3...2...1 .... weight off!!!

After gaining a whole kg over the long weekend, I decided that I need a simple plan that I can follow to safely lose some weight and keep it off.

Most of my weight I gained after the wedding during our 5 years of TTC. I was lucky that after I gave birth to DS and after all excess water left my body, I was actually about 5-6 kg less than my pre-pregnancy weight. I do look better now than I did before I got pregnant and get lots of compliments, but my weight is still far from ideal.  DS is going to be 7 months next week and in that time I managed to lose about 2 more kg, but that's totally due to breast feeding as I have been eating EVERYTHING, and mostly in the evenings.

This week is going to be my trial week as I fine-tune my plan, and then will go full steam next Monday.

To keep myself in check, I will try to post a simple checklist daily (or one in a few days, we will see).

Daily

1. Brisk walk for at least 1 hour in the morning or afternoon (bonus if I can squeeze in both times).
2. 2 10-minute work outs.
3. No sweets, except for special occasions.
4. If eating sweets, take only one piece and eat 1/2 (or share with DH).
5. Drink 2 water bottles.
6. nothing to eat after our last meal (8-9 p.m.) only water or tea.
7. go to sleep after dreamfeed at 11 p.m. (which means pump just before that).

So lets see if I can do this much and if that will help. We are going to the wedding (Caribbean)  in about 2 months, so I want to shed a few kg prior to that.  If the rules are pretty simple and easy to follow, I hope I can stick to them.

As of this morning the weight it 80 kg, and I am ready for a change!!!

Baby Dance and the 2nd one?

I don't know if I should still call it the baby dance, as we got our baby, but it sounds much better then calling it by any other name (especially on the internet). The point is we did BD, finally after over 2 months after our little one was born. Initially I thought I wanted it after the baby was born, but we didn't have time or were both exhausted and when we had a bit of time about a month ago, I chickened out. I was scared. We did stop actually BDing a few months before the due date, so it was like the first time. But this week I was ready. I had my mani & pedi for the photo shoot and then I finally had enough courage to do a Brazilian (it did hurt a lot, waaay more as usual, so it was almost the Brazilian) and felt attractive again.  I have never been the person who really takes care of myself. I didn't wear make up to work nor anywhere for that matter, unless it was a special occasion and even then it was pretty light. But I was doing pedi from time to time especially in the summer and Brazilian sugaring starting last summer. So, I guess during the last month of pregnancy and after the baby was born, I let myself go even more then usual, hence felt unattractive. The weight gain didn't help as well.

But a few days ago, after I had everything done, I was finally ready. I did feel like a human being again. After I dream fed the little one and he was sound asleep, we did it. And it hurt! I was really surprised as I thought it was not supposed to hurt as I had c-section, but I guess it is all interconnected.  DH was very gentle and slowly we were past the pain. The deal was that he will pull out, as even though we have MF nobody knows what's the story is with his guys at present. But when we were in the middle of it, I told him not to do it, and it felt amazing.

I really don't think that this one time can lead to something, and I am hoping it didn't. I know that we struggled for such a long time to have our little one and the pain from those 5 years and countless BFNs is still with me. But, the scars from my c-section are just too fresh and even though my doctor said that it is not going to be the end of the world if I get pregnant within a year (although he would want me to wait at least a year), I am afraid to get pregnant now.  So, I went out and bought some protection for the next few months.

DH actually really wants the second baby quickly. I don't think he is thinking with his head (more with his heart). He love the little one to pieces, and is a tremendous help. Although we do get into some arguments if I want him to take over in the morning. The latest ones are usually because he watches movies or stays on his computer for half of the night and of course is dead tired in the morning. The fact that I've been up at least 2 times for periods of up to 1 to 1.5 hours, doesn't sway him. So, it's not all perfect all the time, but he does help, and I am grateful to him for that (especially since I've heard stories from other moms how their hubbies are completely useless).

What are my thoughts on the second baby? Well... I am a bit torn. I have a very selfish reason why I want the second one pretty soon -- I don't want to go back to work. Yep. I am trying not to think about it, but time does fly and soon I would have to face the music. I have no clue what I am going to do. Go back to my previous job? Look for another? Open up something on my own? I don't know... I did tell my boss that I will be coming back end of December when the little one is going to be 10 months, but since he was born late, he will not be 10 months until January 15 :( , and then the hours... how can I cut back the hours that I have to be at the office? That's another question. But then, if I will have the second one without returning to work, I would not even have the measly maternity benefits that I am currently getting, so how are we going to survive financially with 2 kids and only 1 income? I don't think DH thought of that.

Otherwise, I do like the thought of having the kids close together, like me and my sis. We are one year apart and were even born in the same month! It is like having twins, sort of. When we were kids we constantly fought, but now we are the closest friends and confidants, and I want the same for my baby.

So, my thinking is that we will use protection, at least for another 2 months, so that my insides can get proper healing and then try BDing without protection. I don't think I will start charting and temping. Well, probably not, as I am not looking forward to another TTC roller-coaster. If nothing happens naturally, sometimes during the summer of 2013 we will do FET of the last two embies and hope for the best.  DH and I were also talking that even if I get pregnant naturally, we will do FET a few years after the second one is born, but it's way to early to think about that as we are still long way away from that.

So those are my thoughts, and I do feel better "writing" them all out. That's the reason for this blog, my anonymous safe heaven for things that I cannot put out for my family and friends to read.  

2 months (May 15) and our NEW BLOG!

We are now 2 months old and doing very well.

I haven't been posting much here, as DH did a great thing for me. He made me a new blog, and it took my time away from this one. I was tired of not being able to refer to people and especially to my little one by his actual name, to not being able to post his pictures, and have a blog for family and friends. So, this blog will remain for my venting - the things that I cannot post on the more open blog, and when the time comes for us to try for the next one, I will definitely be back here, but all the up to date info and photos are going to be on the new blog.

So, if anyone still reads this blog and wants more info on the new blog (or just curious to see pics of our family from time to time) email me at creatingourmiracle@gmail.com.  It is actually a webpage so that I am not restricted by the constrains of Blogger regarding file sizes etc.  It is still a work in progress, but I started posting there already. I want to keep the infertility world separate from my happy motherhood world, and so there will be no mentioning of anything IF related on our new website. I know that some people are all for being open with their TTC struggles, but unfortunately, I am not one of those people. There is only a small number of people who actually know the full story of how our son came to be and we are really hoping to keep it that way.

8 weeks (May 10) - Happy Birthday to ME!!!

As we get closer to the little one being 8 weeks old, here is what has been happening to him:

1)      He started to eat his fist. Like ALL the time. He prefers it to a pacifier and he tries to shove it in his mouth even during breast feeding.

2)      Also as he was giving me his usual smiles (did I tell you that my baby is very sociable!!!) he actually started to make sounds as well and it sounded like laughter and not just silent huge toothless smiles that I so love!!!

