14dp5dt I think I might be...

About 10 years ago, after I met DH, I went to my then boss (who we are friend with till this day) and said "I think I may have a boyfriend". Well, he remembered this phrase even on our wedding day, and now I have it in my head...

I THINK I MAY BE PREGNANT!!!

Well, I actually am as the beta this morning came in at 1,703!!!

But let’s start from the beginning.

I have been more nauseous for the past several days and yesterday (13dp5dt) almost threw up while trying to eat my oatmeal in the morning (which I have been eating every morning for years). I would feel nauseous notwithstanding if I eat something or not (same today actually). So, last night DH & I were watching TV and there were a few programs indirectly about babies - I asked DH if this is the sign. I also remembered that last week when kid's father was in town before he left he said to me that he really hope that when he comes next year, I'll have a big tummy (i.e. be very pregnant). We started talking about this whole baby stuff and I was crying as I was getting more sure that again it would not work.

We did decide that I will not pick up the phone when the clinic calls and let it go to voicemail. Then, when we get home, DH & I will listen to the message together.

So, this morning I went to the clinic, and there were just a few people, since I think RE is either already away or getting ready to go away, so no one is cycling right now. I got called in as I was signing in and was done in a minute. As I was having my blood drawn I could feel my cell phone ringing - it was my dad. After I was done, I called DH to tell him that everything was out of my hands now and he said not until labour :) and then called my dad back, who said that he already talked to DH and he thinks that my idea of not picking up the phone is ludicrous, what if the need something right away. I told him that they would not, explained to him how the process works and he calmed down. Everyone was so on edge.

So, I got to the office and sent an email to my nurse saying that if I don't pick up when she calls to leave a detailed message (some girls told me that their clinic would not leave any detailed messages just to call back), I also told her that we didn't POAS. I started working, when at 10 a.m. my cell phone rang. I started at it blinking Dr. H but I didn't pick up. I waited a bit and saw the voicemail icon pop up. My hands were shaking and I dialled DH. I didn't expect them to call so early, as usually I would get a call around 1 p.m. Our conversation was something like this:

ME: Hi, they called
DH: did you pick up?
ME: NO, but she left a message
DH: did you listen to it?
ME: NO
DH: DO you want to listen to it?
ME: NO
DH: What do you want to do?
ME: I don't know! What do you want to do?
DH: I don't know either. Do you want me to listen to the message?

and it continued like that for about 10 minutes us unable to decide whether to listen now or to wait until the evening. DH asked if I could continue working if it is a BFN and I said that probably not, but I wouldn't be able to continue working if I don't know either. My BIL works with DH so I could hear him on the background saying - do you want me to call??? So we finally decided that DH will call my cell and listen to the message from a different phone.

I could hear him listening through the options, and thereafter could only hear mumbling of my nurse. The next phrase from DH was "ты залетела" (you are knocked-up). We both started laughing hysterically (thank G-d both my boss and my clerk are away today and my door to the office was closed). My phone rang and it was my boss, so I had to let DH go just told him not to tell my SIL before I call my sis. I quickly talked to my boss, then emailed my sis at work and told her to call me. Her first words were - don't scare me, tell me now!!! She was happy but reserved as she works in a cubicle and there are other people around. Then I called my Dad and once he heard my voice he said that he knows the news were good. He had dreams tonight that he couldn't decipher but he figured out it was that I have someone in my tummy.

As I was calling around, I saw that somebody tried to call me a few times - it was DH. He said that he called and listened to the message again, just to make sure that he didn't misunderstand anything. I said that I listened to the message too. We talked for about 30 minutes and the gist of it was that we cannot believe it finally happened to us, and I explained to him what will happen next. DH said that he wants me to POAS tomorrow morning as he really wants to see the two stupid lines that have been eluding us for the past 4.5 years. I told him that I have enough beta in my body that I can POAS when I get home and it should show. He was very pleased.

It is after 1:30 p.m. now and I haven't had any work done (again very happy that the boss is not around). I am in total shock and it is not sinking in yet. My dad called again and we talked a lot too and I had email correspondence back and forth with my sis, as both of them are afraid that I am getting too excited and something will happen. I told them both that at this moment I am truly happy, as we've never gotten that far. I am excited for this first step for getting a strong beta, for knowing that our embies can implant and grow in me, I am happy for that. There are lots of hurdles to overcome - next one being the second beta on Friday, but I am taking it one step at a time.

Last but not least, I am so overwhelmed by the support I got from both one-time visitors and e-friends both here and on ivf.ca. I would not be able to survive the past 9 months or so going through both IVFs and FET without all of them (all of you), and I am forever grateful to G-d to first directing me to one site where I found out about another and from there to ivf.ca and then blogger and IF online community. There are no words to express my gratitude, and every comment brings a smile to my face even in the darkest moments. Thank you again.