an April's Fools joke.
This morning I had my baseline u/s and b/w. I was a bit stressed out as I was working late yesterday and had a client coming in at 9:30 a.m. and nothing was ready for that client when I left late on Thursday. In addition, I didn't know how long it will take me to do an u/s, b/w and meet my nurse.
Everything was good, the train was on time, no problem with the subway also. I got to the clinic had to wait 5 min for and u/s then another 5 min for b/w and another 5 min to talk to the nurse. I was done in 30 minutes. That was fast! I talked to the nurse and she said that the u/s looked very good - I had 12 resting follicles on one ovary and 15 on the other. She was to call me with my b/w results in a few hours and confirm that I can start stims on Saturday night as planned.
Of course the phone rang at the worst possible time - when my boss was standing in the doorway of my office talking to my clerk. It was my nurse and she said that my estrogen level is at 335 which is elevated and that I have to come in tomorrow morning for another u/s and b/w, and that unless it goes down, I cannot start my stims tomorrow. She said that she is sorry but they cannot see elevated estrogen levels on the u/s. I couldn't ask her questions as my boss was right there. I was so upset (not crying though) that I couldn't work.
I posted a question on the forum about what does it mean to have elevated estrogen, and got four responses pointing at an active cyst - which begs a questions - why wasn't it seen on the u/s in the morning. Then I got another response:
"sounds like a false start to AF and your corpus luteum is still producing estrogen... happenend to me on a couple of occasions... usually full flow would start within a day or 2 and E2 would then drop down to normal levels. FX!"
I hope this is it rather than cyst. [TMI] My AF this time is very very weird. 1st, I am not bleeding much and it comes out in pieces rather than blood and one piece was actually pretty big. I can go by for a long time with just one pad and today it almost stopped (and it is only day 2)!!! I don't know if it even makes sense, but I've never taken BCP before (except during my last cycle) so don't know how my body supposed to react to it.
All I am doing right now is praying that my estrogen level will go down for tomorrow and this whole ordeal will just be a minor delay in cycle. Why can't IVF just be a smooth sailing???
This morning I had my baseline u/s and b/w. I was a bit stressed out as I was working late yesterday and had a client coming in at 9:30 a.m. and nothing was ready for that client when I left late on Thursday. In addition, I didn't know how long it will take me to do an u/s, b/w and meet my nurse.
Everything was good, the train was on time, no problem with the subway also. I got to the clinic had to wait 5 min for and u/s then another 5 min for b/w and another 5 min to talk to the nurse. I was done in 30 minutes. That was fast! I talked to the nurse and she said that the u/s looked very good - I had 12 resting follicles on one ovary and 15 on the other. She was to call me with my b/w results in a few hours and confirm that I can start stims on Saturday night as planned.
Of course the phone rang at the worst possible time - when my boss was standing in the doorway of my office talking to my clerk. It was my nurse and she said that my estrogen level is at 335 which is elevated and that I have to come in tomorrow morning for another u/s and b/w, and that unless it goes down, I cannot start my stims tomorrow. She said that she is sorry but they cannot see elevated estrogen levels on the u/s. I couldn't ask her questions as my boss was right there. I was so upset (not crying though) that I couldn't work.
I posted a question on the forum about what does it mean to have elevated estrogen, and got four responses pointing at an active cyst - which begs a questions - why wasn't it seen on the u/s in the morning. Then I got another response:
"sounds like a false start to AF and your corpus luteum is still producing estrogen... happenend to me on a couple of occasions... usually full flow would start within a day or 2 and E2 would then drop down to normal levels. FX!"
I hope this is it rather than cyst. [TMI] My AF this time is very very weird. 1st, I am not bleeding much and it comes out in pieces rather than blood and one piece was actually pretty big. I can go by for a long time with just one pad and today it almost stopped (and it is only day 2)!!! I don't know if it even makes sense, but I've never taken BCP before (except during my last cycle) so don't know how my body supposed to react to it.
All I am doing right now is praying that my estrogen level will go down for tomorrow and this whole ordeal will just be a minor delay in cycle. Why can't IVF just be a smooth sailing???
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Little Signs
DH did get me mediation for IVF and I listened to the first session yesterday. I just love guided mediation, as I can reach a degree of relaxation that I cannot reach on my own. So, as I was mediating and relaxing and trying to imagine a bridge from my mind to body, a mental picture suddenly appeared - and there were little kids - and I knew that they were my kids. There were I think 4 different aged kids boys and girls. I didn't get a good look, and I was thinking may be I thought of my niece and nephews, but the kids in my picture did not have such dark hair as my niece or nephews. So, either I am completely going crazy or it is a positive sign. I also received an email from a jewellery place that was actually related only to baby stuff. I might be reading too much into it, but I hope that since I am so anxious and nervous about this cycle, G-d actually sends me signs that everything is going to be ok, that I am going to be a mommy, and I just have to believe. I do believe!!! and am going to listen to the next meditation session right now - good night!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Last BCP and pre-cycle jitters
I did take the last BCP on Friday and now am patiently waiting for AF to show up. I do have some twitching and cramping, but no spotting yet.
We did have a busy weekend. Friday I ended up going shopping with my mom and then went back to my parents' house to help figure out Wii game for my lil' brother (and ended up playing Wii with my mom late into the night). Saturday was an early wake up as (a) our cleaning lady was coming - finally! and just in time for DH's b-day next week, and (b) i had to get going for my gravity circuit class (probably the last one). The work out was amazing and I am sore all over now :) but feel great!!! Then we were off to my nieces birthday party - yes the second one, this time around it was for kids (and I had to be there to help with my brother and otherwise just help).
So the b-day party was going pretty well, until I saw our high school friend who was married about 2 years ago and now is very pregnant with her SECOND child. For some reason it really bothered me and I tried to stay away from her as much as possible (there were tons of other people and kids who needed my attention anyways). I managed to go through the party but lost it when DH & I stopped by to get some groceries. Yep, me crying in the middle of the supermarket (with people actually turning to look). I still blame BCP!!!
We did have friends over on Saturday night (except for my sis and sil, none of them have kids, so the conversations were light and funny).
Sunday morning we had a birthday breakfast - have you heard about that! It was about 40 min drive from our house, so DH & I were talking and our conversation moved to our 2nd IVF cycle. We were talking about what happened last time around and how we were grasping at straws to not have the cycle cancelled. We both agreed that we should have received more guidance and may be had it cancelled rather than going through with such a low level of follicles and E2. So we were trying to emotionally prepare ourselves for what can come. I told DH that our new RE would not proceed if my E2 was less than 6,500, and we agreed that if RE says the cycle is a no go - we are NOT going through with it. We also agreed that if RE is uncertain and is talking of may be cancelling this cycle - we are also NOT going forward. We pay for everything out of our pocket, so if the cycle is not going perfectly, there is no need to push it. This discussion seemed to make us both feel a bit better prepared.
This morning, however, I started to feel very anxious just trying to think about starting injections again. We are going to a concert on Sunday night and it starts at 8 p.m. and I set the date for my injection at 9, and I don't know what to do. I am not sure if there is enough space in the washroom at the theatre to start mixing medication as Gonal F comes in a pen but I have to mix Lupron together, should I pre-mix it 2 hours ahead, or should I just wait until the end and get back to my office and do it there 1.5 - 2 hours late (the theatre is about 5-10 min walk from my office). Plus, it's Monday and AF is a no-show. I know that last time it started the day I started stims, but now I am thinking that may be that contributed to the bad cycle, I don't know...
So, I called DH and told him that I was scared and very anxious about the upcoming cycle and all the injections and asked him to buy me the meditation that somebody recommended - Circle + Bloom. And he did!!! As I am typing this, DH is on his computer trying to download it onto my iPhone. Did I tell you how great my DH is :)
I hope this mediation helps, and I also remembered that I should probably try to get in touch with my acupuncturist as I want to start my weekly acupuncture sessions ASAP. So much to do, so little time. I think I am getting stressed out again. LOL
We did have a busy weekend. Friday I ended up going shopping with my mom and then went back to my parents' house to help figure out Wii game for my lil' brother (and ended up playing Wii with my mom late into the night). Saturday was an early wake up as (a) our cleaning lady was coming - finally! and just in time for DH's b-day next week, and (b) i had to get going for my gravity circuit class (probably the last one). The work out was amazing and I am sore all over now :) but feel great!!! Then we were off to my nieces birthday party - yes the second one, this time around it was for kids (and I had to be there to help with my brother and otherwise just help).
So the b-day party was going pretty well, until I saw our high school friend who was married about 2 years ago and now is very pregnant with her SECOND child. For some reason it really bothered me and I tried to stay away from her as much as possible (there were tons of other people and kids who needed my attention anyways). I managed to go through the party but lost it when DH & I stopped by to get some groceries. Yep, me crying in the middle of the supermarket (with people actually turning to look). I still blame BCP!!!
We did have friends over on Saturday night (except for my sis and sil, none of them have kids, so the conversations were light and funny).
Sunday morning we had a birthday breakfast - have you heard about that! It was about 40 min drive from our house, so DH & I were talking and our conversation moved to our 2nd IVF cycle. We were talking about what happened last time around and how we were grasping at straws to not have the cycle cancelled. We both agreed that we should have received more guidance and may be had it cancelled rather than going through with such a low level of follicles and E2. So we were trying to emotionally prepare ourselves for what can come. I told DH that our new RE would not proceed if my E2 was less than 6,500, and we agreed that if RE says the cycle is a no go - we are NOT going through with it. We also agreed that if RE is uncertain and is talking of may be cancelling this cycle - we are also NOT going forward. We pay for everything out of our pocket, so if the cycle is not going perfectly, there is no need to push it. This discussion seemed to make us both feel a bit better prepared.
This morning, however, I started to feel very anxious just trying to think about starting injections again. We are going to a concert on Sunday night and it starts at 8 p.m. and I set the date for my injection at 9, and I don't know what to do. I am not sure if there is enough space in the washroom at the theatre to start mixing medication as Gonal F comes in a pen but I have to mix Lupron together, should I pre-mix it 2 hours ahead, or should I just wait until the end and get back to my office and do it there 1.5 - 2 hours late (the theatre is about 5-10 min walk from my office). Plus, it's Monday and AF is a no-show. I know that last time it started the day I started stims, but now I am thinking that may be that contributed to the bad cycle, I don't know...
So, I called DH and told him that I was scared and very anxious about the upcoming cycle and all the injections and asked him to buy me the meditation that somebody recommended - Circle + Bloom. And he did!!! As I am typing this, DH is on his computer trying to download it onto my iPhone. Did I tell you how great my DH is :)
I hope this mediation helps, and I also remembered that I should probably try to get in touch with my acupuncturist as I want to start my weekly acupuncture sessions ASAP. So much to do, so little time. I think I am getting stressed out again. LOL
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Cycle Review Meeting & more ranting re BCP
We had our cycle review apt this morning. And the first thing was a meeting with their financial person - yep our credit card bill will be MUCH BIGGER next month LOL. We went over forms and completed a few blanks that I had questions about. Dr. H popped up to say hi which was very nice of him. Than nurse J went over medication - by the way, using Gonal F looks like a breeze, much easier than mixing Menopur. Unfortunately I will still have to mix Luveris (and not with a nice Qcap that Menopur has). Any tricks on using those meds will be appreciated.
Nurse J also gave me: (1) a big sharps container (not the shitty little bag they gave me at Mt. Sinai), (2) a nice bag for Gonal F but it can fit other medication too (I had to use my little cosmetics bag to carry my meds last time around when I had to take them at work and the meds barely fit!!! (3) syringes and needles for Luveris and alcohol swabs. I also got all prescriptions as I might get some drugs at a cheaper pharmacy rather than at the clinic.