3)      I was also playing with him and sticking my tongue out, and he was copying me. He started sticking his tongue out, although it doesn’t come out all the way. (Note to self, I do need to discuss this with his paediatrician as he has a little thing under his tongue).

So this week was my birthday! To tell you the truth, I wasn’t very excited about it. It was like last year when I didn’t want to see anybody, but a big difference was that last year I was getting over a BFN after a perfect IVF cycle, and this year all I wanted to do is to be with my baby.

So I decided that I’ll have my parents and MIL for breakfast and invite close friends and relatives for late night snacks, for 9 p.m.  It did feel like every other day, the only difference was the DH stayed home. I still had to juggle the little one’s feeding schedule so that we could have an uninterrupted breakfast. DH made omelette and a few salads with bagels and bought some sweets. Then as we all got outside, my mom was complaining that the little windows on our garage doors were still covered with plastic from the manufacturer, so she and MIL decided to try to peel it off. It didn’t work, so then DH and my dad spend the next hour or so peeling and scraping that plastic off which melted in the sun.  First the little one was asleep in the house, but as normal it was his short nap and I took him outside. My mom suggested that I put him in a stroller and he continued napping. Which was great.  Once the windows were clean, everyone went home. DH said that he needs to work for a bit and me and the little one went for our usual walk, and the day continued as usual. 

Once the little one was off to bed, DH and I started preparations for the evening. He was cooking and I was setting the table. Most of the people got to our house between 9 and 9:30p.m. and after initial congratulations, conversations at the table (or actually at the countertop as everyone loves to congregate around the isle in the kitchen) drifted in various directions. I’ve got lots of fresh flowers which I didn’t really enjoy as I had to cut them and figure out the vase situation, which took some time. My aunt was the best – with the potted orchids and then one couple who didn’t bring any flowers as they were running late and I sincerely thanked them for that.  We had snacks and a birthday cake. DH was hilarious... as he was looking for candles he found three sparkles, so he lit the sparkles first before the candle (which was actually a Chanukah candle, LOL) and by the time the candle was lit and on the cake the sparkles were done. The cake was delicious – red velvet cake. My SIL bought it for one of the birthdays and I really liked it, so I asked DH to buy it. It turned out that most of the people at my party, including SIL, didn’t really like velvet cake (and didn’t even take a piece), oh well…. We got more!!!  Around 11 p.m. I went upstairs to feed the little one for dream feed. Well, it didn’t really work. As he was continuing eating he spit the milk out and it went not only out of his mouth, but also out of his nose and all over me (I was glad I took off my nice top before feeding him). At the same time he also pooed all over as well. So I called DH and it took some time for us to clean him up and then for me to put him back to bed.  When I got downstairs people started to leave as it was Monday and people had to go to work the next morning.  It all worked out nice. DH & I cleaned a little bit and were in bed around midnight.

Wednesday, May 9, started like a regular day. I called my mom and told her that we have lots of cake left over so she came over with my brother at around 5 p.m. just as DH got home as well.  She said that she met my sis at the pool where my brother and my niece and nephew take swimming lessons, and my sis said that my nephew had some breathing issues and BIL took him to a walking clinic so he is missing his swimming class. Then on my mom’s way to our house, my sis called and said that BIL was told to go to emergency and she is driving there with my niece. As we were having tea with cake my sis called again. She was hysterical.  Apparently, BIL barely made it into the ER when my nephew’s throat just closed off. The doctors had to struggle to put a tiny tube in to give him air. They were trying to stabilize him to move him to sick kids hospital downtown, but that hasn’t happened. She asked for my mom to pick up my niece and drive her home, so mom left right away.  DH and I were in total shock as I couldn’t even imagine what my sis and BIL were going through with their little one barely clinging to life.

My mom came back as my brother stayed with us. She left her car at the hospital and drove my sis’ car as it had a car seat for my niece. My mom was all pale. She said that doctors and nurses were working feverishly on my nephew and they don’t know what caused it. The doctors were on the phone with Sick Kids but couldn’t move him yet. My mom left to go home, when my BIL’s brother called and asked DH for a ride to retrieve my BIL’s car as it was also at the hospital and they were prepared to be moved to Sick Kids. At around 11 p.m. I got a message from my sis that my nephew is finally stable enough to be moved to Sick Kids and they were in an ambulance on the way there.

The night was rough as both DH and I were worrying about our nephew.  He was in the critical care unit and my sis and BIL were spending the night on the chairs next to his bed. Thursday, May 10, I was just exhausted from all the phone calls and messages about my nephew as the news started to spread. He was sedated and very uncomfortable and the swelling was not going down. The worst part was that the doctors didn’t know what caused it and that was scary.

Friday, May 11, was pretty much the same. My nephew was getting better a bit, but still was intubated and the doctors were running tests. We had Shabbat dinner at my BIL & SIL house and my niece came over as well. It was nice to see that she is not really affected by all that drama.

On Saturday, May 12, we were back to BIL & SIL’s house for breakfast, and thereafter needed to go shopping so went to Cos.tco. I hate going shopping on the weekend as it usually is a ZOO and it was this time too. When we got home, I was tired but the little one didn’t have his walk yet. I was so tempted to just stay home and watch TV or on my computer, but made an effort and DH & I went for my 6 km walk together.  We were tired, but it felt amazing!

During the day, the news were coming in from my sis that my nephew was doing much better, the tubes were out and they might be moved to a normal room. First there were no beds available, then there was shortage of staff, and only in the afternoon they were moved to a regular room as the doctors wanted to keep my nephew around for observations. We all breathed a sigh of relief.  

On Sunday, May 13, I told DH that I really wanted to go for a walk on Lakeshore. I love that place.  Since the time DH showed me that trail when we met so about 10-11 years, I have been imagining taking the walk with our kids as there are a lot of families there. Last summer and fall as I was walking the trail and boardwalk being pregnant, I was thinking of how I’ll be taking the little on there, and I really wanted to do that. So, I fed the little one, DH did some work on the backyard and we were off. I calculated the time so that I can feed the little one in the car upon our arrival and then we would have around 3 hours for our walk. That’s what we did.  We actually ended up walking a total of 10 km! It was nice. The weather was very warm and sunny. The little one was sleeping one way, then when we turned to go back, he woke up and was a bit fussy. We tried to calm him down with a pacifier but he was still fussy. So I picked him up and walked with him for a few minutes. The problem was that it was hot and there were a lot of insects, so we were afraid that one of those will bite him, and back to the stroller he went. I remembered that when I was taking out the stroller mattress I saw a panel that can be raised. DH did that and the little one was able to half sit in the stroller and see what was going on. He liked it and the rest of the walk was fussy free :). The little one did get fed once we were in our car. During the walk we got the news that my nephew was finally released from the hospital. Yei!!!  My parents also called and we ended up stopping at their place for dinner.

