Believe...

At some point during our TTC journey, DH and I got involved in studying Kabbalah and it helped immensely in dealing with the stress of TTC and other every day occurrences. Lately, we haven't been spending much time in our studies, but I do receive daily emails with quotes, and today i got one about wanting to have a baby. You would say coincidence - but i know there are no coincidences, interesting...

"When we want something in life one of the best ways to attract it is to show our Creator that we can care for that same thing when it belongs to others. You want a child, take care of someone else’s child; a house, help someone else get a home; want relief from your pain, take away someone else’s pain. Then our Creator will ensure that we’re taken care of." Yehuda Berg

With the Chanukah around the corner, and my sis doing a party for the kids (my niece and my nephews), I was thinking of just doing my own stuff, but I think I should buy some little presents and come over for the party to help out with the kids a bit, since DH and I only see them once a week on the weekend. When going through TTC, I've become resentful towards pregnant woman and woman with little kids. It's hard to see someone having something that you are really longing for, but I should (and somewhat try) to remember the words of our Rabbi who said that G-d is just trying to show me what is coming to me soon, so I should stop feeling jealous and feeling pity for myself, and G-d will take care of me.

Chanukah is a time of miracles, and all we have to do is believe that miracles do happen, and not just in stories or lives of other people, but in our own life too. I will be stimming for 6 out of 8 nights of Chanukah, and I believe that during this process a miracle is going to be created - strong healthy mature eggs, which will then all fertilize and will make me a mommy. This is going to be my Chanukah miracle, and I believe that this is going to happen!!!