The new RE's pffice is more organized too, I'll have my stims in the evening, so I can do them at like 9 p.m. in time for when I get home, and when the time comes for antagonist, it will be done in the morning (lets say around 6 a.m.) at Mt. Sinai it was the reverse and the bad thing about it was that I was not able to take medication in the morning until I had u/s and b/w and they call me, so a lot of times I had to do it in the bathroom at work - not the best place to mix medication :D But nurse J told me that once told I will be taking antagonist every morning BEFORE I come for u/s and b/w, so I don't have to take any medication with me to work. Such a relief....
So, overall, I was really happy with how this morning progressed!
And by the way - that shortage of Orgalutran that I was freaking out about, may exist or not exist, but I don't care as our clinic has enough medication for all girls cycling at the same time - Aren't they cool?!?!
The other good news is that I opened the last pack of BCP - only 2 more to go. The bad thing - I am getting MORE side effects. Now, hot flashes and night sweats were added to the mix. Yei!!! Why am I so "lucky"? Notwithstanding anything, I can feel that AF is already knocking on the door and just waiting for BCP to let her in. Moodwise - I am very bitchy and agitated - huge PMS!!!! Have been snapping at my boss for 2 days in a row now, can't help it.
Anyways, tomorrow is Friday and I can finally get more than 5 hours of sleep!!!
I guess for you being a nurse my excitement about sharps container, syringes and needles will look silly (especially since I've done it once already :) ). So once I get a "go" on the 1st of April, I'll pick up my medication at our pharmacy and will start using my tummy as a pin cushion :).
Nurse J also gave me: (1) a big sharps container (not the shitty little bag they gave me at Mt. Sinai), (2) a nice bag for Gonal F but it can fit other medication too (I had to use my little cosmetics bag to carry my meds last time around when I had to take them at work and the meds barely fit!!! (3) syringes and needles for Luveris and alcohol swabs. I also got all prescriptions as I might get some drugs at a cheaper pharmacy rather than at the clinic.
The new RE's pffice is more organized too, I'll have my stims in the evening, so I can do them at like 9 p.m. in time for when I get home, and when the time comes for antagonist, it will be done in the morning (lets say around 6 a.m.) at Mt. Sinai it was the reverse and the bad thing about it was that I was not able to take medication in the morning until I had u/s and b/w and they call me, so a lot of times I had to do it in the bathroom at work - not the best place to mix medication :D But nurse J told me that once told I will be taking antagonist every morning BEFORE I come for u/s and b/w, so I don't have to take any medication with me to work. Such a relief....
So, overall, I was really happy with how this morning progressed!
And by the way - that shortage of Orgalutran that I was freaking out about, may exist or not exist, but I don't care as our clinic has enough medication for all girls cycling at the same time - Aren't they cool?!?!
The other good news is that I opened the last pack of BCP - only 2 more to go. The bad thing - I am getting MORE side effects. Now, hot flashes and night sweats were added to the mix. Yei!!! Why am I so "lucky"? Notwithstanding anything, I can feel that AF is already knocking on the door and just waiting for BCP to let her in. Moodwise - I am very bitchy and agitated - huge PMS!!!! Have been snapping at my boss for 2 days in a row now, can't help it.
Anyways, tomorrow is Friday and I can finally get more than 5 hours of sleep!!!
I guess for you being a nurse my excitement about sharps container, syringes and needles will look silly (especially since I've done it once already :) ). So once I get a "go" on the 1st of April, I'll pick up my medication at our pharmacy and will start using my tummy as a pin cushion :).
3 weeks on BCP
Today is March 23 (or since it will be after midnight by the time I finish writing - 24th ) and it is snowing in TO. Hmmm when is this winter going to end. I guess I am also not in the greatest of places emotionally, as I think BCP is screwing with me a bit. I did finish one pack today. I have very mixed emotions about the new cycle. Remember how I had optimism and positive thoughts? I still do, but now started thinking about what if this cycle is also a bust? Today was the first time I brought it up with DH and we decided that if this cycle doesn't work, we are going to the ayurvedic clinic in Hungary that I talked about some time ago.
Yesterday was my nieces 4th birthday, and even though I love her to pieces (and most of the time the feeling is mutual), this occasion was bitter sweet. My sis told us that she is pregnant 2 weeks before our wedding. When my niece was born we've been TTCing for 4 months, fast forward to today, my niece turned 4, her brother is turning 2 in 2 months, and we are still at the same point as we were over 4 years ago. uhhhh...
Another factor that contributes to my misery is my weight - I am overweight and if you look at a BMI, even obese (although I am a few kg over overweight category). , I am losing the battle with my weight as in the past 6 months it has been fluctuating in the 2 kg range back and forth. I just cant say NO to food, and I don't know why... I cant stand looking at myself on photos (and DH is the same way) so we haven't been taking pictures or have pictures of us taken in a long time ( I think there are literally just 2-3 pics from Mexico that have me on them). So why am I surprised that there are no pics of me or DH when looking through my sis' pictures of kids, and getting jealous that the kid's other uncle is in the pics a lot? I am blaming it on the drugs! And by the way, just looked through pics from the birthday party last night - there are 2 pics of me and OMG I look awful - does camera add a few kg??? Seriously need to do something, but have absolutely no motivation. Again, blaming everything on BCP.
I actually think that they are getting to me plus PMS as AF should be near. I am getting very nauseous in the evenings. I did not have that before, but then I was on BCP for less than 2 weeks and now I just finished week 3.
Tomorrow we are going for our "cycle review" appointment to review the cycle, learn how to administer new medication and of course, pay the fees (I am so looking forward to that - NOT! and especially to opening our credit card bill in about a month) oh well... Hope once AF starts I will feel like a human again as it is hard to control myself now (I am already snapping at my boss - which I've never done before). I am tired too. Need a 24 hour sleep therapy but who will let me do that. We already have tons of plans for the weekend and I do work on Sundays. Saturday, bright and early our cleaning lady is coming - finally and just in time as DH's b-day next week, then i am off to my last gravity class (although I might squeeze in one more class next Saturday as it is only going to be my first day of stims), then another b-day party for my niece (this time for the kids, but since I am an auntie, I have to go! and Sunday on top of work, I have my cousin's b-day party!!! Yep, crazy busy :) but may be its for the best as it takes my thoughts away from what could have been if IVF #1 was successful. I was so down that I was thinking of putting up a ticker saying "It has been exactly 12 weeks since we received confirmation that our little bean didn't make it" or "I could have been 14 weeks and 2 days pregnant today". Oh well....
Yesterday was my nieces 4th birthday, and even though I love her to pieces (and most of the time the feeling is mutual), this occasion was bitter sweet. My sis told us that she is pregnant 2 weeks before our wedding. When my niece was born we've been TTCing for 4 months, fast forward to today, my niece turned 4, her brother is turning 2 in 2 months, and we are still at the same point as we were over 4 years ago. uhhhh...
Another factor that contributes to my misery is my weight - I am overweight and if you look at a BMI, even obese (although I am a few kg over overweight category). , I am losing the battle with my weight as in the past 6 months it has been fluctuating in the 2 kg range back and forth. I just cant say NO to food, and I don't know why... I cant stand looking at myself on photos (and DH is the same way) so we haven't been taking pictures or have pictures of us taken in a long time ( I think there are literally just 2-3 pics from Mexico that have me on them). So why am I surprised that there are no pics of me or DH when looking through my sis' pictures of kids, and getting jealous that the kid's other uncle is in the pics a lot? I am blaming it on the drugs! And by the way, just looked through pics from the birthday party last night - there are 2 pics of me and OMG I look awful - does camera add a few kg??? Seriously need to do something, but have absolutely no motivation. Again, blaming everything on BCP.
I actually think that they are getting to me plus PMS as AF should be near. I am getting very nauseous in the evenings. I did not have that before, but then I was on BCP for less than 2 weeks and now I just finished week 3.
Tomorrow we are going for our "cycle review" appointment to review the cycle, learn how to administer new medication and of course, pay the fees (I am so looking forward to that - NOT! and especially to opening our credit card bill in about a month) oh well... Hope once AF starts I will feel like a human again as it is hard to control myself now (I am already snapping at my boss - which I've never done before). I am tired too. Need a 24 hour sleep therapy but who will let me do that. We already have tons of plans for the weekend and I do work on Sundays. Saturday, bright and early our cleaning lady is coming - finally and just in time as DH's b-day next week, then i am off to my last gravity class (although I might squeeze in one more class next Saturday as it is only going to be my first day of stims), then another b-day party for my niece (this time for the kids, but since I am an auntie, I have to go! and Sunday on top of work, I have my cousin's b-day party!!! Yep, crazy busy :) but may be its for the best as it takes my thoughts away from what could have been if IVF #1 was successful. I was so down that I was thinking of putting up a ticker saying "It has been exactly 12 weeks since we received confirmation that our little bean didn't make it" or "I could have been 14 weeks and 2 days pregnant today". Oh well....
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
BCP #19 and a first minor freak-out
I did want to write a post about the effects of BCP. I think I am more emotional - hence the freak-out, my bbs hurt and are more sensitive and I get more headaches. I am also breaking out on my face, but I don't know if I can attribute that to BCP.
The good news - 19 down and only 6 to go - yoohoo!!! The pack with 3 little pills left looks so cute :)
So this afternoon, I was reading through blogs and found out that there is a shortage of Orgalutran in Canada. I do some more search on the internet and find a few more mentioning of the shortage. So the balls started rolling in my head. Orgalutran is comparable to Cetrotide, and if there is a shortage I would probably be prescribed Cetrotide instead, I had an allergic reaction to Cetrotide and my new RE said that it might have contributed to my poor IVF#1 performance. So, at that point I have tears in my eyes and starting freaking out. I go to my trusty ivf.ca site for guidance of my efriends and of course just my luck, it is not working. I call DH with a breaking voice explaining the problem and he tried to calm me down by saying that our RE probably has a supply of such drug as he prescribes it to his patients. I can not star breathing but barely. Then I managed to get a hold of a girlfriend who just finished her cycle with the same RE (and got a BFP!!!) and she confirmed that she was buying meds through the clinic and if it will make me feel better I can email the clinic and ask them to make sure they have enough medication set aside for me as I have an allergic reaction to Cetrotide. So, I calm down, and start thinking rationally. My RE does cycles every 3 weeks, so he is actually doing ERs this week and they are probably done with antagonist medication, the next group is my group which will do antagonist drugs in the second week of April, so I can wait until Thursday to discuss this problem with my clinic.
I am again calm as a cucumber!!!
The good news - 19 down and only 6 to go - yoohoo!!! The pack with 3 little pills left looks so cute :)
So this afternoon, I was reading through blogs and found out that there is a shortage of Orgalutran in Canada. I do some more search on the internet and find a few more mentioning of the shortage. So the balls started rolling in my head. Orgalutran is comparable to Cetrotide, and if there is a shortage I would probably be prescribed Cetrotide instead, I had an allergic reaction to Cetrotide and my new RE said that it might have contributed to my poor IVF#1 performance. So, at that point I have tears in my eyes and starting freaking out. I go to my trusty ivf.ca site for guidance of my efriends and of course just my luck, it is not working. I call DH with a breaking voice explaining the problem and he tried to calm me down by saying that our RE probably has a supply of such drug as he prescribes it to his patients. I can not star breathing but barely. Then I managed to get a hold of a girlfriend who just finished her cycle with the same RE (and got a BFP!!!) and she confirmed that she was buying meds through the clinic and if it will make me feel better I can email the clinic and ask them to make sure they have enough medication set aside for me as I have an allergic reaction to Cetrotide. So, I calm down, and start thinking rationally. My RE does cycles every 3 weeks, so he is actually doing ERs this week and they are probably done with antagonist medication, the next group is my group which will do antagonist drugs in the second week of April, so I can wait until Thursday to discuss this problem with my clinic.
I am again calm as a cucumber!!!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Welcome ICLW!!!
Welcome everyone who found their way to my little blog!