7 weeks (May 3) and trip to USA

This week, we’ve seen the following new activities:

1)      First of all, we managed to shed a tear! The first one was actually about a week ago, and I thought that the little one was getting sick as he was also coughing and sneezing. Then this week, the little one managed to squeeze out another one as he was crying.

2)      We also noticed that he started making bubbles with his saliva, and I was thinking that he started teething, but was told that it is waaay too early at 6 weeks.

3)      The little one also started to reject his pacifier more often, although he still uses it to soothe himself.

Tuesday, May 1, started like any regular day. I did some laundry when the little one was down for a nap, and then close to noon DH called and said that we are going to NY (well, Jersey City, which is just across the river) as he had an emergency with his business. So I was told to start packing.  We did discuss this possibility earlier, we just didn’t know if and when we have to go. I started packing as much as I could with the little one in my hands, and when DH came he helped me pack and load the car and we were off on the road by 7 p.m.  We crossed the border with no problem. At the beginning of the trip I was sited at the front and was turning around to the back seat pretty much every few minutes – to give him his pacifier, to move his blanket, to move the screen on top of his car seat so that sun wouldn’t shine in his face.  A few hours into the trip I was getting very nauseous, so after we crossed the border I moved to the back seat to be next to the little one. We moved the front seat all the way to the front and I had lots of space at the back. DH wanted to go as far as possible and then stop for the night. We stopped a few times. Once just before the border when I breast fed the little one, and then at a service station for an 11 o’clock dream feed. I actually pumped so that one of the feedings be easier. Then we were supposed to drive for another two hours and arrive to a hotel by about 1 a.m., but it turned out that DH misjudged the timing and we didn’t arrive to the hotel until after 2 a.m. I was happy that the little one was still asleep, but he was getting fussy as his feeding time was approaching. The good thing was that the hotel was only about an hour drive from New York.

On Wednesday, May 2, we did get a bit of sleep and after having breakfast at the hotel (which the little one attended in his car seat and pretty much slept through) we were off to our destination. Of course, we hit very heavy traffic getting close to Jersey City and didn’t get to our destination until 10 a.m. Again, it was very close to the little one’s feeding time and I actually just grabbed him in his car seat and hurried onto the premises.  

I really like the area where the business premises are.  While packing I was imagining how I will be taking two walks every day, while DH will be taking care of business. I took a book, sunglasses and sunscreen. You probably guessed it… when we opened curtains in the hotel on Wednesday morning – it was raining. Hmmmm… I completely didn’t plan for that and haven’t even considered it as an option. It was raining when we got to the premises. So I put the little one for his first nap inside. I was given a little room for my use that somehow turned out into storage (although it did have a nice big window). I did venture outside when it wasn’t raining very hard. I ran to the car to get a rain cover for the stroller. It was also chilly so I was wearing my warm leather coat with a hood. The little one and I were sent to buy lunch as DH was busy dealing with problems. Luckily I put the rain cover on the stroller as it started to rain very hard the moment I got to the store.  After lunch, it was only drizzling and the little one and I decided to go for a little walk, which was refreshing after being stuck in a car and then inside. At around 5 p.m. DH drove us to our hotel, where we checked in, took a shower and were off to have dinner.  The little one was asleep in his car seat for his night sleep, and we got back just in time for the dream feed at 11 p.m. when I put him to bed in the bassinette from the stroller which I placed on our king side bed in between DH and myself.  This was the best decision, and I only wish that I could do it at home. It was so much easier to quiet him down if he was fussy at night as all I had to do is just stretch my arm instead of getting up and walking to his bassinette.  DH actually had to leave right after dinner and didn’t get back to the hotel until after I finished the 2 o’clock feed (around 3 a.m.)

On Thursday, May 3, it was still chilly in NJ and cloudy so it looked like the rain is going to start any minute. So after having breakfast, which was just a bagel with eggs at a café close to the hotel, I made DH go to Wal.mart to buy an umbrella for me, plus we needed some more diapers for the little one. I was appalled that the same type of diapers was $10 cheaper in NJ than at home. Ugh!!!  DH was again very busy and the little one and I were on our own most of the day, although we did go out to lunch together. The place was tiny so we put the little one in his car seat and when he woke up during the lunch DH just rocked him back to sleep with one arm, while continued eating with another. But, at least the little one slept through the dinner without even stirring!

I was happy when I opened the curtains on Friday, May 4, and it was finally sunny! We decided to have breakfast at the hotel and put the little one in a stroller. He wasn’t sleeping so me and DH took turns eating while the other one was pushing the stroller around. Actually, the same thing happened at lunch time. The little one was fussing and he was in his stroller. Since the stroller was on my left, I ended up pushing the stroller back and forth with my left arm while eating with my right one. But we managed and it wasn’t a big deal! I am saying that as a friend of mine was asking how are we coping with the little one and going out, as she cannot imagine going out with her baby as he wakes up and would rather get a sitter for him. Well… to each his own… I feel much better knowing that the little one is with me and that he can get his food right away.  But back to NJ.

Friday was our last day in NJ and we checked out of the hotel right after breakfast. The weather was amazing – very hot. So I decided that the first nap the little one will take at the premises and for the second nap we would go for a long walk. Oh how I enjoyed the hot weather! I ended up walking along Hudson river looking at the New York skyline for over 2 hours! If I didn’t have to feed the little one, I would have walked more.

We left the premises around 4 p.m. when we had lunch and then some ice cream. We decided to go shopping and stopped at a shopping plaza where we usually enjoy shopping. Unfortunately, this time couldn’t find much. All we bought were seat belt covers for the little one, and then headed for dinner at my favourite restaurant, which only has locations in the states. There was a huge line up and a long waiting list, so I decided to feed the little one in the car before we have dinner. When I finished feeding, the beeper went off and we hurried in. So of course the little one was not asleep. The restaurant was buzzing loudly with loud music and loud conversation, and I was thinking that in this mayhem the little one would never fall asleep. It did take some effort and DH was even considering going outside and walking with him, when the little one finally surrendered to his sleep and we had a nice dinner. 

After dinner at around 10 p.m. we were on our way home. The plan was to drive as much as possible so that on Saturday it wouldn’t take much to get home, but half an hour into the trip DH was complaining that he is falling asleep. We decided not to risk it and stopped for the night at the same hotel where we stayed on the way there. As this time breakfast was not included, we decided to have some food in the little town where we stayed, and found a pretty good chain eatery. We saw a few of the same eateries on our way, so decided that it is a good option for breakfast on the go.  We did have to stop a few times.  The first stop was at a resting stop where I fed the little one and all of us took a washroom break. That whole stop took about 40 minutes. At the next stop in addition to feeding the little one we had some food ourselves so stopped for over an hour.  After that stop we figured if the little one could hold it for about 3.5 hours we didn’t need to stop anymore. Well… there was a huge line up at the border.  The little one decided that he wanted to eat and started screaming from the top of his lungs. Me coaxing him only worked for a bit, so when we finally reached the border /customs official he was screaming very very loud. This helped as the questions were down to a minimum. DH also asked where we could stop to breast feed and were directed to a place where people who are being detained stop. DH looked around and saw cameras all over the place. I told him that I don’t care as all I want to do is to feed my baby.

