Friday, April 29, 2011

10 year anniversary - 11dp5dt

10 years ago, on April 29, 2001, I met my future husband for the first time.

6 years ago, on April 29, 2005, my husband proposed to me.

Today, on April 29, 2011, I am sitting in my office fighting back tears... The HPT this morning was stark white ... neither of my beautiful blasts made it. Somehow, I feel like it is my fault, like something is wrong with me! I cried all morning until it was time to leave. DH & I promised to each other that we will not tell our families just yet, until the Monday beta makes it official that our second IVF failed!

I put a brave face and now am at work wishing for this day to end quickly so I can be alone with DH. DH is more optimistic and he tries his best to make me feel better... not helping much, I guess I just have to let myself grieve before picking up the pieces of my broken heart yet again and moving forward.

"Happy" 10 year anniversary, honey!!!
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11 comments:

  1. KristaApril 29, 2011 at 11:03 AM

    Oh honey, I don't even know what to say. I'm not going to say the typical stuff "I'm so sorry," because quite frankly....I am too close to your situation right now, and I know that's not what I want to hear. I am pretty sure my cycle was a failure too....AF is trying to rear her ugly head, I can feel it. Just know that I completely understand how you are feeling right now and that my heart is breaking for you.

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  2. SJApril 29, 2011 at 11:14 AM

    I'm so sorry to hear - I wish I had some comforting words. My heart is breaking for you and your DH too.

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  3. TippyApril 29, 2011 at 11:25 AM

    Oh dear Rosachka, I do know exactly how you feel right now and I'm so sorry you have to feel this way. The wonder, the failure feeling, the worry that you are broken. But you are not. Repeat after me: You are young, and fertile, and healthy and you will have your baby. I hope that your work day goes ok and know that you will get through this. I promise.

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  4. SarahApril 29, 2011 at 11:59 AM

    I am so sorry,

    (((hugs)))

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  5. Hopeful1April 29, 2011 at 2:22 PM

    I'm not too sure what to say, I know all to well how that feels but ya never know Monday could very well hold different results. FX and ((BIG HUGS))

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  6. MarissaApril 29, 2011 at 6:55 PM

    *Hugs*

    I hope you manage to get some small joy from your anniversary.

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  7. ousoonerchickApril 30, 2011 at 2:03 AM

    IF sucks is all I can say. This sucks!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm hear for you babe!

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  8. AnonymousMay 1, 2011 at 9:27 AM

    Oh my gosh, I am SO sorry :-( This breaks my heart. Sending hugs and love your way.

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  9. KristaMay 1, 2011 at 12:29 PM

    Thanks for your kind words today. There is always that little hope in the back of your mind that the test is a dud....I've even heard of women getting negative at home the day of their beta, only to get a positive beta. But like you....a stark white is a stark white..it's hard to argue with that. I just had no idea how much that stark white would hurt...we'll get through this. Someday we'll both be holding our babies in our arms.

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  10. KanisMay 1, 2011 at 2:12 PM

    Oh I'm so sorry. Has AF arrived? If not, let's hold on hope for a positive beta. Please know that you have so many standing beside you in your pain and grief.

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  11. CarliaMay 2, 2011 at 6:57 AM

    i'm sorry. i wish i could give you a big hug! we're all here for you, though. i hope your anniversary was still a lot of fun!

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