You can find our TTC timeline in the right hand column and a very detailed account of our journey at "about me" tab, but here is a shorter summary :)
DH and I have been married since August 2006 (after being together for 5 years).
We have been TTC for over 4 years now (since December 2006) and I have never been pregnant.
2 years ago we were diagnosed with MFI (male factor infertility).
After 5IUIs and a surgery for DH we decided to proceed with IVF.
Our first IVF in December last year was a disaster (understimulated, threat of cancellation, only one poor quality embie), and as expected, ended in BFN.
We changed clinics and are preparing for our IVF#2 (taking BCP) :)
So that's where we are right now.
All your comments, thoughts and questions are always welcomed and appreciated, so stop by to say "hi" often!
You can find our TTC timeline in the right hand column and a very detailed account of our journey at "about me" tab, but here is a shorter summary :)
DH and I have been married since August 2006 (after being together for 5 years).
We have been TTC for over 4 years now (since December 2006) and I have never been pregnant.
2 years ago we were diagnosed with MFI (male factor infertility).
After 5IUIs and a surgery for DH we decided to proceed with IVF.
Our first IVF in December last year was a disaster (understimulated, threat of cancellation, only one poor quality embie), and as expected, ended in BFN.
We changed clinics and are preparing for our IVF#2 (taking BCP) :)
So that's where we are right now.
All your comments, thoughts and questions are always welcomed and appreciated, so stop by to say "hi" often!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
New York City - Here We Come!!!
This weekend we are going to New York City to attend Vision Expo 2011. We go every year as DH's business is connected to vision matters. And if you feel like checking out who is wearing what in the world of celebrities here is a link to a cute blog ;)
So we are leaving on Thursday night. We usually go with BIL & SIL in their van but this year they are leaving on Wednesday, and given the fact that DH & I just got back from our Mexican vacation not so long ago, I didn't think it was fair to take more days off, so we are going with DH's partner - 5 people in a sedan, which presented a minor problem with our luggage. We don't take much as we are only going for 3 days and this year there will not be any dinners/galas etc. but I hate packing and last night when I got home DH told me that I have to pack my things before I leave for work tomorrow (i.e. today) as his brother will take our suitcase with them in the van. So, I did 3 loads of laundry yesterday, but was too lazy to pack - I am the worst procrastinator ever!!! So, I got up 30 minutes earlier this morning to pack my bag, and it is already on its way to NYC :)
On the IF front nothing new to report. I am still taking BCP pills - today it was number 14, so 10 more to go (need to remember to pack them :) ). The only thing I can feel is some cramping around what was supposed to be ovulation time. Hoping everything is nice and quiet down there and we will hive a green light on April 1st to proceed with stims on April 2. Fingers crossed.
So we are leaving on Thursday night. We usually go with BIL & SIL in their van but this year they are leaving on Wednesday, and given the fact that DH & I just got back from our Mexican vacation not so long ago, I didn't think it was fair to take more days off, so we are going with DH's partner - 5 people in a sedan, which presented a minor problem with our luggage. We don't take much as we are only going for 3 days and this year there will not be any dinners/galas etc. but I hate packing and last night when I got home DH told me that I have to pack my things before I leave for work tomorrow (i.e. today) as his brother will take our suitcase with them in the van. So, I did 3 loads of laundry yesterday, but was too lazy to pack - I am the worst procrastinator ever!!! So, I got up 30 minutes earlier this morning to pack my bag, and it is already on its way to NYC :)
On the IF front nothing new to report. I am still taking BCP pills - today it was number 14, so 10 more to go (need to remember to pack them :) ). The only thing I can feel is some cramping around what was supposed to be ovulation time. Hoping everything is nice and quiet down there and we will hive a green light on April 1st to proceed with stims on April 2. Fingers crossed.
Monday, March 14, 2011
We walk the same line
A friend at the ivf.ca posted this song and the lyrics that she thinks epitomize the journey that we have been taken together. Once I read the lyrics I couldn't agree more. That's how I feel with all my friends on blogger and ivf.ca, and I wanted to posted on my blog so you can read it too, the lyrics are just beautiful.
We walk the same line
Words and Music by Tracey Thorn
If you lose your faith, babe, you can have mine,
and if you're lost I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.
Now I don't have to tell you
how slow the night can go,
I know you've watched for the light.
And I bet you could tell me
how slowly four follows three,
and you're most forlorn just before dawn.
So if you lose your faith babe,
you can have mine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.
When it's dark baby,
there's a light I'll shine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.
And I don't need reminding
how loud the phone can ring
when you're waiting for news.
And that big old moon
lights every corner of the room.
Your back aches from lying
and your head aches from crying.
So if you lose your faith babe,
you can have mine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.
When it's dark baby,
there's a light I'll shine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.
And if these troubles
should vanish like rain at midday,
well I've no doubt there'll be more.
And we can't run and we can't cheat,
cause babe when we meet
what we're afraid of,
we find out what we're made of.
So if you lose your faith babe,
you can have mine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.
When it's dark baby,
there's a light I'll shine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.
The link to the song is here.
We walk the same line
Words and Music by Tracey Thorn
If you lose your faith, babe, you can have mine,
and if you're lost I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.
Now I don't have to tell you
how slow the night can go,
I know you've watched for the light.
And I bet you could tell me
how slowly four follows three,
and you're most forlorn just before dawn.
So if you lose your faith babe,
you can have mine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.
When it's dark baby,
there's a light I'll shine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.
And I don't need reminding
how loud the phone can ring
when you're waiting for news.
And that big old moon
lights every corner of the room.
Your back aches from lying
and your head aches from crying.
So if you lose your faith babe,
you can have mine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.
When it's dark baby,
there's a light I'll shine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.
And if these troubles
should vanish like rain at midday,
well I've no doubt there'll be more.
And we can't run and we can't cheat,
cause babe when we meet
what we're afraid of,
we find out what we're made of.
So if you lose your faith babe,
you can have mine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.
When it's dark baby,
there's a light I'll shine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.
The link to the song is here.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
I am NOT watching any more TV!!!
It's not like I watch TV regularly, I rarely do, as I work long hours, but today decided to relax a bit in front of the TV as DH needed to step out for a bit. I was flipping channels and stopped on TLC - Cake Boss - amazing, I love Ace of Cakes and Cake Boss is the same idea - it should be about CAKES!!!. Well, what do you know, the entire episode was about BIRTH - his wife was very very pregnant and gave birth (they actually showed her in labour and during her giving birth) to a baby boy on Valentine's Day - and it's his 4th kid. Hmmm. Of course, I've been bawling with tears streaming down my chicks through the entire episode (I should have turned it off, but that's an after-thought), and it took some time for me to finally calm down by the time DH came home. I thought I was over this type of behaviour a long time ago, but I guess I am still fragile. I was asking myself why I was crying, and at least I am happy to say that it was not because I felt sorry for myself and I am trying to be honest. But I started thinking how my family would be happy when I give birth, how my SIS will be calling everyone with the announcement, who would come to the hospital etc. etc. Oh, well, better get to bed and remember that even food shows are not as innocent as they seem. I guess that's life of an infertile couple....
Jinx It
I wrote before about me being happy and hopeful again after the first IVF, and in the past couple of days I actually catch myself thinking that yes, this is it! It is going to work! and I feel happy. Even though it is gloomy and snowy/rainy outside, I feel like my sky is clear and blue. And by the way, BDing still continues to be wonderful - it feels like we are dating again ;)
When we were on vacation, DH and I were talking about having our baby(or babies) first b-day at a Caribbean resort, and we were actually planning a road trip with the baby (or babies) from Canada down to Florida when I will be on my mat leave as we would not have to worry about taking time off and could spend more time on a trip and exploring little towns along the coast. We would actually love to take the trip along the Pacific coast too, but that will have us flying all the way to Vancouver and then renting a car. But, these are just thoughts - happy thoughts! (my SIL said that we are crazy even thinking about it, baby would not enjoy a car trip and we would have to take tons of baby food to Caribbean blah blah blah, but we are not listening as we are in our happy place now :) )
Then from time to time the thought creeps in, am I jinxing myself by thinking like this IVF is a done deal (before it even started)? I really hope not! It is like a very fine balancing act - I should be positive, but not too positive to jinx myself. I think I am confused!!! I am thinking, is it possible to jinx yourself by being happy with starting IVF, or with an amount of follicles? We were doing great at the start of IVF#1, with great odds, great AFC, and great number of follicles developing and I was happy about it, so did I jinx myself? I am hoping that it just wasn't my time yet to have a baby, and my little angel just went to a different couple instead.
We all know that getting a BFP is only winning half of the battle, carrying the baby to term is another. For now I am really concentrating on finally getting to see the 2 lines for the first time in my life!!! I am a bit worried about the second part, but if I look around - my sis has 2 kids (no mc), my SIL has 2 kids (no mc), out of all of my friends and relatives who have kids only 1 had a mc. So why should I be any different? I will get my BFP and I will carry the baby(or babies) to term. PERIOD (not the bad kind). That's my thinking and I am trying to stick to it for as long as I can!
When we were on vacation, DH and I were talking about having our baby(or babies) first b-day at a Caribbean resort, and we were actually planning a road trip with the baby (or babies) from Canada down to Florida when I will be on my mat leave as we would not have to worry about taking time off and could spend more time on a trip and exploring little towns along the coast. We would actually love to take the trip along the Pacific coast too, but that will have us flying all the way to Vancouver and then renting a car. But, these are just thoughts - happy thoughts! (my SIL said that we are crazy even thinking about it, baby would not enjoy a car trip and we would have to take tons of baby food to Caribbean blah blah blah, but we are not listening as we are in our happy place now :) )
Then from time to time the thought creeps in, am I jinxing myself by thinking like this IVF is a done deal (before it even started)? I really hope not! It is like a very fine balancing act - I should be positive, but not too positive to jinx myself. I think I am confused!!! I am thinking, is it possible to jinx yourself by being happy with starting IVF, or with an amount of follicles? We were doing great at the start of IVF#1, with great odds, great AFC, and great number of follicles developing and I was happy about it, so did I jinx myself? I am hoping that it just wasn't my time yet to have a baby, and my little angel just went to a different couple instead.
We all know that getting a BFP is only winning half of the battle, carrying the baby to term is another. For now I am really concentrating on finally getting to see the 2 lines for the first time in my life!!! I am a bit worried about the second part, but if I look around - my sis has 2 kids (no mc), my SIL has 2 kids (no mc), out of all of my friends and relatives who have kids only 1 had a mc. So why should I be any different? I will get my BFP and I will carry the baby(or babies) to term. PERIOD (not the bad kind). That's my thinking and I am trying to stick to it for as long as I can!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Happy International Women's Day!!!
Today is the International Women's Day!!!
I know it is not celebrated (or known) much in Canada and USA, but for those of us who came from across the ocean it is still an important day and occasion. I reminded DH to buy flower for my mom (he does it every year). So he did, but he also bought a bouquet for me (awwwwwww), so I made a photo. In the front is my bouquet and at the back are flowers for both moms - my mom and MIL. Isn't my DH the best???
I've copies some information from Wikipedea:
"International Women's Day (IWD), originally called International Working Women’s Day is marked on the 8th of March every year. It is a major day of global celebration of women. In different regions the focus of the celebrations ranges from general celebration of respect, appreciation and love towards women to a celebration for women's economic, political and social achievements.
Started as a Socialist political event, the holiday blended in the culture of many countries, primarily Eastern Europe, Russia, and the former Soviet bloc. In many regions, the day lost its political flavour, and became simply an occasion for men to express their love for women in a way somewhat similar to a mixture of Mother's Day and St Valentine's Day. In other regions, however, the original political and human rights theme designated by the United Nations runs strong, and political and social awareness of the struggles of women worldwide are brought out and examined in a hopeful manner.