As we were going through the border my parents called a few times, when I called them back they invited us to come over to have some dinner with them. After eating snacks on the road a good meal was in order so we agreed. My MIL also called to tell us that she made food for us. She wanted the keys to our house so she can bring the food or cook or something. DH told her NO, but she still cooked the food, just in her own house. So after my parents we had to stop by my BIL’s house to pick up her food. We didn’t get home until close to 10 p.m.  The little one was still sleeping in his car seat and we let him sleep until the 11 p.m. dream feed.

On Sunday, May 6, we decided to take it easy. I did manage to get DH to walk with me my long walk in the neighbourhood. As DH has an app on his phone which can measure distance, it turned out that my long walk is 6km!!! Wow, I walk 6 km almost every day! I couldn’t believe it. I also got a message on my phone being invited to a mommy group on Monday, May 7, and I decided that I am going to try to make it.  But the night from Sunday to Monday, the little one was very fussy and wasn’t taking my breast as usual. After we came back from US I continued pumping at around 8 p.m. feeding and then DH feeding the little one from a bottle. He really enjoyed this time together, but as the little one started to fuss more at night during feedings, I decided to stop that practice and only leave the bottle feeding to when I have to be out.

Notwithstanding that we had a crazy night, I did put the little one in the car seat and walked over one street for mommy and baby group.  When I got to her house there was only another mommy there with a toddler (2-3 years old), as that girl’s older child is the same age. It turned out that this group is for toddlers and my little one and her little one were the only newborns there. We stayed for an hour and the little one actually watched from my arms at all the mayhem that was going on as more and more mommies and kids were coming in. On my way home, I decided to make my own group as I figured I know at least two more mommies with the kids the same age as my little one.

As the day was getting to a close and I was putting the little one to bed, I remembered that it was my grandma’s birthday. I started telling the little one about my grandma and that his middle name is in her honour and how I really truly wished she could have seen her great grandson (her 4th). I told him that on May 7 I would always call her to wish her a happy birthday and she would wish me a happy birthday in return. That in the years close to her death, her memory was going and she didn’t remember to wish me a happy birthday, but I didn’t care as long as I could talk to her. She was the only grandma that I have ever known (and the only grandparent that I ever had, although I do vaguely remember my great grandparents – her parents, as they passed away in my childhood).  My grandma spoiled me and my sis by buying us ice cream with her last money, but she also was strict and when we misbehaved she could hit us with the cable from the phone (she had a stationary phone with a long cable so it could be moved around her apartment). When I would travel to Europe, I would always call her from different countries. She passed away a few years ago, and I still miss her like crazy.  I did started crying so DH had to take the little one. But, tomorrow is my birthday, so something to look forward to!

6 weeks (April 26)

The beginning of the week brought with it some unpleasant news. The photographer called and said that he has a cold and he doesn't want to cough on our little one. It was nice that he is so responsible, but I was a bit disappointed as I was very much looking forward to the photo shoot. We have to reschedule for the following week. As it was very cold and raining (and snowing one morning) I stayed home with the little one, but otherwise Monday through Wednesday was the same routine.

 On Thursday (April 26) when the little one turned 6 weeks, I had the cancelled photo shoot. I also had my hairdresser appointment at noon which I kept. The little one was a bit fussy in the morning so I was happy when my mom came a bit earlier so she helped me with him and I could get dressed. We were a bit late for the appointment. The little one was in his car seat all the time. He was supposed to be sleeping, but he couldn't settle down, so my mom put a receiving blanket over the car seat and he felt asleep. At the end, I got a nice haircut :) and was very happy. The little one and I actually manage to go for a walk later in the day.

Friday (April 27), I had my 6 week follow up appointment. All 3 of us went. The nurse/receptionist was very happy to meet the little one. Unlike all other receptionists I have met, she is the sweetest and nicest one. The doctor asked all the standard questions, then he asked what are we doing about protection. We asked if it is needed as we have MFI. He said that since the count is not 0 anything is possible, although if I am breastfeeding I should not be ovulating and thus the chance of me getting pregnant is much less. I told him about my mom who got pregnant with my sis when I was about 3 months old (and she was breastfeeding exclusively). We also asked him if we have to wait a year to get pregnant. He said ideally yes, but if by some miracle I get pregnant before nobody is going to be forcing abortion (a complete different story from what my friend said her doctor told her - that it is life threatening!). He asked if there is a possibility of me getting pregnant with twins, and I told him that they don't run in any of our families, so only if I do FET, but we are not planning to do FET until 2013 (and I am actually thinking of summer of 2013). Then he checked the incision and did a pap smear (that I totally didn't expect). After we were done (which again was very quick) we decided to stop at Ik.ea which was very close by. We needed to buy some stuff plus some lights for the little one's bedroom. As we were walking through the showrooms the little one was getting very fussy as it was about half an hour before his feeding, so I found the feeding room and fed him. It is nice that some stores have those rooms. DH and I were talking about it that it makes such a big difference - it is not much investment by the company as the room is tiny and it only has two chairs and a changing table, but it was so helpful when the little one is crying from the top of his lungs. It sure beats feeding him in the car. After he was fed and happy we went to Cost.co and then hurried home as it was time to feed him again. Since we spent most of the afternoon together, DH decided to work from home (bonus for me!). BIL & SIL again invited us for Shabbat dinner, but I flatly refused telling DH that the little one had such a loaded morning and afternoon that he needs to spend the evening at home, besides we would see them all on Saturday.

Saturday (April 28), the cleaning lady was coming and we were supposed to go to my parents' house for breakfast. We were thinking of getting up around 8 a.m. to prepare the house and put things together to go to my parents' house, but somehow we woke up around 8:30 a.m. DH was frantically tidying up the house, while I was feeding the baby. I barely had time to dress before she came upstairs. So of course, we left the house late, and got to my parents 30 minutes later than we expected. DH & my dad were doing taxes which were due on the 30th and my mom, my brother, the little one and I went for a walk. We actually ended up spending over 1.5 hours outside as we walked on a trail and visited my best friend's parents who lived nearby. In the evening was my nephew's birthday, so we went to my SIL & BIL's house. The little one slept a bit in his car seat and then was going from one person to another. I think that got him over stimulated and when it was time to feed him and put him for his sleep he wouldn't fall asleep. DH & I went downstairs to MIL apartment and stayed there for over an hour listening to all of the commotion upstairs. As the kids were singing happy birthday, or rather yelling from the top of their lungs, I was very happy the the little one was downstairs in a cool and dark place. He didn't fall asleep in his bassinet but managed to fall asleep in my arms and we went upstairs to quickly have cake and headed home.

