It was bound to happen sooner or later, so it finally happened on Saturday night. DH and I were watching a Russian version of Dr. House. There was one doctor’s wife who was pregnant and her baby was not doing good and almost died, and there was another couple who gave birth but their baby died shortly thereafter. And that was the trigger, the tears just started flowing down my chicks as I tried to explain to DH that it is so sad that you try and try and try to get pregnant, and then you carry that baby for 9 months taking care of it and making plans and then that is what might happen. He calmed me down a bit, but then I had pain in my uterus (since I am in the mid of my AF), so the next wave started. I started thinking that I am in so much pain because my uterus is empty, because I couldn’t make my little baby to hang on, and then I just couldn’t take my little embie out of my head, I was thinking about him over and over. He was better than I thought, he was a 5 cell not 3, so why didn’t he continue to grow. DH lost the battle in calming me down this time around. For the first time since BFN I was painfully aware that I was empty inside and it hurt so much (emotionally)… I was just sitting on the floor and wailing … there was nothing that DH could have done to make me stop. He was saying over and over that everything is going to be alright and that we will never ever stop that we will have a baby one day, and I should just calm down as I am ruining my nerves which cannot be restored. He did manage to get me to bed about an hour later, and after such an intensive outburst, I felt asleep almost instantly.
I did feel much better in the morning.
Oh watching stuff like that is so hard and I find once I start crying it's very hard to stop. The one thing I would say is that none of this is your fault and no one can really understand how hard this is for you. It is great that your husband is right there with you saying that you two will do whatever it takes.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you felt better this morning. Sometimes a good cry can make us feel better.
Aww hunny. Hang in there. Well get our babies!
ReplyDeleteI agree. Although sometimes they don't understand, a good cry is just what we need. I tell my DH that it's a way to relieve tension that is building up over TTC. I physically feel better after a big cry. Hang in there, dear. And cry when you need to. (((Hug)))
ReplyDeleteI clarified about my doctor of the bottom of my blog since I guess I confussed some people.
ReplyDelete