Female members of the Australian Builders Labourers Federation march on International Women's Day 1975 in Sydney
The mimosa (technically, the Silver Wattle) is the symbol of the celebrations of Women's day in Italy and Russia
The first IWD was observed on 19 March 1911 in Germany following a declaration by the Socialist Party of America. The idea of having an international women's day was first put forward at the turn of the 20th century amid rapid world industrialization and economic expansion that led to protests over working conditions.
In 1910, Second International held the first international women's conference in Copenhagen (in the labour-movement building located at Jagtvej 69, which until recently housed Ungdomshuset). An 'International Women's Day' was established. It was suggested by the important German Socialist Clara Zetkin, although no date was specified. The following year, 1911, IWD was marked by over a million people in Austria, Denmark, Germany and Switzerland, on March 19. In the West, International Women's Day was first observed as a popular event after 1977 when the united Nations General Assembly invited member states to proclaim March 8 as the UN Day for Women's Rights and International Peace.
Demonstrations marking International Women's Day in Russia proved to be the first stage of the Russian Revolution of 1917.
Following the October Revolution, the Bolshevik Alexandra Kollontai persuaded Lenin to make it an official holiday in the Soviet Union, and it was established, but was a working day until 1965. On May 8, 1965 by the decree of the USSR Presidium of the Supreme Soviet International Women's Day was declared a non working day in the USSR
If you are interested, there is more information available on this site.
So HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY my dear friends!!!!
I know it is not celebrated (or known) much in Canada and USA, but for those of us who came from across the ocean it is still an important day and occasion. I reminded DH to buy flower for my mom (he does it every year). So he did, but he also bought a bouquet for me (awwwwwww), so I made a photo. In the front is my bouquet and at the back are flowers for both moms - my mom and MIL. Isn't my DH the best???
I've copies some information from Wikipedea:
"International Women's Day (IWD), originally called International Working Women’s Day is marked on the 8th of March every year. It is a major day of global celebration of women. In different regions the focus of the celebrations ranges from general celebration of respect, appreciation and love towards women to a celebration for women's economic, political and social achievements.
Started as a Socialist political event, the holiday blended in the culture of many countries, primarily Eastern Europe, Russia, and the former Soviet bloc. In many regions, the day lost its political flavour, and became simply an occasion for men to express their love for women in a way somewhat similar to a mixture of Mother's Day and St Valentine's Day. In other regions, however, the original political and human rights theme designated by the United Nations runs strong, and political and social awareness of the struggles of women worldwide are brought out and examined in a hopeful manner.
Female members of the Australian Builders Labourers Federation march on International Women's Day 1975 in Sydney
The mimosa (technically, the Silver Wattle) is the symbol of the celebrations of Women's day in Italy and Russia
The first IWD was observed on 19 March 1911 in Germany following a declaration by the Socialist Party of America. The idea of having an international women's day was first put forward at the turn of the 20th century amid rapid world industrialization and economic expansion that led to protests over working conditions.
In 1910, Second International held the first international women's conference in Copenhagen (in the labour-movement building located at Jagtvej 69, which until recently housed Ungdomshuset). An 'International Women's Day' was established. It was suggested by the important German Socialist Clara Zetkin, although no date was specified. The following year, 1911, IWD was marked by over a million people in Austria, Denmark, Germany and Switzerland, on March 19. In the West, International Women's Day was first observed as a popular event after 1977 when the united Nations General Assembly invited member states to proclaim March 8 as the UN Day for Women's Rights and International Peace.
Demonstrations marking International Women's Day in Russia proved to be the first stage of the Russian Revolution of 1917.
Following the October Revolution, the Bolshevik Alexandra Kollontai persuaded Lenin to make it an official holiday in the Soviet Union, and it was established, but was a working day until 1965. On May 8, 1965 by the decree of the USSR Presidium of the Supreme Soviet International Women's Day was declared a non working day in the USSR
If you are interested, there is more information available on this site.
So HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY my dear friends!!!!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Cycle Update (BCP#5)
Today I had my 5th BCP, it is nice to see the pack slowly getting emptied out. 19 more to go!!! I am happy to report that I don't have any s/e (for now at least). Last time BCP gave me headaches, but I was told that Alesse is milder than Marvelon, and it shows :)!!!
I've received a package of documentation from the clinic with all the forms and descriptions. I was reading a description of ER procedure (I did do it once already, but still...) and it get me very anxious. It did say that they are going to do local injection into a vaginal wall, but did not say anything about anaesthetics through IV to make me "consciously sedated". So, I turned to my favourite site ivf.ca and I have a friend there who actually just did ER at the same clinic. Thank G-d for these sites and for people who are there and ready to help!!! She did say that Dr. H does use anaesthetics through IV and she said it was a breeze and she didn't feel anything. Hearing that made me feel much better.
On another front, since I started taking BCP (and feeling much better after the cold) our BDing is great (although not sure if I can still call it BDing since technically no baby can come out of it, but I don't want to be vulgar on my own blog, so BDing it is). It has been 3 days in a row of BDing and not because we had to but because we wanted to and it was great! It's the first time in a very long time BDing is not calculated and therefore, much more enjoyable ;)
So, I am happy and optimistic today!
I've received a package of documentation from the clinic with all the forms and descriptions. I was reading a description of ER procedure (I did do it once already, but still...) and it get me very anxious. It did say that they are going to do local injection into a vaginal wall, but did not say anything about anaesthetics through IV to make me "consciously sedated". So, I turned to my favourite site ivf.ca and I have a friend there who actually just did ER at the same clinic. Thank G-d for these sites and for people who are there and ready to help!!! She did say that Dr. H does use anaesthetics through IV and she said it was a breeze and she didn't feel anything. Hearing that made me feel much better.
On another front, since I started taking BCP (and feeling much better after the cold) our BDing is great (although not sure if I can still call it BDing since technically no baby can come out of it, but I don't want to be vulgar on my own blog, so BDing it is). It has been 3 days in a row of BDing and not because we had to but because we wanted to and it was great! It's the first time in a very long time BDing is not calculated and therefore, much more enjoyable ;)
So, I am happy and optimistic today!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Fun in the Sun!!!
I had almost 12 hours of sleep today, and have been on the computer pretty much since breakfast (which we had at around noon :) ). It is rainy and gloomy outside, and it brings me joy to remember hot sunny days in Mexico.
We arrived late on Thursday. I was sick and once I put my head on a pillow I couldn't get up. The check in was a breeze and we got to our room pretty quickly. My MIL's room was next door. We ordered room service as everything else was closed by that time (and room service was included!). I did get feverish and my body temperature was around 37.5C - the worst, if you ask me. I took some pills and was somewhat capable of going outside the next morning. I couldn't refuse a few dips in the pool and the ocean during the day, so by the evening on Friday the fever was back. I started spotting on Friday night and decided that I will not use a tampon as I need to know when AF shows up (I am always worried that I am not going to understand whether it is just spotting or it is flowing full force). So Saturday was fun - me not able to wear a bathing suit + being feverish. Even though I was feeling like shit, we decided to go to the gym on Saturday as well - it was all worth it :)
The good news, this time around AF decided not to play any games and started pretty quickly, so DH and I decided to go to Playa Del Carmen on Sunday. My MIL went with us (which did not make me a happy camper, as she has problem walking) We spent half a day there and decided to skip the gym this time around.
I didn't go swimming on both Sunday and Monday and my cold was getting better. We did manage to get to the gym on each of Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday (Thursday was our last day).
The weather was gorgeous - it was hot, hot, hot and sunny!!! ALL THE TIME!!!! It only got cloudy on Thursday at 4 o'clock, just before we had to start packing!
Overall, it was a great vacation, although I could have used more alone time with DH. Spending so much quality time with my MIL was not that easy since we are not the best of friends (we are not enemies either, but she is my MIL, who can be very annoying), plus add me feeling sick and PMS on top of it - yep, I snapped a few times too many (DH was not impressed), but I did improve as my health improved too.
My thoughts on the hotel -- Iberastar Paraiso Lindo
it is a 5 hotel complex - Lindo supposedly was 2nd from the top
grounds and architecture: breathtaking
service: mostly pretty good
rooms: nothing special and definitely not a 5 star hotel - no internet in the room!!! that was a shocker - only in the lobby and even in the lobby we had to pay for it, but since we would go to the lobby only to eat or for show we would take our iphones with us (and would not carry our little laptop) - so very limited access to internet. For DH it was a harder blow since his business is on the internet. Needless to say, if we go back to this resort we will not be back to the same hotel.
beach: great, but too busy, and if you do not get there very early there would not be any lounges left. it was windy most of the time, so there were huge waive - which I loved (even though I don't surf or anything).
pools: were pretty good, that's were we hang out most of the time, they had a pool bar, a waive pool and a lazy river!!! We did take a leisurely swim in the lazy river a few times (just DH & I)!!!
food: The buffet was the worst ever. We tried to watch what we eat so for breakfast I had a little sandwich (bread with cheese) and cottage cheese with fruits. The rest of the foods was fried (their omelette and poached eggs weren't great either). The buffet for lunch was good with lots of grilled vegetables, although finding some fish was a challenge. The a la carte restaurants for dinner were great - can't complain there.
Overall with going to the gym 4 times during our stay I lost about 2 kg which made me very happy. Now have to make sure I can keep it and make it go down more!!!
I am posting a link to a short video that DH made from photos of our trip (there is one or two of me, but after spending all the time in the sun and in the water, I do look a bit scary - consider yourself warned!!!)
We arrived late on Thursday. I was sick and once I put my head on a pillow I couldn't get up. The check in was a breeze and we got to our room pretty quickly. My MIL's room was next door. We ordered room service as everything else was closed by that time (and room service was included!). I did get feverish and my body temperature was around 37.5C - the worst, if you ask me. I took some pills and was somewhat capable of going outside the next morning. I couldn't refuse a few dips in the pool and the ocean during the day, so by the evening on Friday the fever was back. I started spotting on Friday night and decided that I will not use a tampon as I need to know when AF shows up (I am always worried that I am not going to understand whether it is just spotting or it is flowing full force). So Saturday was fun - me not able to wear a bathing suit + being feverish. Even though I was feeling like shit, we decided to go to the gym on Saturday as well - it was all worth it :)
The good news, this time around AF decided not to play any games and started pretty quickly, so DH and I decided to go to Playa Del Carmen on Sunday. My MIL went with us (which did not make me a happy camper, as she has problem walking) We spent half a day there and decided to skip the gym this time around.
I didn't go swimming on both Sunday and Monday and my cold was getting better. We did manage to get to the gym on each of Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday (Thursday was our last day).
The weather was gorgeous - it was hot, hot, hot and sunny!!! ALL THE TIME!!!! It only got cloudy on Thursday at 4 o'clock, just before we had to start packing!
Overall, it was a great vacation, although I could have used more alone time with DH. Spending so much quality time with my MIL was not that easy since we are not the best of friends (we are not enemies either, but she is my MIL, who can be very annoying), plus add me feeling sick and PMS on top of it - yep, I snapped a few times too many (DH was not impressed), but I did improve as my health improved too.
My thoughts on the hotel -- Iberastar Paraiso Lindo
it is a 5 hotel complex - Lindo supposedly was 2nd from the top
grounds and architecture: breathtaking
service: mostly pretty good
rooms: nothing special and definitely not a 5 star hotel - no internet in the room!!! that was a shocker - only in the lobby and even in the lobby we had to pay for it, but since we would go to the lobby only to eat or for show we would take our iphones with us (and would not carry our little laptop) - so very limited access to internet. For DH it was a harder blow since his business is on the internet. Needless to say, if we go back to this resort we will not be back to the same hotel.
beach: great, but too busy, and if you do not get there very early there would not be any lounges left. it was windy most of the time, so there were huge waive - which I loved (even though I don't surf or anything).
pools: were pretty good, that's were we hang out most of the time, they had a pool bar, a waive pool and a lazy river!!! We did take a leisurely swim in the lazy river a few times (just DH & I)!!!
food: The buffet was the worst ever. We tried to watch what we eat so for breakfast I had a little sandwich (bread with cheese) and cottage cheese with fruits. The rest of the foods was fried (their omelette and poached eggs weren't great either). The buffet for lunch was good with lots of grilled vegetables, although finding some fish was a challenge. The a la carte restaurants for dinner were great - can't complain there.