When we got home and put the little one to bed, I had a mini breakdown as I was exhausted from lack of sleep. I usually supplement the night sleep (which is around 4 hours in total) with at least two 45 minute increments, once when DH takes the little one while preparing to go to the office, and second time during the little one's first nap (during the second nap we are off to walk the neighborhood), but as it happened I didn't have that on Thursday (taking shower before the hairdresser appointment), on Friday (my obgyn appointment) and Saturday (due to cleaning lady coming early). So DH had to force me to go to bed as soon as the little one was in the dream land. I actually made him come to bed with me too, but later compromised and he watched some TV on the computer in the office which is adjacent to the bedroom.

 On Sunday (April 29), the weather was great and we agreed to go for a long walk with my parents' friends and my parents. The friends leave next to a protected moraine and have a long trail through the moraine. I fed the little one at home but by the time we got all our things together and got to the friends' house it was time to feed him again. Once that was accomplished we were off for a walk. We ended up walking for over 2.5 hours and the little one was sleeping all through the walk. I was happy that my timing was perfect as we got back to their house I fed him again and we all had a nice dinner together.

On Monday (April 30), it was a regular day until it became even better. There was a knock on the door and an envelope came. It was addressed to DH so I opened it and it had our little one's Canadian passport. Yei!!!

My sister also arranged for her and me to got do our eyebrows at 8:00 p.m. I was freaking out a bit, as the evenings are very unpredictable with the little one sometimes feeding every hour. It dawned on me that I should pump and leave some milk with DH so he can feed if necessary. I pumped for about 5 minutes and got 60ml. I wasn't sure if it was enough or not, but hoped it would tie him over in case of emergency. Well, I put the little one to bed at 8 p.m. and when I came back after 9 p.m. everything was nice and quiet. So we decided to use this milk for a dream feed at 11 p.m. DH fed the little one for the first time, but once he finished the bottle he was looking for more and that's were I came in. The little one took my breast after the bottle with no problem!!! Now the life is becoming easier!!! I was so petrified of introducing a bottle as I was afraid of nipple confusion. So now, DH can do the dream feed and I can SLEEP!!!

The week of April 16th

Our accomplishments: * cooing in response when someone is talking to the little one (usually mommy). He actually started just cooing when he is very content with something. * on April 19, the little one had a tummy time, and was on his tummy when he actually rolled over to be on his back again. His head was high up and my theory was that the heavy head helped him to swing to one side and the body followed. Nevertheless, he rolled over!!!! Although I couldn't duplicate it since then. * I think we are on a move to a longer period between feedings as the week of 16th we tried to stick to 3 hours, and today (April 23) it looks like the little one is pretty steady at 4 hour intervals. Will it last? Who knows. But last night was pretty good as I fed him at 12 a.m. then at 4 a.m. and then he woke up at 6:30 a.m. and it was too early but I figured I'll feed him if he is hungry, but when I took him he felt asleep in my arms so I took him to bed with me (yes, I know, it is a big no-no, but whatever... I wanted some more sleep) and he actually slept to almost 8 a.m.! and for now continues his 4 hour schedule throughout the day. As for me, I still have some bleeding, and can't wait for it to totally stop. It stops for a few days and then starts up again. I am so tired of it - the worst period ever! The incision doesn't hurt much now, and I think it is healing. It has different spots, but DH says its normal. My doc's apt is on Friday, so we will wait on what he will say. The worst is constipation! I have flashback to labour and pushing every time I go to the washroom. I did some googling and apparently it is very common after c-section. Ugh!!! I can't wait to talk to the doc about that too. Our daily schedule is kind of the same, eat - activity - nap, and that's way until daddy comes home. During one of his naps I take him for a walk, usually the one in the early afternoon, as in the morning the sun is still too low so it shines on his face in his stroller, and later in the afternoon the sun is already too low, so the same problem. I love my walks (especially if the weather cooperating). If I manage to finish before 2:30 p.m. it is the best, as at 3 p.m. all schools in the neighbourhood are done and there are a lot of cars and kids, but otherwise it is very quiet... Depending on how I feel I walk for an hour to two hours, and usually stop by the mailbox to pick up mail. I go everyday, even if it is cold, as long it is not raining, and today we are stuck inside as it is both raining and snowing (and that's at the end of April!). Last Wednesday (April 18) was my SIL's birthday and we went to her house for dinner. The little one did amazing! That's when he first started with his 4 hour intervals between feedings and slept for about 3 hours, which made me extremely anxious. On Friday DH & I decided that we wanted to take the little one's passport photo and we went to Wal.mart for that. I made a pretty sensible suggestion to the photographer that it would be easier if we can lay the little one down and he can take the picture from the top, but NO he said that it is not the way it was done. We had to hold the baby straight up but such that our hands should not be seen. Really?!? Anyways, both the little one and DH did great. The little one is all squished but still with wide open eyes was looking straight into the camera and DH's hand was not seen. I was a bit anxious about the photo because I remember a while back our friend had to redo a photo for his infant 3 times because the passport office was finding faults with it each time. I asked the photographer about it and he showed me his guidance book. Apparently now they would accept a photo of the infant as long as the whole face is the right size and at the eyes are at least a bit opened PLUS of course, there should not be any parent's hands. So, tomorrow DH is going to the passport office to submit the application. On Sunday (April 22) we were invited to my cousin's condo for brunch. They've invited us a few times and we refused their invitation too many times, so we decided to come. The problem is that their condo is downtown so it is somewhat a long drive. They also invited a couple of our mutual friends, plus my sis with family and my other two cousins with their families so it was a full house in their little condo. And boy was it noisy. The little one didn't mind a bit. He first slept in his car seat, then in my arms, and then on the bed surrounded with pillows. Of course, by the time the food was served I had to feed him, and when I was done, he was next to me in the car seat but on a snap & go. His little cousins were all on top of him and I had to make sure they are not too much in his face and touching his head. Basically I couldn't eat until my sis took them away. After both the main course and desert were done, it was time to feed him again, as all the guests with little kids were going home. So it was only us and a couple of our friends left. My cousin wanted us to stay, and the little one felt asleep in his car seat, so we stayed. I was talking to my cousin telling her all the truth about pregnancy, child birth and my experience with raising our little one so far, without any embellishments. And she actually thanked me for that. The guys were doing their own thing. So we didn't get home until 11 p.m. This week the most exciting event is our photo shoot which is scheduled for this Thursday! So, in the meantime I have to do my nails and my eyebrows, and I have my hair appointment booked for the day of the shoot. I did tell my mom that I'll need her help on Thursday. I'll probably call the girl tomorrow to do my eyebrows and do my nails on Wednesday. I told DH that I'll probably take the car as it would take be too far for me to walk to do my eyebrows, and for the nails, I would not be able to walk there, do nails and then walk back between the feedings. So this week should be interesting!

