I am BACK

I am back on the roller coaster of this TTC world.  Can't say I missed it...

We had our "initial" consultation on the 21st. It was short and sweet. We waited for the RE for some time, when he came in he watched the video and some pics of DS and signed the protocol for our FET (exactly the same as I had last time).  Then we waited some more and our new nurse came in (unfortunately for me the nurse that I had last time got promoted and is overseeing all the nurses, so she is not dealing directly with patients). It turned out that I had to do an u/s and SHG.  With some convincing of the nurse, I managed to squeeze it in during this cycle so we can start FET with my next cycle in September.  They prefer to have it done in the first 10 days after AF, and I was on day 14.  I told her that there is no chance I can be pregnant since we didn't BD this month. Makes sense, right? Anyways, u/s was scheduled for this Tuesday and SHG for this Wednesday.  Both were done and over with very quickly - that's why I love my clinic, when it comes to procedures they are usually on time!  The end result - I am cleared to proceed!!! YEI!!!

I have very weird feeling about this whole TTC journey.  I really do want to have a baby, but I so don't want to get on this roller coaster again. Ugh!!!! Why can't it be easy, ooops I am pregnant. Not in this world and not for me.... I am so so so grateful for DS. He is my love, my life and my everything.  He is worth every tear and pain that I went through in 5 years prior to his birth. I have to keep reminding myself that it is all worth it. I am getting lots of questions in my mind, lots of "what ifs".  What if FET doesn't work, what next?  We are in a very shitty financial situation right now and would be borrowing money to pay for FET, but that's going to be between $2,500 to $3,000 with meds.  We are looking at completely different numbers if we have to do IVF.  I feel sad when I know that DS would like something and we cannot buy it for him cause it is not essential.  Don't get me wrong, we don't save on him.  He goes to day care full time, and he loves it!!! We take him to different places every weekend. I signed him up for baby gymnastics (cause his teacher at day care said he really enjoys it) and swimming. That's on our time, plus he has baby yoga and music at day care that we pay a bit extra for. I am just also afraid how with the new baby, DS is not going to be the centre of our universe. Or can the universe have two centres? But that's getting ahead of myself.

My main worry right now is that the clinic will fail to deliver.  I had left with a good feeling 2 years ago, but things do change with time.  There are many new faces, and I am just worried that something is going to go wrong.  I am usually such an optimist, but not when it comes to IF world.  I guess only time will tell...

So now, just waiting to call in my Day 1, estimated September 6 or in about a week.  Stay tuned...