Overall with going to the gym 4 times during our stay I lost about 2 kg which made me very happy. Now have to make sure I can keep it and make it go down more!!!
I am posting a link to a short video that DH made from photos of our trip (there is one or two of me, but after spending all the time in the sun and in the water, I do look a bit scary - consider yourself warned!!!)
Friday, March 4, 2011
Here we go AGAIN!!!
So, AF did make an appearance on the 26th (just one day late), and I emailed the clinic my day one. And while I was basking in the sun I got an email back from the clinic --- my cycle calendar!!!
I started BCP on my Day 6 being Thursday, March 3, and I actually had to do it on the plane heading back. Here is my little pack, the start of our IVF#2 - which is going to be THE cycle :)
The plan is that I am going to continue with BCP for 24 days with the last one to be taken on March 26, 2011.
On March 24th we will have a cycle review appointment to sign all the forms, pay the fees (uuuuhhhmmm, as we are still repaying our line of credit from the first one), and review the cycle and any unfamiliar medications (in my case ALL).
Pre-stimulation Assessment - April 1, 2011, and if everything goes as planned -- starting stims on April 2, 2011 -- Day 1 -- Gonal f 187.5 and Luveris 75 in the evening and L-thyroxine 50mcg in the morning.
Orgalutran will be added around Day 6 (April 7, 2011)
Trigger shot of ovidrel on Day 10 -- April 11, 2011
Estimated ER --- April 13, 2011 Estimated ET --- April 18, 2011 (my SIL's b-day) which would theoretically lead to BETA test day of April 27th, 2 days before our 10 year anniversary. Oh, please please please please please let it be the best anniversary ever!!!!
I started BCP on my Day 6 being Thursday, March 3, and I actually had to do it on the plane heading back. Here is my little pack, the start of our IVF#2 - which is going to be THE cycle :)
The plan is that I am going to continue with BCP for 24 days with the last one to be taken on March 26, 2011.
On March 24th we will have a cycle review appointment to sign all the forms, pay the fees (uuuuhhhmmm, as we are still repaying our line of credit from the first one), and review the cycle and any unfamiliar medications (in my case ALL).
Pre-stimulation Assessment - April 1, 2011, and if everything goes as planned -- starting stims on April 2, 2011 -- Day 1 -- Gonal f 187.5 and Luveris 75 in the evening and L-thyroxine 50mcg in the morning.
Orgalutran will be added around Day 6 (April 7, 2011)
Trigger shot of ovidrel on Day 10 -- April 11, 2011
Estimated ER --- April 13, 2011 Estimated ET --- April 18, 2011 (my SIL's b-day) which would theoretically lead to BETA test day of April 27th, 2 days before our 10 year anniversary. Oh, please please please please please let it be the best anniversary ever!!!!
I am BACK!!!
I am back in TO and back in the office with only 3 hours of sleep :(
Will post a more detailed blog and some pics later on or on the weekend.
The other great news - got my schedule!!!! and took 1st BCP last night on the plane.
Miss you all, can't wait to catch up.
Will post a more detailed blog and some pics later on or on the weekend.
The other great news - got my schedule!!!! and took 1st BCP last night on the plane.
Miss you all, can't wait to catch up.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Off to the airport!!!
OK, I did ended up working till 10 p.m. (for those who are counting - that's 14 hour day again!) yesterday and then going to my parents to pick up a car so I can run errands in the morning.
The cold is still there and I do feel like shit (somewhat). I had my eyebrows done, managed to get to the bank and more money into RRSP (the deadline would pass by the time we are back). We are all packed and just waiting for our pick up.
I'll try to log in if will get internet in our room.
Will miss you all.
Love,
R
The cold is still there and I do feel like shit (somewhat). I had my eyebrows done, managed to get to the bank and more money into RRSP (the deadline would pass by the time we are back). We are all packed and just waiting for our pick up.
I'll try to log in if will get internet in our room.
Will miss you all.
Love,
R
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Sick & Tired :(
This post is just a shorty as I am still at the office with tons more stuff to do before I leave tonight. I did talk to my boss that I am not going to come in tomorrow even though initially I said I would (just until noon) before leaving for the airport. I did spend 10 hours on Monday (the "Family Day") and another 14 hours yesterday in the office, and today is going to be another 13-14 hour day.
Nothing is done - no laundry, ironing, packing, manicure, pedicure etc. all will have to be done tomorrow morning (we are leaving at around 1 p.m.)
Plus, the cold that was lingering for the past week, for some reason decided to switch from mild to moderate - my throat hurts and my ears are popping (basically I already feel like I am on the plane + a headache).
Yep, sick and tired --- I do deserve every single minute of this vacation.
Nothing is done - no laundry, ironing, packing, manicure, pedicure etc. all will have to be done tomorrow morning (we are leaving at around 1 p.m.)
Plus, the cold that was lingering for the past week, for some reason decided to switch from mild to moderate - my throat hurts and my ears are popping (basically I already feel like I am on the plane + a headache).
Yep, sick and tired --- I do deserve every single minute of this vacation.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Why am I special?
I've been a bit on a sad side since I am not participating in ICLW, but I think it will only be fair for me not to participate in ICLW as I'll be away for a big chunk of it and would not be able to comment for a few days. But then I was thinking that maybe I should have done all the commenting in the first few days that I am home, and get upset at myself. On top of that, weight is a constant struggle (which I manage to lose more often than win). It is just so frustrating to see the weight coming down 100 grams at a time through the week, and then have it all come back after the weekend. UGH!!! Plus, since receiving an email from my IVF nurse about thyroid mediation, I can't stop thinking that there is something else wrong with me. So, it was a breath of fresh air when I received the following words of wisdom from Yehuda Berg:
"Reminding yourself of your shortcomings, troubles, and transgressions will only trick you into a state of sadness. And bring you further away from your dreams.
Be kind to yourself today. If that sounds impossible, then ask a friend to help remind you of why you are so special. (And notice how much easier it is to ask people what’s wrong with you.)"
That made me think that in our constant struggles during TTC we get frustrated at ourselves first of all - why it takes so long to get pregnant, why my body is not reacting to medication the way it should, why my body didn't hang on to the little embie last time around, and in all that negativity we do forget about ourselves, how special we truly are.
I started thinking about how special I am and what makes me special, and it is pretty hard to think of a few things. Well, after some thought, my list is as follows (in no particular order): I am kind, supportive, loyal, smart, caring, honest and loving. Here, now I have to repeat this every time I feel down! :)
"Reminding yourself of your shortcomings, troubles, and transgressions will only trick you into a state of sadness. And bring you further away from your dreams.
Be kind to yourself today. If that sounds impossible, then ask a friend to help remind you of why you are so special. (And notice how much easier it is to ask people what’s wrong with you.)"
That made me think that in our constant struggles during TTC we get frustrated at ourselves first of all - why it takes so long to get pregnant, why my body is not reacting to medication the way it should, why my body didn't hang on to the little embie last time around, and in all that negativity we do forget about ourselves, how special we truly are.
I started thinking about how special I am and what makes me special, and it is pretty hard to think of a few things. Well, after some thought, my list is as follows (in no particular order): I am kind, supportive, loyal, smart, caring, honest and loving. Here, now I have to repeat this every time I feel down! :)
Monday, February 21, 2011
Some nice memories :-)
It has been cold and snowing outside through the entire weekend, and only a few things keep me warm inside - the thoughts of our trip to Mexico in a few days AND my memories from Thailand. So I decided to bring some warmth on this cold day and post a few pics from Thailand. Enjoy!!!
This beach is where the movie "The Beach" was filmed. Not the most tranquil place, and that's not a high season!!!
The nature is just stunning!!!
This island they call the "James Bond" island. Apparently from the movie called "Golden Gun" if I remember correctly. I haven't seen that movie, but better take a look.
Our last sunset on the beach in Phuket, minutes before we had to leave... sad... very sad...to leave this place
This beach is where the movie "The Beach" was filmed. Not the most tranquil place, and that's not a high season!!!
The nature is just stunning!!!
This island they call the "James Bond" island. Apparently from the movie called "Golden Gun" if I remember correctly. I haven't seen that movie, but better take a look.
Our last sunset on the beach in Phuket, minutes before we had to leave... sad... very sad...to leave this place
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Let's get this party started!!!
So, I am way behind in documenting our Monday RE's protocol apt as it is now Sunday evening, so here it goes.
On Monday afternoon, DH & I met at our RE's office (that's our new RE, as we did decide that we are switching clinics and going with Dr. H). We did end up waiting for over an hour, but I was ok, as I was reading my book and had nothing urgent going on in the office. RE started by reviewing the latest test results. Apparently, my uterus is a textbook example (I am so proud LOL). My AMH was 45.2 which is way above the average, and RE said it shows that I have quality eggs as only good eggs produce AMH. Then we went on to DH and discussed his results being 10% for DNA defragmentation, which is again totally awesome. So he gave us 70% chance of pregnancy this time around. On one hand, I am happy with such prognosis; but on the other hand, Dr. G (our old RE) also was saying that we have very very good chances of success, and here we are doing it again). Dr. H did say that the problem was not with us, but with the medication that was used for stimulation.
RE said that he wanted carefully balance my medications as he was also very concerned with me developing OHSS (i.e. overstimulating me)as potentially I do have lots of good eggs. I asked him what is the worst case scenario if I do get OHSS, and he said that with severe OHSS they would not do a fresh transfer since pregnancy makes OHSS even worse, and all embies will have to be frozen. He said that the rate of success of FET with the labs that he is using is ony 10-15%, which I found shocking as I was secretly hoping that we can get some frosties for the future so wanted a bit more follicles than 4 that we got last time.
Then we actually went through the protocol itself, it is still an OCP - controlled antagonist protocol.
I will start again with the birth control (Alesse, this time around as it is milder than Marvelon - I was told) on the 5th day after AF, which should arrive just around our vacation (not a biggie though). When we were talking about dates with the nurse, she was telling me that they want to see me for a day 3 b/w and baseline u/s before I start BCP on day 5. The problem is that in most likelihood we will be in Mexico by that time, so I asked her if it is possible to skip it, as I didn't want to postpone starting IVF for another month. She agreed to check with Dr. H as I have done tons of tests in the past couple of weeks, and most likely he will say yes. After I emailed the nurse to confirm my understanding she did say that RE approved me not having a day 3 preliminary u/s and b/w. Yei!!! Little victories!!!
I will be taking BCP pretty much for the entire month of March until told to stop by the clinic. I will start stims beginning of April and this time around I am on 187.5 Gonal F and Luveris 75. Dr. H said that Gonal F is a stronger medication than Menopur, which I was on during my last cycle. He did say that that dose is higher with the view of lowering it. It is nice that he actually listened to me as I told him how petrified I am about being understimulated again. He also added Lthyroxine 50 mcg/day, which apparently is a low dose thyroid medication. I've only found out that it is a thyroid medication when I emailed a nurse to confirm my understanding of the cycle and asked her what that drug is. Now, I am a bit nervous if some of my test showed a problem with thyroid, which might suck as I have been tested for it before and everything was clear, but might explain why it is so freaking difficult to lose weight.
I will also take the antagonist at 1/2 of a dose that I took for my previous cycle, as Dr. H also believes that it had an effect on my follies, as he has seen it happen before, especially since I had an allergic reaction to it. Dr. H actually switched me from cetrotide to orgalutran to avoid another unpleasant allergic reaction.
If everything goes according to plan (I did stim for about 9 days last time) the retrieval will be the week of April 11 (apparently this is the week that the clinic does retrievals as they do it in a 3 week cycles, and they only take a maximum of 18 ladies per cycle, but I was told that so far they are not even close to being to a maximum - another good thing!). The transfer (hopefully of 2 nice blasts) 5 days thereafter.