1 month (April 15) - One step forward - two steps back

April 15 - We are one month old already. Time does fly, but in some weird way it seems like the baby has been with us forever, as neither DH nor I can imagine our lives without him.

At the doctors appointment on April 16 the stats were as follows:

weight 5.06 kg
height 57 cm (he grew 4 cm since birth)!

Our little one's achievements:

* he smiles a lot, and now it is not a pure reflex or something. He smiled when DH was singing to him, over and over at the same spot. He smiles at me when he is fully fed and has milk dripping from his cheeks or when he is just content with everything (usually in the morning).

* he follows objects. My sis gave us a cradle swing which has kind of like a mobile on top, at first he ignored it completely, but now really loves those birds, butterflies and leaves.

* he has been putting his wrist in his mouth. I've noticed it more the last couple of days. He is also very funny (and sometimes annoying) when I am trying to breastfeed him and he extends his arms against my breasts and pushes himself away. There were a few instances where he actually pushed the nipple in his mouth with his hand, but I am not sure if it just happened or he consciously did that.

* he has been pushing himself up when we put him on our chests. We put him low and then he ends up right next to our throats :). During tummy time if I hold my hand to make a kind of support for his legs, he moves along on the mat.

* we have been swaddling him since day one. First he learned how to unswaddle from one blanket, so we instituted two blanket rule, and for the past couple of days he has been unswaddling from the two blankets. The problem is when he unswaddles he doesn't sleep well (or at all). So we ordered a sleeper which acts as a swaddling blanket. It is on a zipper so he will not be able to get out of that.

Last week I have been trying to put the little one on the routine. I've read the book, the baby whisper and was very keen on following her EASY routine (eat-activity-sleep-you time). It kind of worked great on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday as I was able to put him for his nap in his bassinet during the day, and he would actually sleep there for a long period of time (I had trouble waking him up after 2.5 hours napping on Tuesday). I was so happy as with him having constant naps during the day, his night sleep improved as well and after 11 -11:30 p.m. feeding, he would only wake up twice before it was time to get up (usually 7-8 a.m.). But then on Friday, I had a big set back as I wasn't able to have him sleep in his bassinet for his first nap. I tried for almost an hour then I held him in my arms and let him fall asleep there and sleep for about 15 min, then I moved him to his bassinet where he only lasted for 30 minutes and then he slept in my arms for another hour as he was still very sleepy, but couldn't fall asleep. For the next nap I had him in the stroller and went for a long walk. Thereafter, BIL & SIL invited us for Shabbat dinner (my sis had other plans), since the little one was fussy I tried to have DH decline, but he wouldn't budge. So the little one was napping in his car seat, but was again very fussy, and ended up cluster feeding every hour that evening. The dinner was fine, but once again we ended up coming home close to 8 p.m. and had to also give him a bath. The good thing that after I fed him around 9 p.m. and then had a "dream feed" at 11 p.m. (which for the first time was exactly by the book - he didn't even wake up and ate for 8 minutes), he only woke up at 3 a.m. and then 6 a.m. So it was a good night.

I also try to breastfeed him for longer periods of time. He is usually done in about 8 minutes, and I try to coerce him in sucking for longer periods (over 20 minutes), which I think helps him to sustain without food for longer periods of time. We are aiming for 3 hours, but he does have many cluster feeding episodes. His pediatrician said that it is normal especially close to the evening and he tends to have those pretty often, so we have to be carefully for him not to turn into a "snacker".

On Saturday (April 14) the cleaning lady was coming, so we were happy that the little one was still asleep at 8 a.m. which gave us some time to tidy up. I couldn't follow the routine at all on Saturday as we were out of the house most of the day. When the cleaning lady came, I just finished breastfeeding the little one and we were out the door. We had to stop by a store to buy some stuff for the cleaning lady and drop it off at the house. Then we went to a restaurant for breakfast, and the little one was doing ok. He was sleeping in his car-seat most of the time. The plan was then to go to my parents' house and I would feed him there, but he started yelling in the car and we just stopped at a parking lot for me to breastfeed (which was very uncomfortable). When we finally got to my parents' house, my mom and i decided to go for a walk to a store and we barely made it back, with the little one yelling for food from the top of his lungs. By the time we got home it was already getting late. That night he had two cluster feeding episodes - one at 3-4 a.m. and then the next one when he ate at 6, 7 and 8 a.m. Definitely step back.

Sunday (April 15) the weather was terrible. When we finally gathered to go for a walk it was drizzling, so we managed to get to my sis' house and spent some time on her porch - socializing. With DH home it is kind of hard to follow our routine, to do that I need to be on my own with the baby. We thought of inviting sis & BIL, BIL & SIL, and one couple in the evening to celebrate our one month, but sis and that couple had made other plans, so we decided to just make it a party of two when the little one was asleep. I even had some wine :)

Monday (April 16) we had an appointment with pediatrician. He took all the measurements, and asked about feedings. I told him that we are usually around 2-2.5 hour but mostly 2.5 hours close to 3 and he said that at this age we have to try to keep him occupied until it is 3 hours. The little one also has some rash, and he said it is normal (which I agree as all of my friends' babies have that) and is caused by estrogen changes in my body. We waited for over an hour for the pediatrician, which made me pissed off a bit. Because of that the little one's schedule got screwed up again, and I had to feed him in the parking lot again. We went to a store afterwards, but got home at a decent time. I tried to do a dream feed again, but it didn't work. He just didn't take the breast while sleeping, and anyways woke up just around midnight, although the rest of the night was pretty good with only 2 more feedings (around 3 and 7 a.m.). DH took him at 7 a.m. and I had a nice nap until he left for the office close to 9 a.m. on Tuesday. I was so happy, and decided that I will let DH sleep through one feeding at night (and try to swaddle him myself) and then have him take the little one after the 6-7 a.m. feeding. The time with DH is activity, and then when i get him, I just put him back to sleep. That's what happened on Tuesday. Tuesday evening he wasn't sleeping much and the night was a total disaster again.

