fertility etiquett

I want to thank Krista and Lori B. for posting the article about fertility etiquette. It is funny how we all are in sync with each other. I had an idea for the post which I've been mulling around in my head for some time now, and it is somewhat related to the article that was posted. I've forwarded this article to my sis and SIL, and sis responded: "Wow! I guess everything we do is wrong." Not everything, but it does get to me sometimes. Since I haven't told my friends or my sis or SIL about this blog (this blog is my safe heaven!), there is no point for me to post it here (although, if anyone else wants to read it, I trust Krista or Lori B. would welcome you on their blog).

My sis is a very outgoing person and an extrovert (vs. me who is more shy and a bit introverted)and I do love her and her DH to pieces. They tried for 6 months for the 1st baby and one time for the second (yes, they BDed 1 time, and yours truly actually calculated when they should BD, so I was very happy when she told me she was pregnant - I was the 1st to know, even before my BIL, and was proud in taking a part in it). So she has absolutely no clue on what it feels like to try for years with no results. I am happy that she got the article, as after 2 years of trying when we were not ready for IVF, she was constantly pushing to us to do IVF. And after the fiasco with the first IVF, I guess she and my BIL didn't know how to react (although everybody were very upset).

The day we found out for sure, they asked us to come by their house and spend time with them. My BIL just hugged me a bit longer and kissed my head, and without him saying this I understood that he is sorry and would do anything for us. I've known him longer than I have known my DH. He was a shoulder to cry on for both my sis and me when our mom went into a very early labour (at 27 weeks) and he spent a night at our house consoling both of us. At one Shabbat dinner that we had at their house (before the IVF) they were lighting candles and saying prayers and he asked God for a baby for us, he was so genuine that I almost cried.

But going back to my sis and the day of our bad news - she was trying to make us feel better, we were talking about this and that, and then jokingly she said that she and my SIL were deciding which one of them is going to carry our baby. She repeated it again when our DHs joined the conversation. and that statement hurt me, I told her that there is nothing wrong with me, and the problem is not that I cannot carry a child, but that DH's sperms cannot get to my eggs! That statement really stuck with me, I was quick to rebut her presumption that the problem is with me, too quick. I was thinking later why I had such a reaction, and it made me realize that I am afraid that since we've never gotten to the point of me being pregnant may be on top of DH's problems there are problems with me, and I am more sensitive to the comments regarding me being a problem (although, I have never ever ever blaimed DH for our IF struggles).

I remember in grade 11 or 12 English we had a very peculiar teacher, and I don't remember what we were reading, but he was saying that people make a big deal of issues that they are struggling with. So, if somebody jokingly calls me stupid, I would not be offended, as I know that after graduating from law school at 23 (being the youngest in my year) I think I do have some brains, but try to make a joke about my weight, and I will bite your head off (I've been struggling with weight pretty much all my life). So, my conclusion is that I am insecure about our infertility struggle and am afraid that once we overcome DH's problems we will have other ones with me. I keep telling myself to look around at people who did struggle and now have healthy babies and healthy pregnancies, but it does feel that this constant struggle to get pregnant is now a status quo and are going to continue like this forever. I guess I am depressing myself again. :(

The only good news is that today is Friday!!! and I can really use some sleep this Saturday as this week has been crazy busy at the office (and today is not an exception).