Our RE told us that he will cancel (or convert to IUI)if my estrogen level (E2) is less than 6,500 (indicating less than 6 eggs). We did review my E2 levels from the last IVF cycle and it turned out that my E2 levels were just about 3,000 the same as with two previous medicated (Clomid) IUI cycles, which also indicated that I only had 3 eggs - which was the case. I do get upset when I think about it!!! Nobody took their time to explain it to DH and I at our old clinic, everything was rush rush rush all the time. Always busy busy, tons of people, waiting waiting waiting. Oh, well, I really hope this will be a much more pleasant experience.
Oh, there was another funny moment when Dr H asked if DH wanted his "boys" frozen before the procedure (we were never offered that before). So we asked why would one considered doing that, to which Dr. H replied that some men cannot "perform" under pressure - and we assured him that DH has done it before and will do it again under pressure - no problem :). Then RE mentioned that the only other reasons is if DH got sick since its the flu season, so DH got all worried and asked what would happen if he would get sick, would this affect the sperm quality. RE said that it will not affect the sperm quality just that some men when sick cannot get an erection. DH & I just looked at each other and started laughing - definitely have no problem in that area ;)
Well, it has been a long post, but if not for anything else, I did want to document it for the future.
To my friend in ON, enjoy the long weekend (unfortunately I am going to the office tomorrow, but only 3 full days of work left until the sunny Mexico :) )
On Monday afternoon, DH & I met at our RE's office (that's our new RE, as we did decide that we are switching clinics and going with Dr. H). We did end up waiting for over an hour, but I was ok, as I was reading my book and had nothing urgent going on in the office. RE started by reviewing the latest test results. Apparently, my uterus is a textbook example (I am so proud LOL). My AMH was 45.2 which is way above the average, and RE said it shows that I have quality eggs as only good eggs produce AMH. Then we went on to DH and discussed his results being 10% for DNA defragmentation, which is again totally awesome. So he gave us 70% chance of pregnancy this time around. On one hand, I am happy with such prognosis; but on the other hand, Dr. G (our old RE) also was saying that we have very very good chances of success, and here we are doing it again). Dr. H did say that the problem was not with us, but with the medication that was used for stimulation.
RE said that he wanted carefully balance my medications as he was also very concerned with me developing OHSS (i.e. overstimulating me)as potentially I do have lots of good eggs. I asked him what is the worst case scenario if I do get OHSS, and he said that with severe OHSS they would not do a fresh transfer since pregnancy makes OHSS even worse, and all embies will have to be frozen. He said that the rate of success of FET with the labs that he is using is ony 10-15%, which I found shocking as I was secretly hoping that we can get some frosties for the future so wanted a bit more follicles than 4 that we got last time.
Then we actually went through the protocol itself, it is still an OCP - controlled antagonist protocol.
I will start again with the birth control (Alesse, this time around as it is milder than Marvelon - I was told) on the 5th day after AF, which should arrive just around our vacation (not a biggie though). When we were talking about dates with the nurse, she was telling me that they want to see me for a day 3 b/w and baseline u/s before I start BCP on day 5. The problem is that in most likelihood we will be in Mexico by that time, so I asked her if it is possible to skip it, as I didn't want to postpone starting IVF for another month. She agreed to check with Dr. H as I have done tons of tests in the past couple of weeks, and most likely he will say yes. After I emailed the nurse to confirm my understanding she did say that RE approved me not having a day 3 preliminary u/s and b/w. Yei!!! Little victories!!!
I will be taking BCP pretty much for the entire month of March until told to stop by the clinic. I will start stims beginning of April and this time around I am on 187.5 Gonal F and Luveris 75. Dr. H said that Gonal F is a stronger medication than Menopur, which I was on during my last cycle. He did say that that dose is higher with the view of lowering it. It is nice that he actually listened to me as I told him how petrified I am about being understimulated again. He also added Lthyroxine 50 mcg/day, which apparently is a low dose thyroid medication. I've only found out that it is a thyroid medication when I emailed a nurse to confirm my understanding of the cycle and asked her what that drug is. Now, I am a bit nervous if some of my test showed a problem with thyroid, which might suck as I have been tested for it before and everything was clear, but might explain why it is so freaking difficult to lose weight.
I will also take the antagonist at 1/2 of a dose that I took for my previous cycle, as Dr. H also believes that it had an effect on my follies, as he has seen it happen before, especially since I had an allergic reaction to it. Dr. H actually switched me from cetrotide to orgalutran to avoid another unpleasant allergic reaction.
If everything goes according to plan (I did stim for about 9 days last time) the retrieval will be the week of April 11 (apparently this is the week that the clinic does retrievals as they do it in a 3 week cycles, and they only take a maximum of 18 ladies per cycle, but I was told that so far they are not even close to being to a maximum - another good thing!). The transfer (hopefully of 2 nice blasts) 5 days thereafter.
Our RE told us that he will cancel (or convert to IUI)if my estrogen level (E2) is less than 6,500 (indicating less than 6 eggs). We did review my E2 levels from the last IVF cycle and it turned out that my E2 levels were just about 3,000 the same as with two previous medicated (Clomid) IUI cycles, which also indicated that I only had 3 eggs - which was the case. I do get upset when I think about it!!! Nobody took their time to explain it to DH and I at our old clinic, everything was rush rush rush all the time. Always busy busy, tons of people, waiting waiting waiting. Oh, well, I really hope this will be a much more pleasant experience.
Oh, there was another funny moment when Dr H asked if DH wanted his "boys" frozen before the procedure (we were never offered that before). So we asked why would one considered doing that, to which Dr. H replied that some men cannot "perform" under pressure - and we assured him that DH has done it before and will do it again under pressure - no problem :). Then RE mentioned that the only other reasons is if DH got sick since its the flu season, so DH got all worried and asked what would happen if he would get sick, would this affect the sperm quality. RE said that it will not affect the sperm quality just that some men when sick cannot get an erection. DH & I just looked at each other and started laughing - definitely have no problem in that area ;)
Well, it has been a long post, but if not for anything else, I did want to document it for the future.
To my friend in ON, enjoy the long weekend (unfortunately I am going to the office tomorrow, but only 3 full days of work left until the sunny Mexico :) )
Thursday, February 17, 2011
I am content...
Today, while going through ivf.ca and reading through blogs, I realized that I am actually content with where I am right now. Technically I should be in my 2ww, but if you ask me when did I ovulate. I can only tell you: I don't know. I don't know when or if I ovulated (but I do ovulate in 99% of cases, and AF has been pretty regular). After over 4 years of TTC I am actually calm. I haven't been temping (actually for a while), not using OPKs. DH and I have been BDing when we wanted to and not when we had to (it still happens 2-3 times a week, so I am not complaining ;) ). We are slowly getting ready for our IVF #2 (the big post about our apt with our new RE will follow shortly - need time to finish it). I have BCP on my desk at home and I am actually looking at them right now, and they don't make me all stressed out, which is such a nice change!
Before IVF#1 I was stressing myself to get pregnant. DH and I both wanted it to happen in Thailand, it didn't happen. Then, I had to wait for my next AF to begin and DH told G-d that if we get pregnant naturally, we will donate half the money for IVF to a good cause. Well, that didn't work. So I guess I just came to realization that it is not happening naturally. And I am not just telling myself that so that AF showing her ugly head would not hurt as much, it is actually how I feel right now -- content.
According to my calendar AF is scheduled to arrive in about a week, exactly when we will be boarding our plane to Mexico. I do wish that this time around she is fashionably late (let's say for about a week LOL). But, well, it's not the first time nor the last time. It actually never fails, AF shows up the moment we land if we are travelling somewhere. Happened last year when we went to Jamaica, and a year before on our trip to Prague, but the best AF showing was the night before our wedding - yep, so much fun! My sis had to undo and take off my wedding dress after the ceremony and before the reception, so that I can change a tampon!!! Ha, I am suddenly changing topics (happens to me all the time). My mom's best friend came over last night, and while her DH was talking business with my DH, we watched the movie that my DH made from our pics from Thailand and thereafter, had enough time to watch my wedding video, awwwwwwww, I haven't seen it in a while. And that's actually why I think we will be successful this year in our quest to finally have a baby. So, on April 29th (yes, the day the prince gets married), DH & I will be celebrating 10 years from our first blind date, and 6 years from the day he proposed to me (yes on our 4 year anniversary), AND in August we are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. BUT, the best part is that if everything goes according to plan, my BETA would be just around April 29th -- it is going to be the BEST anniversary gift ever!!! So, you see, happy & content!!
Before IVF#1 I was stressing myself to get pregnant. DH and I both wanted it to happen in Thailand, it didn't happen. Then, I had to wait for my next AF to begin and DH told G-d that if we get pregnant naturally, we will donate half the money for IVF to a good cause. Well, that didn't work. So I guess I just came to realization that it is not happening naturally. And I am not just telling myself that so that AF showing her ugly head would not hurt as much, it is actually how I feel right now -- content.
According to my calendar AF is scheduled to arrive in about a week, exactly when we will be boarding our plane to Mexico. I do wish that this time around she is fashionably late (let's say for about a week LOL). But, well, it's not the first time nor the last time. It actually never fails, AF shows up the moment we land if we are travelling somewhere. Happened last year when we went to Jamaica, and a year before on our trip to Prague, but the best AF showing was the night before our wedding - yep, so much fun! My sis had to undo and take off my wedding dress after the ceremony and before the reception, so that I can change a tampon!!! Ha, I am suddenly changing topics (happens to me all the time). My mom's best friend came over last night, and while her DH was talking business with my DH, we watched the movie that my DH made from our pics from Thailand and thereafter, had enough time to watch my wedding video, awwwwwwww, I haven't seen it in a while. And that's actually why I think we will be successful this year in our quest to finally have a baby. So, on April 29th (yes, the day the prince gets married), DH & I will be celebrating 10 years from our first blind date, and 6 years from the day he proposed to me (yes on our 4 year anniversary), AND in August we are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. BUT, the best part is that if everything goes according to plan, my BETA would be just around April 29th -- it is going to be the BEST anniversary gift ever!!! So, you see, happy & content!!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Minor Changes :-)
I was getting depressed just looking at my blog background, so decided to change it to something livelier. These are my orchids. I got them as a present in 2010 New Year, and they bloomed again in January 2011. I am soooo proud, I don't have a green thumb, believe me! So, I'll keep it like that for now, and then once I find a deserving picture from our trip to Thailand, I'll change it again!
Valentine's Dinner on Feb 13 :-)
An update on our Valentine's Dinner on February 13th. It was amazing!
We went to the same restaurant where I celebrated my 30th b-day (the weird thing that I typed up 25th!!! I guess I am stuck at being 25 and don't feel 30 even a bit).
The restaurant was closed for a private engagement party in the afternoon, so by 9 p.m. it only had 2 tables occupied. We went with my sis and BIL as my DH's brother was very sick & my SIL obviously didn't want to go by herself. The food was just delicious (as always), and closer to the end of the night the owner joined us, got us a 2nd bottle of wine and deserts on the house, so it was even more sweet :).
I was a bit buzzed and tipsy by the end of the night as we pretty much had 2 bottles of wine between 4 people. LOL Oh, well, I needed to relax.
We went to the same restaurant where I celebrated my 30th b-day (the weird thing that I typed up 25th!!! I guess I am stuck at being 25 and don't feel 30 even a bit).
The restaurant was closed for a private engagement party in the afternoon, so by 9 p.m. it only had 2 tables occupied. We went with my sis and BIL as my DH's brother was very sick & my SIL obviously didn't want to go by herself. The food was just delicious (as always), and closer to the end of the night the owner joined us, got us a 2nd bottle of wine and deserts on the house, so it was even more sweet :).
