Should I just relax???

I took my 6th BCP tonight, and am thinking that there are still 9 more until my next u/s on the 28th, and I am so anxious to get this whole show on the road!

Come to think of it, I've been anxious all my life, anxious to finish school, anxious to finish law school and to find a job, anxious to find the right guy, to get married and to have kids. When our Thailand vacation in September ended with a miserable BFN, I was anxious to see our RE (I went as far as rescheduling our appointment for a week before, to make sure we can go through IVF before our clinic is going to be closed for holidays, then I was anxiously waiting for AF so that i can start BCP (which, of course, showed up late). So when is it going to end? NEVER!!! If I don't change my attitude, I will be anxious to get the drugs, then ER, ET and 2ww, then the 1st, 2nd and 3rd u/s, my baby's birth, brit (if its a boy), first b-day and so on and on and on. But I was thinking that I should just relax and let it be, and enjoy each step of the process, rather than rushing to the next step. I am so preoccupied with IVF that I have no time to think or do anything else. I am surprised that my boss hasn't complained yet that my productivity deteriorated substantially in the past few weeks :) I guess it still doesn't register in my brain that we are finally doing this (we decided that IVF is our last resort - and in my head it is a sure thing (don't know if it’s good or bad)).

This whole experience is making me more emotionally unstable (even before I started taking BCP), I am constantly on the internet, on fertility sites and blogs, I became more sad and cry more. I don't really feel bad about myself or my situation, at least I don't think so. I stopped asking "why me?" question long time ago. I have a loving and supporting DH and both my sis and SIL are very supportive as well together with my mom. But I feel like I am a house of cards, it stands strong until one card is removed and the entire construction collapsed. Same with me... one little thing can completely disturb me for a few days, until I get a courage to gather all my cards and build the house again. Just recently, I was at b-day party for a 4 year old, so everything was going nicely all my nephews, my niece and my 12 y.o. brother were there, so I had my hands full. Then a lady comes in looking slightly pregnant with an infant car seat and a toddler in tow. I turn to my sister and ask whether this lady is expecting her 3rd child, but it turned out she only gave birth 7 days ago. Seeing a 7 day baby completely unnerved me, and i cried all the way to the house. I don't know why it happened by looking at the baby, as I already came to terms with seeing all preg ladies around me. I guess, I just have to try to deal with my emotions, and just relax and enjoy life, and my little miracle will come along (hopefully sooner rather than later).