I fed the little one before midnight again (didn't even bother with dream feeding) and then he only slept for about an hour, and then it was a circus! He was screaming asking for food, but it has only been 1.5 hours since he ate, so I tried to delay feeding him. I managed to salvage another 30 minutes (which was a pure torture) with shushing and patting and singing and walking etc. I gave up and fed him, but he wouldn't fall asleep. It took at least another half an hour for me to calm him down, and I was still up and down until the next feeding at around 4:30 a.m. When the clock was showing 5 a.m. I finally gave up and woke DH up. I just passed out and DH was dealing with him for another hour until the little one fell asleep. Then during the day on Wednesday (18th) I was hard to follow the routine. Everything was against me today. First, I went downstairs with him to have breakfast with DH and then BIL came to pick DH up. The little one was kind of sleepy but then I missed the window and my BIL actually woke him up. Of course, it was close to impossible to put him to bed thereafter as he was overly stimulated. I did manage to have him asleep in his bassinet but he woke up after an hour and the rest was sleeping on my arms. I fed him and was burping him when the phone rang. I was about to go for a walk with him. It was a friend of my mom's calling and she needed an advice, and I ended up spending 40 minutes on the phone with her. During that time the little one fell asleep on my shoulder and it was late to go out at that point, so I put him in his crib (unswaddled as I didn't want to wake him up). Which meant that he was up in 30 minutes again, and spent another 1.5 hours sleeping in my arms. Urgh.... I did manage to go for a walk with him and when we were done DH came home a bit early as it was my SIL birth day. I fed the little one took a shower and we were off to celebrate with her by 6 p.m. The little one was in a car seat - sleeping. He stirred a few times, but was quickly lulled back to sleep by DH just walking back and forth with the car seat. We had dinner and when it was 3 hours since his feed I was ready to go upstairs to feed him, but he wouldn't wake up. I was very anxious, but my sis (who was sitting next to me) was trying to calm me down, saying that it doesn't matter that he sleeps a lot now, that he would still sleep through the night. He didn't wake up all through dinner and deserts and when the clock hit 8:30 p.m. (his previous feed was at 4:30 p.m.) I told DH that we better hurry home and I will feed him there. He did end up waking up just as we got home and with being changed twice (as he pooped) and burping, I ended up feeding him for almost an hour as he was on one breast for over 20 minutes, plus another 5 on the other. Then DH and I decided that he needs some activity time so only now trying to put him to bed. We will see what tonight brings. Wish me luck!

April 12 - 4 weeks... and everything in between

Well a lot has been happening but I haven't been able to sit down and record everything, so this is kind of a condensed version.

The first week at home with DH was great, including an awesome unseasonally warm weather. The second week (March 26 to 31) DH was supposed to get back to the office, but I wasn't ready for it emotionally. I cried every time I would think about being alone with the baby without him around. So DH changed his plans and decided to work from home. The plan was that he would work from home and I would take care of the baby without interrupting him much. This would give me a chance to see what it takes to do it myself. It was also a shorter week, as on Thursday (March 29) we had a pediatrician appointment and on Friday (March 30) was DH's birthday. I did manage by myself pretty well, the physical pain is not that bad and emotionally I was getting better too plus my mom came in to keep me company and go for a walk a few times. DH was mostly working in his home office, but still would come out from time to time to be with me and the little one, so I didn't feel very lonely. There was just one day when BIL came in to work with DH from our house and I didn't have as much access to DH as I had during the week.

So Thursday (March 29) we had our pediatrician appointment and it was finally an appointment with our original pediatrician. The first thing the nurse did is weight our little one and when she told us the number it seemed a bit low. When the doctor came in and looked at the chart, he decided to weight the little one again himself. The weight was a bit bigger, but still low as it looked like he didn't gain any weight from the previous week. I was very disappointed and right away thought that there was something wrong with me and my milk. The doc said that the baby otherwise looked good and he wasn't worried about the weight thing. DH & I thought and decided that last time when the little one was measured he had a full diaper, and this time we actually changed him before being weighted, so there might have been some discrepancy there. Plus I am thinking that the substitute doctor might have not weighted him properly a week ago and that's why he didn't gain any weight. As our little one was feeding about every 2 hours I asked the doc if it was ok, and he said that for now it was but after a few weeks he would prefer that the little one was feeding 3 - 3.5 hours apart. He wanted to see us the following Monday for weighting and at that time we would figure out what to do.

On Friday (March 30) was DH's birthday. Neither of us were in a mood to do anything and decided that we are not celebrating it this year. DH said that he already had everything that he wanted and that I made him the best birthday present ever - our son. But a week a so prior I was talking to my sis and told her jokingly that we are going to come to her house for Shabbat dinner on Friday and would celebrated DH's birthday there. She talked to her hubby and they agreed to host it. We wanted to pitch in - but they wouldn't let us. It turned out to be very nice. The little one did great - he stayed in his car seat all the time and actually dozed off for a bit. The dinner was only for our family (which is still a lot of people) and a couple of close friends. It was nice that we could just get up and leave when it was time for the little one to eat and go to bed, without cleaning up. We are not ready to host even our families at our house just yet.

On Saturday (March 31) the cleaning lady was coming to clean the house, so we went for breakfast to my BIL & SIL house. Again, it was nice that I could just concentrate on the baby and not on being a hostess. After breakfast DH needed to run some errands so I asked him to drive me to my parent's house and that's where the little one and I spent the rest of the day. The grandparents really enjoyed it. My uncle also stopped by. He wanted to hold the baby and I let him. He is my favourite and only uncle and for some reason me and him have a very special relationship. After spending a few hours with me and the baby (and my parents of course) he gave me an envelope which contained a very generous gift (did I tell you I am his favourite niece!)

On Sunday (April 1) the weather was very shitty and DH, I and our little one spent the entire day on the couch with DH & me watching TV. I did have a headache at the end and told DH that notwithstanding the weather we should be getting out at least once a day. But it was nice to be just the three of us.

So, week 3 - I was all on my own as DH was going back to the office. I had a nice transition as Monday (April 2) was a short day as we were due at the pediatrician office at 2 p.m. to weight our little one, and I told DH that by the time we were done it was not worth for him to go back to the office only to turn around and be going home within an hour or two. He agreed and said that he would work from home in the afternoon (Yes!!!). Our little one gained 260 grams and the pediatrician was very pleased - he said that he would have been pleased with only 50 grams. I also asked him about the little one hiccuping a lot and sneezing and he said that all of this is normal, plus all the wheezing sounds are normal too and would even get worse! We would see him again at 1 month check up - yep, we are finally problem free!!!

So during the week on my own, I developed some sort of routine. The little one would not go to sleep in his bassinet after his last feeding at 6-7 a.m. So he would sleep on my chest until next feeding around 9-10 a.m. (he doesn't have a set schedule yet, and his daily feeding times differ from day to day), then I would feed him, quickly go to the washroom, brush my teeth, get dressed and we both go downstairs for me to eat, and then my mom would come and we would go or a walk and the little one would sleep in the stroller. The rest of the day, he would only sleep when I am holding him and not in his bassinet, play pan or bouncy chair. I was getting exhausted by the time DH was coming home as the little one was constantly with me, and when he was having gas pains I couldn't even put him down for a second. He was waking up every 2-3 hours at night as well. DH & I would spend our quality time together in front of TV after we put him to bed for the night so would not go to bed until midnight or 1 a.m., which of course doesn't leave much for sleeping during the night. We are trying to get better and get to bed earlier, but for now have been unsuccessful at that.