I was a bit buzzed and tipsy by the end of the night as we pretty much had 2 bottles of wine between 4 people. LOL Oh, well, I needed to relax.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Valentine's Day thoughts
In my humble opinion, Valentine’s Day is so overrated. There are various other occasions that lovers can celebrate, and which are much more special to them, such as the day they met, the day of proposal, wedding etc. May be because I didn’t grew up with celebrating Valentine’s Day, I am not really into it. Even before we immigrated to Canada I knew about this holiday (yes, everything American was popular). My sis and I did little valentines and gave them out to our girlfriends (we were too young to have boyfriends at that time). When I met DH, he was working at a restaurant, and of course, on Valentine’s Day it was all hands on deck. For the first few years we would go out on February 13th, to pay tribute to Valentine’s Day, although without all those cheesy cards and gifts. It was nice; most of the restaurants were pretty empty, no waiting, exceptional service and you can order whatever you want. So, when DH quit being a cook, we decided to have a Valentine’s day dinner on Feb. 14. What a disaster that was! Waiting for 2 hours to get into a very cramped restaurant, having to choose from a pre-set menu, plus they were out of my favourite desert!!! So, we said NEVER AGAIN and continued with our little tradition to going out for dinner on the 13th (and sometimes having Valentine’s dinner at home with friends :) ). We did try it again on the 14th, when my sis & BIL made reservations for themselves but their DD got sick and they stayed home – it was a bit better, as there was no wait but still the restaurant was very crowded, and that table was so close that we felt like at a communal table LOL, not a bit romantic. So, today, Feb 13th, we are going out for our “Valentine’s Day Dinner”, a nice occasion to get together with my sis & BIL and BIL & SIL and have some quality time together (minus all the kids). So looking forward to it.
On the other note, a bit nervous about our RE appointment tomorrow. I know that all tests were great, but still have some irrational nervousness, and preparing a bunch more questions with reference to a protocol. The vacation to Mexico is already booked for the 24th of February, so would have to work around it. We are also going to NYC on March 17th through 20th to attend a Vision Expo, provided I am not in the middle of stims and monitoring (as RE said that monitoring will be daily).
I'll report on my apt with RE tomorrow, and for now has to get back to work, so that I can get home in time to have dinner at a restaurant (reservations are made for 8:30 :) )
On the other note, a bit nervous about our RE appointment tomorrow. I know that all tests were great, but still have some irrational nervousness, and preparing a bunch more questions with reference to a protocol. The vacation to Mexico is already booked for the 24th of February, so would have to work around it. We are also going to NYC on March 17th through 20th to attend a Vision Expo, provided I am not in the middle of stims and monitoring (as RE said that monitoring will be daily).
I'll report on my apt with RE tomorrow, and for now has to get back to work, so that I can get home in time to have dinner at a restaurant (reservations are made for 8:30 :) )
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Is it Bad to be Happy?
This afternoon I was walking outside. It was pretty cold, but I was all bundled up, and it was sunny, plus I had just received good news - time 3! and I was happy. Yes, I actually felt happy for the first time in a long time. Of course, the thoughts crept it right away that I cannot be happy as I'll jinx it, it can't happen that I get all those good news, something has to not go right. It was hard to get rid of those bad thoughts, and I was thinking about Sex & the City - the movie, where Charlotte got pregnant and she was afraid that something bad would happen, but nothing did, and she gave birth to a healthy baby, but this is a movie... Would I ever just be happy for little victories in our infertility journey?
But, I should probably start from the beginning. I was schedule for a bunch of u/s and SHG today. I was told to drink 1l of water 1 hour before. I actually had 750 mil (1.5 bottles) and I was in so much pain when I got to the clinic that I couldn't sit down and had to complete all the forms standing up (another couple that was there, did look at me funny :) ). The tech was a very nice woman and she did comment that my bladder was very full (so I decided for the next time, all I am drinking is 1 bottle). She did an abdominal u/s, then told me to empty my bladder (which turned out to be a very hard task), so when I got back for the vaginal u/s she was still seeing lots of liquid, but thankfully for me she carried on. She also did u/s of my kidneys (that I don't remember ever being done at the other clinic). Then I was told to go have something to eat, take 2 Advils and come back in about 2 hours. So what did I do, I went for a walk in the mall (Eaton's Centre - for those who are familiar with TO). When I got back for SHG, I found out that Dr. H himself would be doing SHG - nice bonus. He was amazing, as I did it about 3 years ago at another clinic, and with Dr. H it was a breeze. He said that everything looked very good - both tubes are nice and clear, and the uterus is just waiting for a baby (Good News #1). Then he said that he got the results of my AMH test - and I have tons of eggs (I don't remember the number that he was saying, but apparently it is higher than average) (so Good News #2). I SHOULD NOT have any issues with my eggs. He said that we would have to play it safe to make sure I don't get too many. To which I replied that I don't want him playing it too safe as the last time around playing safe gave us very poor results. He said that will talk about it on Monday in more detail.
Then, I asked Dr. H if we got DNA fragmentation results back for DH. He said that he didn't, but then he looked at the file and he just got it this morning! He said that they want to see the lower % and that it is usually around 15%. Well DH had 10%!!! Which supposed to be very good (Yei!!! Good News #3). I called DH as soon as I got out of the room (and texted both my sis and SIL).
So, all the good news, did bring some hope back that IVF #2 might actually work. I am trying not to be too optimistic. I guess my thinking is if my expectations are not very high then it is not going to be too bad to fall down (if it doesn't work). But I so want to believe that it will work and I want to be happy ALL the time.
And by the way, we decided to go away for a week, subject to whatever Dr. H says on Monday. That's the reason why I haven't entered ICLW this time around, as I will be gone for the majority of that week (hopefully). I am just fed up with this winter. The sunny days are scarce and I am always cold (well most of the time). I was wearing a nice wool sweater today as it was over -20C with windchill and I knew that I would be walking outside to get to the clinic, although I found an underground PATH to 1 block from the clinic. Yei!!!
But, I should probably start from the beginning. I was schedule for a bunch of u/s and SHG today. I was told to drink 1l of water 1 hour before. I actually had 750 mil (1.5 bottles) and I was in so much pain when I got to the clinic that I couldn't sit down and had to complete all the forms standing up (another couple that was there, did look at me funny :) ). The tech was a very nice woman and she did comment that my bladder was very full (so I decided for the next time, all I am drinking is 1 bottle). She did an abdominal u/s, then told me to empty my bladder (which turned out to be a very hard task), so when I got back for the vaginal u/s she was still seeing lots of liquid, but thankfully for me she carried on. She also did u/s of my kidneys (that I don't remember ever being done at the other clinic). Then I was told to go have something to eat, take 2 Advils and come back in about 2 hours. So what did I do, I went for a walk in the mall (Eaton's Centre - for those who are familiar with TO). When I got back for SHG, I found out that Dr. H himself would be doing SHG - nice bonus. He was amazing, as I did it about 3 years ago at another clinic, and with Dr. H it was a breeze. He said that everything looked very good - both tubes are nice and clear, and the uterus is just waiting for a baby (Good News #1). Then he said that he got the results of my AMH test - and I have tons of eggs (I don't remember the number that he was saying, but apparently it is higher than average) (so Good News #2). I SHOULD NOT have any issues with my eggs. He said that we would have to play it safe to make sure I don't get too many. To which I replied that I don't want him playing it too safe as the last time around playing safe gave us very poor results. He said that will talk about it on Monday in more detail.
Then, I asked Dr. H if we got DNA fragmentation results back for DH. He said that he didn't, but then he looked at the file and he just got it this morning! He said that they want to see the lower % and that it is usually around 15%. Well DH had 10%!!! Which supposed to be very good (Yei!!! Good News #3). I called DH as soon as I got out of the room (and texted both my sis and SIL).
So, all the good news, did bring some hope back that IVF #2 might actually work. I am trying not to be too optimistic. I guess my thinking is if my expectations are not very high then it is not going to be too bad to fall down (if it doesn't work). But I so want to believe that it will work and I want to be happy ALL the time.
And by the way, we decided to go away for a week, subject to whatever Dr. H says on Monday. That's the reason why I haven't entered ICLW this time around, as I will be gone for the majority of that week (hopefully). I am just fed up with this winter. The sunny days are scarce and I am always cold (well most of the time). I was wearing a nice wool sweater today as it was over -20C with windchill and I knew that I would be walking outside to get to the clinic, although I found an underground PATH to 1 block from the clinic. Yei!!!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Delinquent Award Recipient
I am a delinquent award recipient, but now is the time to respond! I am not very versatile with the blogger, so will try my best not to screw it up.
In the past 2 weeks I got the same award from three nice individuals (Thank you girls!): Lisa at http://lisabttc.blogspot.com, Krista at http://hopefulforababy.blogspot.com and My Infertile Confessions at http://myinfertileconfessions.blogspot.com
Rules for accepting this award:
1. Thank and Link back to the person who awarded you the award. (Check)
2. Share 7 things about yourself. (See below - check)
3. Award 15 other bloggers the award. (Uhm, most of the blogs I followed have already gotten such award, so only a handful of the very special remain :) )
4. Contact bloggers and let them know about the award and that they received it (Will do)
Things about myself:
I did cheat, by looking at what others have been posting! I hope that stuff is not copyrighted. :) So here it goes -- in no particular order:
1) I love to travel - I've been to Latvia, Lithuania and Estonia, Sweden, Russia and Ukraine, Czech Republic, in Canada (Ontario & Quebec), in US (by car NY, NJ & Chicago, IL, by plane SF (loved it) and Miami), Panama, all over Europe (UK, Belgium, France, Switzerland, Germany, Italy, Spain, Austria), Caribbean (Jamaica, Cuba, Mexico, Dominican Republic) and the latest and the greatest Thailand!
2) I love reading - anything (well almost anything). I spend 12 hours per day at the office reading and drafting - so in my spare time I read all the blogs I follow and my favourite ivf.ca site. I also read light detective stories in Russian. I love them, just to help me relax, they are also very funny and I don't remember most of them once I finish reading!
3) When I was a kid I loved to watch X-files, full house and who's the boss, I also love love love Friends. I didn't like Sex and the City when I watched it as a teen, but when I grew up a bit it also became one of my favourite TV series and movies. :)
4) I love singing, including Karaoke (only at private functions and home). I do sing in the shower. When DH is not home, I just turn the music up, sing loud and dance and it so makes everything better.
5) I am constantly fighting with my weight - so far, a losing battle. I've always been chubby, but after the wedding gained a lot of weight, which is not coming down that easily. My lowest weight ever (when I was 17 y.o. and after a few diets) was 149 lb. I would be ecstatic if I can get to that weight again.
6) DH and I met on a blind date :) almost 10 years ago. We liked each other and where almost inseparable until I went to Europe for 2 weeks about 3 months after we met. Thereafter we knew that we will be together for a long time.
7) I am not a good housewife LOL. I don't really know how to cook, and I can only cook if I have a recipe. DH finished a cooking college and worked in a few restaurants as a cook. Since I stuck at the office most days, DH also does laundry and cleans, although we do have a cleaning lady that comes in about once a month (just love her :) ).
So, that's a bit more insight into me.
Now for the major part - me passing the award to other blogs (in no particular order) --- drum roll please:
1) http://babiesonmybrain.blogspot.com
2) http://infertilefollies.wordpress.com
3) http://ousoonerchick.blogspot.com
======================
UPDATE - HELP!!! I do need a tutorial on how to include links!!! I don't think it is working very well. But, I've tried!
