6w5d-6w6d - We got a heartbeat!!!

So much has been happening and so much I have to write about, that I might need to break it into two posts. I'll just leave New York for tomorrow (it was awesome!!!)

So yesterday (6w5d) we had our first u/s. Of course, as the each day closer to the u/s I was getting more and more nervous. We've never gotten this far. All uncharted territory to us. So, in the morning we drove to the subway and took the subway downtown to the clinic. We had to switch the cars and then one of the gates on the parking didn't work and the line up was huge, so we were running late, and I was getting more nervous. But thankfully we got there just 10 min late. When the nurse who is responsible for u/s saw me she called me by my name and said that they are ready for me (I love this clinic!). I emailed my nurse before and asked if DH can be with me, and the nurse said yes, so I took DH with me directly into the room. While I was getting settled for a full bladder u/s, DH asked the tech where he can record it on his iphone and she said that only when she says (cool!!!). By now, I know how much I should drink to not feel like I am going to burst and still have a full bladder. I start drinking 1 500ml bottle an hour before and gradually drink it until it is done (and I do go to the washroom before I start drinking :) ).

So I lay down, DH is standing right next to the tech and watching the screen, and since I cannot see the screen I just lay there and look at DH. As soon as the tech puts the machine on my tummy, DH exclaims "I see it!!!" "I see the sac" and his face just beamed. He was so happy at this moment, and then a few minutes later he shouts "I can see the heartbeat!!!" I have never seen him so excited and happy, with the biggest smile ever. The tech told him that he can record and he did the first video. As he was mesmerized by what he was seeing on the screen, I couldn't take my eyes of him, and it felt so great to know that something inside me is making him so happy.

The tech did all the measurements and asked me to go pee. As I was getting back, I asked DH whether there is one or two sacs, and he said one. I always wanted twins, and I thought that I would be disappointed, but I wasn't! I was happy that we are having one, that the pregnancy would be normal, that I could carry the baby to its due date (I wish and hope and pray I can give birth to a baby girl on March 8 - the international women's day - How cool would that be!!! Plus, my birthday, and my dad's birthday is on the 8th, my SIL is on 18, and my nephew's on 28th - see the trait? And I was thinking that we can do the road trip in November in my second trimester, and that it is going to be easier to handle one baby, and notwithstanding my grief over the one snowbaby that didn't make it, I was in peace with having one baby. I do believe there is a bigger purpose behind it too.

So, once I got back, the tech started with all too familiar vaginal u/s - she said that she would be gentle and would not disturb the baby. She was in there for a while and DH was filming the screen (not me) for a while, and I was enjoying watching his face (but not the thing that was stuck in me :) ). The tech finally turned the screen, and I fell in love - instantly. This little baby inside me (who didn't look at all like a baby) had a heart and I could see it beating - strong heartbeat - 129! The tech was happy with that. She showed us the yolk sac too, but mostly concentrating on the baby itself, and it was so hard to believe that inside me there was a little heart beating - our baby that DH & I made - together. It was just unbelievable!

When the tech was explaining our baby to us, she and DH got into a little argument of where the head is and which end is the "tail" as they were trying to figure out to which "end" the hear is closer. That was so funny :) The nurse said that in another week we would be able to tell much better as there would be a dark spot for where the brains are (I think that's what she said).

We then talked to the nurse who confirmed that the baby is doing great, although I do have some blood around the sac which she believes is from implantation and in 1/2 cases there may be some bleeding because of that (haven't had any). She also made me do b/w to check TSH (?) level (thyroid) and then called me to tell me that they are perfect too. I am to continue with the progesterone and estrogen suppositories for the next two weeks and the next u/s is scheduled for August 3 - another 2 weeks - when the baby will be 8w6d. I am not sure if this is going to be our last u/s as the clinic only monitors us to week 10, so we'll see.

I got back to work, showed the pic to my clerk and she was so excited for me. She and my boss are the only ones who know. I did call my parents, my SIL and texted my sis who is away at a cottage.