The best part of week 3 was that it was also a short week due to Good Friday being on April 6. It also coincided with the first night of Passover. We had the first seder at my sis' place. We brought the bassinet part of the stroller with us and when it was time for the little one to get down for the night, he actually felt asleep in it, which was nice, but during most of the reading of Haggadah the little one spent on my arms. The bonus, since my arms were occupied I didn't eat much and didn't overeat as I always do.

On Saturday, April 7, we have been invited to two birthday parties, and we declined both of them as didn't want to travel with the little one. It was great just to be home - the three of us. I am so enjoying this. We decided to go for a long walk to a grocery store, plus DH wanted to visit MIL so she could see her grandson. (I am not going to go into details here, how I don't like when MIL holds my baby. Everything she does with him annoys me. We told he numerous times that we are not rocking him as we don't want to get into a habit - and she ALWAYS does that. Annoying!) Anyways, she was yapping and yapping and I was on the clock as we had to get back home before the baby needed to be fed. I was getting impatient and fidgety, but she would get the hint, until I actually started walking away. We spent over 30 min talking to her and the store was far away. We ended up walking over 6 km and of course the time did run up and the last stretch we were almost running as he was without food for 3.5 hours. I was debating to just sit on a bench and feed him, but it was pretty chilly outside. Fortunately, the stroller did lull him and he was asleep all the way (he was getting fussy at the store), but he almost bit off my boob when I finally sat down to feed him. He is like a little piranha when he is hungry :).

On Sunday (April 8) was my dad's b-day. We had breakfast at my SIL & BIL house and we actually walked there (surprising as it is usually hard for me to get DH to walk anywhere, unless we go specifically for a walk). The weather was nice and we decided to go to my parents' house a bit early so that we can go for a walk in their neighbourhood as there is a great trail very close to their house, but by the time we got to their house the weather deteriorated and we ended up just staying indoors with me attending to my son and DH helping my parents with preparations. I set up camp in our old bedroom upstairs and when the guests were arriving I was there with the little one trying to have a little nap. I should mention that when DH and I first got to my parents' house we were very hungry and had some food, so by the time the party started I was pretty full. Of course, when I went downstairs with the little one in my arms, every single person was trying to be helpful wanted to hold him to let me eat. I had to brush off those people the entire evening, as it was overstimulating for him as is with so many people and faces. I did find refuge on a couch in a corner with two of my mom's good friends surrounding me (and actually feeding me at one point). So I stayed there for a few hours as more people were coming in. When it was time to breast feed the little one, I went upstairs. It was time to have he down for his nap and I spent a good hour trying to put him to sleep, but he was too overwhelmed. I could hear the party downstairs, but had no inclination of joining. It is so funny how my priorities changed. I would have loved to chit chat with everyone there as I haven't seen some of them for some time, but I preferred to stay with my little one and the party was more a bother than enjoyment. At some point I did take the little one and went downstairs, but there were a lot more people, and my spot was already taken (by my MIL, ugh!) so I quietly went back upstairs. I called DH and told him that it was time to go as I couldn't put the little one to sleep and he was getting very fussy and we were the first ones to leave. The best part that everyone understands why you are leaving early and there are no conversations and long goodbyes. With the little one in my arms I just waived at everyone and said that we were leaving without actually talking to each individual guest(which is what we usually do, and what is expected).

Monday (April 9) I asked DH if he is going to the office as Easter Monday is not a statutory holiday in Ontario. His brother was not going, so he decided to stay and work from home. He didn't go for a walk with me in the morning and it was my baby and me just like any other working day. In the afternoon, we decided to walk to a different grocery store (then on Saturday) the one which is closer. So I was waiting for DH to finish working and me with the little on on top fell asleep for over 2 hours. Then the little one was sleeping all through the walk, which resulted in the horrible night. He was up since 4 a.m. feeding and around 7 a.m. I woke up DH and told him that it is his turn with the baby as I needed at least 1 hour of sleep before he leaves to the office.

I was a bit pissed after such a rough night (and I was handling sleeping in 2 hour increments pretty good), so I made a decision to try to stick to a routine which is in the baby whisperer book that I liked. To do that I had to put him down for naps during the day. He was actually so exhausted from the night that he felt asleep in his bouncy chair. I did decide that I would not let him sleep on top of us anymore as well. Well, the second night was not great either, but I blame it on us going to a store on Tuesday (April 10) night and getting home late (with the little one once again sleeping in the car seat throughout the trip). So Wednesday (April 11) I was trying to stick to "EASY" schedule as much as I could. It refers to the sequence of events - eat, activity, sleep (and "you" time) and I started to swaddle the little one myself and put him in his bassinet for his naps (with one nap in the stroller during our daily walks). It did work and yesterday sleep has been pretty good with the intervals close to 3 hours. I also figured that I was measuring the time between feeding incorrectly. I always measured from the end of one feeding to the beginning of the other feeding, when everyone else is measuring from start to start. So if I measure it that way, our little one can go for much longer periods of time.

So today, April 12, our little one turned 4 weeks old. He has grown and changed a lot and is over 4.9kg. He has been giving us some smiles from time to time. I know they are involuntary, but it still melts our hearts when we see him smile. The breast feeding is going ok. It is not perfect as sometimes he is very fidgety and doesn't latch properly and I have no clue why. He also has cluster feeds from time to time and that's exhausting on my "girls". I am constantly worrying about my milk supply, as the "girls" are not as full as they were before and by the time he is done it feels like they are completely empty. Our little one eats very quickly, when he latches on he starts gulping milk like there is no tomorrow - and sometimes chokes on it as he tries to get all in. So I would usually be done by about 8-10 min, but now I am having him suck for longer to make sure that he is fully satisfied, so feeding time is close to 15-20 minutes. We also change his diaper half way through or usually once he loses interest in feeding, and after he is changed he has renewed power to suck it all out.

DH has been amazing in helping me throughout. He gets up at night to give him the pacifier. Yes, we do give him pacifier. We caved in and bought a few when our little one was 10 days old, and they have been helping tremendously. He soothes himself and drifts off to sleep much easier. I've been following baby whisperer's advise on how to put the baby to sleep and there is no rocking and walking with the little one in our arms for hours for him to fall asleep. Generally he is pretty good when he goes to sleep for the night (naps for now take much longer and more effort). Anyways, back to DH. We do alternate at night if the little one is crying and it is not time to feed. If it is - I usually get up and feed him and then if he is unswaddled, I would wake up DH to change him and swaddle him again (as my swaddles are not the best). If he is still swaddled pretty nicely and didn't poo while I was feeding him, I would just put him back to bed without waking DH up, but that hasn't been happening lately. As well, DH would stay with him after the 6-7 a.m. feed until it is time for him to go to the office, which has been very helpful to me too. Plus, he spends a lot of time with our son when he comes home from the office. So yes, my DH is AMAZING!!!