One month ago today we were having our ET procedure. We were still full of hope that our little embie would hang on and make it during the following two weeks. I just realized that if he would have hang on, we would have been able to see him by now and probably hear his heartbeat. (for some reason I believe it was a boy)
Instead, we are left with nothing - just feeling of failure... It doesn't help that we are in our 5th year of trying, 5th!!!! Our baby could have celebrated his or her 3rd birthday by now. My YOUNGER sis' kids will be turning 4 and 2 this year, I love them to pieces but so wish they could have been my own.
Plus, it is sooo freaking cold, it was -26C this morning when our train was late and in order to get a seat on a GO Train we had to stand in line (my sis and I were first in line) on the platform and freeze! My eyelids were cold (and believe me that's never happened before). I love to be outside, but this winter there were days when DH and I would not leave the house. I am also pissed because I am always cold in the winter. I wear layers of clothing, I have an additional personal heater in the office, plus a thick pashmina, so that I can keep my hands warm and get some drafting done.
My only saving grace was our annual trip to Caribbean every year in February, it made the winter so much more bearable. But not this year, we had to cancel it as (a) if I would have been pregnant (which we were sure I would be) we didn't want me flying in the first trimester, and (b) even though I am not pregnant, we have to save money for the stupid second attempt at IVF. It just SUCKS!!! I always thought that I would miss winter if we would move somewhere where it is warm all the time (not crazy warm - as I don't like hot temperatures either), but somehow this winter I just want to move somewhere South closer to the Equator..... just dreaming, as we would not leave all of our families and extended families here in Canada. Oh, well.... getting to bed, hopefully it will warm up tomorrow (a girl can hope...).
Aw ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteSorry you are feeling down! I know this is all so much more difficult in the winter-time. Hang in there and keep looking forward to that next cycle!
ReplyDeleteI just realized that I have not been following your blog and I thought I had added it. Sorry about that! I agree that it totally sucks having to use all of your money for IVF. It should be free for people with infertility. Come on, its not our fault we have trouble conceiving! Maybe I should use this theory with my RE and get his thoughts :-)
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