We were told to start looking for an OBGYN as in TO they go quickly, and yes they do. There is a particular hospital where I want to give birth (it is the same hospital that both my sis and my SIL gave birth to their kids) so I am looking for OBGYN who is affiliated with this hospital (as I don't want to go back to my old OBGYN with whom we started our TTC journey). There is this great doctor who everyone loves and recommend, so I emailed his info and reviews to DH a week ago, but we didn't want to do anything until the baby is confirmed. So I asked DH to call him, and he did - the answer - this doctor is all booked up and only accepts patients with May!!! due date WTH!!! The girls with the May due date are not pregnant yet!!! So we tried to see if he had a cancellation list - and the don't - bummer. Oh well, off to plan B. I asked my SIL to call a mutual friend and get info on a midwife she used and was raving about. I sent an email and they responded that we have to call them. Since my office walls paper thin, I asked DH to call. The girl explained the services to him (and he really liked the idea) but she insisted that I call her as she wanted to ask questions. So I had to call her myself, and to tell you the truth she underestimated the knowledge of my DH. I guess where a couple went through IF, DH knows much more than an average woman does, and can teach them a thing or two (even with his not so perfect English :) ). So, the lady was very pleasant and one of the questions she asked was whether we will be using drugs (I asked if we could, and she said that it is an option, as we would definitely be in a hospital where this midwifery has privileges. But, the jury is still out on this question - as I am completely torn. I saw the effect of epidural on my sis and I saw the same sis walking around and taking shower 2 hours after giving birth without an epidural (not by choice though). So I don't know. The end result, the girl I talked to is just an entry person and then all info is transferred to the midwife to decide if they can take us or not. I told her about our situation that the doctors are booking fast, and she said that they'll try to let us know by Wednesday next week. So for now we wait.

DH has been absolutely amazing!!! I've never seen him act so fast and be on top of everything and ahead of me. He sent me a list with reviews of other doctors affiliated with our hospital. He reads on pregnancy symptoms, on where the baby is and what is going on. He knows what I should and should not eat including minerals and vitamins. To tell you that I am impressed is like not saying anything.

He has been amazing in cooking for me as the food aversions and nausea makes it hard for me to have a normal meal. In the past week I've lost 2 kg (I gained about 1.5 during FET). I haven't been eating meat or fish (yuck) and only some eggs, but lots of fruits and some veggies and good carbs. Today, I haven't been nauseous much. I had my oatmeal for breakfast, then I had a banana a few hours later, and then for lunch decided to eat a sandwich that i brought from home (2 tiny slices of break, with a bit of cream cheese and a slice of cheese, plus a cucumber), so I ate 1 and felt pretty good, so I ate the second one. Well, I should have waited. I felt very full for hours (so full that it was hard to take a deep breath!!) I couldn't eat or drink anything else, as I thought I was going to burst. Only about 6 hours later I managed to eat some cherries, and only by the time we got home (at around 7:30 p.m.) I had potatoes with fish !!! (yes fish as no nausea today). The thought did cross my mind if the baby is ok, but I've heard so many stories of symptoms coming and going, that I am in peace right now with feeling a bit better today.

It's been scorching hot outside! As the temperature reached just below 40C, and I was stuck in the office with killer a/c. So at around 4 p.m. (it was still very very hot) I decided to go for a short walk (plus I was still feeling very full from my lunch. I get outside and it feel very hot but very nice. So as I am walking along I call DH and tell him what I am doing, and the first words from his mouth is for me to get back inside ASAP! As I am not supposed to be in the sauna for any period of time. So yes, had to go back. The surprise waited for me when I got home. DH got me a very beautiful bouquet of roses!!! Purple and White!!! Just because I am carrying our baby, and he loves me and our baby and trying to be romantic. So so sweet!!! We haven't had sex for a while now, as on top of suppositories and constant leaking (that I don't really pay much attention to anymore) I am also afraid of harming the baby. But notwithstanding the foregoing, our relationship is on a new level!!! There is so much love, understanding and peace between us, it is amazing. I've never thought that we could get even more closer together. Although I do have my crying moments, where I tell him that he will get tired of being so nice to me and deal with my picky eating (as i usually eat whatever he makes), but he just hugs me and says no to traumatize our baby.

I AM SO HAPPY!!!