In the past 2 weeks I got the same award from three nice individuals (Thank you girls!): Lisa at http://lisabttc.blogspot.com, Krista at http://hopefulforababy.blogspot.com and My Infertile Confessions at http://myinfertileconfessions.blogspot.com
Rules for accepting this award:
1. Thank and Link back to the person who awarded you the award. (Check)
2. Share 7 things about yourself. (See below - check)
3. Award 15 other bloggers the award. (Uhm, most of the blogs I followed have already gotten such award, so only a handful of the very special remain :) )
4. Contact bloggers and let them know about the award and that they received it (Will do)
Things about myself:
I did cheat, by looking at what others have been posting! I hope that stuff is not copyrighted. :) So here it goes -- in no particular order:
1) I love to travel - I've been to Latvia, Lithuania and Estonia, Sweden, Russia and Ukraine, Czech Republic, in Canada (Ontario & Quebec), in US (by car NY, NJ & Chicago, IL, by plane SF (loved it) and Miami), Panama, all over Europe (UK, Belgium, France, Switzerland, Germany, Italy, Spain, Austria), Caribbean (Jamaica, Cuba, Mexico, Dominican Republic) and the latest and the greatest Thailand!
2) I love reading - anything (well almost anything). I spend 12 hours per day at the office reading and drafting - so in my spare time I read all the blogs I follow and my favourite ivf.ca site. I also read light detective stories in Russian. I love them, just to help me relax, they are also very funny and I don't remember most of them once I finish reading!
3) When I was a kid I loved to watch X-files, full house and who's the boss, I also love love love Friends. I didn't like Sex and the City when I watched it as a teen, but when I grew up a bit it also became one of my favourite TV series and movies. :)
4) I love singing, including Karaoke (only at private functions and home). I do sing in the shower. When DH is not home, I just turn the music up, sing loud and dance and it so makes everything better.
5) I am constantly fighting with my weight - so far, a losing battle. I've always been chubby, but after the wedding gained a lot of weight, which is not coming down that easily. My lowest weight ever (when I was 17 y.o. and after a few diets) was 149 lb. I would be ecstatic if I can get to that weight again.
6) DH and I met on a blind date :) almost 10 years ago. We liked each other and where almost inseparable until I went to Europe for 2 weeks about 3 months after we met. Thereafter we knew that we will be together for a long time.
7) I am not a good housewife LOL. I don't really know how to cook, and I can only cook if I have a recipe. DH finished a cooking college and worked in a few restaurants as a cook. Since I stuck at the office most days, DH also does laundry and cleans, although we do have a cleaning lady that comes in about once a month (just love her :) ).
So, that's a bit more insight into me.
Now for the major part - me passing the award to other blogs (in no particular order) --- drum roll please:
1) http://babiesonmybrain.blogspot.com
2) http://infertilefollies.wordpress.com
3) http://ousoonerchick.blogspot.com
======================
UPDATE - HELP!!! I do need a tutorial on how to include links!!! I don't think it is working very well. But, I've tried!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Scared...
On Friday I was looking through time dockets on a file that I've been working on for the past 2 months, and I noticed that there were no dockets entered for my time on December 14 and 15, and I don't remember seeing anything that was done on those days. I was trying to calculate in my mind when was the last time I took a vacation, and then it dawned on me - those were the days that I took off for ER! Yep, now it seems like it was so so long ago, but the feelings from it still lurk in my mind - the ghosts of the first IVF cycle!
I have been very impatient waiting for our protocol with a new RE, but I am scared, scared that the new protocol would not work for me, scared that we would have to cancel the cycle, scared that we are not going to have a baby. Yep, lots of ghosts. It is scary how my attitude is completely different from the first to the second cycle. I guess the first IVF opened my eyes a bit. I DO have to be proactive! I DO have to question my RE regarding his/her decisions. I have to do my own research.
I was told DH that I am scared and he questioned me whether I am scared of going through the cycle itself i.e. scared of pain of injections, growing follicles, ER and ET, or scared of the result i.e. not having a baby. I was surprised that he even thought of the former. I assured him that even if I had to jab myself with 10 needles every hour 24 hours a day, and do ER without any anaesthesia, I would do it over and over again, as long as we have a baby at the end, and that I am only afraid of having an empty uterus - AGAIN. He told me not to worry and that we will do everything that it takes to have this baby, as many IVFs as needed and all alternative medicine that can potentially help. That did make me feel better a bit.
I am also scared going through sonohysterogram on Tuesday (the 8th), I've done it before (about 3 years ago), but I was on Clomid a few months thereafter, plus 2 medicated IUI and of course, a whole bunch of medication for IVF, so I am just praying that everything is going to be picture perfect. I will post results on Tuesday after it is all done.
I also have been very tired lately. Last night (Friday), I went to bed at 9:30p.m., which is REALLY early for me as I usually get home right around that time, but as it was Friday, I was home by 7 p.m. and by that time was already ready for bed. I slept for 12 hours and got up to go to a gravity circuit class (which was AMAZING as always). And now it is almost 7 p.m. and I am again felling like I can just go to sleep for the night (although DH has plans to go to a movie - really don't feel like it now, but I guess would have to go to make him happy). I am very surprised at being so tired all the time, I am not pregnant (AF finished not so long ago, and we are not allowed to BD until after SHG) and I am taking more vitamins, much more vitamins, so I should be feeling great, but I am not. We'll see what the next week brings.
I have been very impatient waiting for our protocol with a new RE, but I am scared, scared that the new protocol would not work for me, scared that we would have to cancel the cycle, scared that we are not going to have a baby. Yep, lots of ghosts. It is scary how my attitude is completely different from the first to the second cycle. I guess the first IVF opened my eyes a bit. I DO have to be proactive! I DO have to question my RE regarding his/her decisions. I have to do my own research.
I was told DH that I am scared and he questioned me whether I am scared of going through the cycle itself i.e. scared of pain of injections, growing follicles, ER and ET, or scared of the result i.e. not having a baby. I was surprised that he even thought of the former. I assured him that even if I had to jab myself with 10 needles every hour 24 hours a day, and do ER without any anaesthesia, I would do it over and over again, as long as we have a baby at the end, and that I am only afraid of having an empty uterus - AGAIN. He told me not to worry and that we will do everything that it takes to have this baby, as many IVFs as needed and all alternative medicine that can potentially help. That did make me feel better a bit.
I am also scared going through sonohysterogram on Tuesday (the 8th), I've done it before (about 3 years ago), but I was on Clomid a few months thereafter, plus 2 medicated IUI and of course, a whole bunch of medication for IVF, so I am just praying that everything is going to be picture perfect. I will post results on Tuesday after it is all done.
I also have been very tired lately. Last night (Friday), I went to bed at 9:30p.m., which is REALLY early for me as I usually get home right around that time, but as it was Friday, I was home by 7 p.m. and by that time was already ready for bed. I slept for 12 hours and got up to go to a gravity circuit class (which was AMAZING as always). And now it is almost 7 p.m. and I am again felling like I can just go to sleep for the night (although DH has plans to go to a movie - really don't feel like it now, but I guess would have to go to make him happy). I am very surprised at being so tired all the time, I am not pregnant (AF finished not so long ago, and we are not allowed to BD until after SHG) and I am taking more vitamins, much more vitamins, so I should be feeling great, but I am not. We'll see what the next week brings.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Doctors, tests, doctors, tests
Last Friday we went to see our new RE. I was so impressed and I am in love with the new clinic already. I just love the efficiency. Everything is done by email (well most of things). I have record of everything and all my inquiries are answered within a few hours. I liked that we didn't have to pull teeth to get information from our new RE, he was the one giving us all information. I didn't even use my list of questions that much. He ordered tons of b/w, which we did right there and then. No need to go to a different lab (my old RE's lab was only for monitoring). DH had 1 vial of blood taken, and when the tech started printing labels for me, DH counted 21!!! The tech also took me to a different room to make me lay down :) yep that was a lot of blood taken from me. (plus I got my AF the same day so, I was loosing blood like crazy).
Anyways, the new RE also wanted an updated SA, so DH had it done yesterday, again at the clinic. He also wanted to make sure I've done Sonohysterogram (SHG) which I had done about 3 years ago for my OBGYN (it was all clear, but it was before all the fertility treatments, so I am a bit worried). I have it scheduled for February 8, and it is a bit more complicated than what I remember. I have to get to the clinic by 10:30a.m. and drink 1L of water 1 hour before, then go get something to eat (and take 2 Advil) and come back at 12:45 p.m. for the second half. We have a follow up apt scheduled for the Valentine's Day - so at that time he would give us our new protocol based on the results. Crossing my fingers that all numbers come back great and SHG would not show anything abnormal.
Yesterday, DH and I had an apt with a new family doctor in our neighbourhood. I did know that she is a bit outside of the box, but I wasn't prepared by how much. :) My apt was at 9 a.m. (and DH was supposed to be at the clinic downtown for SA at the same time), so I went by myself and he had apt with the same doc for the afternoon. She actually spent an hour with me. We discussed our infertility issues, and she checked me out using TCM (I know since this is the same way my acupuncturist does it) and we talked about healthy alternatives to IVF like making changes to the diet, vitamins and natural supplements, and some other techniques that, to tell you the truth, I cannot wrap my head around to even explain what the heck it is. She, as well, ordered tons of b/w and I just didn't have time to have it done (there will be a LOT of blood drawn). She also talked about Eat Right for Your Blood Type, she was saying that she was doing her own research as her friend owns a lab, and she is a great proponent of that diet.
DH and I discussed everything that she was offering, and agreed that we will be following the diet and taking supplements, but we are not ready to postpone IVF. I just can't wait any more, just can't... It's been such a long time, long 4 years, and I just want it to happen. I have my doubts, which I should just let go and move forward. I look to feel comfortable and don't like change and that was one of the reasons why it was so hard for me to agree to look for another RE.
It is interesting that an email of daily thoughts that I got today from Yehuda Berg was: "We’re all at war with our doubts. Remember that. Especially when you are close to breaking through. Today, be on the lookout for sneak attacks from your fears." I should just continue going out of my comfort zone, and everything is going to be just fine...
Anyways, the new RE also wanted an updated SA, so DH had it done yesterday, again at the clinic. He also wanted to make sure I've done Sonohysterogram (SHG) which I had done about 3 years ago for my OBGYN (it was all clear, but it was before all the fertility treatments, so I am a bit worried). I have it scheduled for February 8, and it is a bit more complicated than what I remember. I have to get to the clinic by 10:30a.m. and drink 1L of water 1 hour before, then go get something to eat (and take 2 Advil) and come back at 12:45 p.m. for the second half. We have a follow up apt scheduled for the Valentine's Day - so at that time he would give us our new protocol based on the results. Crossing my fingers that all numbers come back great and SHG would not show anything abnormal.
Yesterday, DH and I had an apt with a new family doctor in our neighbourhood. I did know that she is a bit outside of the box, but I wasn't prepared by how much. :) My apt was at 9 a.m. (and DH was supposed to be at the clinic downtown for SA at the same time), so I went by myself and he had apt with the same doc for the afternoon. She actually spent an hour with me. We discussed our infertility issues, and she checked me out using TCM (I know since this is the same way my acupuncturist does it) and we talked about healthy alternatives to IVF like making changes to the diet, vitamins and natural supplements, and some other techniques that, to tell you the truth, I cannot wrap my head around to even explain what the heck it is. She, as well, ordered tons of b/w and I just didn't have time to have it done (there will be a LOT of blood drawn). She also talked about Eat Right for Your Blood Type, she was saying that she was doing her own research as her friend owns a lab, and she is a great proponent of that diet.
DH and I discussed everything that she was offering, and agreed that we will be following the diet and taking supplements, but we are not ready to postpone IVF. I just can't wait any more, just can't... It's been such a long time, long 4 years, and I just want it to happen. I have my doubts, which I should just let go and move forward. I look to feel comfortable and don't like change and that was one of the reasons why it was so hard for me to agree to look for another RE.
It is interesting that an email of daily thoughts that I got today from Yehuda Berg was: "We’re all at war with our doubts. Remember that. Especially when you are close to breaking through. Today, be on the lookout for sneak attacks from your fears." I should just continue going out of my comfort zone, and everything is going to be just fine...
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