The scare and uncertainty...

Everything was going nicely.  I did another HPT on 26th and then another on 28th, all of which showed two lines and the one on the 28th even looked darker. Then, yesterday morning (29th) I went to the washroom, wiped and saw blood.... My heart just sank.  I screamed to get my husband to the bathroom, and he just knew that something was wrong.  His first words were actually if I am bleeding. I saw a little blood clot in the washroom. I was devastated....  I tried to keep positive, most important is the fact that we did it NATURALLY, so it can happen again, may be with IUI but we do have a real chance now.

I was down for the entire day... as the day progressed the pinkish blood turned to brown discharges that I am still getting.  My fertility clinic is closed, my OBGYN's office is closed (forever, as he retired) and my family doctor's office is closed. So this morning I called an early pregnancy clinic and they recommended I go to a walk-in.  I did.

I spent over 6 hours there.  And I cannot tell you if it was worth it or not as I have more questions than answers.  

First was the blood draw that they had to send to the main hospital to get quantitative beta.  Then I had an u/s.  I waited for it for an hour, and then they asked me if my bladder was full. Which was a joke! as when I came in they asked me to pee in a cup (which I couldn't do, and they kind of dropped it).  I had nothing to drink since I got to the clinic. So they gave me water and I waited for another 30 min.  The u/s tech was nice.  She did an abdominal u/s first, but couldn't see much, so asked for a vaginal one. I said sure as I had tons of them before.  She said she can see a gestational sac but since its tiny she can't see anything inside. The sac was measuring at 4 mm and she said that it is the right side for my LMP.

After u/s I went back into the waiting room to wait for test results.  At around 3 p.m. I decided to get out of the clinic and buy something to eat, when the nurse assured me that they still didn't have my results and doctor will not be looking for me, so I went out, but the stupid cafeteria was closed already.  I haven't eaten since 9 a.m.  The good thing was that I made many friends, and once I complained that I haven't eaten all day, one lady gave me a banana. :) 

So I was at the clinic since 11 a.m. and spent most of the time in the waiting room.  I watched 2 episodes of C-S-I Mia.mi and Crim.inal Mi.nds.  Then there were some kind of real life series about cops that was a big boring, so I started wondering around the hospital. Closer to 5 p.m. the nurse told me that the results came in.  She told me the number, and I couldn't believe it.  The beta was 1,940. I asked her twice as I was expecting my beta's to be over 10,000 as I was 5w3d pregnant according to a calculator based on my LMP.  The nurse said that it was within the acceptable range for 5 weeks, but that didn't make me feel any better.

I met with a doctor shortly thereafter, and he told me that the u/s shows the signs of an early pregnancy and its still too early to say if it is viable.  He referred me to an early pregnancy clinic and also said that he wants me to repeat the u/s next Monday (January 6).  He said it is normal for women to spot during pregnancy and only time will tell if this will work.

As I was sitting in the hallway waiting for DH & DS to pick me up and googling the hell out of all the numbers, I also started reading the u/s report, and it looks like the sac is measuring just under 5 weeks.  That made me feel really down. Coupled with low beta numbers at 5w3d, things didn't look too promising. 

Then when I got home, I looked at my tracking app, and it looks like I might have ovulated later than the standard cd14. So I can be as early as 21dpo to 24dpo. I remember that my RE wants to see a result of 500 at 14dp5dt (which is 19dpo), so if we assume regular doubling time, 1,000 at 21dpo, and 2,000 at 23 dpo. Which means that my numbers are not that far off.  That makes me feel a bit more optimistic about this thing, but I think I need some prayers going my way for this to actually work out.

My mood has been up and down for the past couple of days. I am mentally exhausted from spending the whole day at the hospital. Ugh.... But I just had to know! Plus when I got home, my pad showed much more brown discharge than usual. I hope that it was caused by the vaginal u/s. 

So that's were we are for now, in somewhat limbo place, hoping and praying for this miracle baby to join our family in late August.